Chapter Forty-Three #3
I lay down beside him on the bed. Edmond hopped off. We snuggled into each other, locking fingers, and stayed there quietly for several minutes.
“I’ll be back soon,” I whispered.
“You just got here, and you’re already leaving.”
It wasn’t an accusation. It was the same unbearable sadness that was pressing down upon me. “I haven’t even unpacked, and I’m already packing.”
He poked me in a way that said yes and also that was a good one .
We were tired. We fell asleep together, jolting awake to Jess’s voice. “Aw,” she said, grinning at us from the doorway.
I bolted upright with a racing heart, in the disoriented panic that sometimes occurs after an unplanned nap. “I have to pack!”
Macon swept me back down onto the bed and into his arms. “You aren’t leaving yet. I’ll help you finish tonight.” He sealed the promise with a kiss to my forehead. It felt so comforting to be coddled that I almost forgot about Jess. Then I realized my sister was standing behind her, scrutinizing us.
I was surprised that Macon’s shyness hadn’t kicked in; I didn’t know all of his limits yet. It gladdened me that he was comfortable showing affection in front of other people. I leaned into his hug and didn’t want him to ever let go.
After dinner, a chickpea potpie with fresh thyme and a golden lattice crust, we filled two thermoses with peppermint hot chocolate to share (because we didn’t own four), tuned in to the Christmas radio station, and drove to Thistle Lake.
On one of the streets behind the lake was a stretch of garish and spectacularly overdecorated houses.
The road was slow and crowded, and Riley and Jess rolled down the windows and demanded that Macon turn up the volume.
We cruised the lighted thoroughfare three times, my sister and her fiancée singing at the top of their lungs and delighting in the lawn crammed with hundreds of kitsch vintage blow molds, the Ferris wheel stuffed with teddy bears wearing Santa hats, and the McMansion frosted in an elaborate gingerbread overlay with rainbow sugary icicles.
I joined in for some of the songs, and Macon laughed the whole time, embarrassed but happy.
“Man,” Jess said as we were heading back. “I miss shit like this when I’m in Istanbul.”
“American tackiness?” Macon said.
“ Yes . I love it.”
“You’re going to Disney World after the season ends for your honeymoon, right?” he asked.
Jess laughed. “I hear the judgment in your voice.”
“I swear that was my normal voice.”
“Have you ever been to Disney World?” Riley asked him.
Macon smiled because he knew this was a test. My family didn’t travel much outside of Florida when I was a kid, but we’d spent a fair amount of time at the theme parks near our house.
I wasn’t fanatical like Riley and Jess, but I did have a fondness for them, and Macon knew it.
“Once,” he said. “My aunt took me when I was seven, maybe eight.”
“I’m imagining a tiny, grouchy you in Mickey ears, and it’s adorable,” I said.
“I had a good time,” he insisted.
“We’ve gotta get you back there,” Jess said. “Next time you visit, we’ll all go.”
It had never occurred to me to ask Macon if he would ever go to a theme park with my family. It was almost impossible to imagine him riding a flying elephant. “ Would you consider going?” I asked.
His head cocked as he pondered the question for several seconds. “I would be amenable to joining you.”
Amenable! He actually said that. As Riley and Jess cracked up, my heart swelled, and I wanted to eat him up, I loved him so much.
He frowned. “No ears.”
“I would never,” I promised.
Macon and I gave our bed to Riley and Jess because we’d forgotten to figure out the air mattress situation, and I believed my sister might murder me if she wasn’t properly rested before our road trip.
Also, I felt guilty for giving an air mattress to a professional athlete whose livelihood depended on taking care of her body.
As we slowly sank to the study floor in the pitch dark, we agreed that we should turn Edmond’s room into a guest bedroom before my parents’ visit.
“We’ll have to buy a bed,” I said miserably. “Mattresses are so expensive.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“No, I’ll figure it out. I’ll find a way to pay for half.”
“Ingrid.”
“I will, I’ll figure it out.”
“Would you please let me do this for you? For us?”
The air mattress reached a new deflation point, and our bodies rolled into each other. As we struggled away, he accidentally grazed my face and felt my tears. “Oh my God.” He sounded worried. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to. You can pay for half. We haven’t talked about finances yet—”
“It’s not that,” I said.
“It’s not?”
“It’s not only that.”
“What’s the matter?”
I sniffled. “I hate crying in front of you now.”
“ Why? ”
“Because I’ve done it so much this year. And because of your mom. You don’t need any more—”
“Please leave her out of this. I promise it’s not the same thing. I want you to be able to cry in front of me. What’s going on?”
“It’s just… I’m going to miss you so much. I don’t want to go.”
Although we were already pressed against each other, he gathered me even closer. He buried his face in my hair, inhaled, and sighed. “Mango citrus.” And then he swore, readjusting his back against the floor. “I’ll miss you, too, but I’ll be right here when you return.”
“Not right here, I hope.”
He laughed and kissed the side of my neck. “Even when you’re sad, you’re funny.”
“I’m very sad.”
He kissed my throat. My lips.
“Very sad,” I said again. Less sadly.
I kissed him back and felt him smile against me.
Our hands roamed. Our mouths. We crawled off the rustling air mattress.
The hardwood was cold underneath us, so our shirts and socks stayed on.
In the darkness, his hands found my hips, guiding us both.
He pushed into me and stifled a groan. I bit his lip to further silence him.
He pushed in deeper, and I bit my own. I rocked slowly, taking my time.
We gripped on to each other, searching for more comfortable positions, pushing and rocking, promising ourselves there was no reason to hurry.
I grew tearful again in the morning, and our kiss goodbye was wet.
I couldn’t make sense of why I was so upset over one week apart.
I tried to stay upbeat in the car for Riley and Jess, pretending I was only worried about leaving the store.
I didn’t want to put a damper on their celebration.
Also, I was highly aware that immediately after they married, Jess would fly back out of the country while I would be returning to Macon. Sulking would have been unkind.
We’d not been on the road for long when Riley swiveled around in the passenger seat to interrogate me. “So, when are you gonna get another car?”
“I don’t know that I am,” I said, surprising myself.
“Maybe we’ll get a second e-bike and share his car.
” We hadn’t discussed it, but Macon loved my bike, and it made sense, financially and environmentally.
His house was within easy distance of my store.
“He could put me on his car insurance, right?”
Jess glanced at me in the rearview mirror. “You and Cory were never on each other’s insurance?”
“No, we had our own cars. We didn’t need to be.”
“We’re on each other’s insurance,” Riley said pointing between her and Jess.
“Yeah, but you’re getting married,” I said.
Riley shrugged. “We did it a couple of years ago.”
It felt as if I’d fallen into a trap, but I didn’t quite understand what it was. Riley clarified it with her next question. “Do you think you’ll marry Macon?”
I gaped at her boldness, then shook my head with a sputtering laugh.
“Is that a no?” Riley asked.
I turned my gaze away from her. “No.”
“So is that a yes?”
“We’ve been together for six weeks. We haven’t exactly talked about it.”
“But you moved in together.”
“Yeah, because we’ve known each other for years.” How many times did I have to repeat it?
“Does Macon want to get married someday?”
“Like I said”—my voice tightened—“we haven’t discussed it.”
“But do you know how he feels about marriage in general? Does he ever want to get married?”
There were no circumstances under which I would have proposed.
They’re both married with children, living lives I’ve never wanted.
Why bother at all?
The back seat was hot. “I don’t know.”
“Do you ever want to get married?”
Boiling. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe we should talk about something else,” Jess said, finally interrupting.
“No, this is important.” Riley removed her sunglasses to prove her point.
“You moved in with a guy without talking about the future. He’s had a number of long-term girlfriends, none of whom he married.
And if neither of you ever wants to get married, that’s fine!
But if one of you does and the other doesn’t… Iggy. It’s not your house.”
“I know!” I snapped.
My sister’s voice cracked and softened. “It’s just that I don’t want another eleven years to pass before you figure this out, because you’d be the one who would have to leave. You’d be the one starting over with nothing.”
I was stunned. I felt ambushed. I didn’t know what to say.
“Listen, I like the guy,” she said, still gently. “He’s kind and respectful, he’s helped you so much with the bookstore and everything else this year, he let you paint his house your favorite colors, and he goggles at you like…”
“You’re the only person in any room,” Jess said.
“Exactly,” Riley said. “Your friendship reminds me of what you had with Cory, but your interests seem a lot more compatible. Macon seems like a guy who’d rather stay at home.”
“ I’d rather stay at home.”
“I know. That’s what I mean.” When I didn’t say anything else, her shoulders drooped, and she put her sunglasses back on. “I’m sure you know what you’re doing. I’m sure everything is fine. Just… think about having a conversation with him about this before you unpack all those boxes.”