Owen
OWEN
I cling to the counter and breathe through my nose, trying yet failing to regulate my breathing. A technique taught to me during my therapy sessions as a child, something that worked well until now.
“What the fuck is going on?” One of my best friends, Mase, storms into the kitchen, but I can’t face him. I can’t face anyone. “Since when were you getting engaged? And to Samantha? Did you learn nothing from my mistakes?” I can feel the anger emanating from him, but I’m unable to respond. I squeeze my eyes closed to the point of pain. All I can see is her heartbroken face, the look of resolution hurting more than the tears that spilled from those shimmering orbs.
I did that.
I caused her pain when I promised myself I’d never hurt her.
“!” he barks, and I snap my eyes open to stare back at him.
Disappointment is etched on his face, and I hate that I put it there. My only family are my brothers and best friends, and they’re everything to me, but Laya, she’s my fucking world.
“What are you doing, man?” His tone is softer. “You’re breaking her heart,” he mutters, and for the first time, he’s letting me know he’s aware of how I feel about Laya, even though I worked so damn hard to make sure nobody ever knew.
My mouth becomes dry, and I lick my lips, unsure of how much to divulge. “Her mom said she was offered a scholarship to Miami. She turned it down.” Mase nods, as if aware of this already. “I know she turned it down because of me.”
He leans closer. “Does it matter? She’s wanted you forever, man, and no matter how much you think you hide it, you want her too.”
“I want her to have a fucking life, Mase. Outside of me.” I scrub a hand over my cropped hair. “Everything she does, she makes sure it’s pleasing me.”
He nods. “The girl is obsessed, I get it, but she loves you, , and you love her too.”
“You don’t think I fucking know that?” My voice gets louder. “Do you really think I want to marry Samantha?” Her name on my tongue is bitter, and I wince when I become too loud, then lower my tone. “I don’t want to hurt her, Mase.” My voice is solemn this time, and even I flinch at the defeat in it.
“So, what? You push her away. I never saw you as a coward, ,” he snaps, and I want to lash out, but I stop myself, knowing I wouldn’t be able to stop, not when my emotions are so out of control.
I grind my jaw and exhale. “I hurt her.” I hold his stare, and he swallows.
“What?”
Tilting my head up to the ceiling, I exhale before settling back on him. “I hurt her, Mase.”
His eyes flash with worry, and he shuffles from side to side. “How, ?” he snipes out, his concern for Laya, the girl who has always been like our little sister, shining through.
“I…” I can’t find the words to say it. Instead, I say the one thing he’ll understand. “My father.”
His shoulders fall lax.
The kitchen door swings open, and Tate comes storming in, making me gulp.
Oh Jesus, does he know?
Oh fuck, I’m going to lose him too. I will lose everything.
“Why the fuck did Dex punch you?” His furious eyes flick over me, his body coiled tight like a viper waiting to pounce as he bounces on the balls of his feet.
My brain seems to be broken as it stumbles to piece together an excuse as to why Dex took his anger out on me.
Mase steps forward. “He has a thing for Samantha. Jealous, I guess.” He shrugs. “Kids.”
Tate reels back, and the anger in his face dissipates within seconds. “He does?”
Mase glances at me, then back to Tate. “Yeah, I think is just as surprised as you are.”
From the corner of my eye, I see Tate wince while I stare ahead, determined not to give away any of my emotions, the anguish inside me threatening to spill over.
“Shit. Sorry, man.” He slaps me on the back, and I close my eyes at his touch. The fact we’re lying to one of the best men I know, betraying him like this, sits heavy inside my stomach, and the fact I screwed his little sister has bile rising in my throat in waves of guilt.
I’m so fucked.
I grip the counter tighter, my legs threatening to give way.
Like hers did.
The agony of knowing that makes it difficult for me to remain standing.
“And you kept the engagement a secret. Fuck, who’d have thought you’d be the first to get hitched? Congratulations, man.” He steps back and focuses on the door to the foyer. “I’ll catch up with you guys later. I need to check on Laya.” I stiffen at her name. “Mom said she had a panic attack, probably been worshipped too much for one night.” He chuckles, and in the reflection of the window, I see his eyes roll at what he thinks is Laya’s dramatics. Not understanding my poor girl is hurting, and worse, I caused it.
“Catch you later.” Mase gives him a chin lift while I can barely grunt in his direction.
As soon as the door closes, Mase steps closer. “, please. As someone who has a lifetime of regret, don’t let Laya be yours.” He sighs heavily when I don’t respond and heads toward the door. How the hell can I respond to that?
She will never be a mistake, even if I let her think she is. I know that deep in her heart, she won’t believe that. Never.
And I refuse to be hers.
My head spins as I unravel. I did it. I walked away and destroyed the only woman I will ever love. The only person to ever truly see me, yet she wanted me anyway.
The door closes behind him, and I sink to the floor.
I’ve destroyed the only thing good in my life. My body shakes uncontrollably, and I squeeze my eyes closed while dropping my head in my hands. Her emerald eyes flash before me, and my heart seizes in my chest, forcing me to suck in sharp stuttered breaths. Every moment we were together, every smile we shared, her laugh, every touch we ever had, her whimpers and moans, will forever be scarred in my mind. Forged in a love that only we share. A place in time where only we belonged.
Burned into my memory, engrained into my soul, Laya Kavanagh will remain my everything.
And I will forever remain in the darkness, loving her from a distance for an eternity.