Chapter 31
W hen I was twelve, I used to make up curse words because I wasn’t allowed to say them.
Whenever I smelt fish on my clothes or in the air, I said fanny fish.
Eventually I learned what it meant, but never told my sisters because I loved hearing their problems and stress transform into guffaws.
No weed, cocaine, or illegal substance gives me the same high their laugh does.
It’s worse when my soul craves them, and they spawn out of thin air.
Nadine and Rosa move past Tatay and pull me into their arms.
If you asked me what it feels like? Being cocooned in a safe place where there’s no light or darkness, no wind or water. It’s what I imagine the core of love to feel like once you peel away all its layers, the germs of others’ love, and years of pain. This is what lies underneath.
Raw, suffocating, and monumental.
“You little shit,” Rosa heats my neck.
“Goodness, Rosa. Did you brush your teeth?” Nadine pretends to gag on the other side of me. “I need a hazmat suit ASAP.”
“Shut up,” Rosa mutters. “I’m trying to have a moment here.”
“So am I. ”
“I hugged her first.”
“We literally hugged her at the same time.”
“No,” Rosa stubbornly says. “I did.”
Nadine pulls back. That’s when I notice her bump. It’s big enough to pop. “Nova, who hugged you first?” She raises her brows, convincing me it was her.
“Don’t put her on the spot,” Rosa pulls back. “You know she’s gonna say you.”
“As an unbiased person of the trio, I’m saying neither.” They bring a smile to my face by keeping everything the way it always is.
Rosa’s cherry, brown hair is in a bun at the top of her head. She looks like she hasn’t slept since she was born.
“How are you guys here?” I ask them. Nadine can’t travel, according to Sunny. And Rosa’s a surgeon. She doesn’t get time off like that.
“Our baby sister needed us, duh .” Nadine does a quick penguin walk over to give Ma a hug.
“Well, technically Ma told us about this situation, so we came.”
Everyone looks at Rosa like she wasn’t supposed to tell me that.
“Oh, erase that from your brain.” She rolls her eyes, mutters something about not telling her what not to say, then hugs Ma after too.
While they do that, I move to Tatay . “Hi.”
“Hi back, my pretty girl.” He kisses the top of my head, then brings my hands to his lips, pressing a kiss there.
I’m full of love. “I saw the frames, Tatay .”
He sobers up quickly. “We didn’t want you to?—”
I shake my head, trying to interrupt and comfort him. “It’s okay. Ma told me. I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.”
Then he opens his arms, and I can’t remember the last time I hugged him.
I’ll start counting from today and make sure I lose count.
“Sorry to interrupt,” a deep cough comes from behind. “Where should I put these?”
I’m scared to turn around because I might’ve conjured him from my thoughts. Nadine moves her lips, saying something. Rosa adds to it, pointing upstairs. Mom is staring with hearts in her eyes and Tatay doesn’t seem shocked. He looks like he’s already spoken to him.
When I’ve studied everyone’s expressions, I turn around to see his eyes on me.
Green, iridescent, and full of endangered love.
Dean Vuk stands at the threshold of my home.
I’m going to murder my sisters.
“Why is that six four giant in our house ?”
I ran straight to Nadine’s room like I haven’t spent years running away from her.
It’s the same as I remember. Plain, white walls all around.
The black, four poster bed tucked next to a wall.
Her sleek dresser and gold, circular mirror—we took many goofy pictures there.
No one removed the pictures of us three from her side table.
Nadine struggles to get on the bed, Rosa impatiently waits for her to find a comfortable spot.
“He came to me,” Nadine pulls the blanket over her broken heater. She clumsily moves around to lay comfortably. “Rosa, can you sit ?” She huffs, waiting for Rosa to get under too. Only they’d go straight for the heater in the midst of a heatwave.
“What do you mean he came to you?” I ask, plopping down on the carpet.
“He texted me on Headshot, then asked if he could meet me. ”
“But you live in Calgary,” I point out.
“Nova,” Rosa pitches in with a don’t be stupid tone. “He flew to Calgary to talk to Ate .”
“Why…Why would he do that?”
“That’s what I said,” Rosa rolls her eyes. “But he probably wanted to get approval or something. Even though I’d be easier to talk to than this preggo here.”
“Excuse you,” Nadine lets out a burp.
“No, excuse you . What the hell, Ate ?”
Nadine smiles sheepishly. “You guys miss my burps.”
“Do we really?” Rosa raises a brow.
“You definitely ?—”
“Can we get back to this?” I swat the air around me.
“You don’t know what happened between us.
Ate , I told you he was a great man, and he is , but he made a grave mistake.
So bad, it feels like there’s pieces of wood in my shoe.
He gave me the full amount of money to pay off the lawsuit.
Then I overheard him telling his brother that he technically had to pay me to keep my mouth shut about his family’s past.”
My older sisters share a look.
“Listen to me carefully,” Nadine says, stopping herself from smiling.
“That man downstairs flew all the way to Calgary to talk to me about you . He told me what happened, top to bottom, and explained himself. I’ve never seen such intense fear of losing you, Nova.
You should’ve heard him when he asked for my help. ”
Rosa toys with the heater to stop falling. “ God , when will I have someone too?”
“No,” I shake my head. “I’m not forgiving him and as my sisters, you shouldn’t either. Ate , since when do you cave easily?”
“Since he brought me a special white teddy bear from Switzerland that my baby sister wanted to get for me but couldn’t.”
I have to remind myself to blink. “He didn’t…”
“I can assure you, he did.” Rosa clicks her phone and shows me a picture. It’s the one from Zermatt. He paid attention to every tiny detail. “ Ate raved about it, then proceeded to tell me I needed to step up my sister game.”
“True story,” Nadine pitches in. Below the blanket, she rubs her belly. “He shouldn’t have deposited that money, but he’s sorry.”
“It’s not about the money. It’s about trust. We worked up to the moment of sharing our deepest parts. No one has seen me the way Dean has. Let’s say that the money wasn’t to keep me quiet, he could’ve told me.”
This has been a problem from the beginning—back to when he didn’t pick me on the show—to now.
These patterns shouldn’t continue repeating when we’ve addressed it already.
That, and I’m getting emotional whiplash.
When I trusted him with my lawsuit, he shouldn’t have gone and chose to help.
I asked him not to swoop in—to not let me feel inferior to my problems. He did, though.
He left me to stare into the abyss of my feelings and question whether it’s been worth getting lost and finding him with open arms. I didn’t ask for it, didn’t want to be berated and belittled for a choice I made.
Whether it takes me seven years or seven lifetimes to pay off the debt, or spend a whole year in prison, it wasn’t his right to swoop in. Trust is a fickle string tied to my throat. Do they think I won’t cut it off when you pull too hard?
“You’ve dealt with me,” Nadine says, she moves up to lean against the headboard. “You know we have trouble communicating.”
“That’s exactly why I can’t deal with it,” I admit with a frown. “I’m tired of filling in the blanks.”
“Then stop,” Rosa snipes with a lifted brow. “No one’s forcing you to be with him.”
“When you bare your heart out to someone and instead of them throwing it back at you, they carefully hold it in the palm of their hands like it’s a newborn baby, say that again.”
Rosa’s nostrils flare. “Either get rid of him or forgive Dean and work on this together. Stop being annoying about this, it’s been what?” She looks at Nadine. “Two weeks since the money thing? And you say you don’t hold grudges.”
“It’s not a grudge,” I snap back. She’s giving good advice, but admitting it means I have to go downstairs and talk to Dean. I’m not ready to face him just yet.
“Both of you,” Nadine sighs, turning the heater off. Enveloping us in thick silence. “It’s your life, Nova. We can give you advice but it’s up to you to take it. Whether you’re with him or not, we’re on your side.”
A strong pang hits the side of my head. Of course, my luck has run out.
I put pressure on that side, hoping that it’ll just pass and won’t turn into death.
“You good? Is it a migraine?”
My eyes snap up to Rosa. “You know?”
“We both do,” Nadine adds.
“How?” My voice is a whisper. It dawns on me. “The show.”
They nod. Rosa smacks her tongue. “It’s not like you were trying to hide it.”
“I didn’t think you guys watched after…”
“After you blew up on us?” Rosa scoffs, finding her trimmed nails more exciting. “We had to support you.”
I look back and forth between them. Only they would forget about our fights and move on like our words didn’t hurt each other. That’s the best part about being sisters. One day you’ll torture each other to the point where death seems easy, and the next you’d die for each other.
“Did you also know about…” How I’m not an editor anymore? I’m a florist, barely make enough money, and hate telling you?
“We know about your shop,” Nadine smiles. “I’m surprised it took you this long to open one.”
“You’re not mad? You got me the job.”
“Why would I be?” Nadine looks at Rosa, confused.
“I’ll always trust you, baby girl . I hate that you weren’t able to tell us about it, but I understand too.
You’ve always been good at pulling away.
Learn from the best, don’t you?” She refers to herself.
“No crying,” she points at my watering eyes.
“We have pressing matters to talk about.”
I’m crying now. Not holding back, because somehow even after all my wrongdoings and flaws, they’re here.
They left their life behind to hold onto me—to bring me back.
I’ve thought of myself as a burden for so long, I forgot that they happily take on my weight.
Despite the snappy remarks, jokes, and unsolicited advice—my sisters are my sisters.
Our friendship is thicker than blood. Even if fire falls from the sky, both of them would shelter their arms over my head to make sure I don’t get burned.
“Girl, go hug her.” Nadine struggles to get up, but kicks Rosa. She looks at me disgusted.
“She has snot dripping down her nose.”
“So?” Nadine kicks the heater down, trying to sit up. “You have snot too.”
“Yeah, but hers is…”
I sniffle.
“Yep, no. She’s all yours to comfort.”
Nadine aggressively sighs. “Come here, Nova. I can’t move.”
On my knees, I shuffle towards the bed so she can wrap her arms around me. I cry hard and long, gasping for air, wetting her shirt with snot and tears. Rosa offers a pitiful pat on the back, then laughs at whatever face Nadine’s making.
When the noises pass, Nadine presses her cold fingers against my swollen eyes.
“After finding out about Rivera’s Roses,” she starts telling me. “I remembered the look of panic when you were told to pay thousands. So, I’ve been working with Tatay on a way to get you out of it.”
I sniffle a bit more. She wipes more tears away.
“You mentioned going to Mr. Cartwright’s funeral and I couldn’t get that out of my head.
Why did Ms. Cartwright point fingers at you?
Sure, not a lot of people went to the library.
But our neighbours have overdue books too.
Katelyn from the street over—the one with five kids—has over three hundred overdue books and that’s all from the past five years, but Ms. Cartwright didn’t sue them. There had to be a reason.”
“Was there?” I wipe my nose with the sleeve of my shirt. Rosa makes an eugh sound in the back.
Nadine nods, solemnly. “Mr. Cartwright left a will. According to his lawyer, he was going to submit it before he died.”
“He liked handwriting his notes,” I’m trying to make sense of this. Mr. Cartwright loved me, he never would have approved Ms. Cartwright’s choices.
“He did,” a slow, bright smile curves the bottom part of her face. “ Tatay found it. Don’t ask him how, but we submitted it to his lawyer for verification.” She blows out a long breath. “If it turns out to be his handwriting, Nova…” She grabs my arms. “Mr. Cartwright left the library to you .”
I have to replay Nadine’s words. It doesn’t sink in until the fifth time .
“Why me?” I ask, still.
“There was only one person who loved books more than him,” Rosa notes.
Me .
“No one knew about his will. Ms. Cartwright thought she’d easily win the lawsuit and get rid of you.”
“Would this mean…” I swallow hard. “I don’t have to pay?”
Nadine laughs. A full, belly laugh. “Yes, Nova. It means that the whole library is yours. I doubt people are their own debt collectors.”
Mr. Cartwright and I have always had a great friendship. One that stems from our love for stories, but I never knew it went this deep. If the will comes back authentic and he left the library to me—my throat tightens with unshed tears.
I’ve always been seen.
“Okay enough of this serious talk,” Rosa pulls out an envelope from beneath her and throws it at me. “Dean asked me to give this to you and I need to know what it is.”
I blink a couple of times. “He?—”
“ Yes , oh my god. Just open it.”
I’m on automatic when I tear open the envelope.
“What is this?” I try to read the words, but there’s a lot of legal terms. The only thing I understand is OHIP written at the top.
Rosa takes the paper from me and reads it.
Then she gasps. “Excuse me while I go jump off a cliff.”
“What is it?” I ask, impatiently when Nadine takes the paper from her. She gasps too.
“Can someone tell me?” I whine, trying to get the paper.
“I always thought Nova was into the nonchalant type,” she snickers.
“Dean’s the type to have a panic attack if she doesn’t reply,” Rosa laughs with her. “He followed her here and did this .”
“ Guys .”
They look at me. It’s Nadine that says, “He got your migraine medication approved by OHIP.”
“That’s impossible,” I snatch the letter. It takes a lot of fight reading over the words and keeping head pain at bay. It’s true. Despite not having a proper diagnosis, they’re offering full coverage.
“Plan on forgiving him now?” Rosa pushes by asking.
He went to the extent of meeting with someone and getting this approved. They don’t do this easily. In fact, when I went once, they told me there was nothing they could do, and I had to leave with no hope. Dean, that romantic. He’s trying to make it up to me.
Let’s see how long he can be on his knees.