Relax
JULIETTE'S POV
My hand trembles slightly when I lift it to knock on the front door of the men's shelter. With a deep, shuddering breath I try to calm myself. It's only Caspian. The sweet man who's done nothing but be kind and welcoming to you.
Yeah, the sweet man who kissed you for the first time less than four hours ago and left you breathless and blushed.
My stomach twinges in anxiety but before I can slip too far into my worries, the door opens.
Caspian stands in front of me looking like an angel.
His blond curls are slightly mussed and his pouty lips are a tiny bit swollen.
My eyes trace every curve of his face, then down his neck, and across the swatch of soft golden skin showing at the neckline of his shirt.
His throat clearing has my startled eyes darting back up to his eyes, where he's watching me with a knowing grin.
"Hello Juliette. Enjoying the view, love?" Humour coats his tone.
I huff and roll my eyes, trying to keep my cool despite the embarrassment coursing through my veins.
"No."
Caspian laughs brightly and the sound is sweet. "Of course not love. My mistake. Please come in." He offers me his hand and I hesitate before taking it.
I feel a little stupid being so bashful over hand holding when the man was kissing me a few moments ago and pinning me to the forest floor.
Butterflies fill me at the reminder. Caspian gently leads me through the hallway, past all the bedrooms and into the lounge room.
I stop short when I see Nikolai and Bjorn clearly waiting for me.
They're sitting comfortably together on the couch but stand respectfully when I enter.
Nik nods his head a mischievous grin overtaking his face, "so here's the princess who's stealing away my boyfriend." I turn completely pink and Bjorn slaps Nik on the back of the head.
"Don't mind him darling. Please come sit." Bjorn's voice is calm and low, and the deep timbre of it comforts some of the anxiety in me. Caspian relinquishes my hand and I walk over to Bjorn who guides me to sit.
Nik, to his credit, looks a little sheepish and sits as well.
"Um... so." I cringe at my awkward words. Gods, has all my diplomatic training just flown out the window since I arrived at Merrywood. I used to thrive at noble feasts. I was so good I could make small talk with the potted plant in the corner. Now it seems all the power of language has evaded me.
Caspian chuckles softly, "Sorry love. I know this is a bit of an ambush. I just thought that conversations like this should be had with everyone. So you know exactly where you stand with all of us."
Nik nods and gently takes my hand, giving me plenty of opportunity to pull away if I wish. I don't. The feel of his rough, heavy hand holding mine grounds me and I release a deep breath.
"I don't mind. Please." I gesture for them to continue, expecting Caspian to keep talking. Instead Nik takes over the conversation, clearly slipping into his role as leader of Merrywood.
"Princess. Why did you let Caspian kiss you?" His question is soft, kind and judgement free. I pause for a minute thinking about my answer.
"Because... he makes me feel safe. And... cared for." I almost said loved and I thank whichever deity is watching me right now that I didn't. I look at Caspian who looks absolutely chuffed and the small laugh that slips free at his face is uncontainable.
"Well it's true." I continue keeping my eyes on Caspian. His face softens as he examines me and he slowly reaches out gently brushing my jaw, "you make me feel safe too, Princess."
I can't help the small huff of laughter, "me? I can't imagine how I'd make you feel safe."
He doesn't laugh though, the usual cheerfulness in his gaze replaced with seriousness. "You make me feel safe by not judging me. Always listening. Always being kind. You may not be able to see it for yourself but you have a way of creating a space where everyone is welcomed and cared for."
Tears burn my eyes as I stare at him, completely forgetting that Bjorn and Nik are also in the room. I've never seen myself like that. I've always seen myself as too sharp, too stubborn. Not soft enough to ever really let people in or ever be in a relationship.
"Oh."
It's not a masterful response at all but it breaks Caspian's unusual seriousness. He laughs, amusement filling his brown eyes, "Yes love. Oh."
Nik squeezes my hand and my attention is brought back to his forest green eyes. They're stunning. He's stunning. All rugged handsomeness and smudged dirt on hard lines.
"We all feel that way for you Princess. I know there are still things you haven't told us yet but we want to be there for you. We want you to be a part of us."
"Really?" My voice is smaller than I'd wanted it to come out. My heart beats fast in my chest, a fluttering hummingbird that won't take flight.
Nik nods, brushing my knuckles with his thumb. "Yes, Princess. Really. I've never met a woman as strong as you. As determined and kind and smart. It would be my honour, our honour, if you wanted to be with us."
Bjorn nods behind him and comes to sit next to me. His steady presence calms my palpitating heart and I subconsciously lean into him, seeking his comfort. His arm shifts to wrap around my shoulders and suddenly I'm cuddling with the biggest man I've ever met.
If I didn't know Bjorn I would have been scared of him. He was thick and rough looking, with dark hair and dark eyes, and muscles on muscles. He was big enough to crush me into a small ball with just his hands.
But I did know him. He was kind and gentle. And despite his quiet, blunt nature he was sweet. I look at Nik and then at Caspian and finally at Bjorn.
"You all feel this way?"
This time it's Bjorn who answers, "We do." His arm tightens around me offering more support, "And we want this if you do."
It's the final reassurance I need. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope being in a relationship, relying on someone other than myself, relying on a man.
Especially with my history but... I want to try.
Because I really like these men. These impossibly sweet and rough men who've protected me and offered me kindness.
"How would this work? I've never... I've never been in a relationship with one man let alone three.
" I try to make the words lighthearted but my anxiety comes through.
I used to be better at hiding my emotions, crafted after years under my father's rule, but it's only taken a couple weeks here and my defenses are slowly crumbling.
Nik smiles, a little bit of the sass I know he has coming through, "We take it one step at a time.
We'll grow together. We'll learn what you like and feel comfortable with and you'll learn what we like.
It's not realistic to expect you to know immediately what to do.
.. especially because sometimes I don't know what to do and I've been with Bjorn and Cass for years.
The first thing to do, Princess, is relax. "
"Relax?"
He huffs a laugh, "Yes Juliette. Your heart is beating so fast I can almost hear it. Take a deep breath for me."
I'm suddenly very aware of my fast heart and embarrassment flushes me. I take a deep controlling breath but it doesn't seem to work. Bjorn laughs lowly, still holding me.
"Perhaps she needs a little help to relax. Cass?"
Cass's eyes light up in desire and delight. "I thought you'd never ask." He catches my chin, tipping my flushed face to meet his. "I'm going to kiss you love. Does that sound good?"
I nod breathless. He grins.
Caspian's hands tangle in my hair before he pulls my lips to his.
I sink back into his familiar taste. So fucking sweet.
Our lips move gently together and he completely controls the pace, slowing everything down.
My surroundings fade and I'm no longer in their lounge room and instead I'm only with him.
The smell of honey and herbs sweetens the air and I moan softly into his mouth.
A tortured groan comes from beside me and I pull away from Caspian, panting, to see Nik and Bjorn watching us with heated eyes.
"Fuck darling." Bjorn turns my face towards him and Caspian lets him with an easy smile that doesn't match the lust on his face. "May I?"
I know what he's asking and I nod, my blonde curls falling from Caspian's grip and over my shoulder. Bjorn follows the movement, gently tugging on a single curl before pressing his lips to mine.
Kissing him is different to kissing Caspian.
Bjorn is all dark, potential energy. He claims my mouth, devours me and it's all I can do to hang on.
His kisses feel sweetly punishing and I whimper softly into his mouth.
Bjorn swallows the sound pulling me closer into him and tangling my hair in his hand.
Unlike Caspian, he doesn't grip my hair, rather he uses his massive hand to cradle my head gently. Like I'm fragile.
I feel precious in his arms and I pull away panting.
Nik's rough voice fills the air, "My turn Princess." I'm lifted out of Bjorn's hold and onto Nik's lap with a gasp. His face softens as he looks down at me and he lightly brushes a hand down the curve of my neck.
"Are you okay Princess." His voice is kind and firm, filling me with the knowledge that if I said no right now he'd stop immediately. And he wouldn't be mad about it.
It's that comforting thought that makes me nod. He grins, shaking his head, "Words my pretty princess."
I blush at that, "Yes Nik. I'm okay... will you kiss me?"
He lights up with an intoxicating mixture of delight and desire, "You never have to ask."
Nik cradles my jaw and kisses me. He's soft but demanding. Dominant. Nik takes the lead, pressing his lips to mine in a way that makes me breathless. I'm squirming in his lap and one of his hands moves to tighten around my waist.
"Be still Princess." His low groan is tortured. "Please." I stop moving a little confused and embarrassed before I hear Caspian's bright laugh.
"You've got him all worked up love. I bet he's dying right now." I pull back and face Nik noting his tense face and flushed cheeks.
Grinning, I laugh, "Maybe you should relax. I've heard it's the first step."
Caspian's laugh is drowned out by Nik's low growl, "you like to tease don't you Juliette? My naughty, little Princess."
His low words create butterflies and I can't help but squirm again at the promise in his tone.
Instead of taking it any further, however, Nik simply presses one more kiss to my forehead and stands, lifting me with him and then planting me on my feet.
Bjorn reaches out a solid arm to steady me and I lean into him, grateful for his support.
"I think that's enough for the Princess tonight.
" Nik's chiding tone is directed towards Caspian's obvious pout at slowing everything down and despite the lighthearted nature of Nik's comment it's firm.
My eyes widen in surprise when I see Caspian nod in agreement with Nik immediately, slightly bowing his head.
Oh.
That was new.
Bjorn presses a kiss to the top of my head and offers out his arm like a noble gentleman escorting me to a ball. "May I walk you back to your room, my lady?"
I laugh at the cheesy statement but nod. "Please good sir. I'd be delighted."
He chuckles roughly and I wave a hesitant goodbye to Nik and Caspian who both watch us leave with heated eyes.
It's not long before I'm crawling into my makeshift bed.
Gods. Did that really just happen? Am I, Princess Juliette Baudelauire of Murdoch, in a relationship with not one but three men? And not just men but the Thieves of Sholle Forest? My mother would have a heart attack on the spot.
Anxieties crowd me and make my stomach feel sick. I was the Princess of Murdoch. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't actually stay here. I had a duty to my people and to my family, as much as I despised them. Murdoch was dying and here I was playing make-believe in the middle of the forest.
It didn't feel like make-believe though.
It felt... real. Safe. It had been a long, long time since I'd felt safe.
Maybe that was why my trauma didn't make the appearance I was expecting while kissing them.
It didn't feel like I was in danger around them.
I knew if something went wrong or I changed my mind they would stop and they wouldn't be upset by it.
Could it be possible... could these men actually be a part of my life?
Not just as plain Juliette like I was here but a part of my royal life?
It felt overwhelming to think of all the possibilities, all the hope and all the potential heartbreak.
I really liked them. And they really liked me.
Not for the first time I wish that mine was a story like that of my favourite, fictional princesses - where true love conquers all.
The thought also reminded me. In two days, I will be going on a campaign with the men. Maybe this was a good opportunity to reset myself. I needed to get out of this camp and reassess.
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