Chapter 9
NINE
LAYA
T he wind howls as I tug the sheet around me tighter. Mexico is hot as hell, but when a storm hits, we feel it to our core. I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to encourage sleep I know won’t come anytime soon.
A crashing sound has me startling and my heart pounding erratically, and my eyes flare open. I glance at Romero to find him sleeping soundly. He’s like his father when he sleeps, nothing unsettles him. The bedroom door creaks open, and Carlos stumbles inside. His eyes latch onto mine, and the way they glare at me has my blood running cold. This man does not look like my husband. His shirt is wide open, and his hands are bloodied, and my chest hitches with the intense way he stares at me. It’s like he doesn’t recognize me. A lump forms in my throat, but I refuse to fear him, so I slip out of bed and make my way toward him. My body trembles as I approach while he remains so still it’s as if he’s frozen, his stare unwavering while my pulse rushes in my ears.
“Carlos?”
He doesn’t so much as blink, and as I get closer to him, the light from the hallway lands perfectly on his face, showing his pupils blown, which causes my footing to waver. He’s taken drugs.
Holy shit, he’s taken drugs. My mouth goes dry.
Does he even realize where he is? Who I am?
A prickling awareness that we’re in danger pumps through me, and I whimper with nervousness.
Romero makes a soft cooing noise, and panic hits me square in the chest when Carlos’s attention is drawn toward him. Then I find my voice again, it’s scratchy and full of nervousness and I hate the sound of it, so foreign to my normal confident, happy self.
“C-Carlos, are you okay?”
His focus remains locked on Romero’s bassinet, and my mind races with what to do. With shaky hands, I place them on his cheeks, cupping them gently and guiding his head to face me. “What can I do?” Tears swim in my eyes. I want to help him, to take away the pain hidden behind the need to destroy himself and, in the process, destroy us too. I want nothing more than for him to be the man I wanted to fall in love with, yet I know that man never existed.
“Tell me what to do, Carlos, and I’ll do it.” My voice wobbles as a tear slides down my cheek. “I’ll do anything for you,” I whisper to the man I’ve been desperate to love to no avail, but as the father of my baby, I want him to be that man, the one who will give me the fairytale family. The man who never left me with a doubt in my mind that he loves me wholeheartedly above anyone else.
Owen’s smile flashes into my mind, and I squeeze my eyes closed to rid myself of the image, and when I reopen them, Carlos’s wide eyes slice through me. They look empty, despondent, so detached it terrifies me. It’s as if he can see the man I want him to be, and he hates me for it. “Carlos, please tell me what to do.” The crack of thunder makes my heart skip a beat as fear engulfs me at the way he glares back at me. “You’ve taken something, and it’s scaring me, Carlos.”
My words pull him from his daze, and he grips my wrists, pulling them away from his face, but he doesn’t let go. “Don’t fucking question me!” he bellows, causing Romero to cry out. Then he pushes me onto the bed and quickly moves around me toward Romero. Every cell in my body screams at me that he will hurt him, and I can think of nothing but to protect him. I push myself up to stand and grab hold of Carlos’s shoulder, pulling him back to face me. “Ple-ea—” He punches my cheek, my head snaps to the side, and I fall to the floor, the impact of the solid marble brutal to my hip. I cry out in agony, then his eyes lock with mine, and it feels like hours slip between us as I stare back at him in shock. My heart hammers as hurt lances through me.
“Don’t ever try to stop me from seeing my son, you bitch.”
He hit me.
He scared me.
He’s not the man I want him to be. He never will be. That man would never hurt me, he would do anything in his power to protect me and our son, and it’s at this moment I realize what a monster he truly is. I will never love him, no matter how much his blood runs through my son’s veins.
I’ll never love him.
My lip trembles and my eyes fill with unshed tears, but I refuse to let them fall for him. I refuse to cry for a man so undeserving.
His lips part to speak, but nothing comes out, and when Romero cries out again, my spine straightens with a steely determination. I’d die to protect him, and in this moment, I know I might have to.
Carlos pauses, and my body freezes as I wait in anticipation of his next move, and my gaze latches onto his Adam’s apple sliding down his throat, then he drops his head forward and tugs on his hair, and I’m lost at what to do. Do I reach out to him to comfort him? Or do I back away and comfort my son?
“Fuck!” he screams into his hands, then slides his palm down his face. He holds my heart in a vise, but then he walks straight past me, slamming the bedroom door behind him, and I don’t breathe again until I hear his feet thundering down the stairs. I fight back the need to cry as I scramble to my feet. Grabbing the chair in the corner of the room, I wedge it beneath the door handle and turn the lock on the door. My entire body is shaking, I’m dizzy, and my heart is aching.
I glance around the room, my adrenaline spiked with a need to protect my son. I drag the dresser in front of the chair, determined to keep him out. Then I rush to Romero, pick him up, and cradle him to my chest. “Shhh, it’s okay. Mommy’s here. It’s okay.” I don’t know who I’m trying to convince more, as my instinct to protect him outweighs my need to make this work. With that thought in mind, I pick up my phone, and it’s not lost on me that the first person I want to call is Owen. My fingers tremble as I type in his number, only to find the storm has left me with no signal. My heart plummets at the thought of being here for any longer.
What if he comes back? What if he tries to change my mind?
I’m about to leave my husband, and he’ll do anything to stop me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he’d create a war, and those I hold dear will get hurt, but as I stare down at Romero, I know I’ve no choice. It’s only a matter of time before Carlos goes even further, and I refuse to be his victim. My husband is unraveling. The man I desperately wanted to love is not the same man who hit me tonight.
“As soon as morning comes, Mommy is going to get us out of here,” I whisper against his soft hair. “I’ll do everything I can to protect you, Romero.” I hold him against my chest. “I’m going to make sure you’re safe and never doubt the love of your family, little man, because you deserve better. We both do.”
I lift my head and stare at the door, knowing it’s only a matter of time before we can make our escape, and when we do, there’s no going back.
I’m deserving of the life I dreamed of as a young girl, and I will get it, for both of us.