Eavesdropping
My stinging chest wakes me, as well as the feeling of a small, warm body pressed to my side. Eyes fluttering open, I squint at the sudden bright light.
From what I can tell, we're still in the middle of the forest but instead of looking up at the green canopy I'm staring at beige cotton.
Someone mutters sleepily next to me and I glance down to see Bobbin snuggled into my side, carefully avoiding touching my wound. My heart clenches. Poor baby. He should never have had to witness bloodshed and violence like that.
Shifting carefully so I don't wake him, I prop myself up more on the makeshift bed I'm lying on. Caspian's set up a healer's tent, I realise, as I look around at several other beds lying close to me. Several men lie on them, each injured in some manner and in various states of consciousness.
With a shaky hand I lift my own shirt to examine my injury, hissing slightly as the fabric pulls at the sticky wound.
A long cut stretches across my flesh starting at the bottom of my left collarbone and ending just past my bellybutton.
It's been stitched together, a little haphazardly, and wrapped in bandages.
Gods, it aches but a small part of me welcomes the pain because it's proof that I lived and my enemy did not. I've survived worse and I will survive this.
Looking around I try to find Caspian, Bjorn or Nik but I can't see any of them. A small spark of panic flares in me and worry fills me. Are they okay? I only saw Bjorn and Caspian briefly and they seemed uninjured but what about Nik?
I need to find them because I know the anxiety won't settle until I lay eyes on all of them.
Looking back down at the sleeping Bobbin, I gently brush my hand through his hair, careful not to wake him. He's clearly exhausted. Slowly I move myself away from the bed and Bobbin, leaving him asleep on my bed.
Standing, I hold in my pained whimper and grit my teeth. Come on. It's just a little pain. Let's go and find my men.
POV - Bjorn
I watch as Nik paces across the forest floor, trying to look a calm I don't feel.
"Breathe hj?rtat. Juliette is fine. Cass is treating her and she's well.
" (heart) My words don't seem to penetrate because he doesn't stop pacing long enough to even glance at me.
He remains steadfastly staring at the ground as he walks, running a trembling hand through his hair.
I've known Nik long enough to recognise that he's furious. Not at Juliette but at himself.
It's in moments like this that I wish I was better with words.
Caspian always knows what to say and I..
.don't. Especially not when my own emotions mirror that of Nik's - terrified that we almost lost her, angry at myself for letting her get hurt and worried about the two soldiers that got away on horseback.
Instead of words I do the only action of comfort I really know - I walk to Nik and pull him firmly into me. He resists for a second, trying to pull away, before giving in and resting his head on my shoulder.
"She almost died, Bjorn." The words are whispered but pained. My heart clenches at the reminder and I squeeze Nik a little tighter.
"But she didn't. Our girl can handle herself." I try to sound calm because I know Cass and Nik seek my steadiness. Sometimes it feels like the only thing I can offer to them.
Nik shakes his head furiously against me, "She shouldn't have to! I was supposed to keep her safe. It's my fault she was even on this campaign."
His words pierce my heart. Nikolai is a reasonable man and he always has been.
In times of crisis he knows exactly what to do.
He's smart and strategic. But he also cares so deeply for everyone around him.
He shoulders all responsibilities and burdens despite them not being his to bear and Juliette's injuries are going to weigh on him for a long time.
As gently as I can I lift his chin so he's facing me.
His green eyes look at me, pain and guilt filling them.
"Nikolai. You will listen to me. This is not your burden alone.
We all should have been looking out for her and Juliette is not some soft princess.
She killed that man without remorse." I can't help the small chuff of surprised laughter that leaves me when I say that.
Juliette decapitated a man, a soldier no less, with ease. She's a formidable warrior and I won't deny that her savageness is a... turn on.
Nik doesn't share my amusement though, "Yes Bjorn. She killed a man. How on earth is she battle-hardened enough to be able to kill someone for the first time and be completely fine with it?"
That makes me pause because he's not wrong. The first time I killed someone I threw up in the dirt and I'd been training for it my whole life.
Noise to my right makes me turn and I see Caspian walking towards us looking exhausted. He's covered in blood and it's a sight that makes me tense despite my knowledge that it's someone else's. Juliette's, an unhelpful voice whispers.
Cass walks straight to Nik and I as I open my arm to let him tuck himself beside me. Cass is very affectionate and he always seeks physical contact when he's upset. A deep, heavy sigh leaves him as he rests his head against my chest and Nik presses to his back, giving me a concerned look.
Nik gently presses a kiss to Caspian's head, "What do you need, Cass?"
A small part of me dislikes Nik's ability to push all of his own emotions down to comfort others. Sometimes he's the one who needs comfort and I vow to myself that once Cass is sorted I'll give him the proper attention he needs.
Cass's voice is tired, "Just... this. For a moment.
" I nod and move my arm so that both Nik and Cass are pressed to my chest before tightening them.
Nik clearly wants to protest because he can't focus all his attention on Cass but I meet his eyes firmly and he reluctantly acquiesces, relaxing in my arms.
We stay like that for a long minute as I let them soak in my strength. I'll always be strong for them, whenever they need it. It's Cass who eventually pulls away first.
"She's going to be fine. She'll have a nasty scar across her chest but the cut wasn't too deep." His voice trembles slightly.
I feel Nik tense once more and I squeeze his shoulder, "Both of you need to stop.
It's neither of your faults. Juliette is fine.
" I think I'm more convincing myself of that last point and I'm not quite ready to acknowledge my own guilt.
I should have been the one protecting her. I was closest to her.
Nik pulls away roughly, his earlier anger on full display, "She should never have come on the campaign to begin with. She should never have even come to Merrywood!" He turns and storms off and I watch him go, grabbing Cass's arm gently when he goes to follow.
"Just let him go s?tnos. He needs time to calm down." (sweetheart)
Caspian looks at me pained, "I don't know why he insists on blaming himself for everything all the time. He can't control the universe!" He rubs his face harshly, looking exhausted.
"Come on Cass. Go and have a rest and we'll deal with all of this once everyone's had a chance to calm down," I keep my voice low and comforting. Cass nods reluctantly and grabs my hand in his as we walk back towards the tents.
POV - Juliette
She should never have even come to Merrywood!
Nik's angry shout echoes in my mind as I slowly walk back to the healer's tent. Pain fills me in every way now - not just physical. It had taken me ten minutes to find them, only to hear Nik's parting shout as he stormed off. I'd turned around immediately.
Is that what he really thought? I hadn't been able to see his face but his words sounded furious. Did they want me gone?
I've spent my whole life being a burden to people - first to my parents as a daughter they never wanted and then to my subjects, unable to provide them with the help they desperately needed. Was I a burden to Merrywood? To Nik, Bjorn and Caspian?
I banish the thoughts as I slowly walk back to the healers tent and to Bobbin where he remains sleeping on the makeshift bed. I'm not a burden to them. They told me they liked me and I'm in a relationship with them.
I obviously need to talk to Nik but for now I just need rest.
Carefully I slip back beside Bobbin, gritting my teeth as my stitches pull. I'm only there for a minute when the tent flap opens and Bjorn and Caspian walk in.
They immediately walk to me wearing matching expressions of concern and I sigh, "I'm fine."
Bjorn just grunts and Caspian shakes his head smiling in amusement, "Yes love we know. You're very strong. But we're still here to check on you now that you're awake."
Bjorn kneels beside my bed and presses a kiss to my forehead, "how are you feeling my darling? You scared me when you passed out."
His low words softens the defensive attitude that had started bubbling in me without me even noticing. He cares for me, he's not trying to gloat over my injuries or call me weak. The reminder has my shoulders relaxing.
"I'm sorry I scared you. I promise that I feel much better. A little sore but nothing life threatening." I take his hand squeezing and he presses another kiss to my forehead without a word.
Caspian comes to my other side and carefully leans over a still sleeping Bobbin to press a kiss to my head as well.
Pulling back he runs his thumb across my cheek scanning my face for any sign of a lie or pain, "the stitches should heal well.
I'll keep an eye on them for infection but you should heal fine.
There will be a scar though, I'm sorry love. "
I almost laugh. A scar isn't anything new. What's one more? Instead I give him a reassuring look, "It's fine. What's a little scar?"
He doesn't look convinced by my statement but he drops the matter. Instead he approaches a topic I'd been hoping to avoid.
"And how do you feel about... the other thing? It's not unusual for you to be upset after... well killing someone for the first time. I remember my first. I didn't speak for hours."
Oh. Right. I had killed someone, and brutally. My first instinct is to tell them the truth. That the soldier wasn't the first person I'd killed, and in fact he wasn't even the second.
But I couldn't stand the thought of disgust in their eyes. Disgust because of how weak I'd been in the first place to let Warren and Matthew damage me like that but also disgust at the violent, numb part of me that reminds me so much of my father that I want to throw up.
So I lie. "It's... too hard to talk about. I'm not sure I'm ready to think about it. Sorry." Guilt forms a cement ball in my stomach. Liar, weak, coward. My inner voice whispers harshly.
Caspian nods in understanding, concern clouding his gorgeous brown eyes. "We understand. As long as you know we'll always be here when you're ready." Bjorn nods as well and the weight of the guilt makes me nauseous.
"Thanks," I whisper roughly, not trusting my voice to be louder.
Bjorn stands and offers a hand to help Caspian up as well, "We'll let you rest darling."
"Wait."
They both pause looking down at me.
No. I can't. Fuck. "Where's Nik?" I ask instead, deflecting my inner desire to blurt out the truth.
Bjorn and Caspian look at each other clearly debating on telling me the truth. It's Bjorn that finally answers, "Nikolai needed a little time to cool down. He doesn't like it when campaigns go poorly and the deaths of some of the thieves are weighing on him."
It's clearly not the full truth but I don't push because I already know the truth and I wish I didn't.
Nik was angry at me. Gods, I hate that.
I nod, accepting Bjorn's explanation and they both turn and leave.
I can't deal with all of this. At least not right now. Turning in the bed, I snuggle down and pull Bobbin back into my side. It's not long before I'm falling asleep.
Hey guys! Thanks for reading. Don't forget to vote or comment! xx