14. Kiaran
Kiaran
S urely it was just a coincidence that the palace Amelie described sounded exactly like my family’s estate in Avonya.
From the sitting room, to the bright, airy ambiance my mother created in the home along with the custom flooring my great grandfather’s built for us, all the way to the garden where I’d taken many girls before.
But there we were. Her dreamself was positioned at the balcony that overlooked the Tala Sea and I was standing in the doorway watching her.
Her white linen skirt curled and wisped in the breeze, rivaling the waves below.
Her hair was , in fact, a mess. But those long chocolate waves were drawing a dream version of myself to her. Even my dreamself was drawn to her.
“Why are you in my dream?” Amelie asked, watching her dream version of me with intensity and confusion.
“I was going to ask you the same question,” I replied.
We watched intently at what we both knew would unfold in front of us. My dreamself strode across the room and took Amelie’s dreamself in my…his? arms, kissing every square inch of her face.
I looked at the corporeal version of Amelie standing next to me, whose face was now beet red. Her shoulder brushed against my arm as she leaned forward toward the balcony.
“You said you’ve never seen the face of the Prince.”
“I haven’t, I just could feel it was the same one every time.” She couldn’t take her eyes off the scene in front of us.
Dream me picked dream Amelie up over my shoulder and carried her through the house and down to the garden. We followed our dream selves but instead of going downstairs, I opened the door to the room I remembered as mine. One with a perfect view of where our dream selves were going.
The room was a complete replica down to the smallest details of what Fern put in the attic per Amelie’s request. Amelie’s face was comical as she took in the sight.
“I swear I had no idea that I was dreaming of you.”
I smiled at her.
“I believe you.” And I did, she wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret this long that I was the Prince in her dreams. My only question now was how deep did Ethel’s message to me run? The likelihood of Amelie ending up in my cottage.
I took Amelie’s hand and stood in front of the window next to the wardrobe. We watched our dreamselves take each other. Dream Amelie’s arms pulled me close to her, her eyes were rolling in her head. My dream self was rocking her world.
I was a little proud of how I looked in her dream, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous. Dream me had the girl standing next to me, all to himself.
Amelie couldn’t peel her eyes away, as if seeing it in person now versus experiencing it first hand were two completely different experiences.
“You like what you see?” I winked at her, bringing her gaze from them to us.
Fat tears lined her eyes. “Is that really what it’s like?”
Confused, I looked back to the garden, making passionate love to each other between the flowers. “ Sex? I mean, I’ve never had sex like that.” I point to our dream selves going at it below us. “That’s passionate and raw. I’ve never had that.”
Her tear filled eyes spilled onto her cheeks as she crushed into my chest.
“What’s wrong?” Panic filled the hollow parts of my body. I could honestly say a woman had never cried at the thought of sex with me before. Maybe tears of happiness, but Amelie was in soul aching pain right now.
“I’ve never had sex that I’ve wanted before.”
The choice of words she used straightened my spine and made my blood run hot.
Grabbing her shoulders and stretching my arms out to make her look at me I asked, “What do you mean you’ve never had sex that you’ve wanted before?
” Knowing the answer before she said it, I choked down the bile rising in my throat.
“The guards,” she sobbed, “they took me so many times, I swear I didn’t want it. They do it to all the women, they would call us whores and tell us no one would want us now that we are dirty.”
I pulled her back to me, never wanting to let her go. My mind went dark, the dream we’d been in became a nightmare and when I opened my eyes we were back in her bedroom. Too far from her home, where the men whose blood will someday be on my hands were. Fuck those men, fuck anyone who’d hurt her.
“Amelie…” I whispered into her ear as she continued to sob over my heart.
“Amelie, I’m so sorry. You are not dirty, that should’ve never happened to you.
That should never happen to anyone.” I held her close as her hands bunched in my shirt and twisted, as if my words were hurting her.
“Listen to me, pretty girl. Sex should be just like your dream. It should make a woman feel strong and beautiful. No one will ever touch you like that again, I promise.”
She leaned back only enough to meet my eyes. Her skin was flushed and blotchy, eyes red and bright blue through the sheen of her tears.
She inhaled deeply.
“You are enchanting, Amelie. Radiant.” I felt extremely protective of her in this moment.
Her heart, her soul, her body. I meant it when I said no one would touch her like that again.
I wasn’t even sure I should be touching her now, trauma that horrific does unfathomable damage to a mind.
To feel as if your body wasn’t yours but rather that it was made to be used by another.
Women were meant to be taken care of, in every way.
Amelie was no different, any man who dared to look at her should be kissing the very ground she walked on.
Cupping my face with her delicate hands, she leaned in slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. Her breathing ragged, my heart hammered telling me to stop her. This wasn’t how it should be, not the first time. The first time I kissed her it would be in worship, not in solidarity.
She stopped just short of my lips, grazing our noses together. Her sapphire eyes were full of need, sending a shiver down my neck. Goosebumps ruptured over my body and I trailed my hands to her hips on instinct, her arms crossed behind my neck as she crawled into my lap.
“Do you want to kiss the ground I walk on, Kiaran?” Had I said that out loud?
I was sure I hadn’t. She asked it so innocently.
It sounded insane coming from the girl straddling me.
Her pouty lips were parted slightly, her chocolate waves threatened to hide her face from me.
I brushed them behind her ear so I could see all of her.
“I already do, pretty girl.” I felt her core tighten as she arched her back, forcing her hips to move on me.
I couldn’t help myself. I pressed soft kisses to her exposed neck, the taste of her skin like a sweet paradise on my lips. When she moaned I came undone. I stood with her legs wrapped around my waist and laid her on her back, kissing every piece of skin that was exposed by her little night dress.
Her hands found my hair, gently tugging at it as I worked my way around her body.
“Kiaran. Please,” she panted.
I kissed my way up to her face but stopped short of her lips. She tilted her chin up, hoping to meet my mouth with hers. Thinking with my useful head and remembering that this wasn’t the way it should happen, I did the one thing I knew I would regret later.
“I want to kiss you, Amelie. So bad, I swear I do. But not like this.”
Her eyes opened and embarrassment blanketed her features. “What? No, please. Kiss me.”
“Our first kiss isn’t supposed to be like this. Our first kiss will be because we can’t stand to not kiss each other. Not because you’re sad.” As soon as I said it, I wanted to slap myself.
I’d never been much of a romantic, but I wanted Amelie to have better than who I used to be. She deserved more than what I could ever give her.
“Fuck you, Kiaran. I don’t need you to make me feel better.”
“Amelie, I–”
“Get out,” she demanded, adding a solid slap to my right cheek.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I begged, rubbing away the sting.
“Poor, pathetic, Amelie. Guess the guards were right, huh, Kiaran? I am dirty now, right? No man could want me after that. You just proved it!” She was fuming, I was having a hard time understanding how trying to respect her led her to this impression of what I thought of her, but it was so far from the truth.
I took her wrists. She tried to wriggle them free but I didn’t let her. She often got what she wanted from me. But not now.
“Look at me.”
She twisted her neck in defiance.
“ Look at me!” I snapped.
Reluctantly, she met my eyes. The gold in hers was billowing in flames and her unshed tears made her endless pools of blue ripple.
“I have wanted you since the day you fell into my life and I want you now. But I will not let the memory of our first time together be tainted with the night you trusted me with your past. If I kiss you right now, I’ll have to keep kissing you forever.
I’ll never let you go and you need to be sure that’s what you want before I try to make that decision for you. ”
She took deep, heavy breaths, in and out. Her eyes furiously danced between mine. “Get out.”
She ripped her hands away and turned to climb back into her bed. It was already torture to leave her after this, so I didn’t punish myself further by watching her cry. Leaving with the sound of soft sobs echoing behind me, I went to the attic and hoped that tomorrow I could make it better.
It wasn’t better.
Four fucking days. That’s how long it had been since Amelie looked at me, much less talked to me.
She was gone with the sun and returned with the moon everyday.
I waited in the sitting room for her each evening, hoping she would come back to me but every time she walked in that door, she passed by like I was invisible.
Completely unfazed at my presence and moved about her night as usual.