Chapter 10
10
Atlas
T en leapt for the ball I’d smashed into the wall, his racquet raised, but there had been too much momentum from my serve and it sailed right over the top of his head and hit the back wall of the racquetball court.
“That’s five,” I said, wiping the sweat from my forehead, blood pumping hard in my veins from two solid hours of hitting a fucking ball against a wall.
Five games and all to me.
Ten, who hated being beaten as much as I did, snorted. “You seem a touch…perturbed,” he noted, wiping his own face with a careless hand. “Wedding jitters?”
“Fuck no.” I went to retrieve the ball, ignoring the steady anger that simmered inside me, though who it was directed at, I had no idea.
That’s a fucking lie
Okay, sure. I knew. I was angry at myself.
A week since I’d walked out of the bathroom at La Chouette and I still couldn’t stop thinking about Rowan goddamn James.
It should have been easy to erase from my mind, the feel of her skin beneath my fingertips, the press of her hands against my chest, the warmth of her hips and thighs pressed to mine. The violet sparks in her eyes and the heat that burned along with them. She was just another pretty girl and certainly not one special enough to take up so much of my headspace.
Yet I couldn’t get rid of her. I kept thinking about how she’d flung my own behavior back in my face and how the echo of shame had whispered like the devil in my ear. How what she’d said had made me recognize that I’d allowed myself to fall prey to Charlotte’s manipulations and hadn’t even known until Rowan had pointed it out.
I’d let my anger at Charlotte blind me, I’d let it feed the darkness inside me, and then I’d pulled Rowan into that darkness too.
It was wrong and I should have known better, and what was even more wrong was how my goddamn cock kept getting hard every time I thought about how she’d held her ground against me, used her stubborn will to fight me, and how every part of me wanted to strip her of her iron self-control, let out the fire that burned behind her eyes. Make it blaze for me and only me. Make her my fucking slave?—
Jesus Christ. That was not going to happen. I couldn’t allow it. She was too innocent, too young, too much like the girls who used to flutter around my father, drawn by his looks and his power, and whom he used as tools to keep my mother in line. Girls that fed his narcissism and made me want to be like him, because the only way I could get any attention was to be like him.
“It’s something,” Ten said as I tossed the ball up before slamming it into the wall again.
He didn’t even bother taking the serve, ignoring the ball as he stood in his racquetball whites, staring at me intently the way he always did when he wanted an explanation for something.
Racquetball wasn’t my thing, but Ten liked a game. He was a competitive fuck and because he needed a partner who was as aggressive as he was, I played the odd game with him.
I was regretting that decision now, though, because I still hadn’t told either him or Caleb about my connection to Rowan, and I didn’t want to. Not considering what they knew about the narcissistic asshole I had for a dad.
“Site difficulties,” I said shortly. “You going to get that ball? Or are you done?”
He ignored the ball. “Is it the prospect of being a father? Is that the issue?”
“Haven’t we had this discussion?”
“Talking about it is one thing. Actually experiencing it is quite another.”
“Ten—”
“You helped me cover up a murder, Atlas. Don’t tell me you can’t talk to me about why you’re in such a foul mood. This is not like you.”
His blue eyes were sharp and I should have known that dismissing all his questions was a dumb move. He was too smart for evasions. Though, he wasn’t right about it being murder. Taking out his old mentor for using threats against his daughter hadn’t been murder. It had been putting down a rabid dog.
Still, his point stood. My reluctance to tell him about the situation with Rowan made it seem like I was deliberately covering it up, which I wasn’t.
I raised a hand and shoved it through my sweat-damp hair. “Okay, fine. I haven’t been entirely honest with you and Cal about this whole wedding situation.”
He didn’t seem surprised, the prick. “You mean about the fact that you were once married to Caitlyn James and that Rowan was once your stepdaughter? I have to say, I was surprised. Charlotte always said that Juliana was her only daughter.”
I stared at him, my brain ticking over. “You had Rowan investigated?”
Ten gave me one of his patented stern glares. “Of course we had her investigated. Right after you told us her name. You think either Cal or I are happy with Charlotte using one of us to play at creating her own little dynasty?”
No, I hadn’t thought that. But I’d assumed that they’d left me to take care of it. “I didn’t need you both to do that,” I growled, my temper on the thinnest of leashes. “I’m a big boy. I can manage Charlotte fucking Hamilton without you, thanks.”
“And you’re managing so well so almost broke your racquet with that last serve,” Ten said impatiently. “Stop wasting energy being angry at Cal and I, just tell me what the problem is.”
He was right, the asshole.
With an effort, I forced myself to calm the fuck down. “Rowan’s a good kid,” I said even as the word ‘kid’ somehow soured in my mouth. “She’s been looking after Caitlyn, her mom, for years due to Cait’s issues, but money’s a problem for her. Which is why she signed up to Charlotte’s little plan.”
“I see.” Ten’s gaze narrowed. “You think she’s made a bad choice?”
“Yeah, a terrible one. She’s the one who’ll have to give the baby away and I don’t think she’s fully thought that through.”
“Says the man who hasn’t fully thought through the idea of fatherhood himself,” Ten noted dryly.
I scowled. “This isn’t about me, Ten. Charlotte’s a manipulative bitch and Rowan’s an innocent. I’m concerned she’s been caught up in this web Charlotte’s spinning with no idea what she’s getting herself into.”
“I presume you had a discussion with her then?”
“Of course I did. I offered to help her out with money if that was the issue, but she turned me down.”
“If she turned you down, then that’s her choice and presumably wants to do this,” Ten pointed out, being really fucking annoying.
“She only turned me down because she’s angry with me,” I said. “It’s got nothing to do with her actually wanting to go through with this farce.”
“So why is she angry with you?”
“Because she didn’t appreciate me walking out on her and her mother. Me and Cait were years ago. Cait needed someone to scare off her ex and I needed money for my business, so we came to an arrangement. We weren’t married long, but apparently it was long enough for Rowan to feel like I’d abandoned them when Cait and I decided to end it.”
“So, what? You talked to Rowan about all of this?”
“Yes. We met last week with Charlotte.”
Ten was silent a long moment, giving me a narrow blue stare. Then he said, “Why does this girl matter to you so much?”
Trust him to hone in on the most problematic part of this whole situation.
Abruptly, I turned and went over to the bench by the door where our towels were, and picked one up. Then I wiped my face, debating what to say. I didn’t want to go into how we’d met at Arcadia and what she’d seen me doing, which didn’t paint me in the best light, not to mention being embarrassing for her. Nor did I want to talk about what had happened in the bathroom of La Chouette or how I hadn’t been able to get her out of my head since.
“Why shouldn’t she matter?” I slung the towel around my neck and turned to face him. “Like I said, she’s a good kid. And she didn’t ask for a mom with significant issues, who exposed her to a lot of shitty male behavior, but that’s what she got, and she looked out for Cait all the same. She’s smart, unfailingly loyal, damn strong, and I don’t want to see her getting sucked into Charlotte’s bullshit.”
“Fair enough,” Ten said. “So what’s the plan?”
“Short of kidnapping her, there’s no fucking plan.” I gripped the ends of the towel. “She’s adamant that she wants to do this.”
“Stubborn, hmmm?” Ten’s eyes glittered. “Are you sure you can’t make her see reason?”
The way he said it sent a kick of heat through me, the dark part of me relishing the thought of all the ways it could make Rowan James ‘see reason’.
But no. I’d already decided I wasn’t doing that with her.
“I tried,” I said. “She wasn’t having it.”
“Well, I suppose that leaves kidnap as your only option then,” Ten said. “Of course, you’ll run into a few legal problems if you do that.”
“Thanks for the tip,” I replied, my tone acid.
He adjusted the grip on his racquet and folded his arms. “In all seriousness, I can see your issue. But if she’s refused your help, then there isn’t much you can do about it. She’s a grown woman. She can make her own decisions.”
“Sure, but she has no idea how people like Charlotte work,” I growled with some frustration. “Like I said, she’s young and a total innocent.”
Again Ten was silent before observing coolly, “This is about your mother, isn’t it?”
A small shock arrowed down my spine. Both he and Cal knew Mom had been driven to take her own life by my father’s treatment of her. They knew, too, that I’d made taking down Blackwood Bank my life’s mission. They’d offered their help, of course, but I’d refused, also of course. It was my revenge to take, not theirs, though I’d appreciated the offer.
“Yes.” I didn’t bother to deny it. “I don’t want to see another young woman get ripped apart by assholes like my father. That’s not a fucking crime, Ten.”
He stared at me a moment longer, then let out a long breath. “This is all so uncannily familiar. I’d offer to talk to her myself, or Cal perhaps, since she won’t listen to you, but that’s never worked out well for me.”
It was a self deprecating comment and amusement flickered through me, albeit briefly. Ten had gotten Cal to talk to his daughter Isabel after she’d run into her own difficulties with the Hamiltons, mainly because she wouldn’t listen to him. That had ended with Cal and Isabel getting together, which was still a sore spot for Ten.
Anyway, while his offer was a good one, if Rowan wouldn’t listen to me, she certainly wouldn’t listen to either of them.
“Appreciate it,” I said. “But having two rich fucks try to convince her not to sign Charlotte’s contract will only make her sign it faster.”
“Like that is it?” Ten’s hard mouth relaxed which was his version of a smile. “I know all about that kind of stubbornness.”
“You mean Zara?” I snorted. “It’s not the same.”
Ten shrugged. “A stubborn young woman is a stubborn young woman.”
“Difference is, I’m not sleeping with Rowan and I don’t get my kicks with a gag.”
Ten was a hardline dominant and Zara was apparently the perfect little sub. Not that either of them told any tales, but I knew. He was such a control freak that it made sense that he’d like control in the bedroom too.
“Really?” Ten said smoothly. “I thought you did anything and anyone.”
It was a barely noticeable barb, but it slid in all the same.
“Fuck, Ten.” I didn’t bother to hide my anger this time, ignoring the fact that getting angry about this made me the biggest goddamn hypocrite on earth. “You really think I’d touch her?”
He raised a brow. “You have a reputation, Atlas.”
“Sure. But I stay clear of younger women. Always have, always will.”
For a second it stood between us, my unspoken judgement about his own choices when it came to Zara, his sub. And he might have had said something about it if he’d been the same Ten he’d been before he’d met her. But he wasn’t that Ten anymore and now, he only shook his head. “You can keep the higher ground. I’m not going to fight you for it. I made the choices I made and I don’t regret any of them.” His eyes glowed, a fierce electric blue. “Including the ones that led me to Zara.”
I’d always told myself that I’d never comment on either his or Cal’s relationships, and that was still true. I didn’t want to overstep the bounds of our friendship — we were all competitive, territorial bastards and quite frankly friendship between us three shouldn’t have worked, yet it did. And I didn’t want to jeopardize that.
I let go of the towel and held up my hands in a gesture of surrender. “I wasn’t talking about you or Cal. What you do in your private lives isn’t mine to judge. I’ve got my own bullshit to deal with and yeah, I’ll own that.” I let my hands fall. “I just don’t want Rowan doing anything that’s going to ruin her life.”
Ten sighed. “If we didn’t want Zara and Isabel involved, I’d have suggested Isabel talk to her. They're cousins after all.”
“No,” I said, because while I liked the suggestion, I wasn’t going to pull two other young women into an already complicated situation. “We need to keep them out of it.”
Ten nodded. “Agreed. In which case…” He gave me a very direct look. “Perhaps you need to try harder convincing Rowan to rethink things, though I don’t know if that’s an option. After all, Charlotte made very sure one of us had to do her bidding, and I don’t think she’d pull her claws simply because Rowan’s her granddaughter.”
That was, unfortunately, true. I wasn’t sure what Charlotte would do if I got Rowan to change her mind. Bring the evidence she had on Ten about Sir George’s death to the attention of the police, probably.
“I really would kidnap her if I didn’t think Charlotte would go to the cops or maybe do something to Rowan’s mother, make things hard for her somehow,” I said. “I don’t want to put Rowan through that either.”
“Well.” Ten’s voice was meditative. “The one thing you do have is that once you’re married, you’re legally bound to her and she to you. As her husband, you can better look out for her, don’t you think?”
“The marriage is supposed to be a formality,” I pointed out. “And I’m pretty sure Rowan isn’t going to want to have anything to do with me after it.”
“Still, that won’t stop you from making sure she’s protected.”
I thought about it, something solidifying in my brain.
Ten was right. As Rowan’s husband I’d be well placed to keep her away from Charlotte, plus she’d have less of an excuse for refusing my monetary help if she was my wife. She wouldn’t see it that way, but I’m sure I could, as Ten had said, make her ‘see reason’. After all, I owed it to her. I’d walked out on her and Cait all those years ago, leaving them to drown, and now it was time I made up for that mistake by saving them.
“You know, Ten,” I said slowly. “Sometimes you actually talk sense.”
“My advice has been known to help on the odd occasion.” He bent and picked up the discarded ball, lazily tossing it in one hand. “Another game?”
This time it was my turn to raise a brow. “Glutton for punishment?”
“No. I just decided it’s time to start playing properly.”
Grinning, I got rid of the towel, dumping it back on the bench. “Asshole.”
Ten smiled, tossed the ball and served.