Chapter 10 #2
Logan fell asleep almost at once. He’d always slept better than I did.
I lay there breathing softly, cataloging all the familiar and the unfamiliar.
He was thinned down to muscle and sinew, more than usual for just halfway through the season.
By April, he’d always been fighting hard to keep weight on, but I didn’t like how little extra he was carrying in January.
I was used to the random bruises on his fair skin, same as I’d worn when I played, but there was a swollen dark one on his left shoulder that looked deep, probably from getting slammed into the boards.
His hair under my lips was longer and less tidy than he usually wore it.
Despite those, he fit in my arms like he’d never been gone.
An empty, aching spot in my chest was filled, holding him against me.
His skin, clean from the shower, smelled the same as ever.
The slight rasps of his breath as he sank deeper into sleep were my favorite lullaby.
I brushed his temple with my lips, so softly he didn’t stir, eased my underneath arm into a less-circulation-cutting position, and tried to drop off.
A while later, as my fumbled thoughts refused to let me go, it occurred to me that I hadn’t set an alarm. I didn’t trust myself to wake in the dark in an unfamiliar room.
Logan didn’t rouse as I disentangled myself from him, inch by inch, and eased off the bed. My phone had been in the pocket of my discarded jeans. I unearthed them from my pile on the chair and dug out the phone. One waiting message flashed at me as I powered up.
Avery: ~ Hey, Miles, just wondering are you…
I retreated to the warmth of the bathroom to read the rest, closing the door so I wouldn’t wake Logan.
…going to be home for dinner? I could cook something, if you like. As a thank you. With your own groceries, though.
Before I could text back, my phone rang with a voice call. Rachel.
I answered to silence the ringtone, before realizing that might not be smart. “Hey, what’s up?”
“I talked to Avery.” Rachel sounded pissed, and I winced. “She said a guy named Logan helped you move her out of her dad’s place. What the fuck, Miles? You said you were over him.”
“Hey, he saved our butts,” I protested. “I was waiting for the movers for her studio, and Avery texted me that her dad was being a bigger asshole than usual, and she urgently needed me for backup at the party. Who else could I call at short notice that we could trust?”
“One of my friends?”
I didn’t remind Rachel that her band was on tour with her, or that most of her more distant friends were pretty flaky stoners, none of them people I knew well. I let the silence speak for the truth.
“There had to be someone,” she insisted. “How could you go crawling back to Logan asking for a favor after what he did?”
“Fuck you. I didn’t go crawling. Logan called me at exactly the right moment, to congratulate me on my engagement and say he was sorry. He’d read about Jayden ratting me out to the media, and wanted to offer support.”
“Jayden sucked, but now you forgave Logan, just like that? He ripped your fucking heart out. I know because I sat with you while you were bleeding.”
I sighed. “Yeah, he did. And I didn’t forgive him just like that. But despite everything, I did trust him. He was the one person nearby I could tell, ‘I need you right now,’ and have them drop everything and show up.”
“He didn’t show up last time you needed him.”
“I know.” I rubbed my face. “You don’t need to keep reminding me. But I’ve always understood why he couldn’t come out in that moment.”
“Why he wouldn’t.”
“Yes. Because he had reasons. Did you call Avery a coward for not standing up to her dad and telling him about you before you left for Japan?”
“That’s different.”
“Oh, is it?”
“She’s twenty-two, not thirty-three.”
“So you’re saying she’s immature.”
Rachel huffed. “Her dad controlled all her money.”
“You’re saying the hockey league didn’t control Logan’s?”
“Fuck.” Rachel was silent for a minute. “Can’t I hate him in peace?”
“Not if you want to hang out with us when you get back.”
“Us? Shit. Tell me you aren’t together again.”
I laughed. “You want me to lie to you?”
She said, “No. God, he leads you around by the dick, doesn’t he?”
“Hey!” I glared at my reflection in the mirror, as a substitute for Rachel. “It’s not about sex with Logan, and you know it. If I only wanted a hot guy to fuck, I have plenty of choices.”
“Sorry. I know.” Rachel lowered her tone. “Are you sure this is a smart move?”
“Sure it’s smart? No. But sure it’s what I want, what I need? Hell, yes. I feel better after one day than I have the entire past year.”
“Do you trust him not to stomp on your heart again?”
There was the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question. “I trust him not to want to hurt me. To try not to.”
“I guess that’s something.”
“He came out to a teammate and his captain yesterday, before he knew I was Avery’s beard.”
“Really?” Rachel sounded dubious. “Didn’t you say his captain was one of the douchebags in the locker room?”
“Yeah, and Logan told him anyway.”
“Huh. Is he planning to come out all the way?”
I wasn’t sure if Logan had a real plan, but I said, “It’s a step-by-step process. He doesn’t want to give speeches.”
“He couldn’t beat yours, anyhow.”
I laughed. “Thanks. Listen, do me a favor? Could you call that fiancée of yours and tell her I won’t be home till tomorrow night?”
“Where are you?”
“Hotel.”
“With Logan?”
“Yep.”
“God, you are a sucker for punishment. Why a hotel?” She hesitated. “Crap, did Avery cock-block you?”
“Not really. But Logan and I needed to talk—“
“And fuck?” she teased.
“And fuck.” I was deeply relieved to hear her joke about us. “Neither of which would go well with someone else in the house.”
“You could’ve told Avery to go to a hotel.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” I protested.
“No, you wouldn’t. Have I said how much I love you for taking care of my girl?”
“A few times. Anyhow, I think the hotel was better. Neutral ground, you know? No memories, no one’s advantage.”
“It went okay, you and Logan?”
I shifted my feet, feeling the ache and pull in my ass. “Went perfect.”
“Shit. Okay. I’ll tell Avery not to expect you,” she agreed. “I’ll encourage her to look for an apartment. She has enough of her dad’s money, for now. And you, mister, keep in touch, you hear me? Don’t let Logan walk all over you, and let me know if I need to kick his ass when I get home.”
“I will. Love you,” I told her.
“Love you, too. Now go be disgusting with your— Are you saying boyfriend?”
“Yep.” In the mirror, a broad grin spread across my face.
“Of course you are. Go deal with your boyfriend. I’ll try not to hate him so much.”
“I’d appreciate it.”
Rachel cut the call, and I set the alarm on my phone for six a.m., then headed back to bed.
Logan stirred as I slid under the covers. “Y’okay?”
“I’m fine.” I eased him back into place against me. “Go to sleep.”
“Missed you,” he murmured.
“Tell me that when my alarm wakes us before dawn.”
Logan pulled my arm higher across his chest and pressed my hand over his heart. “Worth it,” he mumbled, before his breathing softened into snores again.
So worth it. This time, I dropped off with my boyfriend safe in my arms.