Kiss and Make Up
POV - JULIETTE
The walk back to Merrywood is somber. All of the wounded ride atop the horses that were stolen from the Gilgunronh carriages, myself included.
Currently my back is resting against Caspian's chest and his arm is banded across my waist. My body relaxes against him and my head falls back, exhaustion weighing me down. My chest stings and my knee aches but it's nothing I can't handle.
Bobbin is walking next to my horse, reminding me of the day we first met although I notice concerned, that he isn't bouncing anymore.
He hasn't been himself and I'm getting worried because I know more than anyone how trauma can manifest, especially as a child.
Bobbin hasn't left my side for more than a minute or two, keeping a firm hold of my hand whenever he can.
Caspian must notice me looking at Bobbin because he gently presses a kiss to the side of my head, "He'll be alright my love. We'll keep an eye on him." His voice is soft and soothing and I appreciate the genuine comfort he gives me.
"Thank you." I whisper back and he kisses the side of my head again.
The canopy above our slow moving troop is a stunning shade of green with patches of sunlight breaking through, illuminating the forest in the colour of dawn. Ahead of me and Caspian, Bjorn and Nik ride side-by-side, leading everyone.
Nik hasn't looked me in the eye since the ambush and it's killing me. Hurt stings in my chest every time he swerves around horses and men to avoid me. Maybe he really is over me. Maybe he really does wish I'd never come to Merrywood at all.
We rode for another hour before finally making it back to Merrywood.
Grey and the other men who stayed behind take one look at all the injured and spring into action, ushering the children away and helping the most injured men off their horses and into a wooden healer shelter I've never noticed before.
Grey comes up to me and Caspian, giving me a tight lipped smile before gently guiding Bobbin away.
I start to protest when Bobbin looks at me with wide panicked eyes but Caspian grips my hand firmly.
"He needs to go and be checked out, Juliette. You can see him once I've had a chance to check on your wounds as well."
I nod even though I don't agree, keeping my eyes on Bobbin. His sweet voice rings clear, "I'll come find you Miss," before he walks away with Grey clutching his hand.
Caspian and I walk towards the men's shelter and I notice Bjorn leave Nik's side to follow us.
Leaning heavily on Caspian, I allow him to guide me to their living room.
Soft heat fills me at the memory of the last time I was here with my men but it's doused by the cold reminder that Nik won't so much as look at me let alone kiss me.
I stay there for an hour being pampered by Bjorn and Caspian who take turns bringing me tea and snacks and checking my injuries. When I finally laugh and tell them to relax they sit on either side of me, cocooning me in their safety.
I want to relax fully but I know I won't be able to until I talk to Nik properly.
"I'm going to go for a walk." I say shifting to stand. Caspian looks like he wants to argue but I catch Bjorn's subtle head shake. It's obvious he knows I want to go find Nik.
"Be careful darling. Call out if you need anything, hm?" Bjorn's low voice wraps around me like a comfort blanket, soothing my lingering anxiety.
"I will," I nod once and head towards the door taking careful steps so as not to aggravate my chest or my knee.
"Oh wait, Love. I got you something." Caspian stands quickly, darting off to his bedroom and coming back with a beautifully carved cane, complete with a wolf's head handle, "Nicked it a while back and completely forgot I even had it."
I stare at the cane, stunned. My father hated when I used a cane at Murdoch.
He called it a sign of weakness. The fact that Caspian - my boyfriend - would give me one is.
.. A deep well of emotion sinks into my stomach, heavy and meaningful, and tears begin to form.
It's clear Caspian doesn't understand why I'm so emotional because he quickly walks to me pulling me into his arms, concern obvious.
"Love?"
"It's nothing." I sniff and quickly wipe my cheeks, "Thank you. It's very thoughtful."
Caspian looks a bit embarrassed, running a hand through his curls as he looks away, cheeks slightly flushed, "ah well it's not that big of deal. Nothing to be crying over."
I can't help the laugh that bursts out of me at his clear embarrassment and honestly I'm grateful for an easy diversion from my overreaction to the cane. I'm not quite ready to explain that my need for this cane will never go away and that I didn't just injure it escaping Gilgunronh.
I'm not sure why I still can't force myself to speak the truth.
That's a lie. I do. Shame eats away at me, creating holes through my heart and making my stomach turn.
They'll finally know the truth about me if I tell them.
That not only was I so weak that I allowed myself to be damaged so permanently but that deep inside me my father's evil resides.
The same evil that helped me kill that soldier yesterday.
The same evil that destroyed Matthew and Warren.
I take the cane from Caspian, admiring the intricate carvings and running my fingers over the familiar wolf head.
"Did you... did you take this from Murdoch?
" I ask curiously as I examine the engravings.
They're similar to the ones that decorate my father's study door in a uniquely Murdoch art-style.
Caspian blushes even more red if that's possible, "Um... possibly..."
Bjorn's low laugh echoes around the room as he comes to stand next to Caspian, wrapping his massive arm around his waist, "What Cass means is yes. He got that a couple years ago from a Murdoch trading cart."
I shake my head, amused, "sometimes I forget you're thieves but thank you."
Caspian kisses my cheek, "my pleasure Juliette. Enjoy your walk."
Smiling, I head out of the shelter but my smile fades as I remember who I'm looking for.
Ignoring my stinging chest I focus solely on finding Nik.
Deciding the campfire would be the best place to start I head there, stopping short when I see Nik surrounded by men.
He looks rough, hair mussed and white shirt still untucked from the ride back but he holds himself upright and steady.
His leadership shines through as he discusses something with the men standing around him.
I recognise most of them from the failure of a campaign and several of them are sporting bandages.
I only take one more step towards them when Nik's head immediately whips up as if sensing my presence and locks eyes with me. I freeze and we stare at each other for a long moment before he averts his eyes, quickly turning away.
Oh, absolutely not. I've never been in a relationship before, let alone with three men, but I don't think ignoring your partner is good.
Anger alights in me and I'm sure it shows on my face as I storm towards them.
My storming is slightly dampened by my use of the cane and my injuries but I push past the pain until I'm standing in front of Nik and the five men around him.
I nod my head at each of them in greeting before locking eyes with Nik once more.
"Nik. I need to speak to you." My voice is firm and I'm proud of myself for the way it stays steady.
He clearly hesitates before nodding his head and gesturing for me to follow him to a more secluded part of the forest. Once we're alone with nothing but the trees, I turn to him, "What's going on? Why are you ignoring me?"
The words feel like razors in my throat.
His eyes turn pained as he looks at me running a frustrated hand through his hair, "Juliette. I'm not ignoring you."
"You are. Don't lie to me like I'm some fragile child Nik. Are you over me? Is that it? I heard what you said on the campaign, how you wish 'I'd never come to Merrywood.'" I hate the way my voice breaks on the words.
"Stop it Juliette! Please. You shouldn't have come to Merrywood because you don't belong here. I can't keep you safe." Nik's face is tense with anger and he refuses to look at me.
Answering irritation rises in me, "I don't need you to keep me safe. I can handle myself just fine! Look at me. I'm alive and well."
Nik whirls around, his eyes blazing, "You are not well, you stubborn woman. Your entire chest is bandaged because you got attacked with a sword!"
"But I'm alive!" I throw my arms out in exaggerated gesture, annoyance coursing through my veins, "I may have gotten injured, you obstinate man, but in case you seem to have forgotten I won. Tell me right now why you're ignoring me. Why won't you look at me?!"
Nik meets my eyes, frustration coursing through them before he strides towards me and slams his lips to mine.
I stiffen in surprise at his sudden movements before melting into him.
Our lips move together in heated passion, both of us taking out our frustrations.
I feel Nik walking us backwards and my spine hits a tree behind me .
Our fervent kiss doesn't break contact as he lifts me easily so my legs wrap around his waist. I moan against Nik's lips letting him dominate the rough kiss.
He tangles his hand roughly into my hair using it to tilt my head further backwards before finally breaking the kiss with a harsh breath.
I pant as I look at him, the haze of lust slowly clearing as confusion takes its place.
"Why-" I barely have the word out when he places me back on the ground and takes several steps backwards.
"Fuck." Nik runs his hand through his hair again, still looking at me.
"Nik."
He breaks eye contact to look at the blue sky above and when he finally looks at me again his eyes are brimming with unshed tears.
Anger and frustration are clear but it's suddenly obvious to me that those destructive emotions are directed at himself.
"I almost lost you. Because of my own recklessness.
My own hubris that I could keep you safe.
" He strides towards me, his rough hands cupping my face as he looks down at me, pleading with me to understand.
His voice is a broken whisper when he repeats, "I almost lost you. "
"Nik..." Guilt chews at me and words fail me. Instead I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into me. He hugs me back immediately, being careful of my injury as he buries his face in my neck breathing in my scent.
"I don't blame you baby." I'm not sure where 'baby' came from but I continue anyway, "What happened is not your fault.
The only person to blame is me. I ignored direct orders from Caspian, which by the way I'm not very good at following those, and came out of hiding.
My swordwork was sloppy because I'm out of practice and I got hit.
It happens. But I'm alive and I'm fine. Well I would be if one of my wonderful boyfriends would talk to me. "
He huffs a soft laugh before pulling away slightly and cupping my face again with one of his hands, "Your sword work was incredible, Princess.
You were incredible. But I should have been more careful with such a precious responsibility.
.. I'm sorry I ignored you. I just couldn't bear to look at you and see disappointment.
" He presses his forehead to mine and I soak in the closeness, relieved.
"You mean so much to me Princess. I meant what I said before - you shouldn't have come to Merrywood.
And if I was a better man I would let you go.
But I'm not. I'm selfish and possessive because I never want you to go. "
I smile, "you could never disappoint me baby and I'm glad you're not a better man because I never want you to let me go either."
Sorry for the superrr long time since updating.