Chapter Twelve Day Three of Reignite
Twelve
Day Three of Reignite
That was probably the worst night’s sleep of my life. In between his fits of snoring, Caleb was fighting with me in his dream. Not that he was saying many actual words—but I could tell by his urgent tone and the frequent uses of my name, muttered disgruntledly. When I did finally fall asleep it was already dawn. I woke up shortly after to the sun filtering in much too brightly for tired eyes and the sounds of Caleb zipping the door closed, followed by the squelching of his boots in the dewy morning grass outside of the tent as he walked away from me again.
“Guess I’m awake,” I say to myself, my voice groggy as I sit up, still inside of my sleeping bag. I attempt to open it and free myself but quickly realize the zipper’s stuck on the inside lining, and I end up having to awkwardly maneuver my body out like an uncoordinated snake shedding its skin. “A brilliant start…” I reach for my water bottle and immediately notice it had tipped over, not entirely sealed, and had spilled onto the floor between our sleeping mats. At least we don’t have to pack up and move to a new site this morning because today is clearly not my friend. “It’ll only get better from here,” I whisper to myself, forcing optimism from behind gritted teeth.
I take the towel out of my pack and lay it onto the mess, letting it absorb the water. Then, I make my way outside to wring out the cloth and hang it on the tent’s guy line to dry.
“Happy morning, Sarah!” Helen says from somewhere behindme.
“Morning,” I reply cheerfully, despite how I feel, waving a hand over my shoulder as I slip my feet into my boots.
“Hello,” Yvonne’s low, unmistakable voice says from right beside me.
“Oh my god!” I jump, clasping my chest. “Fuck, sorry, Yvonne,” I say, desperately trying to catch my breath. “You…you scared me.” I swallow, blinking at her as I adjust to her looming proximity. She’s worn pretty much the same outfit since we arrived, all linen, always billowy, always see-through enough that you have to avoid looking down to not get an eyeful. Though, I’ve got to give it to her, Yvonne’s body is banging. “Morning,” I add, settling some.
Her mouth puckers, but the corners of her lips turn upward some. “I was hoping that you and I could go for a walk,” she says. Is it possible that she sounds more British today? Her accent seems thicker to me. Perhaps it’s the fresh air clearing out her windpipe. “After lunch?”
“Oh, yeah, sure,” I say, smiling tightly, glancing over her shoulder toward Caleb who is wandering back from wherever he must have taken his routine morning dump. He looks miserable, but then again, I’d be inclined to judge him if he looked perky following taking a shit in the woods or after our fight last night.
“He’ll manage for a few hours without you,” Yvonne says. “Probably best to take some time apart until tensions ebb. Helen has a plan for the group this morning, but we’ll head out after that.” In my peripheral vision I see her angle her head toward me, as if she’s trying to get my attention.
I turn to face her, realizing Caleb isn’t looking my way regardless, then nod. “Sounds good.” It in fact does not sound good. I’m being separated from the class. Singled out. I am the worst one here. I am lower on the scoreboard than had-a-secret-fiancé Jai. Fuck, Caleb was dead wrong—we are not winning this. I will bring down our team’s average, as per usual.
“Don’t worry.” She pats my arm as she steps around me, headed toward the neighboring tent where Kieran is stretching after crawling out and greeting the sun. “I don’t bite,” she calls over her shoulder. She chuckles as she rubs Kieran’s back in a silent greeting then continues wandering aimlessly away from camp as if she can hear a siren’s call the rest of us cannot.
“What was that about?” Kieran asks, flashing his eyes at me and jutting his chin toward where Yvonne had just stood.
“I think I’m being put on time-out,” I say, wincing as I walk over to him. “She wants a one-on-one with me after lunch.”
“If it helps, she eventually corners everyone.”
“But I’m first, ” I point out, leaning closer as I cross my arms in front of my chest.
He smiles, shaking his head. “It’s all a part of the experience…. At least you won’t miss Helen’s morning exercise.”
“Which is?” I ask, smiling back at his wide, cheeky grin.
“Screaming off a cliffside,” he answers, tugging at his hair to tie it up into a topknot. “Or somatic body movements. Stomping, pushing at trees, tapping your shoulders—shit like that. Or, that’s what it was last year.”
“That does sound nice,” I say genuinely. “I actually think I’d love to scream out shit over a cliff.”
“See, the day’s already turning around.” His eyes flick over my shoulder as someone approaches from behind. It’s almost embarrassing to admit that I can tell it’s Caleb based on the sound of his footfalls, but I know it’s him. “Good morning,” Kieran hums out, his forever-amused tone remaining in check.
“Hey,” Caleb says, stopping next to us, his expression of exhaustion not helped by the two-day scruff that has crossed into full-fledged beard territory. I look at him, unsure of what to say or do or even think in his presence. And he stares blankly ahead, blinking like a newborn as he yawns and lifts the hood of his sweater up. I don’t think he’s intentionally blocking me out, he just seems tired, but I can’t stand here in awkward silence with Kieran as witness a moment longer.
“I’ll get started on breakfast,” I say, waving as I step away like a total idiot. We’re not usually this way! I want to shout while laughing hysterically. I swear we are totally going to be fine!
God, I hope that’s at least a little bit true.
—
“Welcome to day three.” Helen projects her voice, her water bottle in the crook of her arm as she holds a clipboard. She hasn’t told us what we’re doing this morning, but we’ve followed her to an open field far away from camp and those of us with long hair have been instructed to tie it up. So, wrestling, I can only presume. In which case, I’m fucked because we’ve been partnered up alphabetically so I’m with Phil who’s got about a hundred and fifty pounds on me at least.
Despite his ability to undoubtedly kick my ass if Helen decides to create her own sort of Hunger Games situation, Phil is a great walking partner.
One thing about me is that the more I feel ignored by a person in my life (see: Caleb), the more I’m going to talk to just about anyone else. It’s a chronic condition. Therefore, I blabbed to Phil about pretty much every available topic under the sun in the twenty minutes it took for our group to make it to this field, and he obliged so politely I do think a statue should be built in his honor.
“We’re going to do a few different communication exercises today,” Helen says. Which is great and all, but it’s not exactly Phil that I struggle to communicate with, so…why is he my partner? Wouldn’t it be better if Caleb and I were teamed up for this? Oh… are couples normally teamed up for this? Did Caleb and I break the status quo by fighting in front of everyone last night? Oh god. Have we caused this untimely divide?
“Phil,” I whisper, staring up at his profile. He subtly looks toward me, as if he’s trying not to divert his attention fully away from Helen as she shares instructions for today’s activity. I’m being rude by interrupting his focus and speaking over her, I know. But I’m running on paranoia, no sleep, a cup of lackluster oatmeal, and the weakening effects of half of a joint from last night, so I give myself permission to spiral a little bit. “Is it usually the couples that are partnered up or…?”
“We’ve never done this before,” Phil whispers back.
Oh my god, it’s even worse than I’d imagined. We’ve changed the curriculum entirely. Helen is bringing out the big guns because Caleb and I have fucked up the system.
“You okay?” Phil asks, eyeing me suspiciously.
“Totally,” I say, glancing toward my husband whose stern expression is locked on Helen. His arms are folded in front of his chest, his forearms doing that tendon-flexing thing that both turns me on and makes me eerily aware of the tension flooding his system. I should have pulled him aside to talk this morning. This is far too strange. We came here to stop avoiding talking to each other and yet, here we are, doing just that. What if—
“All right, got it?” Helen asks, interrupting my train of thought. Everyone else nods as I blink back into reality. “Great, let’s get into positions.”
Shitting fuck… I didn’t catch a word of what we’re doing. I copy everyone’s movement as they all step closer together, shoulder to shoulder, forming a small circle.
We’re going to sacrifice someone, my sleep-deprived brain suggests. I volunteer, I think to myself as I feel a new wave of exhaustion wash over me.
“Sarah,” Nina says, outstretching her hand toward mine. I take it hesitantly, side-eyeing Phil as Maggie reaches out her hand toward him to take it. When it was my turn, I offered my free hand to Caleb, who took it rather begrudgingly. Eventually, we’re all holding hands, a messily tied knot of limbs between us.
“Okay,” Helen says from outside of the circle. “You can begin,” she says.
It doesn’t take me long to guess, based on Kieran’s directions, that we’re supposed to untangle ourselves without letting go of one another. But as time ticks on, and I perform my tenth squat to allow someone to step over my and Nina’s hold, the group grows sweaty, impatient, and a little hostile. Caleb and I, for the most part, remain silent. I believe we’ve both decided that we’ve embarrassed ourselves enough for the time being after last night’s performance. Still, our hands remain firmly grasped.
And, when he squeezes my hand twice rhythmically, I look up to find him smiling at me. “Hey,” he mouths.
“Hi,” I reply silently, feeling a twisting in my gut as his mask slips away and I see the sadness behind his eyes return. I hurt him. I hate that I hurt him.
“Jai!” Nina snaps as Jai once again drops her hand to maneuver himself into a more desirable position. “Stop cheating!”
“I have to take a piss,” he seethes. “And it’s fucking hot as balls out here!”
He has a point. About the heat, I mean. I peed before I left, like a good girl.
“Why do you feel entitled to break the rules when no one else is?”
“I didn’t say no one else couldn’t,” he fires back. “And I didn’t make the rules so why should I follow them?”
“You’re infuriating.”
“Can someone move please?” Henry says, his voice shaking as he holds his crouched position between all of us. “It smells like old boots down here.”
“No one asked you to get in such an uncomfortable position this early on,” Kieran mutters, spinning with Maggie as he oversteps Caleb’s arm.
“Someone had to,” Henry replies, glaring up at his husband.
“Then, that someone shouldn’t complain then.”
“Here,” I say, curling myself under Phil’s arm and ducking underneath Jai and Nina’s arms. “Everyone, follow through that hole.” I use my chin to point to the circle of limbs I just passed through.
“No,” Caleb says firmly. I turn my attention toward him, waiting for him to explain as my thighs start to burn from this squatting position. “That’ll make it worse.”
“No…” I argue, “It won’t.”
“Okay,” he says, and I can hear the rolling of his eyes before I catch a glimpse of it. “Let’s try it then.”
“Well, if you have a better plan, please share it,” I snap. Though, if I’m entirely honest, a part of me knows that if Caleb has his doubts in my plan—it’s for good reason. And the only thing worse than being wrong is being stubborn and then proven wrong.
“Maggie and Phil, you need to switch positions. Then, Jai needs to crouch down so we can all step over him and Henry. After that we’ll just need them to go under you and me and then we should be set,” Caleb says, in an absentminded tone that I don’t think is intentional but speaks of boredom all the same. As if he’s known the solution all along and was waiting for the rest of us to catch up.
But… Now that I look at it…his plan does seem to make sense. I bite my tongue, hard, but I pass back through where I’d crossed and stand in position next to Phil as he and Maggie attempt to swap places. After a few near collapses and an awkward sweat-filled five minutes—we’re standing in a perfect, untangled circle. Everyone begins praising Caleb as we drop hands and step away from one another, our first task completed. He smiles as he nods, his humble shyness far from boastful…which is somehow more agitating.
“Great work,” I say, less than genuine before I begin gulping back water, feeling it dribble down my chin.
He just sighs as he walks away from me toward the next two activities he easily masters and guides us all through, so fast that Jai misses one of them altogether while he was peeing.
“That vein in your forehead is going to pop soon,” Nina warns, picking up her water bottle from near my feet. “What’s got you so mad?”
“Would you judge me if I said I’m angry we’re doing so well at these?”
She sips loudly, then ponders for a split second, her eyes up to the sky. “A little…”
“Well…then judge away.”
“Helen really knew what she was doing today,” she says against her straw as it pulls at her bottom lip.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I feel like I’ve learned more about our communication styles in the past hour than I have the rest of the trip so far.” I stare blankly at her, so she continues on. “Me and Jai disagree because we have different expectations for ourselves…Kieran and Henry disagree because Henry often will play the victim…Maggie and Phil don’t communicate really, which seems to weirdly work for them…and you guys…well you don’t like being told what to do and Caleb doesn’t like feeling unappreciated.”
“I don’t mind being told what to do!” I argue.
She quirks a brow.
“I just…I don’t like being dismissed.”
“Even when you’re wrong?”
Especially when I’m wrong. I change tactics to deflect with humor. Clearly, Nina’s seeing right through me and that must be stopped. “I am actually great at being told what to do,” I waggle my eyebrows suggestively.
“I bet.” She backs away, smirking as she continues to sip water.
“Sarah?” Helen calls out, lifting her walkie-talkie away from her face. “Yvonne’s wondering if you’re free to meet with her now?”
I force a thin-lipped smile and nod. Why the fuck not.