Chapter 37
“Shh,” I whispered, running my fingers through Eli’s hair, strumming them as he closed his eyes again and took another deep breath. “I’m not jealous of Travis, Eli.” I stated firmly but with a soft voice. “I’m not jealous that you found pleasure in him.”
Eli wouldn’t open his eyes again, and I could tell how wrecked he was, and I hated that I forced this on him.
Again.
“We won’t do it again,” I said evenly, “It’s okay.”
“The fuck we won’t.” Trav said firmly from behind me, and I whipped my head around to stare at him with daggers.
“Shut it.”
“No,” He stood up and walked back to the bed, and Eli rolled away from me to stand on the side of it.
They were both naked, I mean damn, we all were, but they were standing there, facing each other with their massively strong and muscular bodies on display and I hated how I ended up getting distracted by it all, again.
“We will not shy away from things that make us uncomfortable if it’s what we want.
” Trav turned his disapproving glare my way, “That’s your M.O. , not mine.”
“Me?” I sputtered, jumping up off the bed in frustration, “What the hell did I do?”
“You run!” Trav bellowed and then took a deep breath, hands on his hips in tight fists before he dropped them and his eyes flicked between us.
He wasn’t angry or mocking, there was only a calm, grounded power there, like he was the only one who saw straight through the mess.
“You’re both twisting yourselves in knots because of something that isn’t wrong.
It’s not broken. You enjoyed it, Elliot, good. That’s the point!”
Eli’s laugh was bitter, “The point? Since when is me getting off on your hands the point?”
Trav walked around the bed until they stood toe to toe, and his voice dropped low until it was more deliberate.
As if the words should be felt, not heard.
“Since we decided we weren’t playing the boring game of monogamy.
We’re polyamorous, I don’t know if you two haven’t noticed, but we’re not dividing ourselves into neat little boxes, forced to stay behind lines that others drew for us.
It doesn’t mean I’m only allowed to touch her, or you’re only allowed to touch her.
It means we share. We explore. We find what feels good together.
I’m way too fucking old to be limiting myself to what others expect.
I did that, and I never found happiness.
True fucking happiness. But with you two,” He turned and looked at me, “Both of you, I’m happy! ”
He wrapped his hand around the back of Eli’s neck, pulling him toward him, in that manly way that always made me weak in the knees.
“Monogamy is about exclusivity. One partner. One path. But that’s not what we’re doing, man.
” He loosened his grip on Eli and looked at me again.
“We’re poly. Which means there are no walls here.
No one is cheating. No one is betraying anyone. It’s the three of us. All in.”
My throat went tight as I took a step toward them, “But what if, what if it’s too much? What if it changes things? You have to know that there are going to be judgements from the world, are you prepared for that?”
“Am I going to scream from the rooftops that I shot my load watching my best friend stroke his cock?” Trav deadpanned, “No, the same way I wouldn’t tell any of the guys on the team that I got so fucking hard knowing they were looking at your braless tits while you secretly cleared out the locker room for us to do that.
” He held his hand out to me, “It’s none of their fucking business what we do behind closed doors.
It’s ours.” When I was within reach, Eli grabbed my other hand, Trav’s hold still on his neck.
“It doesn’t change what we feel, though.
It just changes how we show it when we’re together.
Your body reacting to both of us? That's not wrong. Eli enjoying my touch when we’re both ruining him?
That’s not wrong either. It’s just more.
And more isn’t bad if we’re all on board with it. ”
Eli’s shoulders sagged, his breath shaky. “You always make everything sound so simple. Like you aren’t self-conscious or worried about anything outside of these walls.”
“It’s because I’m not.” Travis’s mouth curved just the slightest. “I’ve dated dozens of women—”
I growled in a very unladylike way, and Eli chuckled softly, but Travis just pursed his lips at me, unimpressed.
“And I’ve never felt anything toward any of them like I do when I’m here, with both of you, just like this. We’re not rewriting the rules of the universe here. We’re rewriting ours. And ours says no guilt. No shame. Only what we want, what we choose, together.”
Silence hung thick, but it wasn’t heavy anymore. It was settling. Safe.
I let out a shaky laugh, tears prickling my eyes as his resounding strength and belief in me, in Eli, in us hit me in the feels. “How are you always so strong and confident, giving both of us exactly what we need before we even know what it is?”
His thumb brushed my knuckles. “Because love is natural with you two, Shade. Complicated as hell, sure. Some days it feels like I’m managing four toddlers instead of just two.
” Eli punched him in the gut, and he grunted with a smirk, but I couldn’t move as the L word echoed in my ears. “But it’s never wrong. It’s right.”
When Eli finally took a deep breath, his eyes were raw but calmer, squeezing my hand, and I knew Travis was right. We weren’t going to break apart under the pressure of the unknown. We were only just beginning to figure out how to fit together as broken pieces coming together as one.
The storm had broken, but the quiet that followed felt heavier than anything. Our bare skin pressed together as we tangled in bed, with the softness of the sheets covering us in the gentle silence.
Trav leaned up against the headboard with a pillow across his lap, nestling my head, steady and warm, always supporting me. Eli lay across the end of the bed with my foot on his stomach as he absently rubbed it, staring at the ceiling.
It should have been awkward, should have been unbearable after all the things we were all processing, but it wasn’t.
Travis made it simple.
No shame, no guilt, just us.
“You said it like it was nothing.” I stammered before I could stop myself as I finally addressed the main issue.
Eli didn’t mention it, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure he even caught it at the moment.
But Trav didn’t say it without meaning to.
He never did anything unintentionally. “Like it wasn’t—huge. ”
Trav hummed low, brushing his fingers through my hair fanned out over the pillow, as Eli leaned up on one elbow. “Said what?”
I smiled, closing my eyes as my initial thoughts were proven right by Eli’s confusion. “That this is love.” The word felt dangerous on my tongue. Fragile even. “Said it like the word itself was easy.”
Eli stiffened, and then he laid back down on the bed to stare back up at the ceiling.
“It isn’t easy. Not for me. I’m not—” He shrugged, and my heart broke for him as his doubt radiated off him like a noxious gas trying to take us all out.
Was that how Travis felt when I doubted myself?
“I’m not worthy of that. Not from you or her. ”
My chest tightened, shame rising like bile. “Me either. I’ve screwed up too much, been broken too badly, too many times. You both deserve someone who—”
“Stop.” Travis’s voice cut through, sharp but steady, like a command we both leaned into.
His fingers tightened in my hair until my eyelids fluttered closed.
“Love isn’t about who deserves it,” he said, voice rough with a conviction I craved.
“It’s about whom you give it to. And I’m giving it to you.
Both of you. Without hesitation. Without doubt.
It’s not conditional. It’s not earned like some damn trophy for your hard work and dedication.
It just is.” I opened my eyes and looked up into his, burning back into me before he shifted them to Eli, unflinching, and I knew Eli was staring back at him.
“So quit telling me why you don’t deserve it.
Quit trying to hand it back. It’s already yours. ”
“Once again,” Eli sighed, “You make it sound so easy.”
“Because it is,” Travis murmured, wiping his thumb over a tear that escaped from my lashes and ran down into my hair without bringing attention to it.
“Love’s supposed to be the simplest thing in the world, even when the rest is complicated as hell.
So let me make this clear to both of you.
” Travis’s fingers tightened again, pulling my head up to face him as another tear spilled onto his abs.
“I love you, Frankie Blake, and I can’t imagine ever waking up without your warmth and the laughter you’ve brought to my house with you surrounding me every single day. ”
“I love you too.” I whispered and leaned in to kiss him, feeling the conviction in his touch that my mind wouldn’t believe through his words alone.
When I pulled back, I turned and found Eli sitting up on the bed, watching us, and held my hand out for him. He slid behind me, wrapping his arms around my body and his legs ended up pressed against Trav’s side.
Our strong and dominant man wrapped his hand around the back of Eli’s neck again, holding him steady.
“I love you too, Eli.” Eli smiled, but I could feel his brush-off coming, no doubt making some joke about friendship and years of camaraderie, but Trav silenced him.
“I’m in love with you, the same way I am with Frankie.
I can’t imagine a day going by without having you here, right here, in this bed, in this home, beside me.
We might have started as friends and teammates, building it into some sort of brotherhood, but now, I want more. I want you, Eli.”
“Hell,” Eli groaned. “I thought I was going insane the last few weeks as this shifted.”
Trav smiled that cocky smirk and then leaned in until his face was right in front of Eli’s. I covered my lips to keep from gasping like a freaking loser as they hovered, an inch away, a breath apart. “I think tonight proved that this was more than just friendship. I want more than that.”
“Prove it.” Eli challenged, tightening his arm around my waist even as he shared a moment with Trav that I felt like I wasn’t worthy of watching.
Trav closed the distance and kissed Eli.
It wasn’t the kiss I’d built up in my head each time I fantasized about this moment.
I’d half expected something macho, with chests colliding, teeth clashing, fueled by nothing but testosterone and pride.
Yet, it wasn’t soft either, not tender or worshipful like when they kissed me, mouths coaxing me open with patience and heat.
It was—hungry. Demanding. A collision of needs neither of them knew how to put into words.
Travis’s hand pulled Eli in at the back of his neck, steady and sure.
Eli leaned forward as if he’d been waiting years for it, lips moving against Travis’s with a desperation that stole my breath.
There was nothing delicate about it, just heat and tension, the scrape of Eli’s stubble against Trav’s beard, the rough sound of two men giving in to something bigger than labels.
And it worked. God, it worked.
I felt the tremor run through Eli’s body still wrapped around mine as they pulled back enough to whisper, “I don’t know how to do this. But I don’t want to stop. Because I love you both too.”
“We’ll figure it out,” I said when they pulled back to look at me, both looking a little sheepish for having a moment without me, but my body and heart was floating on cloud nine as they both got something they deserved for so long. “Together. That’s what love does.”
For the first time in a long, long time, I let myself believe in someone else.
Two men who broke down every barrier I thought I’d perfected building around my heart and crashed through them like they were never there to begin with.