31. You need someone strong
You need someone strong
Vicky
The fog lifted slowly, but it did lift. By the time Margot and I had finished our tea, I was starting to feel more alive.
After numbing everything for nearly a month, it was almost painful to have all of those emotions back again, like when you’ve slept on your arm overnight, and you get those awful prickles as the sensation comes back.
I was feeling everything . And I was missing Mike. I missed him so much, it was almost scary. I’d been alone and afraid way too much already. I decided it was time for me to be brave.
“I have to go,” I said, putting my teacup down on the saucer with a clatter and jumping to my feet.
“I thought you might say that,” she said through a smile.
Then, as my car drove out of the Manor, I saw Mike’s van parked outside the cottage on the estate that Claire used as her country home. Next to it, was a low-slung sports car. Maybe Ollie was there too?
Focused on my mission, I asked my driver to pull up outside the driveway and jogged towards the house. All I could think was that Mike was there, and after what Margot told me, I had to see him.
But I froze in the entryway when I heard Blake’s voice.
What was he doing here?
“This is my bloody home.” Blake was shouting. He sounded absolutely furious. “I’m not being thrown out by some fucking employee. Bugger off, Mayweather.”
“I’m not an employee,” Mike said. “And you are getting thrown out. This is still Claire and Florrie’s home, even if they live at Buckingham House now.
Claire had to ask me to come and chuck you out when she heard you were here, because I was closest, and she doesn’t want her sixty-five-year-old mum to have to act as a bouncer for her.
Although, I’ve gotta say man, I think Margot could take you. ”
“Fuck off, you smug git,” spat Blake. “You think you’re sorted just because you’ve got a sweet gig as that blonde freak’s carer with benefits?” Blake laughed as ice trickled down my spine.
Carer with benefits?
“That’s if the frigid weirdo lets you fuck her—I’m guessing unlikely when she can’t even shake hands without losing her shit. Well, good luck with that, and I hope they’re paying you enough.”
There was a scuffle then. I heard a chair being turned over and shouting, but the ringing in my ears meant I couldn’t quite make out the words. All I seemed to be able to focus on was Blake’s voice on repeat, saying carer with benefits .
The shame I’d felt when I’d heard almost exactly the same comment at Rebecca’s wedding from a member of my own family came flooding back.
I knew Blake was a horrible human being, but was what he said actually that inaccurate?
All my quirks, all the restrictions on what I could do, and what I could tolerate. That time in The Badger’s Sett when I couldn’t even look his friends in the eye or greet them like a normal person.
And Mike was a good man. He would do it; I knew that. He would care for me. But wouldn’t he eventually resent the fact he didn’t have an equal partner? Resent that I wasn’t normal?
I blinked and took a few stumbling steps back, away from the commotion inside, then I turned and ran back to my car. I sat in the back passenger seat, staring at the house for a long moment, trying to make my decision.
“Shall we go now, Vicky, love?” my driver Richard asked gently.
I cleared my throat. “Yes, please,” I said in a small voice.
Just then, Blake came flying out of the front door, which was slammed after him.
Blake’s nose was bleeding, but he got to his feet and kicked some of the stones on the driveway before stomping to his car.
But before he opened the door, he caught sight of me watching him.
He tilted his head to the side as a nasty expression came over his face.
“Freak,” I saw him mouth at me before he flung open his car door and sped away from the house.
A week later, I blinked at the figure waiting on the pavement as we pulled up outside my house.
He was so beautiful, my heart actually hurt, and I was finding it a struggle to take a breath in.
I thought that Mike had given up with the whole walking me from my car to the door thing.
You couldn’t really blame him—I’d totally ignored him every time he did it, and more often than not, I had my headphones on anyway.
But when he stopped showing up, there was a small part of me I wouldn’t admit to that was disappointed.
“You okay, love?” Richard asked, eyeing Mike with suspicion. I knew Richard had been worried about me, and I knew he blamed Mike for breaking my heart, so seeing a larger-than-life Mike in all his glory outside my house again wasn’t going to go down well. “Want me to hang around?”
“I’m fine, Richard.”
“You always say that,” Richard snapped, surprising me as I reached for the door handle. “And I know it’s not the truth. I know you’re not fine. I’ve been your driver for ten years. I care about you.”
“Oh, right. Sorry, I didn’t think that?—”
“I know you didn’t think. You don’t think that I notice how much time off I get? You don’t think I notice when you buy my wife an entire nursery full of furniture after you overheard her crying on the phone to me because she didn’t think we were prepared for the baby?”
“Um… I tend to see problems and try to fix them. I don’t mean to?—”
“Yes, well, you’re good with other people’s problems. Not so much with your own. If I need to get out of the car and punch that big bastard in the face, I will.”
My eyebrows went up in shock. Mike was at least double Richard’s size. “It’s okay, Richard,” I said softly. “And thank you for… er, thank you for caring about me.” I reached over and gave Richard a very awkward pat on the shoulder.
When I opened the door, Richard shouted, “Watch yourself!” at Mike, who didn’t even flinch. He just gave my driver a small salute, which looked like a gesture of respect.
“Er… hi,” I said to Mike as I climbed out of the car, and Richard pulled away. “What are you…? I mean, what are you doing here?”
Mike took a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest, looking extremely uncomfortable.
“I know you said to stay away, and I was going to give you more time, but then I found out that you went to your family’s house, and I…
” He swallowed, uncrossed his arms, and shoved his hands into his pockets.
“I’m just worried. I don’t want you around those people, Vicky. ”
He was caring for me again. Worrying about me. I suppressed a deep sigh. He looked wretched. His bloodshot eyes had dark circles under them, and his face was drawn and stressed.
“I won’t see them again, Mike,” I told him in a firm voice. Mike needed to stop worrying about me and get on with his own life. “Margot’s seen to that.”
I took a step towards him, and his whole body went on alert. My voice was soft when I spoke again.
“You don’t have to worry about me anymore.” I reached up and put my hand on his chest simply because he was there, he was so big and strong, and his woodsy scent was all around me.
I felt the muscles bunch under my hand as he stared down at me.
His eyes flashed, and his jaw clenched tight.
“Vicky,” he breathed, hesitating for only a moment before those huge arms closed around me, and suddenly, I was surrounded by everything Mike.
I let myself have those few seconds. A few more moments I could file away and bring out, over and over again, when I was alone, just like I’d done for the last week since Margot told me what he’d done, and since the fog had lifted.
I breathed in his shirt as I melted into him.
“God, baby, I’ve missed you,” Mike said as he kissed the hair on the top of my head. “I’ve been out of my mind with worry for you. I couldn’t believe you went to those people again. And I know you’re not eating right. Ollie told me that?—”
I pulled away in a sudden movement, taking a few steps back.
There he was, worrying about me again. Wanting to look after me, to care for me .
I shook my head.
“I-I shouldn’t have done that,” I whispered, and Mike frowned down at me.
“Please, love,” he said, a desperate quality to his voice now. He lifted a hand towards me, but I flinched away, causing what looked like actual pain to cross his expression.
“We won’t work,” I said in my firmest voice, annoyed that I couldn’t quite keep the shaky element out of it.
“We bloody well will,” Mike growled in a stubborn tone. “I’m not giving up either.”
I have to admit, this surprised me. When I’d informed Mike that our relationship wasn’t going to work, I had expected him to back off, like he had before—this time, guilt-free because he’d made some effort, but secretly relieved that he wouldn’t have to be someone’s carer. Then we’d go our separate ways.
I had not anticipated him growling at me and not accepting my very reasonable arguments.
He tried again. “If this is about Margot and the money, then?—”
“No,” I snapped. “This is about the fact that you need to be with someone who you don’t have to look after. You need someone strong.” My throat closed over, and I had to blink rapidly so that my eyes wouldn’t well up.
Judging from Mike’s expression, I wasn’t all that successful.
“Vicky, baby, please. You’re talking rubbish.” Mike’s voice was softer now, but no less bossy. “If that’s the only problem, then?—”
“I love you,” I whispered, and he froze in shock for a moment before the tension drained from his expression, and his face broke into a huge smile as he reached for me again, only for it to drop when I stepped back out of his reach.
“Vicky, you know I love you too. We can?—”
“I love you too much to burden you with someone like me.”
He was far from smiling now. In fact, he looked absolutely furious.
“What the bollocks are you on about now?”
“Goodbye, Mike,” I told him as I backed up to my door.
Mike glowered at me. “This is not over, love,” he said in that stubborn voice.
“I’m not going to change my mind, Mike.”
“We’ll see.”