Chapter 35
An unpleasant slithering in my stomach was my only companion when I finally managed to peel myself from the safety of my covers.
It felt a bit like hangxiety, a crawling under my skin that I usually associated with drinking too much and remembering too little.
But I hadn't been drinking the night before, and there weren't any gaps in my memory… just guilt.
Fine, maybe a little bit of anger, too. It wasn't every day that you sank your teeth into an alpha, and he mumbled the name of your girlfriend damn near immediately after.
Eva and Indi had started their days ages ago, but I couldn't face either of them.
I could barely face myself, shying away from my reflection in the mirror as I brushed my teeth.
Just because I felt like garbage didn't mean that I needed to treat myself like it.
Getting up to do my morning routine, even if it was midway through the day, was scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as self-care was concerned, but it was about all that I could manage for right now.
And that was just going to have to be okay.
The dread permeating my thoughts, tinging everything into a lackluster fisheye of sepia tones, seemed to increase over time, glazing over everything else like a heavy fog.
Oh.
The realization hit me hard, first because I'd half-hoped to forget about the entire thing, to write it off as some omega hormone-induced nightmare that wouldn't have lasting consequences on my life.
And second, because I realized that the feelings weren't my own.
Sure, I felt a little anxious. I was even a little guilty, but it was nothing in comparison to the tidal wave of mixed emotions that was coming from Marcus' end of the bond.
It didn't take much effort, like reaching out a hand to stroke down your partner's arm while watching a movie, to find the thread connecting us, plucking at the taut line to remind the alpha that I was there.
No response.
If I were a smarter man, I probably would've recognized the mix of emotions was—a flashing neon light to warn me away. That he was upset, or processing, or doing whatever it was that brooding, moody alphas did when they didn't get their way.
But I wasn't a smart man; I was an omega with a fresh bond and an alpha who needed to be tended to.
I spat into the sink, dropping my toothbrush into the glass cup where it lived beside Indi's—something that would make Cameo's skin crawl—and made my way to Marcus' room to knock loudly on the door.
No answer.
I tried again.
"This is so fucking petty, Marcus. Let me in. I can help."
Bonds were tricky the first twenty-four hours after they were made, and I'd already been pretty fucking selfish by storming out last night. Though… He could've come after me.
Maybe he did wish it were Eva instead.
Maybe, and this thought was almost as painful as the broken bond hidden beneath my tattoo, he didn't want me at all.
I banged on the door harder, so heavily that the wood rattled in the frame. Still nothing.
"Fine, alpha! Remember that you asked for this." I snapped, gripping the handle to give it a turn and nearly stumbling into the room from the unneeded force I'd used to open the door.
Entering Marcus' room without permission was a huge no-no, but I was so angry and bondsick that I was willing to deal with the consequences. Except… Marcus wasn't there to scold me for barging into his space.
No one was.
The bed was neatly made, not a thing out of place, as though the night before hadn't happened at all.
Well, except for the slightly askew lampshade from its descent onto the floor. It was a miracle the entire thing didn't shatter in the first place, but seeing it sitting there as if nothing had happened…
It was hard to explain why, but it really pissed me off.
Marcus wasn't exactly the type of man to brood in plain sight—or, maybe he was, since most of what he got up to during a day would likely count.
But I backed out of his room with a slam of the door anyway, taking the stairs two at a time to the main floor.
It was late enough in the day that maybe he'd gotten sick of his room, I was easily more successful than the alpha in the art of moping, and idle hands really were the Devil's instruments in this house.
Thinking I'd find him in the kitchen, I half-skidded in my sock feet over the vintage hardwood and over the transition strip onto the tile, opening my mouth to tell Marcus the hell off when—nothing.
No one.
Just me and my way too heavy for only running down one flight of stairs, breathing in a spotless kitchen. No giant, freshly accidentally mated alpha to be seen.
Frustration gnawed at me, my emotions feeling a bit more my own now that I was able to assess what was mine and what belonged to him.
There was a stack of muffins in the middle of the breakfast nook that warned he'd been there, golden brown and tempting. But I was on a mission, and breakfast could wait until after my alpha explained what the hell was wrong with him to me.
With one floor remaining, I eased open the basement door, the sound of gunshots filtering up the carpeted steps.
Gotcha, I thought victoriously, taking more care as I made my way into the movie room. Partly so I didn't slip in my socked feet to fall to my death, and partly because I didn't want to seem overly eager when I saw him for the first time again.
He was my alpha. I was his omega. And whether or not he was happy about that wasn't my business. He just needed to boss up and fucking deal with it.
But when I reached the bottom of the steps, it wasn't Marcus tucked into the sectional's plush cushions, illuminated only by the light of the TV. It was Indi. And, for the very first time, I was disappointed to see them.
I glanced at the screen, a horror show of blood, brain matter, and gunfire, making me blink in the low light.
Was that… classic zombies?
"It is," they responded with a grin. "Wanna join me, butterfly?"
Whoops, I said that out loud.
"Pretty tempting," I said, trying to seem at least partially nonchalant. Hard to do with the light sheen of sweat over my skin from all my racing around, but Indi was so distracted with the undead horde that they didn't seem to notice.
Or were polite enough not to mention it.
"What if I offer a cuddle, too?" they asked, cursing as they took heavy damage.
"Well," I said, new guilt taking root as I crossed the room to join my boyfriend on the couch. "How am I supposed to say no to that?"
Oh, I don’t know Joon. Maybe pretty easily since you’ve been holding off bonding them because of your fucking issues, only to do it on a whim with their fucking packmate behind their back.
It didn’t matter that it was an accident. It wouldn’t matter to me at least.
And what was worse, I'd been so focused on Marcus' feelings that until I was pressed into Indigo's side, I hadn't even considered theirs. I cuddled into the alpha on the sofa, letting out a sigh.
Major boyfriend fail.
"Hey, um…" I started, nearly losing my nerve as I watched the alpha's nose twitch. "Do you know where Marcus is?"
"No," they said, arms closing around my waist as they leaned forward a little, as though proximity to the screen would help them evade the zombie's determined teeth. "It's Sunday, so he probably went in early for brunch."
Right, Sunday.
I'd completely spaced what day it was.
"Oh, duh," I said, trying to keep my voice even. Light was unlikely with the way that my stomach sank to my toes.
The undead horde pounded at the flimsy door Indi hid behind, and the irony of their game choice wasn't lost on me, a mindless bite the source of our problems at home, too.
Zombies managed to breach the safehouse, and it wasn't long before Indi was overrun, cursing as they delayed their inevitable bloody death.
I wondered how much of Marcus' festering emotions were because he was mated to me, not Eva. The big, dumb alpha probably woke up this morning, realized it was me he was mated to, and started panicking.
Fuck, I'm so stupid. I couldn't even blame him, rut was as powerful as a heat, he wasn't exactly himself last night.
And well, neither was I. I guess.
"What do you want with him anyway?" they asked after they'd died, waiting to load back in. "You were really going at it yesterday,"
"Huh?" I asked, half distracted by my own thoughts and half worried that Indi worked out what'd happened between us before I'd figured out how to talk to them about it.
"Fucking heated, you know?"
"Oh! That, right!" I said, absolutely failing at this non-chalant thing at sincerely catastrophic levels. "No real reason—" I hedged, wincing at the weak excuse internally. "I just… wanted to thank him for making muffins."
God, that was worse than no real reason.
"Gotcha.”
I wasn't sure if Indi bought my incredibly flimsy excuse, but they didn't say anything that indicated otherwise.
Finally, video games were useful for something.
"And, um… where's Eva?" I asked, my chronic foot-in-mouth disease clearly having a terminal flare-up.
"Cameo took her home when he went to the gym. She has to stream tonight, so…"
"Oh, yeah, right. Sunday."
At least Eva wasn't here to listen to me get dumped. I had to tell them about what happened, but maybe I could avoid telling her myself. Save that embarrassment for someone else.
Bonding an alpha less than twelve hours after admitting, I was just thinking about it… I’d skipped weirdo behaviour and had fallen headlong into straight-up psycho.
God, how did everything get so messed up? Why couldn't I just keep my fucking teeth to myself?
"Are you okay?" Indi asked, their nose only a couple of millimeters away form mind, so close that I had to look at them crosseyed.
I'd been so busy in my cycle of self-loathing that I hadn't even noticed them moving.
"F-fine, why?" I stammered, entirely unconvincing.
They lifted a hand to my forehead, testing my temperature with the back. "You look a little pale… Hey, your heat isn't for a few more weeks, right? Still got some time?"
"No, no! I still have a while!" I confirmed, too eagerly, with my head nodding up and down like a fucking bobblehead. "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, maybe I'm just tired?"
"Tired," Indigo echoed, the corner of their mouth tugging up into a smirk. "Riiiight, and I know why."
My muscles locked into place, heart exploding into a gallop in an experience hideously close to the night terrors I'd experienced as a kid.
Except instead of an unnamed Boogey Man hunting me from under my bed, it was the looming likelihood of me losing the first alpha that I'd wanted to bond me since my broken bond.
"You do?" I asked, my tongue darting out to lick my dry lips.
"Sure do," Indigo said with a hum, smile still on their face, making me think otherwise.
Or maybe, maybe I had this whole thing wrong?
Indigo was an understanding person. I'd known this for a long time, given how patient they'd been with me about, well, everything.
"And you're not mad?" I asked uncertainly, feeling like I was taking my first full breath in hours.
They lifted an eyebrow, chuckling. "Why would I be mad? Isn't it the whole point?"
"I-I—well…" I stammered, entirely thrown by their response.
Sure, becoming a pack was the point, but I didn't think that this was the way they envisioned it would go.
"Joon, come on? It's no big deal."
"I don't know, we had all these plans, and I feel like I ruined them with this… spur of the moment thing."
Indigo laughed, loud and warm and safe, offering me a little shrug. "Isn't it usually? I mean, most people don't send sex calendar invites like a weirdo."
"Wait, what do you mean? Who's sending sex emails?"
"Marcus," they said, like it was obvious.
"Eva told me this morning before she left, Marcus sent her an email to schedule their date," they emphasized the last word with air quotes and a dubious look.
"Which is absolutely code for I'm going to take you straight to present for me pound town, obviously. "
What. The. Fuck.
A high, hollow, tinny whine was playing in my ears like static.
Marcus had woken up the morning bonded to me, after saying another omega's name midway through, and then asked her on a date.
Without so much as checking in on me to see how I was doing.
Did I have that right?
“I'm sorry, what?” I asked, sure that I'd misunderstood them. “He asked her out?”
“I know! It's fuckin’—”
“Let me get this straight," I interrupted angrily as I stood from the sofa, looking down at Indigo with an outright glare. My chest was heaving, words leaving me in an angry rush. "We bonded less than twelve hours ago, and that fuckhead is already trying to stick his dick in another omega?!”