Chapter 26
Fear.
Adrenaline.
Exhaustion.
Burn out.
All of those emotions had rushed through my body earlier, consuming me and threatening to pull me back under, into that black void I sank into after Toby was born. Yet straddling Eli’s lap, with Travis’s hands tracing every inch of my body from beside me, I couldn’t feel anything but need.
It was like my body instantly let go of everything else when they touched me, and all I was left with was a physical cry for more.
I should have been worrying about every single possible thing that could go wrong, knowing that my past was back to haunt me. But I couldn’t.
Not when they were so effectively committing themselves to me.
To my kids.
To make this a real-life fairy tale.
“You don’t have to be strong anymore,” Eli urged, clued in to how my body and brain were battling each other, even as I rocked in his lap, teasing us both.
“I don’t know how not to be.”
“Let us show you.” Travis said, voice tender, as he stood up and pulled my shirt up over my head until I sat in Eli’s lap in just my lace bralette and jeans.
And then Eli’s lips were on mine again, deeper, more urgently as Travis’s strong hands massaged my shoulders from behind.
“You promised to do something extra special tonight,” I whispered, looking at Travis over my shoulder. “But then you got hurt, and my body won’t slow down, even though I know you need to rest.”
Travis scoffed and lifted me off Eli’s lap, cradling me against his big barrel chest as he started walking through the house.
“Tonight isn’t the night for that, but it’s for something deeper.
Something more permanent.” He vowed, as Eli nodded his agreement as he followed us, “Tonight, we make this real. We make this everlasting. We make this forever.”
I swooned at his words, trying to convince my brain to believe them.
“Tonight is the first night of the rest of forever.” Eli affirmed, clicking switches as we walked into a dark room, and a soft glow emanated from lamps on two bedside tables on each side of a massive bed. “Tomorrow, we start making changes to how we all live. Tomorrow we become one unit.”
God. I was eating every word up like a desperate bitch, needy for their devotion and commitment.
“Prove it.”
And then I was surrounded by them.
Their touches.
Their scents.
Their words of devotion and longing.
For the first time in years, I believed it too. In the dark warmth of Travis Hayes’s secret home in the woods, I became theirs.
No more doubt.
No more thinking it was too good to be true.
I made love for the first time in my life.
To not just one man, but two best friends.
Two of my best friends.
And I’d never be the same.
I dreamed of coffee.
And maple syrup.
The warm combination of the two melted into something more sensual as warmth built in my belly as if Travis’s hand was still there, against the soft spot below my belly button he seemed to obsess over touching when we slept.
But when I rolled over, the soft morning light filtered in through my lashes, and the sheets were cold where his big warm body had been all night.
In pure stubbornness, I refused to open my eyes and accept that my time in the warm, cozy cabin was coming to an end, so I reached back toward the side that Eli had snuggled me from all night.
Yet the same cold void met my fingertips, and I growled in discontent, forcing my eyes to open.
It hadn’t been a dream, that much was clear until the room came into focus. Travis’s room.
It was bare except for the freshly sanded wood and white walls surrounding the bed and end tables. But it was perfect.
And I hated how I could already envision the things I’d do to it if I had any say in decorating it. In turning it from a house into a home.
Trav and Eli insisted that was exactly what was going to happen, but I still felt like it was too far gone to believe. Especially in the morning light without their bodies distracting me.
For a long moment, I just lay there, staring at the slant of sunlight spilling through the wooden shutter blinds on the windows, listening to the low sounds coming from the grand living space beyond the open bedroom door.
Pots clinking, and a soft hum I recognized as Travis’s.
It felt—domestic. And that felt dangerous.
I eased my body out of the cold sheets and pulled on my Net Crashers Jersey that had somehow materialized from the living room where I left it last night.
As soon as it fell over my skin, however, I realized it was far too big to be mine; the fabric fell to my knees, and the sleeves hung far past my fingertips.
I walked into the bathroom and turned my back to face the big mirror hanging over the sink and smiled to myself when I read the name above the logo.
Hayes.
This man.
Of course, Travis would leave his jersey for me to wear in his dominant, manly way.
I padded barefoot from the bedroom, heading for the smells and sounds that beckoned me like a siren on a shore.
Travis was standing at the stove, shirtless, wearing a pair of low-slung jeans that showed off the delicious muscles of his massive body as he flipped pancakes.
The hand towel slung over his shoulder further pushed that vibe of domestication through the air.
His hair was damp from a shower, curling slightly at the ends above the tattoo that ran up the back of his neck.
Damn, my body tightened from simply ogling him in the warm morning sunrise.
“Good morning, Shade,” He said without looking back at me. “Coffee’s on the counter. Thought you might need it after last night.”
I arched a brow. “You mean after you two kept me up all night long with that terribly slow, and boring sex?”
He glared over his shoulder at me and then his lips curved, “Kept you calling out our names and begging for more until three o'clock this morning.”
I poured a cup of coffee, trying to hide the way my cheeks heated. “Where’s Eli?”
“Getting the kids.”
I froze, coffee halfway to my mouth. “He’s what?”
Travis glanced at me, plating the last pancake from the built-in griddle taking up half of the massive industrial-size range, his eyes warm and steady. “We figured they’d like to see where their mom was hiding out. And maybe eat a pancake or two with us.”
Seconds later, the sound of a truck pulling up the long gravel driveway reached us, and my chest felt too tight to breathe.
“Your pants are on the back of the chair,” Travis winked, and nodded to the door. “Go welcome your babies into my home.”
I stepped onto the porch, moving on autopilot with my pants firmly in place, thank God, as Eli came around the side of the porch.
Emmie was on his shoulders, and Toby clung to his hand, chatting a million miles an hour about how tall Eli’s truck was.
The three of them looked like they’d been making that walk up the path every day of their lives, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Like just maybe, it was something that could actually be mine.
I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t breathe.
If I did, I felt like it would all disappear like a mirage in a desert, too damn good to be true.
“Mama!” Toby cheered, jumping up the steps and flinging himself into my arms. “Sunshine says we’re having pancakes for breakfast! Grandma was going to make us eat oatmeal again,” He grimaced and stuck his tongue out, “Pancakes are so much better!”
I chuckled, kissing his cheek as Eli winked at me, sliding Emmie off his shoulders. “They sure do smell good too,” I kissed Emmie’s forehead, pushing her hair out of her face. “Let’s go in where it’s warm.”
The kids raced through the front door, cheering about syrup and how awesome Travis’s home was. Eli wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me into his chest as he laid a kiss on my neck. “As good as you look in a Net Crasher’s jersey, I’ll make sure it’s mine next time.”
I leaned into him, welcoming his warmth and fresh scent of his aftershave as we watched the kids jump up onto the stools at the counter. “I’ll wear your things anytime.”
“Mmh,” He growled as we walked in the front door. “I think I like it better when you wear nothing at all.”
“Fiend.” I hissed and then shook off the cold as he closed the door behind us and kicked off his boots.
Joining the kids at the island, Emmie immediately hassled Travis, who had put a shirt on, for the biggest pancake on the platter while Toby tried to negotiate with him for chocolate chips.
And the big, burly man handled them like he had been doing it for years. Eli joined, moving around the kitchen with easy confidence, pouring juice, handing plates to Travis to fill, and even catching Emmie as she almost toppled off her stool in excitement.
Something somewhere in my chest started to take root. Something soft, something warm.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like I was just surviving.
I felt like I was finally home.