Chapter 31
Chapter thirty-one
Miguel
Ugly History, Bright Future
Laney disappears down the hallway and my mother comes to my side. I don’t know where to focus because all I want to do is jump out of this bed and run after the woman I love.
"Mr. Garcia, I’m Dr. Collins, the attending doctor on the floor today."
"Nice to meet you." I say absently, still staring out the door.
"So, the MRI confirms a herniated, or slipped, disc. But it’s pretty mild."
"Okay."
"Your chart says no narcotics or opioids?"
"Right." The word cuts out of me. I know my history is marked in my chart. I know he knows. And I don’t need another person judging me for past mistakes. I’ve already lost the woman I love because of it, I’m not sure I can handle any more derision today.
"Okay then, heat for 20 minutes followed by ice for 20 minutes and whatever over the counter pain reliever you want. Plenty of rest and then a follow up with an orthopedic specialist when you can get in. I’ll make a call to try and get you a priority appointment."
"Thanks."
"Alright then, take your recovery seriously and there shouldn’t be any long term issues. The nurse will be in to get everything finalized but it was nice to meet you."
"Thanks Dr. Collins."
He pulls the curtain closed as he walks out. Cutting off my view of the last spot I saw Laney before she turned the corner.
"Carino." I turn to look at my mom. Concern is painted across her features. "What happened?"
"I jumped in front of Laney’s bike."
"Why on earth would you do that?" My mother asks as she makes herself comfortable in the chair next to my bed.
"Because she was going to leave."
"Was she?"
"Yes. She was literally biking away from me. Just like now, when she walked out of here. She’s gone."
A tear leaks from the corner of my eye. I tried to do everything right.
I took a risk, changed my routine to train Laney and it turned into the biggest reward of my life.
I had Laney.
In my arms.
In my heart.
And I thought I was in hers.
But all it took was her seeing the real me for her to run.
Recovery taught me how my actions had impacted others. When I was in the thick of it, I only cared about relieving my pain.
But now, Laney is feeling pain. Because of me.
I’m no better now than I was then.
I’m still hurting others with my actions.
"Miguel, I didn’t see abandonment in her eyes." My mom says as she leans forward and clasps my hand in hers.
"What do you mean?"
"She was scared. She saw the man she loves in pain. She’s hurting. And, I’m not a doctor but I think I just heard Dr. Collins say rest is best for a fresh injury."
"So what, I’m just supposed to let her walk away?"
"For a moment, yes." My mom pats my hand and leans back. "Let’s get what we need from the nurses and then you can call her."
If I had to describe my relationship with Laney in a word it might be "intense". We started quickly, we went all in. So, maybe my mom is right.
A moment apart from me to clear her head might be exactly what she needs.
Just how long does that moment need to be?
The nurse comes in and talks me through the immediate recovery process. She gives me warning signs for something going wrong and when to come back to the hospital. She hands me an ice pack on the way out the door and I fold the stack of discharge papers into thirds.
I take the walk through the emergency department and out to the drop off lanes slowly. But the pain isn’t terrible.
"I’ll go get the car." My mom says and I nod.
She’s not two full steps away when I reach for my phone and call Laney.
"Hi Miguel."
Laney’s voice sounds clouded with emotion. My fist balls around the stack of paper and it crumples in my grip. I hate the impact my weakness is having on her. The pain in my back is nothing compared to the pain in my heart.
"Laney, I’m so sorry."
"I know you are. It’s okay. How are you feeling?"
I glance down at the packet of papers with my rehabilitation orders. "I’ll be fine."
"That’s not what I asked." She makes a sound of effort as she maybe stands, or sits, with the sounds of the city behind her.
"I’m feeling stiff, sore, and embarrassed."
"Why embarrassed?"
I sigh. "I’m embarrassed you had to see me like that. I’m sorry my history hurt you."
"Miguel." Laney deadpans. "I ran over you with my bike, I expect you to be hurt after that."
"I jumped in front of you."
"I could have swerved."
"Then you would have fallen and you could have gotten hurt."
Laney lets out a frustrated sound. "It isn’t your job to save me from getting hurt! Just like it isn’t your job to make my decisions for me!"
"Laney, I know I have an ugly history–"
"I actually don’t care that you misused drugs. You’re not anymore, right?"
"Right."
"So, fine. It’s in the past. But, deciding to turn down a sponsorship for me? It felt like you didn’t even want me to succeed."
Frustration at her single track mindedness bubbles over.
"Laney, can’t you see you already have? You’re measuring success by one singular factor but you’ve done more in the last six months than the average person does in a lifetime!
You’ve done more than most triathletes!" I drag a hand through my hair but it pulls on my back and I hiss in pain. I suck it up and continue. "Laney, you already have the success, you have everything you’re working towards. Recognition, respect, legitimacy? They’re yours. "
"I know."
Her words trip me up. "What?"
"I know." She says louder like I didn’t hear her the first time.
I heard her, I just am not sure I heard correctly.
"I know I have all that. And I got what I wanted for this season. I qualified for the TP world championship. But at the same time, I still want the sponsorship. I’m tired of juggling it all, of spreading myself thin, and a sponsorship is the easy way out of the grind so I fixated on it. "
"And you don’t want it anymore?"
"Oh, no, I absolutely do. I would take the money and run. Well, actually I’d swim, bike, and run." I laugh and it sort of hurts. "But I don’t feel like I need it anymore."
"Why not?"
"Because, Miguel, you’ve given me what I really needed."
"What’s that?"
"Support. Encouragement."
I wish more than anything she was in front of me right now.
I want to dive into the blue abyss of her eyes and feel her satin skin against my fingertips.
"Laney, baby, I’m in your corner. I have never met someone like you.
It costs me nothing to support you. It actually makes me feel good to see you succeed. "
"Really?"
"Yes! Really. Fuck, Laney. Princess. I, I…"
"I love you too."
"Yeah, that’s what this is. I love you. And I’m sorry for telling Stan to fuck off." She laughs a little. "Actually, no. I’m not sorry about it at all. He’s a dick wad."
"Excellent choice of insult."
"It’s fitting."
My mom pulls her car into the turn around outside the hospital doors. She waves like I don’t recognize the lime green mini SUV.
The pain in my back feels acutely worse as my heart lightens.
"My mom is going to take me home. Do you still have the keys to the truck?"
"Yeah, right here."
Instinctively I glance up and I see Laney standing on the sidewalk across the driveway. I pull my phone down and disconnect the call. She walks towards me, each step sending a ripple effect of joy through my body.
When she walked out of the emergency department room, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see her again. Not in the way I wanted to anyway. I was desperate to talk to her, to see her, to chase after her.
But now? She’s coming to me.
She’s accepting me. All of me.
I can’t erase who I was, I can’t redo my past. But I can choose who I am today.
And I choose to be the man who loves this woman. To wake up every morning and try to be the man she deserves.
"Hey Princess." I say as she reaches me. Her eyes are weary but still reflecting the love in mine.
"Hi." Her greeting is quiet but I’m the only one on the planet who needs to hear it.
"Thank you." It says everything and not enough.
"You’re welcome." She smiles. "Thank you."
"You’re welcome." I smile back and gingerly lift a hand to her cheek.
She presses hers on top of it and steps closer.
"Are you going to let me take care of you for a change?" She asks.
"I’ll try."
"I suppose that’s all I can ask." She gives me a closed lipped smile.
"Thank you for talking, and not running away completely." I tell her.
"No promises."
"Why not?"
"Because I can sprint faster than you. But, Mr. Decathlon, you’ve got the endurance to catch me."
"Even with a broken back I thought about jumping out of that bed and chasing after you."
"I’m glad you didn’t."
"Why’s that?"
"I got a chance to talk to my mom."
"And?"
"It was good." Laney smiles. "And I think I understand where she’s coming from a lot better now."
"That’s great, baby." My knuckles brush along her cheek.
"Ahem!" A throat clears loudly behind Laney.
She turns to see my mother with her eyebrows raised and her fingers tapping on the steering wheel.
"Oh, hello again Mrs. Garcia."
"Hi Laney." My mother shifts her eyes to me. "Do I need to be here for this? Or are you all set?"
I look at Laney. She smiles up at me. "I think I’m all set."
"Okay, then call me tomorrow and tell me how you’re feeling."
"Will do, Mamá."
She waves to us, turns up her radio, and drives off.
"Can you walk to the truck?" Laney asks.
"I can do anything I put my mind to." I tell her. She rolls her eyes.
"But if it hurts, why push it?" She asks as she starts to walk away.
"Hmm, you have a point." Laney turns back. "I’ll wait here and you can pick me up then!"
"Oh, I see how this is going to go."
"Do you have a sexy nurse outfit you can wear?"
"Unbelievable." She grumbles but smiles. "I’ll be back in a minute."
And I watch her walk away realizing how lucky I am to be given another chance.