6. Asher
6
ASHER
Fuck, I was nervous as hell.
Excited, yes, but terrified. I hadn’t been with a woman since Jade.
I was ready for this, but I hadn’t been on an actual date with a woman in so fucking long, I wasn’t sure I could remember how to do it. Then again, everything seemed to come so naturally with Holly. She was so different, so special. Even that fucking text message…
Kind sir.
Hell, I burst out laughing in the middle of work and all the guys looked at me like I’d lost my goddamn mind. It was unusual for me to smile that much, let alone laugh. Yes, I’d cracked a smile from time to time, but I wasn’t normally what you’d call jovial.
But Holly was different. She just did something to me. She lightened all the darkness inside me and made it easier to breathe. That’s the way it was supposed to be when you were with someone. I could see that now.
Everything with Jade was steeped in sadness and desperation. I did love her, but it was different, born out of a situation that neither of us could escape. And that left me wondering if I would have chosen Jade if I had met her on the street like I met Holly.
I checked myself in the mirror again and took a deep breath. I could do this. It would be fine. It was just dinner, and Holly was so easy to talk to.
The chain around my neck glinted in the mirror, catching my eye. Shit. I lifted my hand and looked at the wedding ring around my finger. There was no way I could wear this on a date. That had to be breaking some kind of dating protocol. At the very least, it was in poor taste to take another woman out while still thinking about your dead wife.
I slid the ring from my finger and removed the chain from around my neck. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel like I was betraying Jade in any way. I thought for sure that I would mourn her for the rest of my life, that I would blame myself for her death—for not seeing the signs and saving her. But somewhere along the way, I came to realize that I couldn’t save her. She was drowning in a life that her father had created for her, and no matter what I did, I would never truly break the ice that had formed around her. I might have been able to help her, but would she have been happy?
I set the ring in my nightstand drawer and slid it shut. There was no room for Jade anywhere on my date tonight. This was about starting over, a night of reinventing myself and remembering that I used to be someone entirely different.
I grabbed my keys and headed out into the cold, blistery night. When Holly sent me her address, I googled it right away and was pleased to find out she lived in a safe part of town. That was one less thing for me to worry about. I even avoided driving past there earlier today to check out the neighborhood, forgoing my previous inclinations to do a full sweep before picking her up. I thought that showed real growth.
Parking out front, I avoided sitting in the truck and giving myself a pep talk. I was pretty sure getting caught waiting out front would be a bad sign, so I didn’t hesitate as I got out and headed to her house. It was small, maybe a two-bedroom house, but it was cute, just like her.
Knocking on her door, I could hear her scrambling around inside and grinned to myself as I heard her curse under her breath just before she answered the door. It swung open just two seconds later and she smiled at me, blowing a stray hair out of her face.
“Hey, I’m just—” Her face contorted in terror as her coat rack suddenly pitched toward her, nearly taking her out. She caught it just in time, wrestling with it as she struggled to push it upright.
Chuckling, I stepped inside and helped her set it upright before it poked her eye out. “You okay?”
“Sure, just about to be beheaded by an umbrella. Wouldn’t that be a story?”
She had no idea.
“I just have to find my shoes. I had them and then I ran to brush my teeth and I put them somewhere, but I can’t remember where and?—”
I nodded as she rushed off into the room. Shutting the door behind me, I peeked into the living room and held back my laughter as I checked out the rug that butted up against one wall and curled up against the opposite wall.
“Ah-ha! Found ‘em!” she called out from somewhere else in the house. She rushed into the room, tugging on one shoe as she ran.
“You really shouldn’t?—”
“I was just—ah!” She never got a chance to finish her sentence as she tripped and fell flat on her face, one hand still on her shoe. I rushed around the couch as she peeled herself off the floor.
This time, I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “Are you okay?”
“Sure, sure. You know, just…perfectly fine. Attacked by my own shoe.”
“I think you had that one coming.”
She glared at me, but a smile tilted her lips. “Maybe.”
Tugging on her elbow, I hauled her to her feet, averting my eyes as her dress dipped in the front, exposing her breasts.
“So,” she grinned, ignoring the fact that she just face-planted in front of me. “Where are we going for dinner? I mean, assuming you still want to go with me after the disaster you’ve just witnessed.”
“What, this?” I asked, motioning to the coat rack and the shoe fiasco. “I kinda wanna see what else is in store for tonight.”
“Well, if you’re lucky, I might fall on the ice again and this time, my dress will fly over my head. Or maybe I’ll knock a tray of food into a waiter.”
“Sounds like an entertaining evening,” I grinned. “And I thought we’d try a new steakhouse I heard of the other day.”
“Oh,” she winced. “I don’t eat meat. I’m a vegetarian. Eating animals is wrong.”
I shook my finger at her, almost believing her lie. “See, you would have gotten me if I didn’t see you scarfing down a burger the other night.”
“Dammit,” she sighed. “I would have killed to see the look on your face.”
“Your tricks have to be better than that.”
“Oh, I’ll think of something,” she said, her lips twitching humorously.
“I’m counting on it.” I slid my hand around her back, itching to touch more, but holding back. It was only our first date. I had to keep myself in check. “Ready to go?”
“Yes.”
“You have both shoes on?” I asked, looking down at her feet, seeing they were both on and she wasn’t in danger of tripping herself anymore.
“I think we’re safe.”
I led her back to the door, which was silly since it was her house and she was perfectly capable of finding the front door on her own. Grabbing her coat, I held it out for her and slid it onto her arms. Once she was all buttoned up, I wrapped her scarf around her neck, letting her finish it off the way she wanted to, but when I started to reach for her hat, she stopped me.
“Not tonight.”
“Oh, did you want a different one?”
“No, I’m not wearing one.”
I stood there stunned. “Um…it’s about twenty-five degrees outside right now.”
“I know, but it’ll mess up my hair.”
I crossed my arms over my chest as I stared her down. “And it’s freezing outside.”
“It’ll mess up my hair. I don’t want my hair sticking up in every direction at the restaurant.”
“So what if it does? It’s just hair.”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Just hair? That’s easy for you to say. You’re a man. Hair doesn’t matter to you.”
“That may be, but your hair doesn’t matter either. I would rather your hair be frizzy and your ears be warm than for you to be freezing because you didn’t want your hair to be messed up.”
Her mouth opened to argue, but I snatched the hat off the rack and tugged it down over her head.
“Humor me,” I asked, my voice low and soft. “It’s cold outside and I don’t want you to be freezing.”
She pursed her lips in this pouting sort of way that just made her even more adorable. I grinned, unable to even be upset with her for wanting to look nice for me, forgoing safety. She was just too damn endearing.
“Fine, but if I have wild hair in the restaurant and everyone’s staring at me, it’ll be all your fault.”
“I’ll make sure everyone knows,” I promised.
“You’d better,” she grumbled, stomping out the front door.
I almost made her go back for snow boots, but I figured that was pushing it. I flicked on the wall light before we left and shut the door behind me. There was no way she was entering a dark house at the end of our date.
Tonight was gonna be a good night.
“Stop with the hair,” I told her for the fifth time since we sat down. “You look amazing.”
She let her hands fall into her lap, but I knew she thought she looked a mess. In truth, I liked her not perfect, but how did you tell a woman that without it sounding offensive?
“Would you like some wine?”
“Sure. What do you like?” she asked, picking up the menu.
“I’m not much of a wine guy, but I wouldn’t mind trying some. What would you recommend?”
She cocked her head at me with a smile. “If you don’t like wine, why would you drink it?”
“I didn’t say I don’t like it. I’ve just never really drank much of it before. Maybe tonight is the night I fall in love with it.”
“Well, it really depends on what you’re going to eat.”
“Steak,” I said without hesitation.
“Then I would try red wine. Though, the waiter could give you better suggestions than me.”
“Not a wine connoisseur?”
“Not really. I’ve always wanted to go on a wine tasting.”
“Then why haven’t you?”
“I think it’s one of those things that looks like a lot of fun and you always say you want to do, but you never find the time to actually do it.”
“That sounds about right.”
“What about you? Anything you’ve always wanted to do, but never got around to?”
Being a former adrenaline junkie, there wasn’t a lot I hadn’t already tried. Jumping out of a plane? Done it. Riding a parachute down a mountainside as a sled? Check. Bungee jumping? Child’s play. “Not really.”
“Wow, not a single thing?”
I thought it over again, and shrugged. “I guess I’m doing it right now.”
She frowned, looking around. “What? Eating in a restaurant?”
I shook my head. “Going on a real date with a beautiful woman.”
Her jaw dropped open and I cursed myself for being such an idiot. I had been married before and the bomb I just dropped would lead to questions. Many, many uncomfortable questions that I didn’t want to answer right now.
I huffed out a laugh, shaking my head. “That…didn’t come out exactly how I meant it.”
“Oh…whew!” she chuckled. “Because I was beginning to wonder. So…how did you mean it?”
Yeah, I didn’t have a good answer for that. “Just that…” My last wife was hideous. Nope, that wouldn’t work. We only had a sexual relationship. That wouldn’t be a good answer either.
I cleared my throat and grabbed my water, taking a nice long drink.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” she said, saving me from answering.
“No, it’s fine. It’s just…been a while.”
“I understand. Really, I do.”
I nodded, but didn’t say anything more. That could have ended very badly. I would have to watch myself if I didn’t want to screw myself over.
Luckily, the waiter came by and saved us both as he took our drink and appetizer orders. After that, things returned to normal. I actually found myself enjoying our dinner, not paying attention to the time or what else was going on. It was just the two of us, and it was really great.
“So, what do you think of the wine?” she asked, taking another bite of her steak.
I loved to see a woman with an appetite. She was nearly done with her food, almost licking the plate clean. I grinned as I drained the last of my glass. “It’s not bad. Not my favorite, but I could get used to it.”
She shook her head. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t just get what you like.”
“I like to try new things. How was the steak?”
Her eyes rolled heavenward. “So good. I loved the buttercream on top. And the mashed potatoes were delicious. But then, I’m a sucker for mashed potatoes.”
“I’ll have to remember that,” I grinned.
I’d been saying shit like that all night without realizing it, basically saying I’d be around for longer. Not that it was a problem. I already knew every fucking word was true. I could see myself with someone like Holly—spending my nights with her and doing shit together during the day. I couldn’t imagine ever getting tired of someone like her.
“Would you like dessert?”
She leaned back in her chair, laying her hand on her belly. “I don’t think I could eat another bite. I’m so stuffed.”
I chuckled, letting the waiter know we were done. I didn’t want the night to end, though. It was still early, and I was enjoying her company too damn much. That wasn’t something I ever thought I would say.
The problem was, I didn’t know of any place other than bars to take her, and I didn’t want that to be a part of our first date.
After paying the check and grabbing our coats, we headed out and bright blue lights caught my eye right across the street. A jazz club. Gripping her gloved hand in mine, I pulled her across the street, careful of the melted snow since she was in heels.
As soon as we entered, her face lit up. I would pay nearly anything to see that smile on her face every day. She looked up at me, excited and oozing happiness.
“I’ve never been to a jazz club before!”
“Neither have I.”
“Let’s find a seat.”
Where? I looked around and it was standing room only. Except at the bar. I took her hand and pulled her through the tables, around the customers enjoying their cigars and whiskey. Thankfully, we got the last two barstools available. I helped her take her coat off and slung it over my arm, then tucked her hat and gloves in the sleeve.
“Are you gonna hold that all night?”
“If I have to,” I smiled at her.
“You don’t have to,” she said, reaching for it.
I pulled it away from her, then turned to the bartender, who made his way toward us. “Beer. Whatever’s on tap.” Then I turned to Holly.
“Martini!”
“Gin or vodka?”
“Gin,” she grinned.
I raised an eyebrow at her, surprised by her choice.
“What?”
“I didn’t take you for a martini girl.”
“We are at a jazz club. I figured I should live a little.”
That was about the extent of our conversation because the music picked up, making it impossible to hear anything she said. So, I watched her, every single smile, the way her eyes lit up, the way she drank her martini.
And by the end of the night, I knew I was a goner.