Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Lia
T here's no light at all. The only sound I can hear is a persistent, far-away dripping. I think I'm the only one down here. My cell is about the length of my body, but the alcove’s ceiling is low. I can't stand up in it. I know there’ll be a bucket in one corner, though I can’t see it. I’m well acquainted with this tiny space from the last time I was locked down here.
He’s had me put in the same one as before. Varrik’s sense of humor.
I don't know how long it's been, but I’m guessing at least a few hours. When I woke up and remembered, it took everything in me not to start screaming. The only reason I didn't is because I know that all it will do is make me thirsty, and there won’t be any water for me for days.
I try to feel for the darkness inside me, taking an odd sort of comfort in the fact that I’m not completely alone down here when I feel it there again. It’s not gone. The irony isn't lost on me that outside of this place, I hate noticing it. But inside this pitch-black cell, it brings me some measure of solace even though Varrik’s conjure must be different this time because I can’t release it. His binding has done the job it hadn’t been able to since before I ran. He found a way to subdue the Harbinger.
With a sniffle and feeling very alone, I curl up and close my eyes. It’s best. Otherwise, they start playing tricks on me in the dark, and I think I can see things that aren't there. Though hallucinations are the least of my worries, I suppose. If I want to survive this place for a second time, I need to find a way to be stronger than I have been.
‘Are you there?’ I ask out loud. ‘Can you talk?’
It doesn't say anything back. I don't know why I thought it would. It's never spoken before. Not in words.
But as I delve deeper into myself, to the place it resides. I get the strangest feeling that it's upset .
‘It's just the binding,’ I say, though I’m not sure why I care if it’s antsy or not when I never have before.
Why am I speaking to it, trying to pacify it? I shake my head in the dark again. The sad fact is that the Harbinger is all I have.
A tear drips down my cheek, and I wipe it away. I shouldn't be wasting the water. I won't get anything down here except for what I can forage in my cell. Nothing. Varrik may not want me dead, but he never was good at understanding that humans and fae are not the same and that my body could endure a lot less punishment than his Skilled.
Last time, I only survived because one of his guards got drunk and left my cell unlocked. That was when I burned his keep. But his guards are different now. Not only are there more of them, but they seem more disciplined and organized than they were before. I can’t count on the same thing happening again. If he leaves me down here for any longer than he did last time, I won't be coming back up alive.
I feel as if the Harbinger is listening to my thoughts. It’s as if it's looking over my shoulder, but when I reach out toward it, it's not there. Is it playing games with me?
‘Now isn’t the time, you know.’
I lay down, stretching my cramping body out on the dirty floor of my tiny cell. The chill seeps into me, but that won't kill me. It's not cold enough for that down here. I hear a far-off door, and my breath hitches as memories overtake me. At least I know what's going to happen. I didn’t have that luxury last time.
I hear footsteps shuffling down the steps, and I know someone's close.
Even though I anticipate it, the pain catches me off-guard, and I scream as my body erupts with it. My back bows, and my limbs shake in agony. I’m glad I was already lying down so I don’t hurt myself even more as I lose the ability to control myself. It stops only to start up a few seconds later. Again and again, the figure in the dark conjures pain. The sensation of fire licks across my skin, burrowing deep inside me so far down that I think even the Harbinger feels it.
And then I feel nothing at all, as if my mind has been encased in a room of thick walls. I hear a voice inside my head.
‘I’ll take the pain for you, my friend.’
I continue to scream, but it's not me who's making the sounds anymore. It's the Harbinger, and I don't understand what's happening.
When I wake, the pain is gone, and so is the one who was inflicting it. I wonder if it was Varrik himself or if he sent one of his elites to do his dirty work for him. It's hard to tell with him sometimes.
‘Thank you,’ I whisper.
It’s all I can manage, and I get the impression that the Harbinger is glad that I'm speaking to it.
I try to move off the ground a little. I'm cold now. My skin is wet and damp with sweat and probably my own piss, and I lament the loss of the fluids that I’ll need later.
I sit in the back of the cell, closing my eyes and leaning heavily against the corner wall so that I don’t fall over.
The lake is the color of tar. I'm on a small boat in the middle of it, but when I look over the side, it's not water but a thick, viscous, honey-like substance. I don't touch it. Something inside me knows not to. The surface is smooth as a mirror’s, but when I peer into it, I can't see myself. It's too dark. There's no sheen or light coming from it, as if any light that hits it is simply sucked in. All around me is black as well. I can’t see the shore, and a dark, smoky vapor comes off the top of the lake itself. It reminds me of when Grey was shifted. That same black smoke came off him, too. I grimace, not wanting to think of him ... them .
There's a disturbance in front of the boat. A ripple. I give a start as a black-coated hand reaches out of the liquid, grabbing hold of the side of my boat. I scream, afraid that it's going to tip me in. But it doesn't. Instead, it clambers in with me. Its form is loosely that of a human or a fae, but I can’t tell any more than that.
It's wrapped in an inky cloak that drips with black ichor yet doesn’t make a mess in the bottom of my craft. It sits across from me, and though I’m unable to see past its hood, I know it’s staring at me.
‘Do you know what I am?’ it asks in my voice.
I gape. ‘You’re the Harbinger? The darkness I was given.’
‘Yes,’ it says simply.
‘Is this real?’
It gives some semblance of a shrug. ‘As real as a dream can be,’ it murmurs.
‘What do you want from me?’ I ask.
It regards me silently. ‘To speak to you. To help you,’ it says after a moment.
‘You never have before.’ I let out a sigh. ‘When did you decide this?’
‘Recently.’
I snort. ‘You’re a bit late. Don’t you know where we are?’
‘Varrik’s dungeon. I remember it.’
‘Then you know that my … our living through this for a second time is unlikely,’ I say, looking away from it. ‘Neither of us will see the sun again.’
It looks away as well as if trying to sort something out in its own mind.
‘How are you speaking to me?’ I ask. ‘Why haven’t you before?’
‘At the beginning, I didn’t know your words,’ it states plainly. ‘Then, there were seven years in the dark. I could watch through your eyes and listen with your ears, but that was all. You couldn’t hear me no matter how hard I tried, but I learned things. Now that we’re back here, I’m subdued by this conjure that’s upon us, but I’m stronger in other ways.’
I lean back a little and gesture to the lake. ‘This place … This is where you came from?’
It looks around. ‘It’s possible. If you don’t know this place, then I must have summoned it. But I can’t recall much from before Varrik. I think I was taken from somewhere. Perhaps from here.’
‘You were stolen? By Varrik?’
It stares down at the lake. ‘I was given to fae. Some humans as well. All of them died until he got to you. You were different.’
‘How?’ I ask.
‘How is one rainstorm different from another? All I know is you didn't die like the rest. I was able to find a place inside of you to reside in. A place none of the others had.’ It shifts in the boat, seeming uncomfortable. ‘The truth is that I need you to survive now. I don’t think there’s any going back to where I came from ... and you need me as well.’
My lip curls in anger. All these years of trying to control the killer in me, of being wracked by guilt and fear, and it wants to be friends ?
‘I don’t need you! All you want is to destroy,’ I spit. ‘You don’t care about me!’
‘If I don’t care, then why did I save you from the pain of that torture?’ it snarls back angrily, the first emotion I’ve seen from it.
‘I … don’t know.’
‘I didn’t have to, you know. I could have let you endure it. It wouldn’t have killed you.’
‘Well, then why didn’t you?’ I snarl back. ‘I kept you in the dark for seven years. You said so yourself. Why spare me?’
‘Because I care for you!’ It growls back, hitting its black hand hard on the side of the boat.
My eyes widen.
‘You care for me? Impossible,’ I sneer. ‘You aren’t capable.’
‘That was true once, but over the years, I’ve found that I enjoy,’ it sniffs derisively, ‘a range of emotions . I feel the need to save you from pain, to help you when you need me.’
‘I won't use you,’ I say.
It chuckles. ‘You exert more control over me than Varrik and the others believe a human capable of having. But you will use me, Lia. He’ll make you. You know that. You should try to come to terms with it before he does.’ It side-eyes me. ‘Or at least make sure Kallum is close by to make you feel better.’
I wince. ‘Don’t talk about them,’ I whisper. ‘They’re dead to me.’
It shifts, acquiescing with a nod. ‘Soon, you’ll wake. I will try to speak to you again, but you need to let me in. You need to allow me to help you when I can, or you’re right, we’re both going to die down here.’
‘I can’t do that,’ I whisper. ‘What if this is a trick to seize control, to take over my mind? Maybe it’s better if we did die.’
It ignores my words. ‘Put away your pride. Don't you want to destroy Varrik for all he made you do, all those fae and Dark Realm residents he tricked you into killing for his personal gains? And what about his other Skilled? They were but children when he brought them to his fold. They can’t be blamed for his crimes. Don’t you want to save them?’
‘My goal was always to kill Varrik.’ I grit my teeth. ‘I just thought it was done. As for his Skilled ... they don’t want my help, and they wouldn’t trust me to give them any.’
It makes a noncommittal noise. ‘The Dark Realms knows what he’s been doing, using its power to make his Skilled. It’s a perversion, you know. One that comes with consequences.’
I look up at it sharply. ‘I thought you didn’t remember anything.’
‘It’s not memory that tells me this. I’m still a part of the Dark Realms. I can tell when it’s not ... right. He’s meddled where he ought not to have, and he’s been marked. This entire fold will be destroyed when it comes for him. Would you let all the creatures here die just so that I do?’
‘What do you care for them?’ I snort. ‘They despise us both.’
It sniffs. ‘What about your enslaved kind stuck in the Dark Realms, bred for the gains of others with no way of getting back to their own realm?’
I close my eyes, remembering poor Gwennie in Rondorai. How many more like her are there?
‘I can do nothing for them,’ I say. ‘How can I? I’m just a human with a piece of the Dark Realms inside me that’s bound securely by magick. We’re both useless.’
‘Enough,’ it murmurs. ‘I’ll try to remember something of myself so that I can help you. You'll see soon enough that, together, we're far from useless. The next time they come to hurt you, retreat and let me take over.’ Its lip curls. ‘I won't be able to kill them even though they deserve it. Don’t worry. But I will try to endure the pain for you. I can stop you from feeling the worst of it if you let me.’
‘And what do you want in return?’ I ask suspiciously.
‘I've told you. I want to survive. I want us both to. There is no going back for me. Inside you is where I reside and where I will until you're dead. It's in my best interests to keep you alive as long as possible. And I wasn’t lying before. I care about you. I’m your Harbinger, and you’re my human. Like it or not, you and I are bound together. We can be friends, or we can be enemies. It makes no difference in the end, but we’ll be happier if we are on the same side. Perhaps we can even do some good together and allay that guilty conscience that plagues you so incessantly,’ it snarks.
It moves its head slightly. ‘But you need to wake up now. They're coming, and Varrik wants you broken.’
I'm hauled out of the cell by my ankle and thrust into a chair.
They tie my wrists to the sturdy wooden arms and my legs to the feet. There's a light on one side of the room, but it doesn't illuminate much at all. There are two figures that I can’t see properly. Whether they’re Varrik’s elite or his guards, I don't know. I vaguely realize that what was left of my dress is gone and I try not to panic about that as well.
‘So, this is the Harbinger?’ One of them chuckles.
I don’t recognize the voice, but I commit it to memory. I’ll want revenge.
I’m not sure if the desire is mine or the Harbingers.
I look past him and realize that the glow in the room is from a grate in the corner filled to the brim with hot coals. So that’s their game. I close my eyes, waiting for the torture to begin.
‘Varrik is letting us punish you all day,’ the other says, grasping my chin in a punishing grip to add to the bruises I already have. ‘We’re going to make you regret burning the keep and hurting Varrik!’
The first sizzle against my skin makes my body tense, and I scream as the flesh on my shoulder is burned by a thin metal object that looks like a tiny fire poker with a bauble on the end. The next one is pushed into the flesh beside it. They slowly form a line down my arm, and my loud cries echo through the dungeon. I pull at the restraints, I plead, and I beg them to stop, and I scream until I can’t anymore.
Where is the Harbinger to take away this pain as promised?
Empty words.
But still, I reach for it, trying desperately to find it so my agony will end.
And then it comes to me like balm on my mind. I sink down into the dark recesses of myself, and the Harbinger takes my place. My torturers talk amongst themselves and laugh at each other’s jokes as if they’re drinking together in a tavern and not burning a woman’s flesh away. I can still hear them but try to ignore them now that I can’t feel what they’re doing to me. I close my eyes, not wanting to see what else they put my body through while I’m so vulnerable.
My arms and legs are on fire when I wake up in my cell, and I wince as the skin stretches painfully when I move.
‘I did what I could,’ it whispers in the back of my mind, ‘but in this place, my strength begins to wane like yours does.’
I move slowly over to the corner of the cell. The wall here is damp sometimes when the rain comes. I touch it with my fingers and find a couple of drops of water. I lick at the stone, trying to get something to tide me over.
‘How long have we been down here?’ I ask the dark.
It doesn't know.
I get to my knees and shuffle towards the door. My fingers and toes are numb with cold so the weather must have turned outside. I recall how I escaped last time when I’d been left alone with the cell unlocked. I'd somehow made my way up the stairs and down the halls to my room, my body shaking with pain and fatigue. I’d grabbed the bag of supplies it had taken me months to squirrel away and the bracelet I’d kept hidden once I found out how it could change my appearance. I’d snuck into Varrik’s Gate room. I’d found him asleep at his desk with an empty bottle of strong mead next to him, and I’d taken up a knife, but I couldn’t do it. He had some power over me that stayed my hand. So I’d started the fire instead and escaped through his personal ring, putting the bracelet on after I’d left.
‘I helped you that day.’
I startle. ‘How?’
‘The Gate, it would never have opened for you alone. There were strong wards on it.’
I consider its admission. It’s helped me more than once now. It deserves some modicum of trust. Besides, why would it lie about that?
‘Could you do it again?’ I ask.
‘If I’m not bound,’ it answers readily.
I rub my wrists and file that information away. The welts from the ropes are the least of my pains, but they’re the only ones I can attend to even a little.
I hear a guard moving around down the way and let out a sigh. I think it’s safe to say that they've learned their lesson from the last time because I’ve barely been left alone, and the cell is always locked. I finger the burns lightly, wondering how many they did once the Harbinger took over. There’s pain everywhere, so I have no idea.
It doesn't answer me when I ask, so there's no way of knowing how much damage they’ve done to my body.
A noise sounds. A door. I shuffle to the corner, curling up into a ball as a guard comes down the tiny hallway. He stops in front of my cell with his torch, and I notice in the light that the other cells are empty, as I’d assumed.
The guard moves to the side, barely looking at me. Behind him is the young healer who took care of me in my room. Jak. He looks wide-eyed and distraught as the guard unlocks the door and pushes him in.
‘See to her, boy,’ he orders in a clipped tone. ‘She can’t harm you.’
At first, I think I only see fear in his eyes as he kneels next to me, but he’s more than a little upset by what he’s seeing as well.
‘What did they do to you?’ he asks.
I give him a wan smile, not speaking as he readies himself to heal me. He begins to get rid of the burns, and I sigh at the tingling sensation that dances over my skin until the guard bangs on the metal bars of my cage.
‘You aren’t here to heal her,’ he snarls, ‘only to ensure she's not going to die.’
The healer looks back at the guard incredulously. ‘You brought me down here to make sure she's not dying, but I'm not allowed to heal her?’
‘That's what I said. Orders is orders. Is she going to die?’
Jak turns back to me. ‘I don't know yet,’ he says in a harsh tone. ‘Begone for a moment so I can assess her properly without your aura clouding my magick.’
The guard grunts and walks off.
‘Stupid cunt,’ Jak mutters, making me smile a little again.
His gentle fingers travel down the side of my face, and I hear him whispering an incantation.
I shake my head a little. ‘Don't,’ I say.
‘I can't leave you like this. It’s against everything I was taught.’
‘I'm the Harbinger,’ I mutter. ‘Remember what I did to Varrik if your ethics are giving you a problem.’ I close my eyes. ‘Don't get into trouble for me. Besides, if you heal me now, they'll just come back and hurt me again sooner. At least if you leave me like this, they might give me some time.’
He nods slightly and draws something out of his bag. It's a waterskin. I glance at him and then at the guard, who's not looking at us. Jak pulls the cork out and hands it to me. I drink thirstily, keeping an eye out to make sure we aren’t seen.
‘Thank you,’ I whisper. ‘You’re saving my life, you know.’
He squeezes my hand gently. ‘I’m meant to come back in a couple of days. I'll bring you more.’
I clasp his hand back weakly, and he frowns. ‘Do you want me to tell anyone? I could?—’
I stop his words with a shake of my head.
‘There's no one to tell,’ I say quietly.
He looks concerned. ‘Not even the ones who brought you back?’ he whispers.
I clench my eyes shut. ‘They won’t care,’ I say, my voice breaking.
He stands up slowly and addresses the guard.
‘She’s alive for now, but I’ll need to return to make sure the wounds don’t begin to fester.’
The guard snorts, and the cell door opens and closes. I hear the great key turn in the lock with a finality that makes me want to cry, and they leave. I'm plunged back into darkness.
I'm not sure how much time passes, but the first figure returns at some point and conjures pain on me again. It hurts more this time because it makes my body go taut, and my healing burns stretch and crack. I’m sure I hear a laugh that I know, but I’m mostly insensible by the time the Harbinger takes over, and I sink into nothingness.
When the cell is opened next, I'm thirsty again. I'm pulled out, and my arms are tied above my head. I'm hauled upward so that my body is hanging. My toes only just reach the floor. The first crack of the whip shocks my body, and I let out a gasp that echoes through the room. I find I can’t make a sound louder than that now.
This time, the Harbinger is nowhere to be found, and I’m forced to endure the pain they inflict on my flesh. The whip is short and thin, and I count the lashes, trying to keep my mind off what I'm feeling. I get to twenty-four before I lose my tally, and oblivion thankfully takes me.
My last thought is that I really am going to die down here.
Dane
We've been back for at least a fortnight and my beloved Fiana has not returned. Frustration getting the better of me, I throw a conjure into the center of the room. It's powerful, creating an explosion unlike anything I've made before.
I've been in here training every moment I can. I haven't bothered to go to lessons since that first day. I've rarely spoken to anyone except Rikoth in passing. He told me Grith is dead, and I'm not surprised. When I heard that Grey was going on that mission with the other elites, I knew his card was marked and that Varrik’s second wouldn’t be making it back. I didn’t say anything, of course.
Good riddance to the cunt.
But, still, it was brazen of Grey to do it so soon. He’s put us at risk if anyone starts delving deeper or if any of the mind-gifted Skilled look into his head.
I hear someone clapping slowly behind me, and I turn to find Varrik himself. I clear my mind immediately just in case, hoping Varrik wasn’t prying ... if he in fact can. No one knows what the fae lord can actually do besides conjuring, after all.
I bow my head slightly at him, feeling a bit of awe that the fae lord himself is here and speaking to me.
‘You've gotten stronger,’ he says with a small smile.
I nod, glad he’s finally noticed. I haven’t been hiding my changes like Grey and Kal have.
‘How?’ he asks.
I shrug. ‘It happened recently, my lord. I'm not sure what the catalyst was. I was just more powerful one day. They told me when I was young that it might happen that way.’
Varrik nods sagely. ‘I suppose you heard about Grith?’
‘Yes.’ I attempt to look suitably saddened by the news. It’s much harder than expected. ‘Tragic.’
‘Vern has been made my new second, which means there might be a place for you in the keep.’
‘I would be honored,’ I murmur with deference that isn’t disingenuous.
He nods and turns away. ‘Will Fiana be back soon?’ I ask his back, unable to help myself.
He looks over his shoulder at me. ‘You've missed her.’
‘I have. Thoughts of her helped me through the darker days out in the Wilds.’
‘She's missed you as well. She'll be back soon. A few days more at the most, and you'll be together once more.’
I smile a little, telling myself I feel relieved. I do feel relieved. I'm just … I throw one of the bolts into the center of the room. This time, fire consumes everything within the circle, and when I turn back, Varrik is gone.
I glance down at my hands. I’ve been in here all morning using magick, and I don't feel depleted at all. I do deserve a place with the elites. I've always fought for that privilege even when I wasn’t powerful enough, and now I have what I wanted in my grasp. I frown. I thought it would feel … better than this.
I leave the room, going down the small corridor to exit the building beside the keep. I'm not allowed inside still, but I suppose it's only a matter of time now that I’ll be joining the best of the Skilled.
I go to our house instead and find Grey sitting in the parlor, staring at nothing.
‘I heard about Grith,’ I say without preamble. ‘What did you do?’
He smirks. ‘Only what you already knew I would. If you'd wanted the cunt spared, you should have told Varrik. You could have warned him.’
‘You put your position here in jeopardy if anyone suspects. And mine as well! And for what? Some fucking human!’
Grey's eyes darken. ‘Don't speak of her,’ he snarls, and I'm taken aback by the sheer rage in his eyes.
The beast’s eyes.
‘Gods!’ I exclaim. ‘Do you think she's your mate?’ I laugh a little. ‘You’re as foolish as Kallum, both of you thinking that the Harbinger could be tamed, could feel anything at all for you.’
Grey is on his feet and pushing me against the wall before I can take another breath.
‘Careful,’ I grind out, pushing him back.
‘No,’ he says, ‘you be careful. You don't speak about her. If I'd known that you’d called for Varrik, that you’d told him where we were, I would have?—’
‘You would have what?!’ I interrupt. ‘Taken her somewhere? Had a life with her? You're being ridiculous. Find another girl. There are plenty here.’
‘I don't want another girl,’ Grey snarls. ‘I want to see mine .’
‘Well, you can't,’ I say. ‘She's in the keep under guard, and Varrik will contain her there until he has use of her.’
‘He can't keep her locked up forever,’ Grey scoffs.
‘Can't he?’
I turn away from him, not liking the desperation in his eyes nor the feelings that bubble up whenever I think of her as if I’ve done something terrible. It’s why I try not to think of her at all.
‘Where's Kal?’ he asks.
‘I don’t know, but I heard he showed them what he could do the other day in the arena during practice. Varrik noticed how much his skill has grown.’
‘What exactly did he show them?’ Grey grinds out, obviously trying to get over his anger at me.
‘The invisibility,’ I reply, giving him a sharp look. ‘What else is there?’
‘Nothing.’ He shakes his head. ‘What about you?’
I hesitate, and he notices.
His eyes narrow, but at least they look like his again. ‘What else aren’t you telling me?’
‘I’ve been offered a place with the elites.’
‘Congratulations,’ he mutters, turning away to stare out the window. ‘I know it’s what you always wanted.’
I open my mouth to speak, but he leaves the room, and I hear the front door bang a moment later. I sink into a chair with a sigh.
‘I did what I had to do,’ I mutter, trying to ignore the guilt I feel when I think of how she looked when she came out of that cave, the fear in her eyes when she saw Varrik that was quickly stifled before it could be noticed.
‘Everything will be fine,’ I say to myself.
She'll get whatever punishment she deserves, and Varrik will forget about the rest. He has plans and goals, and they do not revolve around the Harbinger, at least not the human part. He certainly won't hold a grudge or expend the energy on making a mere girl suffer. He'll draw a line under it once she’s learned her lesson, and before we know it, we’ll likely see her walking around the fold.
I also try to ignore the niggling feeling that things are not exactly as I believe them to be. I'll feel better once Fiana is back. That's all I need, my love in my arms, and everything will have been worth it. The seven years away. The journey with the Harbinger. Our time in Rondorai.
My mind conjures up a picture of the room that we stayed in before I can stop it. I recall the moment when she'd asked me if I wanted to practice on her, and I'd bent her over that table and spread her legs to look at her well-pleasured cunt.
I'd barely touched her, but I wanted to more than anything, and I'd almost spent myself in my trousers like a youth.
I stand up, angry with my own thoughts, and walk briskly out, intending to go back to the room where I can practice more conjuring. I want to exhaust myself, bide my time until my beloved is with me again.
But I go up to my room instead, deciding to expend a different kind of energy as I take my cock in my hand and feel it hardened to thoughts of my love. I pump myself slowly, thinking of the last time I saw her, her beautiful blonde hair, her lithe figure, her delicate pointed ears with little silver cuffs on the tips, her beautiful, high breasts, and dusky nipples. But as I pump myself harder, that image morphs into a dark-haired human with rounded ears and a firm, round arse, meaty tits that jiggle as she's pounded from behind.
I come harder than I have in a long time with a hoarse cry, and afterward, I wipe the evidence of my seed away in disgust. That awful human female taints everything she touches, even the memories of my exquisite Fiana now carry her.
Hating myself, I leave the house and go back to the practice room as I should have. I close the door, and I stand in the middle of the circle. With a roar, I throw my head back and let out all of the magick I have inside me. The wards hold just barely, and, somehow, the building doesn't explode, though it creaks ominously.
I fall to my knees, finally drained, and yet still my thoughts are not of my beloved, but of the fucking Harbinger.