13. Amelie
Amelie
F rom Forest to black. Black, black, black. The darkest black the living world had never seen. I felt him return. I felt my mind fighting to come back. It felt like pounds of sand were being poured into my veins, starting at the tippy tops of my toes and up to my head.
Fuck, my head.
The pain was unbearable, but my heart’s rhythm started keeping perfect time with the beat of life again and with every pump of my blood it knifed straight through my brain. Kiaran’s breathing was slow and controlled, each exhale dissipating over my face.
“Amelie, please wake up…” he whispered and I felt the air fill my lungs. My chest rose tall and then sunk back down in steady motions, allowing for every inch of my body to be touched by precious air.
The darkness that pooled in my mind faded, leaving only the pounding of my blood pumping through my veins in its wake. The first time I woke with a headache, but this was splintering. It was uncomfortable, dizzying.
My eyes were dry as drought.
Blinking, the cottage’s ceiling and Kiaran’s face came into view.
His fingers were lightly tracing my cheek before tucking loose strands of hair behind my ear.
Even through the pain, Kiaran’s face made my heart skip a beat.
The way he was holding my face was so intimate, butterflies took flight in my stomach.
My body was feeling too many things at once.
“Amelie? Are you okay?” His voice was heavy with concern. My mouth was stuffed with cotton. I tried to swallow it, but my words were trapped in my throat. “Say something, please.” He closed his eyes and laid a hand over my heart.
“Hi,” I croaked.
A breath of relief escaped him as he folded himself over me, squeezing so tight that the little bit of life that returned threatened to leave again. His warm cinnamon and leather smell surrounded me, lightening the weight on my brain.
“Kiaran, I’m okay,” I lied, my head was a tell tale sign that I was not okay. I needed to get the elixir for pain that I had prepared. If Kiaran saw me take it, though, he’d question me. He’d know something was wrong.
Finally releasing me, he helped me to sit up next to him. The shift in position sent the pounding into overdrive for a moment. The ringing in my ears was deafening, and my stomach threatened to project the contents of lunch.
“I hate this part. I hated it last time, but this time was worse, Amelie.” His voice sounded like it was miles away, his mouth was moving but I barely heard him.
I held on to my stomach and tried to focus on anything.
The room spun around me. I found a piece of the checkered game on the floor.
Fixating on its jagged edges, tracing each one with my eyes.
I needed that elixir, now.
“Can you give me a minute?” From my peripherals, I saw him staring at me.
He was terrified and likely did not want to leave my side.
But, doing as he was told, he reluctantly got to his feet and went to the washroom.
Fighting through the pain, I went for my stash of elixirs.
On my feet, I wobbled and stumbled. My mind felt like it was sloshing around in mush.
I pictured it looking like half melted snow mixed with mud on the ground in the Spring. Getting to the elixir, I struggled to screw the lid off the vial, nearly dropping it to the floor.
I barely got it open before tossing it back. The pain subsided immediately. Leaving only a bearable headache behind.
Note to self: prepare a lot more of this.
Bracing myself on the edge of the table, I took in the cottage. It was night time, candle lamps washed the room in a warm, golden hue.
“Kiaran?”
The bathroom door swung open as if he’d been standing behind it with his hand on the knob waiting for the go ahead.
“Fuck. Are you okay? This was so much worse than the first time.” He ran his hands through his thick, black curls. He quickly got to me and he pulled the side of my body into him.
“Yes, I’m okay. You were gone for longer, that’s all. Takes a bit more out of me. How long did it take after you returned?”
I couldn’t see Kiaran’s face from this position, but his breathing was unstable. He tried to remain calm, but it was radiating off him that he was anything but. “I got back about four hours ago. I was only gone for two.”
Four hours. Last time, everything worked so well that my awakening took hardly any time at all. The books said the farther the tether went from the center of the veil, the longer it would take to undo itself. All of it was sound to the laws of magic but I’d be lying if it wasn’t scary.
Mustering up a smile, I pulled back from Kiaran to look up at him. “I’ve been to the campsite you were at. That’s where I met Ethel when I went into the Forest the other day.”
Kiaran let me go and took his seat on the bench at the table. Fern had summoned food before our eyes. I sat next to him and tried to act like I had an appetite .
“So, you were able to see again?”
I nodded. “I was. It was blurry for a lot of it, but I heard voices and could make out the fire and the lake.”
“Did you know I couldn’t take my magic with me?”
“You didn’t have your magic out there?” I didn’t know that it wouldn’t go with him.
Nothing in the books said anything about that, but then again, I wasn’t sure how often an unpracticed Witch tried to veil.
I would assume none, because what I was doing was terribly stupid.
After Ethel explained that my mother’s side was full of powerful Witches, I decided that it was the only explanation for how I successfully veiled on my first try.
“No, I didn’t. I’ve never not had my magic.”
I could feel his fear through the veil, but I didn’t know what he was afraid of.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that would happen. Maybe I can adjust a few things in the recipe to avoid that happening next time,” I said, taking a bite of the fresh slice of bread.
“Next time? Amelie, we cannot do this again. I didn’t think you were ever going to wake up. Ethel agrees you shouldn’t be doing such dangerous spells, and I’ve tried to tell you how dangerous it is.”
I didn’t really care what their opinion of it was. Kiaran’s initial fear when he left the cottage subsided as he sat around the fire with the other men. I could feel it. He enjoyed himself for a moment, and that wasn’t something I was willing to forget.
“Did you have fun?” I ignored his comment and reinforced that there were benefits to the veil.
Kiaran picked at the cuts of meat that were beautifully folded into little flower shapes.
He picked a piece of salami that was fashioned like a rose off the table and shoved it into his mouth in an attempt to hide his smile.
“Is that a yes? ”
“I’ve listened to those men for years. It was surreal to see it up close.”
“So you enjoyed yourself?”
Kiaran thought carefully about his next words, understanding that this was a trap. “Yes, I did.” His eyes focused in on mine. “I will never forget what you gave me tonight, but I can’t watch your body go through that again, pretty girl.”
His care for me was not something I was used to.
My father was affectionate, but he raised us to be independent, to not rely on anyone or anything, and to always assume that no one would be there to help you, so always be prepared to help yourself.
Kiaran’s need to watch out for me felt insulting and precious all at once.
“If I find something in my books to help with the unveiling, will you do it again?” Batting my eyes at him, I added, “For me?”
Kiaran rolled his pretty blue eyes, working so hard to fight his smile I thought his cheeks would freeze in place. “Nice try, but no.”
I found nothing about how to make the process easier.
Everything that had been documented on veiling was painful, dangerous, and often times fatal.
I’d learned a lot about the hierarchy of magical realms in these books.
Alchemists were disgusted by those at the top of said hierarchy called the High Table, and often noted that it wasn’t fair that they could do so much more with their magic.
The more I read about it, the more I realized my initial study on the spell was distracted by my need to do something for Kiaran.
So many alchemists and Witches’ brains had turned to pools of darkness after a failed veiling.
They weren’t dead but their minds were as good as gone.
Once the darkness took over, no light shone through the eyes of the tether.
The nuances of veils defied the laws of balance between nature and magic.
Therefore, it wasn’t practiced by even the most skilled alchemists.
Only those at the High Table were permitted, let alone dared, to try it.
The alternative to veiling was to bind your mind and soul to another.
It was far less dangerous because, instead of a tether being anchored in place, both bodies remained alive.
But the mind and soul could take residence in either body.
Kiaran’s soul could replace mine, and he could travel the woods in my body.
The biggest risk was that switching back wasn’t consistent.
I liked my new body, and I didn’t want to be a man, so that was a no for me.
Frustrated by not finding the answers I so desperately needed, I chucked my pen across the room and tossed my journal to the floor. I slammed myself back into the pillows and covered my eyes.
The headache that followed my waking last night was pretty much gone and I prepared five more pain remedies after breakfast this morning, two of which were already gone because I couldn’t bear the aftershocks that kept shaking my brain.
Kiaran watched me closely all day, looking for signs of the side effects of the veil.
It took all of my willpower to not let it show.
A soft knock on my door interrupted my pouting.
“Come in.”