Chapter Three
Caliana
E VERY SINGLE DAY at work seems to get longer and longer.
I’m having to fight off my boss’s advances more and he’s becoming extremely aggressive.
Marcus believes I’m playing hard to get and truly want to be with him.
He doesn’t give a fuck about my children or the fact that I haven’t even been widowed a year.
While there was no love between Darren and myself at the end, I know I’m not ready to be with anyone.
Well, there’s one person I’m ready to be with, but I know he won’t ever take that step with me.
Caleb is a good man and he won’t ever be with me because I was with Darren.
He’ll feel it’s a betrayal of Darren’s memory and he’ll be stepping over a line none of them would ever cross.
Well, I know Darren would. Kreed told me in high school the reason Caleb was pulling away from me and spending more time with Abigail and the rest of the girls instead of hanging out with us.
I was sitting in the bleachers as normal during my lunch period.
While the guys thrive on being the center of attention and being surrounded by girls, I prefer the shadows where I can hide and remain obscure.
No one truly knows me except for Caleb, Kreed, and Darren.
They’re my best friends and I’m slowly learning to let them in.
Especially Darren now that we’re officially together.
We’ve been together for three weeks now and I have no clue why he chose me when he still prefers to be in the spotlight and surrounded by girls.
No, he doesn’t do anything with them, but he sure as fuck loves to be surrounded by them.
“’Lil Bit, there you are,” I hear from behind me and look to find Kreed walking toward the bleachers with a large smile on his face and a tray of food in his hand.
He knows I don’t usually eat lunch because I give mine to Darren so he has more than enough to eat during school.
“You gotta stop comin’ out here and skippin’ lunch.
We don’t need ya collapsin’ from low blood sugar or some shit.
It’s happened in the past and it can happen again. ”
Kreed always wants to take care of me. He tries to take care of all of us.
We’re his family and Kreed doesn’t know any different because that’s who his mom raised him to be.
She wants him to be strong and independent while also being able to recognize the needs of those who he loves.
Laura is an amazing woman who has been a single mom all of Kreed’s life.
She worries about how she’s raising him and if she’s making the right choices.
While we all know she’s the best mom out there, Laura will always ask questions of herself because the confidence was beaten out of her.
Sam has done her best to help her instill the confidence Laura deserves to feel, but it’s hard when you’ve been abused for so long and don’t have the time to get the help you need to overcome the trauma that’s been inflicted on you.
“I just can’t be in there with your fan club,” I tell him, a small smile on my face as I watch him walk up the bleachers until he gets to where I’m sitting in the middle.
“Not a fan club, ‘Lil Bit. Just groupies who think they have a chance with us when Caleb and I will never give them a chance,” Kreed says as he sits next to me and places the tray on my lap.
“Caleb always gives them a chance. Well, he gives Abigail a chance. He’s with her every day whenever he’s not busy with classes and football.
After school he’s been putting off work to spend time with her when he never used to be like that.
Caleb always wanted to be at the garage and around the guys from the club.
Now I guess all he wants is Abigail and what she can give him,” I say, tears filling my eyes and one of them spilling over to slowly roll down my face and land on the tray of food Kreed brought me.
Today I’m having a cheeseburger with fries and chocolate milk.
Kreed even got me one of the chocolate chip cookies with frosting on it.
It’s a piece of one of those chocolate chip cakes you can buy in stores.
We don’t usually have this, but I always get a piece when it’s served.
Kreed knows this. I smile up at him and watch as he reaches out to wipe away the tear on my cheek.
His touch is gentle but rough. Kreed’s hands are always rough from working at the garage, playing football, and everything else he’s done over the years to earn money to help his mom pay the bills and keep a little spending money in her pocket.
Kreed truly loves his mom and does everything in his power to help her any way he can.
“Do you truly not see why Caleb has been avoidin’ you, ‘Lil Bit?” Kreed questions me, his voice filled with warmth and confusion as he stares at me while more tears roll down my face as I think of all the time I used to spend with Caleb and Kreed.
Kreed is just as busy now because of all the shit he has going on.
When Kreed isn’t at school, he’s working at the garage or training to play football.
He’s always doing something to help pay the bills.
This is a guy who doesn’t know how to sit down and is always finding something to do when his homework is done.
School is very important to him and he gets the best grades he can through hours of studying and doing his homework early.
I’m always ahead in all of my classes because I truly have no life and it’s just been recently that I’ve been able to get a job.
I have to stay on top of my work because when I’m not working at my job, I’m busy cleaning the house my parents live in and making sure they have meals prepared for them.
Still, they don’t worry about heating anything up because they know their servant will take care of it when I get home.
Yes, I’m their servant and not a child to them.
“Caleb is who he wants to be with. He’s got his girl and Darren is the guy who chose me.
Well, he chose me in ways. I’m good enough for him to study with and spend time around when we’re not at school.
When we’re in school, he hardly looks in my direction unless one of your groupies is bullying me.
Then he steps up and pretends to be the boyfriend everyone expects him to be.
I don’t know what else I can do to make him understand how much I truly care about him?
” I tell him, my voice barely a whisper as more tears fall because I thought being with Darren would be better than the reality of the situation.
“What do you mean, Caliana?” Kreed questions me, a hardness to his voice I rarely hear and I know I’ve said too much in this conversation.
“It’s nothing, Kreed. You don’t have to worry about it.
Anyway, what were you gonna say about Caleb?
” I ask him, my voice still a whisper as I watch Kreed lift the cheeseburger and hold it up to my mouth.
Yes, when I get distracted and forget to eat, this is what the guys do.
It’s their gentle reminder to eat when the food is in front of me and still hot.
“Caleb loves you, Cali. He’s loved you for years and never said a word.
Part of him didn’t want to ruin the relationship you’ve built together as best friends while another part of him didn’t believe you’d actually be with him.
He feels as though you’d reject him because you’ve never dated anyone or shown an interest in any guy at school.
We know you’re not datin’ anyone from another school or someone you met at work either,” Kreed informs me, completely shocking me to silence as I think of his words and realize they can’t possibly be true.
Caleb has never once viewed me as anything more than a best friend and someone who burdens him more often than not.
“That’s not true, Kreed. Caleb is with Abigail and has been for a while now.
They’ve been together longer than I’ve been with Darren.
Caleb isn’t one to hold back from anything he wants.
He goes after it with everything in his soul because that’s how he was raised.
Playboy has taught him life is too short and there’s no point in wasting time.
That’s why he chose Abigail. Nothing you say will ever change my mind on that,” I tell Kreed, choosing to eat my lunch instead of continuing this conversation with one of my best friends.
“Now, he’ll never go there with you because Darren’s one of his best friends and Caleb will see it as a betrayal of their friendship if he were to do anythin’ with you. ”
Kreed lets me have my silence so I can think about what was said.
The reality of the situation is no matter what happens, any chance Caleb and I would have has disappeared into thin air before we even had a chance to see if we could be a real couple.
Caleb will now always be my best friend and I have to shove the thoughts and feelings I have for him deep down in my soul where it can never resurface again.
Feelings I don’t think will ever truly go away because I think I’ve always loved Caleb from the very second he talked to me on my first day of school in Benton Falls.
God! It seems like a million years ago now when it’s been about ten.
After changing into my street clothes and shoving my dirty scrubs into the bag I bring to work on a daily basis, I check my phone to find a message from Kreed.
A smile instantly lights up my face because he always has something fun to say.
Especially if he’s already been at the house with the kids.
He tells me something they’ve done during his visit.
Rory has been doing new things daily it seems and I hate that I’m missing out on so many of her first moments because I’m working more than forty hours a week in order to take care of my children.