Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Dodge
It’s a mystery to me why she rouses the beast in my chest. Ever since that Dear John letter, plenty of women have tried to break down my walls, but they all fail.
I haven’t lived as a monk, but every encounter before her was just a passing fling.
Adalynn is different. The spunk and determination she brings to life sparks far more than simple attraction.
She makes me want to ride with her into the open.
Leaning down, I do what she instructed and follow my gut, grazing my lips against hers.
The soft touch sends a jolt straight through me, shattering the last of my defenses.
I can't think of anything else as I breathe in her scent and lose myself in the sweetness of her kiss.
The world outside this room fades into nothingness, leaving only the sound of our breathing and the rapid beat of my heart against my ribs.
Our lips stay pressed together, our eyes locked.
A fierce need to feel her sweat-soaked skin against mine consumes me.
Every point of contact feels electric, driving away the ghosts of my past and the walls I built so carefully.
Her soft whimpers have me slamming my lips down on hers and consuming her, giving in completely to the storm she rouses inside me.
I pull back to see her chest heaving and her breathing ragged, mirroring my own erratic pulse.
Her cheeks flush crimson while her gaze stays fixed on me, wide with wonder and longing.
The profound silence vibrates with an intensity that makes it hard to breathe, the air thick with the aftertaste of our kiss.
I reach up, my fingers trembling as I brush a stray lock of damp hair from her forehead, lost in the exposed vulnerability in her eyes.
It's a terrifying, exhilarating realization that this one moment undoes me, tethering my entire existence to the woman standing before me.
“Dodge,” she whispers, fingers still resting against my cut.
I lift my hands to cover hers, inhaling her scent. “Adalynn.”
“I want you,” she admits, her voice trembling slightly as she speaks the words out loud. “But I need to take things slow. I don’t want to get more attached to you than I already am while we’ve got no idea who’s hunting us or why.”
She glances down at her hands, which still rests against my chest, before she lifts her eyes back to mine.
“Every time I look at you, I feel myself slipping, Dodge.
But the reality is that someone is out there hunting us, watching for any sign of us so they can finish what they started with my parents.
For some reason, they want our whole family wiped out.
Until we figure out the truth behind this threat, giving in to my feelings feels like a luxury I can't afford, no matter how much my heart begs for it.”
I slowly move my hands away from hers, the warmth of her touch lingering on my skin like a fading ember, and take a deliberate step back.
A cold distance forms between us. I get why she’s cautious.
The danger hunting her is real, and she’s trying to stay emotionally safe.
Still, it feels like a brush off, a sharp sting right in my chest. Deeply buried scars resurface, leaving me feeling vulnerable and exposed, and forcing my defensive instincts back into position.
The wall that had just begun to crumble is reconstructed, rising once again, brick by brick.
“Dodge. This isn’t a rejection, I still want to be with you, I just want to take it at a slower pace,” she reiterates.
I exhale a warm, shaky breath into the cool night and turn away from her.
I walk toward the patio ledge, my fingers fumbling for my smokes and the lighter on the weathered wood.
I put the blunt end of my cigarette between my lips and strike the flame, inhaling the smoke deep before letting it out.
I let the haze surround me. It buys me a moment to calm my racing heart and rebuild those inner defenses.
Once I feel composed and guarded again, I turn back to face her, ready to offer the space she needs.
“I can do slower,” I lie, the words tasting like ash on my tongue as I take another long drag from my cigarette.
“But what you’ve failed to realize, Adalynn, is that those men chasing you, won’t get the chance to touch you or those kids inside.
I will tear this world apart before I let anyone lay a single finger on any of you. ”
“You can’t know that, Dodge. You can’t predict the future, none of us can.
You don't know what these people are capable of, or how far they are willing to go to finish what they started,” she says, her voice breaking on a sob.
“None of us do. I’m scared, I’ve told you that before, but now that I know you reciprocate the feelings that have been growing inside of me…
I’m absolutely terrified. The stakes are so much higher now, and the thought of losing you, of causing you harm because of my family's past, is a burden I don't know if I can bear,” she tells me, banging her closed fists against her chest as if trying to forcibly quiet the chaotic beating of her heart, tears now streaming down her flushed cheeks in unstoppable, glittering tracks under the dim porch light.
My chest throbs as one of the layers I just placed starts to shift.
The mortar doesn't hold against the force of her crying.
Each sob tearing through her hits my spirit like a hammer, shattering the foundation I'm struggling to fix.
I stay rooted there. My cigarette burns down to the bud as I watch her fall apart in the faint glow.
Her confession hangs in the air, heavy and suffocating.
My fingers itch to touch her, to hold her, but my past keeps me from reaching out and following through with those instincts.
For the first time in a long time, I’m speechless.
My mind, usually focused and ready with a tactical solution or a reassuring command, goes utterly blank under the weight of her tears.
I don’t know the right words to make her see things from my point of view.
I need to make her understand that my presence isn't an added danger, but her ultimate barricade against those trying to take her life. I’ve got a brigade of heavily armed, deeply loyal men coming to guard her and her siblings, turning this place into an impenetrable fortress.
Nobody will get past me or my men, I’d stake my life on that promise if it means keeping her safe.
“Adalynn, I honestly don’t know what words you’re looking for from me,” I admit.
Tears catch in her throat, cutting off her words. She hiccups as she conveys, “You don't need to say anything. Just wrap your arms around me, hold me close, and help me feel safe.”
In that agonizing split second, my legs refuse to move, feeling paralyzed as if rooted deep into the boards of the patio.
The intensity of the emotions rolling off her leaves me frozen, trapped inside my own defensive shell.
Yet, pushing through the numbness that threatens to lock me in place, I spread my arms wide, offering a silent, unconditional invitation for her to step into the space I'm clearing for her.
Her eyes close tightly for a brief, breathless moment, as if she is gathering every single ounce of her remaining strength and courage before she takes a running leap straight toward me.
I catch her with an involuntary oomph as the full force of her momentum collides with my chest, the sudden weight nearly taking my feet out from beneath me as she desperately wraps her arms and legs tightly around me, holding on for dear life as if I am the only solid thing left standing in her crumbling world.
“I’m not saying no,” she cries, her voice cracking under the weight of the emotion pouring from her soul.
“I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life, Dodge.
The depth of what I feel for you scares me to my very core.
But I need things to be settled, I need to know we survive the threat before I can fully commit to going down this road with you.
I can’t let myself lose you before we’ve even had a real chance to begin. ”
If all she requires from me is time and confirmation that they are out of harm's way, I can certainly grant her that request. Yet, my internal emotions remain conflicted, caught in a delicate balance between a sense of personal rejection and a profound sense of empathy for the difficult situation she faces.
“We can move at whatever speed you need, Adalynn,” I tell her.
“But distance is something I won't tolerate. The moment I sense you withdrawing, I am walking away.” She pulls back, her wide eyes filled with panic, but I push forward with what I need to say.
“Regardless of what happens between the two of us, my commitment stands.
You and your siblings are going to get a fresh start, and I will be there to help you rebuild and ensure you're always protected.”
“I know you will,” she whispers against the skin of my neck, her breathing finally starting to settle into a steadier rhythm.
Her hands loosen their desperate grip around my shoulders, shifting slightly until her palms rest flat against my chest, right over the erratic thudding of my heart.
There is a profound, quiet sincerity in her voice that cuts straight through the remaining layers of my defenses, leaving me completely disarmed.
“You’ve given me no reason to doubt you, Dodge.
It’s just everything else that keeps me looking over my shoulder. ”
“It’s getting late,” I declare. “Let’s get some sleep and we’ll see what tomorrow brings, alright?”
"O-okay," she shakily answers, loosening her limbs from around me and sliding down my body.
Her feet touch the cold porch boards. For a second, she lingers close to me, the phantom weight of her embrace still pressing against my chest. The night air rushes into the small space between us, chilly and piercing, breaking the last of the heat we shared.
She offers a small, tentative nod, her eyes reflecting the dim patio light before she turns toward the door.
I stay rooted to the spot, watching her retreat, as the silence of the night settles over me.
As soon as the screen door closes behind her with a soft thud, the sudden quiet of the night settles heavily over the porch.
I turn around, lean my weight against the railing, and fumble for my pack to light another cigarette.
Watching the small flame spark to life, I take a long, deep drag, letting the warm smoke fill my lungs before exhaling it into the chilly night air.
The smoke wraps around me like a familiar shroud, buying me the quiet moments I desperately need to calm my racing heart and reinforce the inner defenses that Adalynn so easily shatters.
Standing alone in the faint glow of the patio light, I stare out into the darkness, my mind turning over the reality of the threat hunting her family.
How can I make her feel any safer than I am now?
What is she missing that’ll give her that sense of security she needs to keep living her life?
That’s a question that remains unanswered as I scan the horizon, making sure everything is as it should be.
Minutes drag by like hours while I stay glued to the porch.
A twig snaps somewhere in the distance and my hand flies to my holster, ready to draw my weapon at a second's notice.
When a bunny hops out from the treeline, my heartrate settles.
The freezing night air bites through my shirt, sinking deep into my joints.
I don't move. I just keep lighting one cigarette after another, using the orange cherry to cut through the blinding blackness.
My lungs burn from the constant inhale, but the nicotine is all that keeps the exhaustion from dragging me under.
By the time the moon hits its peak, frost coats the railing and my breath plumes in the air.
When my body grows numb from the lack of sleep, I retreat inside, creeping through the house, checking every latch on the windows and testing the deadbolts making sure that no intruders can come in without me hearing them first. When I finally collapse onto the bed, I don't even bother pulling off my boots.
I lie there staring at the ceiling, my ears ringing with the phantom sounds of footsteps that aren't there.
My pulse won't slow down, and every time I close my heavy eyelids, I see the sheer terror in Adalynn's eyes.
I'm running on fumes, but my mind is a runaway train that won't let me find any peace.