Chapter 26
I t’s been three days since our… breakup? I don’t know what to call it.
Every day since then has been, where’s Dean? Is he thinking about me? Have I hurt him enough to hate me? Does he still want me?
The train back to Lucerne was tense. I ended up moving to an empty spot an hour into the ride. We didn’t say a word, maybe exhaustion caught up to us.
Totally not because you rained on his parade.
If Dean were any other person, I might’ve told him about the lawsuit. But he has money and telling him would make it seem like I have nefarious intentions.
The nights following have been full of tears and snot.
Hina hasn’t commented on it. She hands me tissues, tells me I look hot, then leaves.
Now, I’m sitting on the bed, wishing I was colouring Dean’s tattoos instead of a butterfly.
“I’ve had enough,” Hina barges into the room. “I don’t know what happened between you and big man down there, but it’s not fun. ”
I cap the coloured marker. “Sorry my life is boring to you,” I sarcastically drawl.
“You know what I mean,” she walks to stand in front of my bed. “Rip his shirt off and have your way with him but talk ! That’s what adults do.”
Hina’s glowing. She’s happier and isn’t making snarky comments. Even her eyebags look less… baggy .
Tilting my head, “Something happened with you and Kat.”
“Wha— How the hell did you get that from looking at my face?” She rolls her eyes, but she’s smirking. It’s hard to hide happiness. “We might’ve made up.”
I raise my brows.
Hina points a finger. “I don’t kiss and tell.”
“I’m happy for you,” I say earnestly. “Despite all of your shortcomings, you deserve this.”
She gives me the middle finger. “Okay, enough. Come down with me.”
“And do what?” I ask. Make a fool of myself as I stare at Dean like a lovesick idiot?
“If you don’t want to talk to Dean, fine. Make him jealous by talking to Rhys.”
“ I hurt Dean.”
“So,” Hina grabs my colouring book and drops it on a vanity table. “Whatever loss you feel, he feels it a thousand times more. That’s how it is when you feel romantically for someone.”
No need to rub salt in open wounds. Hurting him wasn’t in the cards.
“Fine,” I get off the bed. Pyjama shorts and all. “But I’m not changing.”
She opens her mouth to refute but I make an action of zipping it .
Hina tucks her lips inside. “Got it.”
Rhys catches us walking down together. He waves me over, but I make a motion of drinking.
Hina doesn’t grace me with her presence all the way to the kitchen.
Mindlessly looking around. It wasn’t too long ago when I pushed Dean into telling me why he was here.
If Irene hadn’t interrupted us, I wonder if we would’ve had our first kiss here.
Don’t think about it. Or him.
Cold. I need a drink that’ll give me a brain freeze.
I open the fridge. Lots of junk, greens, random protein shakes… my eyes land on the bright pink post-it in familiar handwriting. There’s no note other than the cursive of my name.
Maybe that is the note.
A reminder that he exists and is waiting.
The note’s attached to a glass covered with a small plate.
It’s not green. That’s a good sign.
Brown isn’t inviting either.
Taking it out, putting the plate to the side, I take a tentative sip.
Chocolate .
It’s refreshing and yummy.
For the first time in days, I feel lighter.
“What’s that?” Rhys eyes the glass when I enter the living space.
“Oh, this?” The TV’s on. But what catches my attention is the two people sitting together, watching.
Katarina whispers in Dean’s ears and he smiles. It’s timid, small, barely noticeable. But he gives it to her.
He catches me looking at him. Eyes darkening with the same affection I’ve clearly come to love, but I look away.
Did he want me to push him away ?
“Nova?” Rhys calls again.
“Yeah?” I look at him. Pretty sure he got a haircut. That, or he tied his hair back.
Rhys stares. “You okay?”
“Peachy,” my eyes fling back to Kat and Dean when I take the seat next to Rhys.
“You seem stressed,” Rhys says.
“Way to make a girl feel special,” I joke. My body is fuming. It grows hotter when I see what they’re watching. There are limits—boundaries you should never cross when you like someone. One of them is watching their favourite movie without them, especially if you’ve never seen it before.
Nadine’s right. I’ve been a way for Dean to pass time. He doesn’t care about me. He clearly saw the drink in my hand, he didn’t smile, didn’t mouth the way he usually does, and then he goes ahead and sits with another girl while I’ve spent my nights crying.
To think men control our society when they can’t control their egos.
“That’s not what I meant,” Rhys keeps going. What is it with men not having social awareness? I’m busy.
Getting mad at Dean doing nothing?
This isn’t nothing. This is everything .
“You’re usually smiling,” he notes. “What changed?”
“I can’t always be smiling, Rhys.”
“Don’t I know it,” he sighs.
Where’s my manners? Rhys has been nothing but kind to me. “I’m sorry,” I turn to look at him. “I’m not good company right now.”
I feel green embers shooting down my back.
Screw Dean.
Screw him in all the ways that aren’t pleasurable .
“Which is fine,” Rhys leans forward on his knees and turns his head. “I just want to know if you have an answer for me now.”
He’s serious. More solemn than I’ve seen him. Bright blue eyes stare me down, his officer gives chills.
“You mean the…”
“I like you,” he nods stiffly. “Yeah.”
“Rhys, I—” I’m at a loss for words. For someone who thinks too much, not a single coherent sentence makes sense. “What I’m trying to say…” Come on. Anything.
He presses his lips together, gaze shimmering with amusement.
I hit his arm. “You asshole!” I’m laughing now.
“I had to,” he wipes a nonexistent tear away. “The look on your face—wish I had a video of it.”
“So you can mock me for all of eternity?” I scoff. “No, thank you.”
“At least it made you laugh,” he says with a relieved sigh. “Moping doesn’t suit you.”
My head automatically finds its way back to Dean. He’s not smiling anymore. Good, serves his right.
“I appreciate your feelings, Rhys.” I hug myself. “But I don’t?—”
He stops me. “I already know, Nova.” He’s genuine with his reply.
Makes one of us because I’m baffled. “What do you know?”
“It’s obvious by the way you look at him.”
My head whips to look at Rhys. “How do I look at him?”
If only he had crooked teeth and an ugly smile, that’d make me feel better.
“The way two couples at the altar look at each other. You look at him like admiration is too small of a word to describe how you feel. You let out a little sigh when you meet his gaze, your hand—see that right there—” I don’t dare look.
“It stays in his direction like he’ll get up, grab your hand, and whisk you away.
The way you look at him, Nova, is how writers imagine love between two characters to feel like. ”
My throat tightens. “What are you saying?”
“You look at him with the acceptance of love.”
It’s like my body is overpacked with too many organs.
Each working overtime to make sure I’m alive.
But I’m well past being alive. If there’s life and death, then I’ve gone beyond the afterlife.
With each passing minute, I can feel every single one.
Two ribs, two lungs, two spines, and one heart.
A pressing weight against my skin, yet I’m not bothered.
It’s all-consuming, this feeling. If I press against my stomach, petals will grow out of me, and I’ll be nothing but a monument for people to take pictures with.
Rhys put a label on this feeling for me.
An emotion I’ve never experienced this way.
“I tried hating the guy and making you see that he wasn’t good but,” Rhys taps my knee. “My hate for ex-convicts shouldn’t apply to him. I put him in a category without knowing his side or how much he’s changed. He’s a great guy, Nova. I’m a better one, of course. But he’s not too bad.”
“It doesn’t matter,” my gaze doesn’t remain in place. “He doesn’t notice me.”
“Nova…” Rhys runs a hand through his hair. He didn’t get a haircut, it was just pulled back. “All he notices is you.”
I shake my head profusely. “That’s what it might look like, but he’s with her while I’m here.”
“Dean hasn’t said more than a sentence to each of us. There’s another reason he’s sitting with Kat, isn’t there?.”
“I—okay, still . Wouldn’t you try to get me back?”
“A real man respects his woman’s wishes.”
I close my eyes and groan quietly. “I’m not his woman.” I want to be, badly .
“Look at me,” I listen to Rhys. “The other day when you disappeared, Shaan and I were alone. They made us play a game and the winner was allowed to choose one person’s list to look at.”
This gets my attention. “What was the game?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he brushes it off. “I won and I looked at?—”
“My list?”
“No—”
“Kat’s?”
“I looked at?—”
“ Oh ! Hina’s list. You probably saw some illicit taboo stuff. She talks a lot about?—”
“I saw Dean’s .” His face is red like he ran a marathon. “You really need to let me finish.”
My mouth opens like a fish. “You saw… Deans? Wha— why ?”
“For you,” he naturally spills. “I was hoping there was something in there that would give you the ick.”
“And?” I’m bustling with the information. I’ve been wanting to know since the first day. Maybe sitting on the couch with a woman, watching a romantic movie—one we should have been watching together—is on his must-do experiences.
“There was only one item on his list,” Rhys stares me down when he finishes the sentence. “ You .”
My heart takes a tumble. It creates a domino effect all the way to the soles of feet. “That can’t be right,” I breathlessly say.
That would mean this whole time, being here, all of this…
No.
My eyes widens, Rhys nods in agreement.
But I shake my head.
Dean would have told me. The whole time we’ve been together, he’s confessed. Told me he liked me at the lake. It happened on the show. When he came here and saw me outside of our normal lives, that’s when he started catching feelings.
…Right?
The more I think about it, the less certain I become.