Chapter Thirteen
Caliana
T WO LONG WEEKS have passed since the night Caleb and I talked on the swing at Kreed’s house.
That night changed everything between the two of us forever and shattered my already broken heart into a million more pieces.
The knowledge that Caleb and I could have been sharing our lives together and never got that chance hurts my soul.
He’s the other half of me and I know there won’t ever be a man who can compare to him.
When I look at Caleb, I see so much more than the President of the Feral Dragons MC.
I see the huge heart he has. The strength of his massive shoulders as he carries the weight of the world so others don’t have to carry the burden.
I see the sexy man the rest of the world sees for sure, but that’s not who he is.
Caleb is loyal, strong, loving, giving, and the best person I’ve ever met in my life.
Yes, he can be dangerous and reckless, but it’s all from a place of love for others.
One second of him standing next to me and every ounce of fear disappears.
He doesn’t have to say a single word. When he holds me in his arms, the world disappears and it’s just the two of us.
Caleb takes over the center of my world without trying and he makes me feel safer than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
The man I’ve loved for most of my life makes me feel as if I’m home with one simple look.
I get lost in his deep, chocolate eyes and I’m one of the few people who can see his true emotions because he never hides himself from me.
Well, except for loving me. Caleb is everything to me and now, I’ll never have it in my life again.
We’re both pulling away from one another to give each other the space we need to work through our feelings and see if we can come out of this with any kind of relationship intact.
Kreed has rarely left my side at night. He goes to work and then hangs out at the clubhouse for a few hours most days before coming to the house he only used sparingly before.
While I sleep in his bedroom, Kreed shares a room with Bryce.
The two of them are loving the extra time they get to spend together.
He tries to be home every night for dinner with us, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
Some nights he has club business to attend to and it keeps him late.
More often than not, I tend to stay awake until he walks in the door.
Kreed and I always spend a few minutes each night talking about our day and him asking me how I’m doing since that fateful night with Caleb on his porch.
He knows my heart is shattered and it’s going to take a long time before it repairs enough for me to even think of moving on with my life.
I think part of me kind of always believed Caleb and I would end up together.
Now, we all know that’s not even a possibility.
It’s a dream I was living and enjoying believing in something that could never happen.
I was in a fairytale of my own making and desperately wanted it to come true.
However, nothing truly good ever happens to me and my life isn’t some romantic story where I get the guy I want.
It’s real, rough, and full of longing for a man I’ll never get.
I barely live and spend each one of my days just doing what I can to make it through.
Most days, I don’t know how I manage to get out of bed in one piece.
The only reason I have to push forward are Bryce and Rory.
I need to be strong for them and give them a life full of love and the support they need.
Yesterday I did get some good news. My hand has been healing better than Doc thought it would after my last appointment with him.
After the X-rays were taken, he told me I could return to work as long as I kept it light duty.
While that’s not always possible as a nurse in the emergency department, I’ve been assured it will be taken care of and I can come back now instead of waiting another month or so until my hand fully heals.
I’ll have a cast on my arm but I need the money I’ll get from working and not being on medical leave.
I can easily see them putting me on the desk to deal with all the paperwork no one ever wants to deal with.
That’s fine by me. It will get me off the compound and away from Caleb when he’s here.
Not that he’s left the clubhouse since that night.
Kreed says he’s rarely drinking though. Caleb has been working himself to death and spending a lot of time at the haunted house.
“Mama, where you going?” Bryce asks me, his voice startling me out of my thoughts as I turn and look at my son who’s wiser than his years and always knows when something is going on.
“I’m going to work today, Buddy. Were you still going to sign my cast?” I ask him knowing he’s been waiting for the chance to write on my cast now that it's a hard one and not the wrap they had it in previously.
“Yes!” he shouts, excitement filling his voice as he looks at me with wide eyes and the pure innocence only a child has.
“Okay. Let’s get that taken care of before Tiffany gets here.
She’ll stay at Unca Kreed’s house with you while I’m working.
It’s not a full shift, just a couple of hours before I come home again.
We’ll have dinner together tonight and I think Unca Kreed said Mamaw Sam and Papa Griffin were gonna join us,” I tell my son as he looks at me with happiness filling his face as he rushes from the bedroom I’ve taken over shouting about dinner tonight.
After checking myself in the mirror once more to ensure I’m ready for work, I head out to the living room with the monitor for Rory in my hand.
She’s still sleeping and I have a feeling she’s teething and doesn’t feel good.
I’ll have to let Tiffany know to keep a close eye on her and call me if anything happens.
I’ll leave work in a heartbeat if it comes to one of my kids being sick and needing me.
Marcus hates it and has tried to fire me more than once for leaving because of them being sick and it’s never stuck because my true bosses value me and always get Marcus in trouble for messing with me.
How that asshole still has a job is something I’ll never understand.
I take a seat on the couch and watch Bryce dig through the large box I have all of his markers, pens, colored pencils, and crayons in.
When he finally finds the marker he wants, my son walks over to me and I position my arm so he can write his name wherever he wants to.
Bryce gets down on his knees and uncaps the marker.
I watch on with the largest smile on my face as he sticks his tongue out in concentration while slowly writing his name on my cast. The letters are large, shaky, and all over the place.
They don’t line up the way they should and I love it.
Bryce is so proud of his name as he sits back and inspects his work closely.
“Can I draw a heart because I love you, Mommy?” he questions me, his voice a little weaker than normal because he’s unsure if I’ll let him do that.
“You can draw whatever you want on my cast, Buddy,” I assure him, leaning down and placing a kiss on the top of his head.
Bryce picks up a different marker I didn’t see him grab and uncaps it before getting back on his knees next to me.
At the end of his name, he draws a big heart.
Well, his version of a heart. Again, Bryce has his tongue sticking out as he concentrates on what he’s doing.
He gets that from Hawkeye if I’m being honest. Bryce has spent so much time around the members of the Phantom Bastards and Wild Kings that he’s picked up so many of their traits as he’s grown.
Hawkeye is a member of the Wild Kings and he’s Caleb’s cousin so we’ve spent more time with him than some of the other members.
Hawkeye is one of Tank’s triplets and doesn’t live all that far from us.
“All done, Mama,” Bryce finally says after he colors in the heart with only a few parts going outside of the lines.
“It’s beautiful, Buddy. Thank you so much. I love it and you so much,” I tell my son as he gets up and gives me the best hug ever.
A knock sounds on the door and I grab my phone to check the cameras.
Tiffany stands on the porch of Kreed’s house with Luca standing behind her.
Luca will be following me to work today.
Since we still don’t know who broke into my house and who’s been leaving stuff on my porch and SUV, no one will allow me to leave the compound on my own.
Honestly, it makes me feel better to know I’ll have someone close by in case something happens.
While I know the person stalking me is still out there, the man who attacked me is also still loose.
He hasn’t been caught even though Master has been working so many hours to trace his path from the hospital so they can get their hands on him.
“Come in Tiffany,” I say after pressing the button on my phone for the intercom leading to the front door.
The front door opens after Luca puts in the code.
Bryce races to her and gives her a huge hug.
Tiffany talks to him as if they haven’t seen one another in months instead of a few days.
Tiffany’s brother is finally feeling better and she’s been back with me at Kreed’s house.
Now, she’ll be back to babysitting and not worrying about me.
Everyone is worried about me since the conversation with Caleb.