Chapter Fifteen
Penelope
I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH time has passed since the sound of gunshots had caused guys in suits to come barging into Greg's room. But by that time, it was too late.
I've already taken a man's life...again.
As for everything that's happened after that...it's all pretty much a blur. I vaguely remember those same guys telling me they're my bodyguards and emergency responders checking my vitals. A local law enforcer or two may also have questioned me. Or maybe it was the press. I'm not really sure.
It's just too hard to concentrate, and I can't even remember how it's been since the police escorted me to a vacant room that's right next to the motel's reception.
Right now, the only thing that's stark clear in my mind is... that .
I took a man's life.
Again.
My brain tells me I had no choice. It's self-defense, and unlike before, I know for a fact that Greg was not a good man, and he would've killed me if I hadn't killed him first. Those are the facts...but they mean shit to my heart, which has been shriveling in shame since I made a grab for Greg's gun...and accidentally fired it straight into his heart in the process.
I'm sorry, God, I'm sorry.
It's almost like I have this knack for shooting evil men dead, and I wonder if it's a skill that I may have inherited from the criminal side of my family. Once a sinful famiglia, always a sinful famiglia. Maybe that's just how these things go, and this is a case of an apple never falling far—-
"Penelope?"
I haven't even heard the door open, but one thing I'm heartbreakingly sure of is that voice.
Cesare.
Even though I know it can only be him, a shudder still violently rocks my body as soon as my head jerks up, and my stricken gaze collides with his.
He's standing by the doorway, still dressed in the same clothes I've seen him in earlier, and his too-handsome face still bearing faint evidence of the beating he had endured while in jail. His pallor is unmistakable, but I'm not going to fool myself into thinking it's because he's concerned about me.
My lip starts to tremble as I watch him stride in.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to run away.
But when he finally reaches me, and he crouches down on one knee—-
God, it hurts.
The pain is just too much, and my heart is aching just too hard, that all I can do is breathe.
"That girl you saw with me—-" He's speaking so damn fast, it's as if he wants to make sure he gets everything out before I can escape him. "It's Gazelle, tesoro. My sister."
His...sister?
"I knew you didn't recognize her, and I deliberately let you think she was someone else."
Because he wanted to hurt me.
"I'm sorry," Cesare says jerkily. "Forgive me. Please."
He speaks as if each and every word is whipping his soul—-but how can I believe him, after everything that he's confessed, and after everything I've found out?
"I n-need you to tell me the truth," I say stiltedly. "G-Greg told me...b-before he...before we started fighting over the gun..."
"Penelope—-"
"I need to know the truth!"
My voice cracks in the end, and the way his face whitens tells me more than I want to know.
God, oh God.
" Perdonami . Forgive me."
But because I'm still so, so damn foolish, there's still the tiniest part of me hoping that I have it all wrong.
"Did you r-really cut a deal with them?" I ask brokenly. "D-Did you agree to end our betrothal—-"
"Ho sbagliato, tesoro. I made a mistake—-"
"So it is true," I say brokenly. "In exchange of h-having the charges dropped, you didn't care that they'd make me marry someone else—-"
He tries to take my hands into his, but I nearly fall out of my seat just to avoid his touch. It wasn't so long ago that I used to crave any kind of contact with him, but now...
" Listen to me , teso—-"
"Stop calling me that," I choke out.
"Then just listen. Per favore. Just please fucking listen. I hurt you. I know that. And I kept hurting you...because I couldn't handle how you made me feel...so fucking needy. My mother...she was sent away in prison. She offered to take the blame for my father. Because she loved him—-like I—-"
No!
The moment I realize what he's about to say, I lose it.
No more, dammit.
I manage to take Cesare by surprise as I shove him away, but God—-
He's always just too fast for me, and I haven't even reached the door when he wraps his arms around mine from behind—-
"I love you, Penelope."
It hurts, oh God. It hurts to hear the words and know that they can't be real.
"I love you so fucking much it reminded me of how my mother desperately loved my father, and how much she begged him to come visit her, but he never fucking did. He told her to fucking deal with the fact that it was over between them, and so she killed herself."
God, no.
I've covered my ears the moment he started speaking, but his words were just too good at piercing my heart—-
"I was terrified I would be like her, tesoro ."
So am I, dammit.
Because these words of his are hurting me just as much, with the way they're forcing me to see that the man I used to think as ruthlessly perfect...is as human and flawed as I am.
"I loved you too fucking much, and so I also knew I would not be able to fucking bear it...if they were to succeed in having me sentenced for murder, and I'd be forced to see you gradually get bored of being with me."
Cesare suddenly spins me around, and God, oh God—-
Now, I have no choice but to see the way his haunted gaze reflected the terror in his heart.
"I know I've failed and hurt you too many times," Cesare says rawly. "I know I have done nothing to deserve you, but please ...please give me another chance, tesoro."
I never imagined a day would come that a man as proud as Cesare would end up begging—-but that's exactly what he's doing now.
"You don't even have to be mine. You don't have to fucking marry me or sign anything. Just take me back, per favore ."
And it hurts.
"Make me yours. Punish me for the rest of my life...just don't fucking go. "
It's Cesare's voice this time that cracks, and the sound reminds me for some reason of that one night I've spent in his arms—-
'I don't want another day to pass without making you my wife.'
Those were the very words he whispered, words that I knew even then were simply Cesare's way of indirectly saying he loved me—-because he does.
Cesare loves me.
But imperfect man that he was, he also ended up hurting me because he loved me.
I guess it really is today that everything becomes clear, God.
Cesare's powerful body jerks when I shakily reach up to clasp his face, and my own heart aches when I see him suck his breath at my touch.
Cesare loves me .
I know this is true now, but even though the thought of taking him back and leaving me open again to pain still terrifies me—-
When I think about the people I've loved and lost, and the ones I could've loved but are no longer here—-
It really is so clear now, God.
I think about the lives I've ended without meaning to—-
I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry.
And it drives a simple point home.
Life is short.
And that's when the tears start falling, and a smile wobbles to my lips as I look up.
"Ti amo, Cesare ," I whisper.
He hauls me close in the next second—-
"Ti amo , Penelope."
The rawness of his voice tells me I'm not the only one who's crying...because that's just how love is.