Chapter 12
“Emma, is there something wrong with your food?”
I’m not paying attention to him and pushing the grilled chicken in my Caesar salad around. I’m troubled by his constant push for me to work for him. I want to get a position on my merits, not that I’m fucking the boss.
“I thought about it, and I don’t think I should work for you. I should stay at my position at Scarborough.”
Jordan looks up from his lunch of cold poached salmon and purses his lips. I can only imagine what he’s going to say.
“I think it’s a mistake for you not to come over from Scarborough.”
“Is it so terrible that we’re not together all the time? That I don’t work for you?”
“Emma, you already work for me.”
“Huh?”
He puts his fork down and gives me his full attention, “I’m majority owner in Scarborough. Robert was having some issues raising funds for another project. He came to me and asked for my help. We made a deal that I would give him the money if he would give me the controlling share of the publishing company. Once he pays back the loan with below-market interest, he will receive his controlling ownership back.”
I frown at him and raise my voice, “Why didn’t you tell me this before we started to date? Did you know who I was before you met me at the club?”
“I knew of you. As a businessman, I like to know my employees. I went through everyone’s file upon majority ownership.”
“You knew what I looked like then. A picture was taken of me when I was hired and put in my file.”
“I did, and yes, it was in your file.”
“Did you seek me out, Jordan? Or did you recognize me from my picture?”
“Why are you getting so upset?”
“I want to know if you found me purely by accident, or you followed me.”
“I didn’t follow you. I have an interest in Haze. I was there to check out Nathaniel. Dino told me about him, and I wanted to see if he would be a good fit for my other clubs.”
“Oh, and yet another piece of information you neglected to tell me. How much more shit am I going to find out that you’ve been hiding from me?”
“Emma, please. You don’t understand.”
“What don’t I understand? That you’ve been following me? How long?”
“I wasn’t following you. It was a coincidence that we met at Haze. Christ, I’m not a stalker for fuck’s sake.”
“That’s exactly what it looks like. You speak of coincidence, but it all fits. You took ownership of Scarborough; then, you meet me in Haze, a place you also own. To top it off, you’re courting my roommate for a job? Was that your plan? Get to me through Nathaniel? He’s dealt with a lot of shit in his life. He doesn’t need to be duped. ”
“I was doing no such thing. I didn’t know Nate was your roommate. Dino hired him.”
I leave my lunch and stand up to head to the bedroom. I grab my purse and phone then go to the elevator, punching the down button.
“You’re going to leave? Why?” Jordan yells.
“You haven’t been honest with me. This is all a bunch of bullshit. You’ve been drawing me in from the beginning. Did you think I was too stupid to figure it out?”
“Emma, please don’t go. I need you.”
“You’re just going to have to fight your demons by yourself. I can’t be with someone who isn’t honest and forthright. I don’t think I can stay at Scarborough.”
“You can’t quit because I own the place. I don’t run it, Nicky does.”
“On your say so I’m sure. Goodbye, Jordan,” I say as I get into the elevator. I peer down at my flip flops, not wanting to see the tortured look on his face. The last thing he says to me before the doors close is my name, and it tears me apart. I start crying as the elevator descends.
Outside in the June heat, I start walking, then stop to dig in my purse for a tissue. Several people glance at me as they walk by, but this is Manhattan, and most people don’t pay attention. I’m about to cross the street when Albert pulls up in a black Mercedes sedan.
“Miss Stanford, let me give you a ride.”
“Albert, I don’t want anything from Jordan.”
“This isn’t from Jordan; it’s from me. Get in.”
I wipe my nose and step towards the car. Albert quickly steps out and opens the back door for me to the blare of horns from vehicles behind him. He jumps in after I’m secure and pulls away from the curb just before the light turns red.
“Miss Stanford, can I say something? ”
“Please call me, Emma. I’m not used to such formality.”
“Emma, then. I think you’re making a mistake not giving Jordan the benefit of the doubt.”
“Albert, he lied to me. He should have told me the truth from the beginning. I feel used.”
“He’s not using you. He’s in love with you.”
“Excuse me if I don’t believe that. He’s barely known me two weeks. That’s not enough time for someone to know if they’re in love with a person.”
I try to keep my voice steady, but the revelation shakes me. When Jordan said he thought he was in love with me a week ago, he was speaking the truth. I thought I heard him wrong because I was more than half-asleep.
“Jordan has a very complicated life, but he knows what he wants. He has no time to toy with people. He loves you, Emma. You have to believe me. I can only guess what you leaving is doing to him. He rarely loses.”
“He can’t control people. He wants to control me. I can’t have that. I spent so much time, depending on the people that I got used to it. Now that I’m trying to be independent, here comes someone who wants to strip it from me.”
“Do you care about him?”
“I did. I’m not sure if I can any longer.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. You should give him a chance.”
“I gave him a chance, and he fucked it up.”
As we drive through the city, Albert keeps talking to me about Jordan. I realize that this man loves him like a father would a son.
“Albert, how long have you known Jordan?”
“Since he was a child. He was always hardworking and caring. We lived next door to the Graysons. My wife passed away, and shortly after, the limo company I worked for went bankrupt. Jordan was the one that approached me with a job. By then, he was in his first year in business. When his father died, my wife and I were there for him, and he returned the favor many times over. I owe him a debt of gratitude.”
Albert pulls the sedan in front of my building. The renovations continue to the front as a new awning has been added, and the doors have been replaced. I say goodbye to him, and as I walk towards the door, it pops open, and a man in a uniform tips his hat at me. When the hell did we get a doorman?
Inside, the lobby is taking shape. A desk has been erected against the wall opposite the elevators. An electrician is running wires underneath it as I head upstairs. Even though our building is rent-controlled, I wonder if this is the end. I can’t afford to pay more rent, and I don’t want to burden Nate with the extra expense. He’s been so good to me already.
I start crying again as the doors open on my floor. I’m blinded by my tears and fumble my keys in the lock, dropping them and my purse just inside my apartment. I sink to the floor and hug my knees. I feel the loss of Jordan, but he isn’t for me. Our lifestyles aren’t the same. He won’t have any problem finding someone that’s a better fit—me, I’m not so sure if there is anyone that will make up my other half.
Sunday, and I feel horrible. After I got home, I ate two pints of the salted caramel gelato I had in the freezer while I binge-watched reality television until three in the morning. It’s not sitting right in my stomach.
When Nathaniel calls, shortly after I wake up at noon, I snap at him.
“Damn baby girl, what the fuck is your problem? I just called to say hello.”
“I’m sorry, Nate. The last twenty-four hours have been shit.”
“What happened?”
I tell him everything that took place with Jordan the day before. No need to tell him about the harrowing experience he suffered on the plane or the fact that he was scouting Nate for a job as his clubs.
“Shit, I’m sorry. It sounds like he was stalking you.”
“That’s what I said, but he said that wasn’t the case.”
“I thought you finally found someone decent. I know you wanted this to work.”
“I did, but it’s over. Now I need to find a new job.”
“Why? You aren’t working directly for him. You love that job.”
“I do, and it hurts to have to consider leaving it, but maybe I can find another job at a publishing house. There are plenty in the city. I can get good referrals from the editors.”
“Listen, if you need help with paying for anything, I got you.”
“I know Nate, and I love you for it, but I have to stand on my own two feet.”
“And you have. It doesn’t hurt to ask for help if you need it.”
“I’m going to try to find a job before I quit. I can deal with Nicky until I do. As long as Jordan stays away, I’m fine.”
“Are you fine?”
“No, but I have to be. It was only two weeks with him, and now it’s over.”
“I wish I was there. We could make popcorn and watch movies all day.”
The reference makes me think of doing that with Jordan on Friday, and I burst into tears. I can’t stop as they just come, and Nate keeps trying to calm me as I get it out.
“Baby girl, you’re making me wish I was there.”
“I wish you were. I could use a big Nate hug,” I hiccup out.
“If it’s any consolation, I’m sending one through the phone. I wish I could talk longer, but I have a soundcheck in half an hour. I have to go. On Thursday, I’m heading to Spain until the end of June; then it’s off to France.”
“I love you, Nate.”
“I love you too, baby girl. Don’t fall apart on me. ”
“I’ll try not to.”
I don’t hear anything from Jordan, and I’m subdued at work. Angie was on vacation until Tuesday. When she comes back, I don’t joke around or even engage in asking about her vacation, which I know is a shitty thing to do to a friend. Instead, I tell her I have to get the manuscripts on my desk finished. By Thursday, she hauls me into the bathroom to talk. Checking the stalls to make sure we’re alone, she begins to question me.
“What the fuck is your problem, and don’t say it’s because you’re busy. That’s bullshit. You’ve had a lot more work to do before, and it never kept you from joking around. So spill it.”
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
I can feel the tears threatening. I don’t want to be a blubbering mess when I walk back to my desk, so I just keep denying anything is wrong.
“I guess we’re going to stay in this bathroom all day then.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“You haven’t mentioned Jordan all week? Are you two still together?”
“No,” I say quietly.
“When?”
“Saturday. I found some things out that don’t work for me.”
“Like what? Is he a murderer?”
“No, but I think he’s a stalker.”
I tell her what transpired on Saturday and that he owns part of Scarborough.
“Wow, that is some shit. He could have told you sooner.”
“That’s what I said, but he acted like it wasn’t a big deal.”
“These rich guys. They think they can do whatever they want.”
“I told him that I’m probably going to leave Scarborough. ”
Angie looks at me, incredulously, “No fucking way. You’re not leaving me.”
“Angelica, I can’t work here knowing he owns this place.”
“You told me this was your dream job. Now you’re going to let some guy chase you away? What will you do?”
“Look for another job at a publishing house. There are lots of them in Manhattan. I can get good recommendations from the head editors.”
“Yeah, but still. I mean, you have Nicky eating out of the palm of your hand. He hasn’t bothered you at all lately. It’s the perfect situation.”
“It is perfect, but not for me.”
When we get back to our cubicle, there’s a giant bouquet of red roses on my desk. Angie pulls the card before I can read it, tearing open the envelope, reading, then handing it to me.
Dear Miss Stanford,
I’m sorry you’re so upset with me. I only had your best interest at heart. I’m very fond of you, and I wish you would give me another chance. Adversity can always be overcome.
Regards,
Jordan
“Man, he has it bad.”
“How do you get that from this?”
“He likes you. ”
“Angie, it’s over. Do you want these flowers?”
“Are you serious? I’ll take them for sure.”
She puts the vase on her desk and sits down to get to work. I can’t concentrate and keep fingering the card that Jordan sent with the roses. I can faintly smell his cologne on the paper, and it makes me long for him, but it’s over between us. I’m miserable without him, and I wonder if he feels the same.
By the end of the day, I’m more than ready to go home. Tomorrow is Friday, and I promised Lexi to come to dinner. I flaked out last week, and I miss my family. I need their support.
The subway is crowded, and I was lucky to get a strap to hang onto as the train moved from stop to stop. The lobby is almost done, and the renovations are awesome. We got new tile flooring, a front desk with someone there twenty-four hours a day, a doorman, security cameras, and new cushioned benches. I wonder when the shoe is going to drop about charging the residents for the upgrade.
Upstairs, I plop down on the couch and turn on the news. I’m glued to the television as I see what’s happening on the screen in front of me. A crawl at the bottom tells about the people dead and injured in a bombing at Heathrow airport.
I’m panicked because Nathaniel said he was flying to Spain today. If anything happened to him, I’d die. I can’t lose my best friend. I don’t know what to do. I dial his phone, and it keeps going to voicemail. I run to his bedroom looking for the phone number of his manager, Barry. He has it pinned up on a bulletin board near his bed. I tap in the numbers and bite my lip as the phone rings.
A strained deep voice answers, “Barry Melnick,”
In the background, I can hear sirens and people screaming.
“Barry, it’s Nate’s friend, Emma. I saw the report on the news about the bombing. Please tell me he’s alright.”
“Emma?”
“Yes, I’m here. ”
“Nate’s been taken to the hospital. The main terminal had an explosion this evening just as he was coming out of the bathroom. He has some injuries.”
My lip starts to quiver, and I try to hold it together, “Is, is, he alive?”
“Yes, and I don’t think his injuries are life-threatening, but he had some pretty bad stomach pain. They weren’t sure if he sustained something internal. I’m trying to get a cab to the hospital now, but it’s chaos. The police made me wait to be questioned.”
“Please, you need to call me when you know something. I can’t lose Nate.”
“I will. I have to go.”
The phone clicks, and I stare at it in my hand. Nathaniel, my best friend, is injured and I don’t know if I’ll see him again. I don’t know who to call. I press the contact for Lexi, and after several rings, it goes to voicemail. I don’t bother leaving a message. I need my sister, who was like a mother growing up. I scroll to JC and press the button, hoping he can tell me where Lexi is.
“Hello? Emma?” The voice is not JC; it’s Jordan. Through my tears, I must have hit the wrong J. I don’t say anything as I whimper, and the tears roll.
“Emma? What’s wrong?”
“Nathaniel, London,” is all I can push out of my mouth.
“Doll, I’m coming right now.”
I drop the phone and break into hysterics. I can hear Jordan calling my name, but I don’t pick the cell back up. Twenty-five agonizing minutes later, he’s at my door, pounding on it to let him in. I drag myself up and open the lock. He bursts in and takes me into his arms, holding me against his chest. I clench the back of his suit in my fists and cry it all out.
“Baby, he’s going to be okay. I called some contacts over in London. They’re checking the hospitals for information.”
He leads me to the couch and eases me down, then pulls me onto his lap, cradling me like a child. His arms feel so good around me, and I bury my head against his shoulder.
“Shh, calm down. I’m here.”
“If anything happens to him…”
“Let’s wait for news before you continue working yourself up.”
As if on cue, his phone rings, “Doll, let me get this. It might be London.”
I move away slightly, not wanting to relinquish the comfort of his arms entirely. He snakes his hand into his pocket and retrieves his phone.
“Yes.”
I listen intently to his conversation. Nate is in the hospital with some minor trauma to his stomach, a cut on his arm requiring stitches and plenty of bruises from flying debris. He should be released in a day or two. I breathe a huge sigh of relief. Jordan hangs up and slips the phone back into his pocket.
“He’s going to be okay. My guy talked to Barry, his manager. He’s canceling the rest of the European tour. Nate should be home in the next few days as soon as he’s well enough to travel. I can send my jet for him.”
“The one that broke down?”
“No. I have two jets, and this one is bigger. The other jet is having a full overhaul, and then I’m selling it for a newer model. Doll, why don’t you get changed and wash your face. We need to talk.”
I didn’t want to leave his embrace. It felt good to be back in Jordan’s arms. I made a mistake breaking up with him. I let my stupid pride get in the way. He’s not stalking me. He’s in love with me.
“I just want to stay here a little longer.” I hold him tighter, and he puts his lips against my forehead.
“Go ahead, baby. Go clean up,” he says after a few minutes.
I stand and head to the bathroom to wash my face then to my bedroom to change into sweat pants and a tank top. When I come out, Jordan has taken off his jacket and tie. He’s unbuttoned a few buttons of his shirt, and I can see the tanned, muscular skin of his chest. It makes me want him.
“Sit. Let’s chat.”
It all comes out in a rush, “Jordan, I’m an idiot. I was so stupid. I know you’re in love with me, Albert told me.”
“He shouldn’t have done that,” he says quietly.
“He didn’t have to; you did too. I heard you tell me you loved me in bed that night.”
“I…I do. You make me lose control, and that’s new to me. No one has ever made me feel this way. I knew it the first time I touched you at Haze. It’s a feeling I don’t want to end. I need you near me. If I can’t have you in my office, I at least need you in my life. I’ve had a shitty week without you.”
“So have I. I like you a lot Jordan,” I knew it wasn’t true, I loved him, but I felt open and vulnerable telling him. I need it to be right to reveal my true feelings.
“I can live with that for now. I just need you with me.”
I focused on Jordan’s face; he looked horrible. Dark circles under his eyes indicated he hadn’t slept much since I last saw him. He looked like he had aged more than his twenty-eight years since that time, and I knew it was my fault.
“I’ve been miserable apart from you. I can’t sleep, and I haven’t been eating.”
“That’s two of us, doll. You have me tied in knots.”
Jordan brushes his thumb across my lips, and I take it into my mouth and suck. He exhales, and his eyes grow dark with desire. I straddle his lap, keeping his finger firmly between my teeth, every so often running my tongue over the pad. He groans, and his eyes close.
“Emma, I need to make love to you. It’s all I’ve thought about. Please let me.”
I release his thumb, “Jordan, I need you to fuck me, hard.”
Jordan pulls off my tank top and reaches back to unclasp my bra, roughly pulling it from my body. He buries his head between my breasts, kissing the ivory flesh. I wrap my arms around his head and squeeze them around his face. My core is flooding with arousal, and I need him inside me. I can feel the heat from his crotch as I straddle him, his growing length begging to be released.
“Emma, stand.”
I scramble off him, and he yanks down my sweat pants, which I step out of. My lace panties end up a shredded mess on the floor. We both work to get his cock free of its cloth confines. I pull at the zipper while he unbuttons and unbelts himself. He lifts his hips and slips his pants and boxers down.
I take him in my hands, his penis feels like hot velvet, and I gauge the weight as I gently touch him. His fingers stroke through my slickness, sliding inside me for a split second, then he roughly pulls me onto his lap. I position myself over him, and he grasps my hips as I sink.
We both moan in unison at the delicious feeling of our melding bodies. I can feel him pulsing and squeeze him tightly.
“Fuck, your pussy is so wet.”
I move slowly, staring into his eyes. I unbutton his shirt and more than gently bite his pec, taking the hardened point of his nipple in my mouth. He groans my name and grabs my ass.
“Emma, I have to be careful with you. I want to do things to you that could hurt. I want to fuck you hard until you scream.”
“Do them. I want you to make me beg to come.”
It’s enough for him. He lifts me, and I’m on my back with Jordan placing my legs around his waist. He’s on his knees, pumping hard. He sticks his thumb in his mouth than pets my clit, never stopping the movement of his hips. I bite my tongue as my first orgasm in a week rips through me.
But Jordan doesn’t stop rubbing; I jump with each circular motion until my sensitivity subsides. He presses harder, rubs faster, and another orgasm makes me see stars. I close my eyes as this one shatters me, my whole body tightening. I hear Jordan groan as my pussy convulses around him.
“Say it, doll.”
“Jordan.”
“I love you, Emma, don’t forget that.”
He again rubs me, and I try to push his hand away. This time I’m more sensitive than after the first two times.
“No more, Jordan, it hurts.”
“It will fade. Please. I want to make you come again before I do.”
He’s gentle until I start gyrating. His cock continues pistoning in and out of me; he never misses a beat. He rubs me harder, and I can feel my core clenching. Jordan can, too, and he covers my body with his own, grinding his base against my swollen tissue until I have one last powerful release.
I can feel his heart pounding against my chest as my blood roars in my ears. He thrusts hard as his climax starts. I can feel him filling me as he groans my name. When he finishes, he collapses on me, burying his nose in my hair. I can’t stop myself as emotion takes over.
“Jordan…”
“Hmm?”
“I love you.”
He lifts his head, “You would say that while my cock is still buried in you.”
I smile, “I deserve that.”
“Yes, you do.”
Jordan kisses me on my sweat-slicked neck then moves off me. He’s still hard, and even though I’ve had three orgasms, I still want him.
“Do you have any food in this place?”
“Not really. I guess we’ll have to order out.”
He removes his shirt and slides his pants and boxers off him. He’s only in his dark socks, and I giggle at the sight .
“What are you laughing at?”
“Your socks. Naked with nothing else.”
“Do they turn you on?”
“No, you do.”
“Let’s take a quick shower before we order dinner.”
He pulls me up and then takes off his socks, dropping them next to his underwear and pants. I take him by the hand and lead him to the bathroom. The water is good and hot. Jordan rubs at the mascara that’s inked my bottom eyelids.
“You’re sexy without makeup. You don’t need it.”
I’ve worn makeup since I was thirteen, thanks to my sisters. I would feel naked without it. I like it. It makes me feel good.”
“One day, I’m taking you to somewhere private, and we’re not going to put on clothing or anything else. I want you to myself.”
“Does that mean no phones?”
“Yes. No phones, no computers, no television. Just us.”
“How are you going to survive without being in touch?”
“I have very competent staff. I can be out of touch for two days without my company falling apart.”
Jordan squeezes some shampoo on his hand and washes my hair. His fingers work it into my scalp, and I almost moaned at the sensual feel. I love his touch. We wash each other, spending enough time in the shower to make our skin pruny.
He steps out first, wrapping a towel around his waist before he grabs the other on the rack and holds it open for me. I step into it, and he holds it against my wet skin with his arms.
“I haven’t been this happy in a long time,” he says.
“Natalie didn’t make you happy?”
“For a time, but it was all for show with her. She tries not to date people in the industry because she wants the limelight for herself. I felt like a coat and purse holder half the time.”
“How did you meet her?”
“Dino Persky. Haze is not the only club we own together. He had a party, and I went. Natalie approached me early in the evening and stayed at my side all night. She was engaging. We clicked and dated for a while, but it grew tiresome to be apart, her on the west coast and me on the east.”
“So, you broke up?”
“She ended it because she was having an affair with a baseball player.”
“Pedro Gonzalez.”
“You read the tabloids?”
“No. Angie does. She brings them into work. I saw it splashed across the front page. Were you upset?”
“I was relieved. It ran its course. I was in the midst of a large project and didn’t have time for her anyway.”
“She was the last woman you dated before me?”
“Yes and before was a length of time where I didn’t date anyone. My business was my girlfriend.”
“Jordan, where do I fit in? Are you going to have time for me?”
“I care about you. I’ll always make time.”
We finish drying ourselves and dress so we can order dinner. Jordan looks like a master of industry again once he’s dressed in everything but his suit jacket. I’m back in my sweats and tank top. I’m curious about something.
“Jordan, how did you get upstairs?”
“Through the front door and elevator.”
“No, I mean, how did you get to my door? We have a doorman and front desk person now. It’s not so easy to come upstairs anymore.”
“I explained that a hysterical woman needed me, and they let me up. The front desk person recognized me.”
“Oh, I was just wondering. What do you want to order?”
Later that night, after we indulged in Thai food and watched the news about the bombing, Jordan cuddles me against his naked body. I had told him to go home, but he insisted on staying with me. He made love to me, but this time, it was slow and full of passion, like I never experienced before .
I don’t know if our relationship is going to work out, but I want it to. I can see a future with him; however, something is bothering me, and I don’t know what. I feel it niggling in my brain and can’t put my finger on it. Jordan is holding me tight against him, and when I shift, his arms become a vise. I fade off to sleep feeling safe and loved.