Seventeen
Branwen
From the first day that I’d laid eyes on Hudson Wolfe, he’d reminded me of a Ken doll. His blond hair, cut short and neat; smooth jawline, always shaved; golden skin; green eyes; and a runner’s fit body. When he had smiled at me the first time, I held my breath, waiting for the butterflies that I had yet to experience with any male except Linc. They didn’t come.
The disappointment was swift, but I kept waiting. Hoping that the closer we got, the more my feelings would grow into something passionate and exciting. They didn’t.
I hadn’t let my inability to feel these things stand in my way. Hudson was exactly what we needed. He was stability, comfort, and security. After having been a single mom to a baby and toddler, where I had struggled to supply for us, that had sounded wonderful. Much more powerful than silly tingles and butterflies.
Stepping into Hudson’s office as he walked in behind me and closed the door, I knew I had been selfish. He was such a good man, and I had taken advantage of his feelings for me. I was never going to love him the way he deserved. He was successful and attractive. There were so many women who could love this man properly. There was probably one out there that he would give those damn elusive flutters to, and I’d almost robbed her of that. My butterflies had been claimed at the age of six, and I was starting to accept that they would always be Linc’s.
“God, I’ve missed you,” Hudson said as he walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing a kiss to the side of my head.
He was only four inches taller than me at five foot ten. His height wasn’t something I’d noticed before. But after I’d been around Linc and his six-foot-three stature, muscular build, and even his beard, Hudson seemed weak. Almost feminine. That wasn’t a fair comparison, and I knew I should stop comparing them.
I had only been gone for three days. Would anyone ever miss me again like Hudson had? Thoughts like that didn’t help. This wasn’t about me. It honestly never had been. Since the moment my precious baby girl had been laid in my arms, my life had revolved around her. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her life to be full.
When she went to take her driver’s test, I wanted to be there with her. When she got ready for her first date, I wanted to do her hair and help her choose what to wear. When she went to prom, I wanted to take pictures and tell her how beautiful she was. When she said yes to the man she loved, I wanted to go shopping with her for the perfect dress. And when she held her baby in her arms for the first time, I wanted to be there with tears of joy in my eyes. All the things I’d never had. It was what I dreamed of, what I was determined to give her. I had thought that Hudson would be the way to have that ideal life.
But Hudson had never looked at Stevie the way Linc did. As if he would take a bullet for her. The pride, love, and awe in his eyes was what I wanted her to have and I hadn’t considered that Hudson wasn’t going to give her that. I had thought I could give her that all on my own. I’d built her future on her needing me, and I had been wrong.
I should have known better. Because at each of those moments when I hadn’t had a mom, I also hadn’t had my dad, and it had been a hollow ache in my chest. I had needed and wanted him too. Not just a mother, but my father as well. Linc might not be the best man, but he was her dad, and I knew he would protect her and love her.
Taking a deep breath, I laid my hand over Hudson’s and prepared myself for what I had to do.
“I lied to you.” I said the words while he still held me and my back was to him.
He was silent for a moment, then released me to turn me around to face him. There was a concerned expression on his face, but his eyes clearly told me he was prepared to forgive me. That would make this much worse. My guilt would continue to mount if he did. At some point, I was going to suffocate in it.
“About?” he asked me.
Nervously, I licked my bottom lip. Just say it, Branwen. Get it out.
“Stevie’s father isn’t dead,” I blurted out. “I said he was because, to me, he was. I never intended for her to know him. It was selfish, but I had my reasons, and they were wrong. I won’t justify myself or my actions.”
Hudson’s face looked surprised, but there was no anger or accusation in his gaze. He reached out and took my left hand in his. “Okay. You lied. It’s good that you’re clearing that up. Stevie’s father being alive doesn’t affect us or how I feel about you.”
Oh, but I wasn’t done yet. I took another deep breath.
“But it does,” I said. The regret in my tone was thick.
I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and then crossed my arms over my chest, as if they could protect me from this. “I couldn’t find my birth certificate. I looked for it for over a week. I wasn’t sure if I needed to drive to Florida to get a copy of it or if I could get one online, and if so, I didn’t know how long it would take. I decided to call and find out from the clerk’s office.” I paused realizing I was talking fast.
No longer able to look at him, I tilted my head back slightly and looked at a water stain on the ceiling. “The lady told me I did need a birth certificate to get a marriage license. She asked me questions about the date of the wedding and was checking to see the quickest way for me to get a copy…and then she asked me when my divorce would be final. I was so confused. She went on to say that my records showed that I was married and had been for five years. To him. Stevie’s dad.”
I didn’t tell Hudson his name. He never needed to know that. Linc was dangerous. I’d already lied to Hudson. I was hurting him. I would not let him get near the world that Linc lived in. He needed to remain oblivious to it.
“What?” he gasped as horror filled his eyes. The same horror I’d felt when I found out.
“That night—when I met him at the club in Vegas, when I got pregnant with Stevie—we drank a lot. I know I told you that already, but it’s important because that was how it happened. We were talking about favorite movies. I said something about The Hangover being one of mine. He told me there was a chapel that did a fake wedding, complete with Elvis, for people to do The Hangover thing. We thought it sounded hilarious at the time. Or I did at least. He took me there, and we did it. But it seems we didn’t get the correct package.” I stopped and closed my eyes as I took a deep breath.
“I didn’t want you to know. I was embarrassed and afraid you’d call off the wedding.” I looked at him again. “There was no funeral. I went to find him. With his name on the marriage certificate, I had tracked him down. I had divorce papers drawn and took them with me, along with the marriage certificate. If I could get him to sign them, then after they were filed and finalized, it would be a thirty-day wait period before I could remarry.”
Hudson ran his fingers through his short blond strands of hair. “Jesus, Branwen,” he breathed as he began to pace, looking pale and slightly panicked. “You could have told me the truth. It sucks, and, yeah, I would have been upset, but you don’t need to lie to me. We are getting married, and I need to know I can trust you.” He was talking as he rubbed the back of his neck.
He still thought we were getting married. I wanted to hug him and tell him how sorry I was, but I wouldn’t. I wasn’t done yet. He was about to change his mind.
“He saw Stevie. He was suspicious and refused to sign the papers until he had a paternity test done. When he got the results, he used the divorce as leverage. He would sign them, but only after Stevie and I lived with him for a year.”
“WHAT?!” Hudson shouted, his face turning red now.
I’d never heard him raise his voice, and I stiffened but continued, “He doesn’t want to be married to me, but he wants to get to know his daughter. He feels robbed of the four years of her life he missed.”
“Like fuck! He can’t blackmail you, Branwen. He’s manipulating you. I’ll call my lawyer, and we will go see him today.”
“Hudson, no,” I said, shaking my head. “You can’t.”
He stared at me, his brows drawn together, his face was flushed. “Why? Do you want this?” he asked, looking anguished.
“Of course not. But you don’t know him. He can demand it, and if you try and stop him, you won’t only fail, but you’ll also be putting yourself in danger.”
“Danger?” He spat the word like it was ludicrous. “I have the best lawyers in Nashville. I sure as hell can stop him. This isn’t legal, Branwen.”
“Trust me when I tell you that even your lawyers can’t fight him. He has power. A lot of it. That power goes to very high places.”
He shook his head. “No one is above the law.”
“He is.”
Hudson let out a hard laugh. “He has you brainwashed. You don’t know this man. You met him and fucked him one time. He can’t—”
“That’s not the truth either. I do know him. He just didn’t know me.”
Hudson’s eyes narrowed. “What does that mean? Is he famous? Are you married to a celebrity?”
I let out a hard laugh. “No. He’s not famous. It’s just that he hadn’t seen me as an adult. He didn’t recognize me.”
“You’re going to need to give me more than that. If he isn’t a celebrity or the fucking president, then he doesn’t have any power that is greater than a court.”
Yes, he did. Should I tell him? Admit it so that he would back down? Letting him try and fight Linc on this would likely get him killed. I’d have to live with that, and I wasn’t sure I could.
I knew you didn’t share details about the family if you were in the know. You kept that secret close. Only those they chose to tell knew about who and what they were. But this was Hudson’s life I was considering here.
“Hudson,” I said, and he stopped the pacing he had started up again, “he is a dangerous man. And when I say that, I mean Godfather -level dangerous. You can’t fight him. Those who try…” I stopped. Saying the word die seemed dramatic, although it was true.
“ Godfather ?” he asked, scowling like he didn’t believe it. “He’s not the Mafia, Branwen. Is he a felon? If he is a criminal, then we’ll have even more leverage in court.”
“Stop. There will be no court. I will not allow it. I won’t do it.”
His face was a mix of disbelief and pain. He looked betrayed. I’d expected this though, hadn’t I? It was why I’d dreaded coming here. Facing him. Telling him all this.
“Why are you so scared of him? You expect me to just let you go live in a house with a man you are that terrified of? I can’t do that.”
He didn’t mention Stevie. Just me. Had he always done that, and I hadn’t noticed? I tried to think back to other decisions and plans we had made. Did he always just talk about me and him? Or had he mentioned Stevie? Would I have missed that when my world revolved around her? His concern was for me, and he hadn’t even brought her up or asked where she was right now. He wasn’t worried about her.
Linc was.
I was doing what was best for her.
“Stevie wants to know him. She wants us to live there for a year. She deserves to know her father.”
“The one you are so scared of that you are afraid of us taking this to court? That father? Because he sounds like a psycho. Not all parents are worthy of knowing their kids.”
My face felt hot, and I clenched my fists until I felt my nails biting into my palms. “He isn’t a psycho. He would kill for her. He is already completely taken with her, and she is with him too.”
“You said kill like it’s a good thing, Branwen. What has gotten into you? You were gone for three days, and I feel like I am talking to a completely different person.”
Linc. He was in my head. In my life. He always seemed to throw it off-balance. Change its course.
“I didn’t come here to ask you to understand. I came to tell you the truth and to apologize.” I unclenched my hands and slid the diamond off my finger. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you doing?” he asked me, his tone no longer angry but softer.
“I can’t keep this,” I told him. “And I left the car at your house. I have the fob for you.”
He shook his head and grabbed my wrist, then put the ring back on my finger. “You aren’t taking this off. He wants to know his daughter. I’ll live with it. But he doesn’t get to have you too. I love you, and we are getting married. We’ll wait a year. That’s fine.”
“He lives more than six hours from here, Hudson.”
“I don’t care. I’ll drive to you. We can meet halfway. But I will not lose you, Branwen. I won’t.”
I stared up at him, baffled by this. I hadn’t expected this outcome.
“He is going to want us to live close to him when the year is over. He wants to see Stevie regularly.”
“Divorced parents do this all the time. There are ways to make it work. We have a year to figure it out. But this ring stays on your finger. That car is yours. You will still need a car. Take it with you.” He let go of my hand and cupped my face with both of his. “You lied. I forgive you. I will always forgive you.”
This wasn’t good. My gut told me it would prolong the inevitable, but right now, I was too emotionally drained to keep fighting. I simply nodded, knowing I would regret this.