17. Asher
17
ASHER
Shifting into park, I watched Holly carefully. She’d been acting weird ever since we left her shop this morning. After Wyatt came by and plowed her parking lot, we’d finally been able to leave. Two days in her shop was enough for me. Not that I didn’t enjoy spending time with her, but a shower and a night in my own bed would do wonders for my back. Not to mention some good food.
“Are you okay?”
“What?” she asked, jumping as she twisted to face me. “Of course. Why would you ask that?”
I cocked an eyebrow at the way she laughed nervously. The woman was acting strange, even by her standards. I couldn’t figure her out, and I wasn’t sure I had the energy to try today. I had to be at the garage bright and early tomorrow, and we had a shit ton of orders to catch up on. And that was after I drove Holly back to work since I didn’t want her driving home today.
“You just seem a little nervous.”
“Psh. No, I’m not nervous. What would I have to be nervous about?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
“No,” she shook her head. “There’s nothing. We should go.”
She flung the door open and jumped out, not waiting for me like she usually did. Sighing, I got out and walked around to meet her. Whatever was going on with her, I wished she would just come out and say it. Everything was fine at the shop, so why was she acting like she was on the verge of breaking things off with me now?
“Keys?” I asked, holding my hand out.
We’d been through this routine enough that she knew I liked to walk through her house before I let her inside. It was the one thing I just couldn’t let go of, and she allowed it for whatever reason. I let us inside and quickly checked every room. When I was satisfied it was clear, I handed the keys back to her, but she wouldn’t meet my eye.
“Holly.”
“Yeah?”
I took her chin between my thumb and forefinger, turning her to face me. “What the hell is going on?”
“Not a thing,” she smiled brightly. “I really need a shower. I smell like sex.”
“You smell like me,” I grinned, pulling her into me. “I can’t say I mind too much.”
I nuzzled my nose into her neck, pressing kisses to her throat, hoping I could leave her with something to remember me by for the night. “I have to get home.”
“Yeah, shower and…stuff.”
She stepped back, putting enough distance between us to make me wonder what the fuck was going on in her head. I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed.
“Holly Bear.”
“Yeah?”
“Are you gonna kiss me goodbye?”
“Oh!” She laughed and finally came toward me, but when I tried to wrap her in my arms and give her the kiss I wanted to, she pursed her lips and gave me a peck on the lips. “There! Have a great night!”
What the fuck was that?
“Well, you should go. You have to shower and I have to shower. Not together, of course.”
“Um—”
The door was open and I was on my way out before I could figure out what the hell was happening. I turned around just as the door was slammed in my face. My mouth opened, but no words came out.
“Seriously?” I asked no one in particular.
I didn’t have the brainpower to figure it out tonight. A good night’s rest was the only thing that would help me make sense of whatever the hell that was. Maybe Wyatt could help me work it out tomorrow if she was still acting weird after her morning cocoa.
But the whole drive home, I kept replaying it in my head, wondering if I had done or said something as we left her shop to make her act that way. Had I made her think that things were over between us? I told her I loved her. I did everything I could to let her know I was all in. In fact, I wasn’t quite sure how I could have been clearer about my intentions. If anything, I was probably a little too fucking clear for her.
And maybe that was the problem. Maybe I scared her off. If I screwed this up by telling her too soon how much she meant to me, then I would only have myself to blame. But I didn’t want to risk losing her by not being honest with her.
By the time I got home, I was worked up and pissed as hell at myself for being such an asshole. And the worst part was I still had to shovel out my driveway so I could park there. I worked out my frustrations for the next hour on my driveway, tossing the snow from every fucking inch of the drive onto the lawn on either side. I had worked up quite a sweat by the time I was done, but at least I wasn’t quite as pissed at myself anymore. If she was scared by me being honest, that was on her.
I parked the truck and headed inside for a shower. I was tired and cranky, and going to bed was all I really wanted to do. However, by the time I laid down, my mind wouldn’t shut down, and it had nothing to do with the nightmares that usually plagued me. Now, it was all because of one woman who wouldn’t stay out of my fucking mind.
Goddamnit, why did this woman have to be such a pain in the ass?
My phone rang and I almost didn’t answer, figuring it was a telemarketer, but then I flipped my phone over and saw her name on the screen. Holly Lane.
“Holly Bear,” I drawled, kicking my covers off as I sat up.
“Hey, Asher.”
“Baby, is there a reason you’re calling me when you’re supposed to be sleeping?”
She laughed nervously. Fuck, she was driving me crazy. “So, I was wondering. Earlier, at my house, when you dropped me off. Remember that?”
“Yeah,” I said slowly. “I do recall dropping you off.”
“I mean, of course you remember, but do you remember how things were a little…awkward?”
“Were they? I hadn’t noticed.”
“Really?”
I rolled my eyes, wishing I was there right now to see the expression on her face. “Holly, I’m pretty sure everyone on the block could feel the tension coming from your house.”
“Was it really that bad?”
“The dog across the street was howling.”
She grumbled something into the phone, but I couldn’t understand her.
“Holly, you’re doing that muttering thing.”
“What muttering thing?”
“You know, when you don’t want to tell me what you’re thinking and you’re talking to yourself. That muttering thing.”
“I don’t talk to myself. I was just…you know what? It’s not important.”
It was quiet for a moment. “Baby, do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
She heaved a heavy sigh. “It’s just…we had the after part. Like way, way after.”
“The after part,” I repeated.
“Uh-huh. You know, like after sex when everything’s perfect, but then you go home. Except, we didn’t part ways. We stayed together for two days.”
“And that’s bad,” I said, trying to understand where she was going with this.
“No, it was good. Great, I mean. But it left the after part for way after and now those after feelings are really after making me feel especially after awkward.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, struggling to understand what the fuck she was saying. This was like her girl measurements only in relation to fucking. “Let me see if I’m understanding this right. You’re feeling…”
“Weird.”
“About…”
“Us.”
“Because…”
“I don’t know where we stand.”
“Because…”
“We slept together.”
“And…”
“And…And what?”
“I don’t know,” I snapped, frustrated with this whole conversation. “I’m trying to get the answers out of you. Baby, why would you feel weird because we slept together?”
“Because you went home.”
“Would you like me to come over there now?”
“No. That would be ridiculous,” she snorted.
“But if I stay here, you’re going to wonder why I’m at home.”
“Yes.”
“Because you think that means something about our relationship.”
She sighed. “Yeah.”
“Holly?”
“Yeah?”
“I think you might need to see a therapist.”
“I’m aware.”
“Can I get some sleep now?”
“Do you still love me?”
“Of course I do,” I smiled. “And I left because I had to take a shower and needed new clothes, not because I didn’t want to be with you.”
“I know.”
“So, we’re good?”
“Yeah, we’re good.”
“And you’re not going to freak out anymore?”
“Not for at least another twenty-four hours.”
“Alright then. I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too.”
I hung up and tossed my phone on the nightstand, pulling my covers up as I settled back into bed. But there was no going to sleep now. As I closed my eyes, all I could see was her worried face, thinking about whether or not I really wanted to be with her. She wouldn’t sleep a fucking wink and then she’d be tired all day tomorrow.
I threw off the covers and grabbed my jeans. “Goddamn woman.”