Chapter 14
Rue
Iwoke up the next morning and buried my face in the pillow. It smelled like OD. The shower was running in the hall bath and I was grateful to have some time alone to think.
Embarrassment washed over me. Not because I’d basically jumped OD the minute he’d walked in the house.
Not because we’d had sex…a couple of times throughout the day yesterday.
I was embarrassed that I lost control of my emotions in front of him like that.
He’d held me while I sobbed against his chest. More than once.
It was like once I got started, I couldn’t make it stop.
Somehow knowing the reason for Ryan taking off ripped another hole inside of my heart.
Seeing Teddy ready to take his own life because he thought he was responsible had torn another.
I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done if I’d gotten there too late.
I knew, deep down, that I was hurting so badly because everyone I’d ever loved had left me. My father. My mother.
What was it about me that made no one want to stick around?
Logically, I knew it wasn’t a fair question.
It was a problem with them, not me. But Ryan hurt more than the others.
All I could do was think back to all the good times with him.
Christmas mornings opening presents. The first days of school.
What hadn’t I given him? What had he been missing that he was getting from Carrick and his crew?
Tears pooled in my eyes as I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling.
Teddy was a good kid. It hadn’t been his fault that Rhino had basically forced him to work for Carrick.
He’d done what he could to protect Ryan.
And I couldn’t be mad at Ryan for following Teddy until he figured out what was going on, and inadvertently getting roped into Carrick’s service as well.
Things had just spiraled for both of them.
I wouldn’t hold that against either of them. I loved them too much.
Plus, that was just the kind of kid Ryan had been.
He would do anything to help his friends.
I just wished he’d come to me. Let me help him.
He’d probably been worried about dragging me into the middle of it, too.
I didn’t know what was keeping him there, but there had to be a reason.
I was determined to figure it out so he could come home.
Sighing, I scrubbed my hands over my face. Honestly, none of us would’ve been equipped to take on Carrick or his goons. Clearly, since my run ins with Rhino had ended with me asking OD for help.
“You okay?”
Dropping my hands, I lifted my head and stared at OD. He was standing in the doorway, a towel low on his hips, watching me. Of course it was low. Deliciously low.
“Yeah,” I managed to croak out. Clearing my throat, I sat up. At some point in the middle of the night, I’d dragged on my panties and one of his t-shirts so I wasn’t sitting there naked at least. “I think I owe you an apology.”
His lips twitched. “What the hell for?”
“For jumping you like that. I was-”
“That’s something you never have to apologize for,” he scoffed. He moved toward his dresser. I didn’t avert my eyes when he dropped his towel and started dragging on a pair of boxer briefs. The man had a phenomenal ass.
“For getting you involved in all this,” I added.
“I had no idea it was so…messed up.” Okay.
I’d had an idea. People were showing up dead after all.
But there’d still been a part of me that figured it was all going to resolve on its own.
That Ryan would come home and the bodies would stop showing up.
It was wistful thinking, though. All of it.
It was only going to stop when someone put an end to it. This was all just so damn overwhelming. “I should get out of your hair.”
He turned, pulling a t-shirt over his head. “You don’t want to come stake out Carrick with me today?”
I froze, part way out of the bed. “You know where to find him?”
“Oh yeah,” he said, a slow menacing smile spreading over his face.
“And…you’d let me come?”
“So long as if shit hits the fan you stay out of it,” he said with a shrug. “But I’m not expecting that. Not today. He doesn’t know two of his men are dead yet. He’s not expecting trouble. I just want to do a little recon before we systematically take apart the fucker’s world.”
Why was this making my throat tight with gratitude and some other emotion I couldn’t quite place? It was weird to hear him say he was going to harm someone else and for me to feel thankful. Except he was doing it for me. That was why I was so damn grateful I could cry.
“Yeah. I want to go.”
“Good. Why don’t we stop by your place? Get some clothes and whatever shit girls need? We’ll drop it back by here, you can shower, then we’ll go find ourselves a fuckhead to watch.”
“You want me to stay here with you?” I asked.
I’d called into work yesterday and asked for some time off.
I didn’t need to be back at the hospital for at least two weeks.
Probably end up being more. I had a lot of leave saved up and this was a great time to use it.
I’d thrown myself into work after Ryan’s disappearance instead of taking time off.
That would’ve left me home alone in my apartment with nothing to do but obsess.
“Yeah, I do,” he said, stepping closer to me as I fully got out of the bed and stood by its side. “I don’t want you to be alone.”
I nodded, my heart sinking a little in my chest. Of course he didn’t want that. Because I probably looked a lot like Teddy did yesterday, hopeless and lost. He didn’t want to be responsible for the chick he’d slept with doing something crazy. “I’d be fine, you know…”
“I want you here,” he repeated, then he sighed and scratched the short beard that covered his chin. “Look, Rue, I’m not very good at this.”
“At what?”
He seemed to consider how to answer. “At speaking about emotions and shit. But…I like you. I’ve liked you since the moment I met you.” He continued on when I opened my mouth to comment. “I’d planned to actually do this the right way and ask you out, but Rhino happened. And then yesterday…”
I gave him a sheepish smile. “I don’t normally act like that,” I assured him. “I was just a bit overwhelmed and needed…an outlet.” My eyes widened. “Not that I was just using you,” I gasped. When he just grinned at me I metaphorically pulled on my big girl panties and admitted, “I like you, too.”
He chuckled. “Good. Seems like we both kind of suck at the dating scene.”
I frowned, eyeing him. “You’re gorgeous. How can you suck at getting women?”
He cringed. “Never said I couldn’t get women. Just…never had one I wanted to keep before.”
I bit the insides of my lips because the urge to ask him if he wanted to keep me nearly had the words tumbling past my lips without my permission.
It was too early for that. It’d been a huge step, for both of us apparently, to admit we liked each other and might not want this to just be a one-night stand.
“So,” he said, holding out his hand. “Will you stay here with me? At least until we can finish this thing? I don’t want you sitting at home by yourself. Who the fuck knows what Carrick will do?”
“Thought you said he didn’t know anything yet?” I asked, taking his hand. My insides lit up as he linked our fingers and we walked out into his living room together.
“He doesn’t. But a guy like that must be smart to build what he has. He might figure shit out before we’re ready. Can’t be too careful.”
“I’ll stay with you,” I told him. “But OD?”
“Yeah?”
“Could I at least put some pants on before we go to my place?”
His eyes dropped down to my bare legs and he swore, swinging the door he’d just opened shut once more. “Yeah. That’s probably best. Don’t need to be causing any accidents. You know how Arizonans are, wind blows the wrong way and there’s a pile up on I-10.”
Laughing, I let go of his hand and went back into his bedroom to pull my jeans on.
Never in a million years would I have imagined I’d meet a guy like him.
Our…friendship—I wasn’t jinxing a damn thing—may have started out unconventionally, but it seemed like he wanted to backtrack a bit and fix that. And that was just fine by me.
I hadn’t been lying. I actually liked him.
He was funny, kind, protective, not to mention drop dead gorgeous.
And he’d even tried to keep me from ‘making a mistake’ by sleeping with him yesterday when I was frantic and not thinking everything through.
He didn’t realize that if he hadn’t been there I wouldn’t have thrown myself at just anyone.
It was because it was him that I’d slept with him.
It was him and only him I wanted comfort from.
“Could you do me a favor?” I asked as I came back out into the living room.
“Sure.”
“Could we stop by the hospital so I can pick up my bike?”
His eyes narrowed. “You one of those bicycle riding clowns?” he scoffed. His eyes dropped lower. “Though your ass would look great in that spandex they love to wear.”
I laughed and shook my head. “My motorcycle.”
He’d started to open the door for me to go through. Now he was just staring at me. “You’re telling me you have a motorcycle?”
“Yes.”
“Did I just fucking die?”
“No,” I said in confusion.
“Pretty sure I did. This is as close to heaven as a fucker like me could get,” he muttered, his hand going to my back as he gently pushed me out of the house.
I shook my head at him and went to stand in front of the motorcycle parked in his drive.
It was a gorgeous machine. Much bigger than my little sports bike.
I liked the speed and size of my bike. If I accidentally dumped a motorcycle like this one there would be no way for me to pick it back up by myself.
It was hard enough to do that with my own bike.
Still, I was looking forward to riding on this machine.
I took the helmet he handed me and put it on while he started it up.
I was clearly wearing his helmet, and it wasn’t too far of a drive to the hospital, but I’d seen enough bikers come into the ER, worked on plenty myself, to know helmets saved lives.
I didn’t like taking OD’s only helmet. “You don’t have another? ” I asked after flipping up the visor.
“On the to do list,” he said, giving me a look that said to get on.
I frowned. “It’s not safe.”
He chuckled. “It’s not far to the hospital,” he reassured me. “You have your own helmet there, right?”
“Yeah,” I said, reluctant.
“Then let’s go, Beautiful,” he said, holding out his hand.
Taking it, I climbed onto the back of his bike and wrapped my arms around him. As much as I didn’t like him riding without his protection gear, I knew he wouldn’t take the helmet and leave me without one. And I really wanted to pick up my bike. He was right. It wasn’t far to the hospital.
I flipped the visor closed then secured my grip once more as he took off down the street.
I couldn’t keep the wide smile from forming as we rode.
As dangerous as motorcycles could be, I’d never be able to stop riding one.
I loved them too much. They were a kind of freedom you wouldn’t know until you were on them.
The last pieces of me that needed comfort settled as OD picked up speed.
This was exactly where I belonged. For now, at least.