Chapter 17
17
Rowan
T here was something very certain about the way he said it. As if everything he’d mentioned had already been discussed and agreed on. Except we hadn’t discussed it and I hadn’t agreed, and after my complete emotional break-down in his arms just before, I wanted to push back against him. Especially that stuff about owning me.
But lying against his hot, rock hard body, I felt almost…at peace. After two intense orgasms and one complete emotional breakdown, there was nothing left inside me but a strange calm, as if I’d given up a heavy burden that I’d been carrying for far too long. And it was a good feeling, almost as if I wasn’t alone anymore.
I knew I shouldn’t trust it, because I had no idea what was happening between us, but what I did know was that I didn’t want to keep fighting him. I just didn’t have the energy.
Telling him about Mom and not wanting to be dependent on anyone wasn’t something I’d expected to come out of my mouth, but out it came and what he’d said in return, about me being strong and not being her, had touched something vulnerable in me. I didn’t want his reassurance to matter, yet it did, as had the comforting way he’d held me after my emotions had gotten the better of me.
He hadn’t said anything, hadn’t demanded any explanations, not immediately. He’d only held me, letting me fall completely to pieces and I didn’t have to be strong for him. I didn’t have to reassure him. I could weep and be weak and he took it all in his stride.
Still, I didn’t want him answering my phone for me and unilaterally deciding that I wasn’t going to come in for the rest of the day.
Oh come on. You didn’t want to go back to work anyway.
Okay, that was true, but I felt a protest had to made, if only for appearances sake.
“Yes, I have a question,” I said tartly. “Since when did you start making decisions for me?”
“Since you got down on your knees and sucked me off.” His golden eyes glittered, his fingers drifting back to my throat and clasping it gently, his thumb stroking the side of my neck in a slow up and down movement. “You’re mine now and like I said, that means I get to decide what’s good for you and what’s not.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but then remembered what he’d said about how my obsession with him had to be genuine or it wasn’t sexy, and if it wasn’t sexy, it wasn’t what he wanted. So…in a roundabout way, he was telling me that what I wanted did matter, wasn’t he? Which meant he wasn’t going to make any decisions for me that I wouldn’t like.
A small knot of tension somewhere inside me released and I shut my mouth, my annoyance at his bossiness ebbing.
One corner of his mouth lifted in one of his devastating smiles. “Come on, you can’t tell me you actually want to go back to work, hmm?”
My instinct was still to say yes, purely to show him he couldn’t push me around, but arguing for something I didn’t want to was pointless. Besides, I was sore between my legs and what he’d said about a bath sounded far too good.
I sighed and shook my head, deciding to leave it for the moment.
His smiled deepened, making warmth bloom in my chest. “What? No fight? Not even a ‘how dare you, Atlas?’”
A smile of my own crept out, no matter how much I tried to stop it. “Later,” I said. “I can’t be bothered now.”
“Good.” He shifted, getting up off the couch with me still in his arms. “Let’s get you into that bath.”
I expected him to put me down, but he didn’t.
“You can put me down you know,” I said, a little uncomfortable as we approached the stairs. “I can walk.”
“Sure,” he said without looking at me. “But I want to carry you.”
“Still, I’m not completely helpless.”
He glanced down as he started up the stairs, lazy amusement lurking in his golden eyes. “What’s wrong with being completely helpless?”
“Atlas—”
“Remember what I said about not denying me anything?”
Oh, I remembered. I remembered every word of that particular monologue and a dart of heat shot through me.
You like it. You like being carried by him and you like the thought of being his. He likes it too, so why fight?
There were reasons, I was sure, but I couldn’t think of any. In fact, in that moment all I could think about was him telling me that there wasn’t anything wrong in admitting what I wanted. That there wasn’t anything weak about it either. So maybe I did like being carried by him. Maybe I liked feeling helpless too, and admitting that didn’t make me any less strong. Besides, he was very, very strong and his chest was hot and hard, and he smelled phenomenal.
So I relaxed, leaning back against his shoulder, looking up at him, my gaze helplessly drawn to the hard line of his jaw and the sharp jut of his cheekbones. To the finely carved shape of his mouth and the proud blade of his nose.
He was so beautiful my heart ached.
“Keep staring at me, beauty,” he murmured, his gaze on the stairs in front of him. “You know how I like it.”
I waited for the discomfort to hit that he’d caught me staring, but instead the ache in my chest deepened. He did like it. Just as he liked my desperation for him. It got him off, made him hard. No one else had ever given him what I had, that’s what he’d told me. I was his fantasy. Me and my desperation, my need, my obsession. That was his fantasy.
I relaxed even more, another tight knot inside me untangling. .
“I can’t help it,” I said. “You’re beautiful.”
We’d come to the top of the stairs that led to long, wide hallway, painted white, where he paused a moment, glancing down at me. “Saying that kind of thing will get you into serious trouble, beauty.” His eyes glittered with a flare of heat. “The kind of trouble you’re in no condition to deal with right now.”
There was no doubting what kind of trouble he meant, which delighted me. If he got off on the way I wanted him, then why hide it? Especially when it got me off too.
“Many apologies,” I murmured. “It will happen again.”
He laughed, adding to my delight as we continued on down the hallway until we came to a heavy-looking wooden door that stood open.
Inside was the biggest bathroom I’d ever seen.
It was industrial in style, black pipes standing out against the white walls, with a polished wooden floor. A huge black stone tub stood before the tall windows and there was a massive shower with multiple shower heads. Against one wall, opposite the shower, was a big black marble vanity which Atlas carried me over to and set me down on the top of before going over to the tub to get the water running.
Abruptly, I remembered something.
“You didn’t use a condom,” I blurted out.
Atlas put his hand beneath the water to test the temperature and didn’t look up. “No, I didn’t. But don’t worry, I’m clean.”
I hadn’t even thought of that angle. “Okay, but that’s not what I’m worried about.”
“Ah.” He turned from the bath and came over to where I was sitting, putting his hands on the vanity on either side of my thighs and leaning in. It put him in very close proximity, which naturally made all my senses go haywire. “Why are you worried?” he asked, golden eyes searching mine. “Isn’t a pregnancy what you signed up for?”
I found myself getting distracted by the shape of his beautiful mouth and had to wrench my brain firmly back on track. “I did,” I said, trying to articulate my discomfort. “But…it’s not happening the way I imagined it at all.”
“Right. You didn’t imagine doing it the old fashioned way, hmm?”
“No. There were going to be tests and check-ups and?—”
“And none of this is happening on your schedule,” he finished.
I reddened, because of course he was right. I’d expected it all to go a certain way, and now here I was, sitting on his vanity after he’d taken my virginity downstairs and told me that he owned me, none of which I’d planned on.
“Listen, beauty,” he went on, reading my expression with uncanny ease. “You want to control everything, which I get since I’m a control freak myself. But life doesn’t work that way. Things happen that you have no control of all the time, which means you have to adapt.”
“Don’t patronize me,” I said, irritated by his ton. “I know things happen and I?—”
He leaned forward and kissed me, stopping me in mid-tirade, and instantly all thought left my head. His mouth was hot and firm, his kiss sensual, and I leaned into him, wanting more. But he pulled away, leaving me breathing fast and almost reaching out to pull him back.
“If you’re going to wind yourself up again, I might have to punish you.” The heat in his eyes stole my breath. “But since you’re probably sore, I don’t think you’d like the kind of punishment I have in mind.”
I opened my mouth again, to say what I didn’t know, but he went on before I could get a word out. “No more arguing, understand? There’s a time and a place for that conversation, but it’s not now. What’s happening now is you getting into that that bath, lying back, and thinking of nothing but enjoying the water. I’m going to take care of everything else.”
I debated another protest then decided against it. “What do you mean everything else?”
Atlas raised one dark brow. “What did I just say?”
“I’m not arguing. It was only a question.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wished I hadn’t said them. They sounded sulky and juvenile, and really, maybe he was right. There seemed to be so many things to worry about, and they were cluttering up my head and making me tense. Lying back in a bath and thinking of nothing sounded…good.
He said nothing, but he didn’t need to. I read the warning in his expression loud and clear.
“Okay, okay,” I said, trying to sound a little less like a sullen teenager. “I’ll stop arguing. But I should really have my phone near me in case Mom needs me.”
“I’ll keep an eye on your phone.”
“But what if she needs me and you answer it, and she?—”
“Rowan,” Atlas interrupted mildly. “Shut up.” Then before I could respond to that indignity, he tugged me off the vanity and proceeded to unzip and untie the various fastenings of my wedding gown. He did so efficiently and without fuss, and his hands didn’t linger on my skin when he finally pulled it off me.
I only had my panties on underneath and standing there, almost naked, in his bathroom made me feel more than a little exposed. Which wasn’t helped by him crouching down in front of me and pulling my underwear slowly down my thighs.
Heat rose in my cheeks as I stepped, totally naked now, out of the fabric. I expected him to get to his feet then, but he didn’t. Instead he reached out, sliding his hands caressingly up my calves and the backs of my knees before gripping my thighs. His face was inches away from the black curls between my legs and I automatically tried to cover myself, only to have him bat my hands away.
“Keep still,” he murmured. “Let me see what’s mine.”
I took a breath at the rough heat in his voice, disturbed by how the words and the possessive note in them made me ache. Yet more instinctive protests rose to my lips, but then his hands slid upward again, cupping my butt and giving it a gentle squeeze and the words died unsaid in my throat.
He gripped me tighter and leaned in, burying his face between my thighs. A shocked sound escaped me as I felt the press of his tongue on my clit, and a lightning strike of pleasure coursed through me.
I shuddered as he lapped at me, dropping my hands to his head, my fingers winding through the thick, rough silk of his hair. I couldn’t stop myself from leaning into him, the need welling up inside me, wanting more, desperate for more.
He made a hungry, animal sound and I tightened my grip on his hair, because his tongue was making me feel so good, so very, very?—
All of a sudden, he let me go, wrenching his head from my grip as he rose to his full height in front of me.
“Atlas,” I gasped hoarsely, reaching for him.
“Sorry, beauty,” he said roughly, knocking my hands aside, his gaze burning as he looked down at me. “You argued with me and as much as I want to eat that pretty little pussy out until you scream, especially when I can taste myself in you, I’m not going to do it now. That’ll be your punishment.”
I blinked. “But I thought?—”
“I know what you thought. You thought a punishment involved my cock, hmm? Well, that’s one way to punish you, but denial also works. I want you to think about that while you’re in your bath, so no touching yourself, okay? I’ll know.”
The ache between my legs was now sharp and persistent, not helped by my annoyance at myself and my disappointment that he wasn’t going to continue.
“Oh?” I asked recklessly. “And how will you know?”
He only smiled, a wealth of knowledge in that smile that stoked the fire inside me higher. “Into the bath, beauty. We can talk about that later.”