Chapter 4
The bar calmed down after the last game got over at the other rink, and I could walk away for a minute to check on the guys. I didn’t need to check on the kids; I knew they were undoubtedly being minions, but I needed to check that the guys were still alright.
I half expected them to be tied up in the corner while Emmie and Toby terrorized them.
Instead, I found Emmie in the goal at the far end of the ice, working on stick work with Crasher’s goalie, Trace. Travis skated around the crease, sending pucks at my daughter, who wasn’t wearing her hockey gear, but avoided any impact thanks to his strategic aim.
He was in his hockey gear, and dammit—my mouth watered.
Like usual. His black hockey pants sat on his hips, and then the tight athletic shirt he wore was cut off at the sleeves, baring his massive biceps and tattoos to my stupidly depraved eyes.
Travis was just so dang big, he defied logic, and my body couldn’t help but wonder if all of him was large.
I hoped to the shiny sun goddess above that he was, because a man like that deserved to have a big dick.
Not that I’d ever see it, but that didn’t stop a girl from fantasizing.
In another life, Travis was exactly the kind of man I could see myself with. Strong. Reliant. Protective. Dominant. All the things that made the girly parts inside of me go sweet. But those parts of me never saw the light of day anymore, life had dulled them out and hardened around them.
Now, I didn’t go for men at all, thanks to self-celibacy and a downright refusal to trust again, they kept me on the outside looking in. Which was fine, since I was too busy to want anything for myself anyway.
But in moments like that, watching him care for my daughter and help her, I could almost stop moving long enough to wonder.
“Mom!” Toby rushed over to me, climbing up the bleachers in his uncoordinated fury. “Can I have an empty jar?”
“A what?” I asked, pushing his dark brown hair back off his forehead. “What is all over your face?” I rubbed my thumb over the brown smear up the side of his cheek. “Is this poop or chocolate?”
“Chocolate.” He replied instantly. “Coach Sunshine got me a hockey puck made of chocolate out of the vending machine!”
Because of course Elliot gave my kid sugar.
“Jesus.” I muttered, “Where’s the rest of it?”
He blinked up at me for half a beat and then pointed at his stomach. “Right here.”
“You ate it all?” I hissed, counting the minutes until he no doubt puked it all back up. His stomach was weaker than my sense of humor after eight pm.
“So, the jar?” he asked again, hopping from foot to foot. “Can I go get one?”
“What do you—” I stopped myself and stared at the ceiling for a moment. “You know what, I don’t even want to know what for. There’s a plastic one behind the bar, have at it.”
“Sweet!” He jumped up and then took off toward the jar he no doubt planned to put something incredibly gross into.
Elliot skated over to the open boards, and I had to focus on getting down the stairs in one piece without falling on my face, because he was shirtless and covered in a delicious layer of sweat that made me wonder what his abs would feel like pressed against my bare breasts with him on top of me.
“Hey Boss.” He winked. “Come to steal the gremlins from us already?”
Get a grip, girl.
Elliot was insanely ripped; his washboard abs and defined pecs made my mouth water like a dying man in the Sahara staring at an oasis mirage. He looked so good, but I knew he wasn’t real—remember I had a depraved mind, after all.
Snorting as I got to the bottom step. “I would have thought you’d be begging for reprieve by now.”
He scoffed and grinned, “Not me, no way. I’m having a fucking blast.”
My heart pitter-pattered a little at the genuine joy on his lit-up face. “Seriously?”
“Seriously,” His smile dropped a bit. “Why?”
I shrugged, hating the guilt I felt at expecting everyone to hate being around my kids like that. “Never mind.”
“Hey,” He dropped his smile completely and pulled me to the boards by my wrist. Even being a step above him, he still towered over me in his skates.
Tipping my head back to look up at him, I was instantly reminded how good it felt to feel small next to a strong man. In a feminine way. “What’s wrong?”
Sighing, I tried to deflect like usual, “Nothing. I appreciate you watching them for me.”
“Frankie.” He urged, pressing me with the steady firmness of his kind voice.
“You can talk to me.” His hand lingered on my wrist, and I didn’t ache to step away like I normally did around men.
Part of me even wanted to be close to him.
It was the same way I felt the other night with Travis, watching him help Emmie out on the ice.
What the hell was wrong with me, getting my head all twisted around two different men suddenly, after years of indifference. “Please.” Eli added, and I groaned.
“Don’t be kind to me.” I whispered, closing my eyes to all the other noises and sights in the rink. “I can’t do kind.”
“Is that why you fall in line for Trav so easily?” He asked, and my eyes popped open in surprise.
One, what the hell was he talking about, and two, why the hell was he talking about it?
We were running straight past acquaintance conversation and falling into something that felt way too personal. “Because he isn’t kind?”
“Excuse you?” I asked firmer than I probably needed to, and his answering smirk made my scowl deepen.
“Yep.” He let go of my wrist and sighed, “There it is.”
“There what is?” I asked, putting my hands on my hips, slightly offended, even though I had no idea what he was talking about. The man talked in circles, distracting me with his pretty-boy good looks and charisma. I hated that.
I hated that it worked, even more.
“That wall.” He shook his head, “That impenetrable wall you keep up, forcing everyone to stay just far enough away so you can shoulder everything on your own.”
“Got it!” Toby called out, flying down the stairs at breakneck speed and forcing us to pay attention to him. “Hey! Coach Grumpy!” Toby waved around the jar. “You owe me ten bucks for double no-no words!”
Travis looked over at us, and his eyes went from Elliot to me, standing on each side of the low wall, and darkened, before he turned his attention to my little boy waving the plastic jar around.
“I’ll even up after practice.” He called, and his dark eyes traveled back to me before he turned away completely.
“Ha!” Toby chuckled, “Swear jar for the win!”
“No.” I replied, “You’re not charging them for the swear jar.”
“Why not?” Toby whined, “You have to pay into it.”
“Because I’m your mom, and I’m desperately trying to be a better person so I can be a good example for you two. Random guys at the rink who are trying to help us out are not going to pay your fee!”
“Aw, c’mon.” Toby whined, walking away down the bleachers in defeat, and then I was forced to acknowledge the six-foot Greek god standing in front of me again, toeing the line of wants and can’t haves with me.
“I think maybe you should take a look around, Frankie.” Elliot said softly, skating backward away from me.
“We’re not all just a bunch of random guys at the rink.
” His normally kind and cheerful face pinched together like he was disappointed in me.
“If you’d stop pushing us all away, you might find that one or two of us could be exactly the kind of example that your kiddos could use. ”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I pushed, crossing my arms.
Elliot shook his head in frustration. “It means you don’t have to do everything on your own, woman.
” He raised his brows pointedly, and I hated how his tone excited me more than it offended me.
I’d never seen him be serious before. “You could let a man in and let him take care of things.” He held his hands out, showcasing the way the entire team was rallying, pitching in and helping with my kids in a pinch.
Sure, he was right. Any of the men on the team would be a good example for my kids to have in their lives as my partner, I wasn’t dumb enough to ignore that.
But I was too broken to allow it.
“Sure thing.” I replied, backing up a step and putting my hands in my jean pockets. “I’ll ask Coach Rick out sometime. Thanks for the idea.”
He rolled his eyes but cracked a smile. I could tell he was frustrated with me, men always were, but he was too sweet to hold it against me. Even if I wanted to box his ears for thinking he could be.
“Sure thing, Black Cat.” He replied, using that new nickname for the second time tonight. I didn’t even hate it. “While you’re at it, ask your mom if she’s free next weekend. I’ve always had a thing for sweet ol’ Mrs. Blake.”
I turned away, flipping him off over my shoulder as Toby’s annoying whistle blew. “Bird flying!” He screamed for everyone to hear. “Five bucks!”
I waved him off and hollered back, “Coach Sunshine can pay my bill.”
Elliot’s chuckle from the ice was enough to bring a smile to my lips as I walked away. But only because no one could see it. Couldn’t have anyone thinking I was nice or something.
I eyed the clock again, knowing that if I stayed any longer, the kids were going to be bears in the morning when they had to get up. But I also had a bar full of people and no one to take over for me.
Mom fail number eight thousand.
And that was just this week’s tally.
I took a deep breath to keep from crumbling under the weight of it all and stopped short when my mom walked in through the front door on a breeze like she was walking some runway in Milan.
“Mom?” I shook my head, walking around the bar. “What are you doing?”
“Picking the kids up.” She said effortlessly. “I told them I would be back at nine.”
“What?” I rubbed my forehead as I tried to understand what was happening. “They said you have a stomach bug or something.”
“Hey, Lucy.” Coach Rick greeted my mom with a quick peck on her cheek. “You look beautiful tonight.”