Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Lia
I t can't be real, but as my body forgets the pain and leans towards the pleasure of my dream, I wish it was. I might hate The Cunty Betrayers for leading me here, but I can't forget the way that they, Kallum and Grey specifically, made me feel.
I imagine it's Kal between my legs, licking me slowly, savoring me, and taking his time just the way he did when we were stuck in Rondorai.
My heart aches even as my body begins to succumb to the pleasure. I miss them, I realize with a sinking feeling. I miss Kal’s playful banter, his laugh, and the fact that he seemed to understand what I needed better than I did. I miss Grey's growly, animalistic nature and the way his presence made me feel secure. I even miss Dane's aloof, know-all attitude. That he was always in control. I felt safe with them, which is ridiculous. I know that. I have only to look around at where I am, what they've done to me.
But my body doesn’t seem to care. I let out an audible moan, moving my legs further apart and imagining his tongue is lapping at my core. It feels so real, and it’s a welcome distraction from my grim reality.
The blanket falls away, and I come with a small cry. It washes over me gently. It's the first pleasure I've felt in weeks, and it brings tears to my eyes.
I had missed that as well, I realize, as the sensations ebb. I think I feel something brush against my breast, and I sigh contentedly even though I know I’m alone. I pretend that Kal is next to me, imagine that I’ll wake up with his arms around me, even though it makes me want to cry because it isn’t real. Nothing good here is.
I sink deeper into my dreams, and I find myself at the Black Lake with the dark version of myself. It looks even more like me now though its flesh is still black and grey. It’s shiny, too, as if it's me but covered in the tar-like substance from the lake. Its eyes are bright but solid black. It’s as Dark Realm as they come. I would have said pitiless before the cell. But I know better now.
‘Where have you been?’ I ask, stumbling toward the Harbinger, readily admitting that I’ve missed it.
‘This binding that's been put on us … it's making me weaker than the ones before. It’s different. Much stronger.’
It clicks its neck, its mannerisms seeming more human than before, and it sits abruptly on the ground, lying down and looking up at the inky black sky above us.
‘It feels heavier,’ I say, in understanding.
It nods. ‘For me as well.’
‘You need to find a way like you did before,’ I murmur. ‘We can’t do anything but what he wants if we can’t free ourselves.’
‘How things have changed,’ it says with a small smile. ‘Only weeks ago, you would have been overjoyed at finding a binding that would work on me properly.’
I don’t answer, not quite ready to face the past we share nor the crushing guilt I’ve always felt at the deaths caused by the Harbinger … by me for harboring it. But the truth is, my anger with it was misplaced. Borne of fear. There was no resisting Varrik once he found my weakness, irrespective of the Harbinger’s murderous temperament. I regard it thoughtfully. After all it’s done since we were brought back, the friendship that’s materialized between us, I don’t believe that it’s anywhere near as bloodthirsty as it was at the beginning. Is it a trick? Perhaps. Or, perhaps its nature truly has changed as it’s seen through my eyes.
‘But things are different now,’ it says, almost echoing my thoughts.
I frown. ‘What do you mean?’
It glances at me, almost looking rueful .
‘I have … thoughts,’ it confesses. ‘Thoughts I never had before. Those fae males of yours …’
‘Not mine,’ I mutter. ‘... You want them dead for betraying us.’
I’m guessing, but they did betray us, and the Harbinger has shown itself to be a staunch protector of me lately.
I don’t know how I feel about it wanting revenge. About them. I’ve been trying not to think of them at all. What’s done is done. I’m angry and hurt, but I don’t think I want them dead.
It lets out a grunt. ‘I should. Fucking traitors.’ It glances out its periphery at me. ‘But they did keep you alive and out of the slavers’ hands while we traveled the Dark Realms ... and they took care of you when you were Breach Blet. That counts for something, I suppose, even if they are cunts.’
Surprised and sensing that there’s more to its new thoughts , I sit down next to it.
‘Is it … Do you … miss them?’ I ask quietly.
It doesn't answer for a long time.
‘You do,’ it says finally. ‘You care about them even now, and I care about you.’
I sit down beside it with a sigh and look out over the lake.
‘Do you remember anything about before yet?’ I ask quietly, changing the subject. ‘Do you know this place?’
‘There are pieces that come to me sometimes. A place in the dark.’ It angles its head up to look at the black water. ‘I was there for a long time, but I don’t believe I was alone. Not like ...’
My brow furrows and before I know it, I'm catching the Harbinger’s hand. It looks over at me in surprise.
‘You aren't alone,’ I say adamantly, ‘and neither am I. If we're going to survive Varrik, if we’re going to destroy him and save these fae cunts of the fold, then we need each other.’
The Harbinger nods. ‘Yes, and we may need to act soon.’
I look at it in question.
‘I told you. What he does here, what he’s been doing. It hasn’t gone unnoticed, my human friend. There’s a price to pay. The Dark Realms itself demands justice, and it will find him to deliver it.’
‘It’s closer to locating the fold?’
‘Yes. I believe it is. And when it does, it will destroy him as well as everything else in its path.’
‘I thought that’s what you wanted,’ I can’t help but murmur. ‘Destruction.’
‘I told you. Things are different now. I’m different.’ It looks at me. ‘He’s going to try to make use of us soon. Will you let him?’
‘I have to do what he says,’ I say quietly. ‘Whatever he wishes is his until we can destroy him.’
It lets out a harsh breath. ‘You won’t fight?’
I lean back, lying on the ground next to it. ‘You know why I can’t,’ I whisper. ‘Not yet.’
It frowns. ‘Because of one child?’
‘Yes.’ I turn my head away sharply as tears come to my eyes. ‘I underestimated the lengths he would go to to force my compliance before, and I vowed I never would again.’
‘These vows you insist on ...’ With a roll of its eyes, it looks back up at the black sky. ‘I didn't understand before,’ it mutters. ‘When you ran to the outer circles, I mean, and the sorrow you felt for the deaths Varrik ordered.’
‘Do you now?’
‘I think so.’
‘Do you feel it yourself, or is it just what I feel?’
It shrinks back a little, regarding me, thinking it through thoroughly.
‘I don't know,’ it finally replies. ‘Some things are because they are important to you, so, in turn, they are important to me. There are blurred lines between us. I understand more of your world than I did then. I know that many things that he’s done have been wrong ... and his threats regarding that faeling, Ryon, are as well.’
‘It's the only thing that ever worked to make me follow his orders.’ I say. ‘Once he knew exactly what would make me acquiesce to him, manipulating me became very simple.’
‘I know.’
I shiver, not wanting to think about the first time any longer. I hadn't realized back then what he would stoop to, the levels he would descend.
‘Not everything can be your fault,’ it says softly.
I close my eyes. ‘You're wrong. All of this is my fault. If we can't escape this place, we're going to need a second option. Once we find a way to stop Varrik, are you willing to die with me if necessary?’
It hesitates only a moment before it nods.
‘I think perhaps … if I believed in destiny,’ it says quietly, ‘that I was meant to be with you. Maybe that’s why you survived when the others didn’t.’
I glance at it. ‘How many were there before me?’ I ask, curiosity getting the better of me.
I knew there were others, and obviously, none of them survived as I have the Harbinger, but Varrik never talked much about his failures.
‘From that I can remember, over two hundred. All were dead inside a day.’
‘Did you kill them on purpose?’
‘No. I yearned for them to live, my friend. I believe they just … couldn't . You were the first one that I could settle into properly. You accepted me. You thrived with me inside you, and I did as well. Those first few times you let me out … when we both craved his approval … when you didn’t hold me back, I enjoyed them, and I know you did as well. It wasn't until you found out the truth that everything was soured. I thought we could be friends, but then you buried me.’
It sounds sad, and my heart aches for it. If I’d known all this, would I have done things differently? Maybe. I might not have let my fear of it rule me. If I hadn’t, if I’d learned from it instead of pretending it didn’t exist, I probably wouldn’t be Varrik’s prisoner now.
‘I'm sorry,’ I say. ‘I was scared, and I was full of guilt for what I’d done ... I still am.’
It pats my arm absently.
‘It's time for you to wake up,’ it says. ‘Varrik will call for us soon. You'll need to do what he says if you want that faeling to survive. I will do what I can to help. Be strong.’
My eyes open in my room, and I sit up carefully. At least the smaller bones they broke in the dungeon are beginning to knit back together. They ache, but it’s the cuts and bruises and the burns and welts that hurt the most. I might not be able to see them, but I don’t feel any better if I pretend they aren’t there.
I look around the room and see that someone has brought what passes for a meal around here. Clothes are draped over a chair as well. I get up and move across the room slowly, donning a pale green cotton dress that laces up the front with a square neckline and long sleeves. It takes me a while to get it over my head and even longer to do up the laces with my freezing fingers, but once I'm clothed, I do feel better. Even one layer helps to keep the cold from sinking completely into my bones.
I sit and eat the stale bread and hard cheese, drinking the water slowly. I wish for wine to numb me, but knowing Varrik, I won’t get anything like that while I’m here.
My door opens, and two guards step inside my room.
‘We’re to take you to Varrik,’ the one on the left says.
His eyes on me are knowing in a way that makes my skin prickle.
My expression shutters because I know why he’s looking at me like that. His voice is seared into my mind. He was one of the guards in the dungeon who took such delight in my suffering. I take a long look at his face so that I’ll know him again even if he doesn’t speak, wondering if the one next to him was there as well. I memorize his face, too, just in case.
The Harbinger pushes hard at the binding. It wants to kill them for it. I can feel its need for vengeance.
‘Stop it,’ I mutter through my clenched jaw. ‘You’ll just weaken yourself.’
‘They need to die,’ I hear it say softly in my head like a caress.
I don't disagree, but it’s nice to hear it while I’m awake for a change.
I'm taken along the corridors, but instead of the study near the great hall as usual, I'm brought to Varrik’s smaller office that’s close to his bed chamber. It’s a far more intimate setting that puts me on edge because the fae lord is at his worst behind closed doors. There's a desk in front of one wall, and the stone hearth has a fire burning in it.
I step closer to it, warming my shivering body.
I’m so busy basking in the heat of the room that, at first, I don’t notice that there's a grey orc in the middle of the floor on his knees in chains. His once fine clothes are marred with rips and dirt, and his hair is matted. The many earrings his kind wear seem to have been ripped from his lobes, leaving them ragged and bloody. He looks half dead already, but I know that he couldn’t have been at the keep long because I didn't see him in the dungeon with me.
Varrik is sat behind his desk, scribbling on parchment as if he’s too busy to tear himself away even for an execution.
I already know that’s what I’m here for. I belatedly see that Ryon is in the corner playing with some toys, ignoring the adults in the room completely. He looks well, and I take heart that Varrik isn’t making him suffer. But it’s up to me to make sure it stays that way.
I glance at the prisoner. Varrik is going to make me kill him. I know it. This is a test to check that I can still perform for him. It’s also to see if I'll be a good little Harbinger and do as I’m told.
‘Ah, Lia,’ he says jovially as if I'm not here to kill for him to save a boy from being tortured in front of me.
‘This orc is our enemy,’ he begins.
I almost roll my eyes at him. Does he think I'm that stupid? It's been a long time since I took anything he says at face value.
‘Let me guess,’ I say before I can think the better of it. ‘He’s a slaver who hates humans. He eats babes for dinner and picks his teeth with their bones while he defiles their mothers.’
Varrik raises a brow. ‘Actually, he reneged on a business deal and sold something I’d already paid him for to a higher bidder,’ he drawls, his candor surprising me. ‘But take your pick, my dear. Whatever helps you to get it done.’
His eyes flick to the boy in case I missed him. ‘But the result better be the same no matter what you tell yourself, little human.’
I stand silently behind the orc who's on his knees with his head bent. He’s not even fighting. Can I really just kill him for no reason at all?
‘A problem?’ Varrik asks when he notes the hesitation in my countenance. His eyes narrow. ‘Ryon, come here.’
I flinch. ‘No.’
‘Then you’ll do your job, Thalia.’
I nod jerkily and feel the weight of the binding lift off me. I can breathe properly for the first time in days. I know that it's not really gone. It’s only hovering above me. It'll snap back down if I don't do what he wants … and at the very moment I have finished what he brought me here to do.
I walk around the room slowly, letting the Harbinger revel in its temporary freedom. Varrik watches me with a piercing gaze. He knows that he has to keep a very close eye on me, or it will try and kill him as well, though I have no doubt he’s made himself as safe as possible. He’s probably behind a protective conjure of some sort knowing him. I stare down at the prisoner, whose tired black eyes regard me with resigned fear.
I glance at the little boy, who's still not paying attention to anything else in the room, and then at Varrik, who gives me an impatient tut and then rolls his eyes.
‘Don’t worry. The boy can't see or hear anything that's happening. You won’t destroy his little mind.’
I scoff. This faeling will never have any idea of the lengths Varrik would have gone to to make this happen, to force me to do what he wants. If Varrik endures, little Ryon will grow up in the fold. He’ll love the fae lord with all his heart, just like all the others, never realizing that Varrik doesn’t care about anyone but himself.
‘You're his Harbinger,’ the orc says.
I turn my attention back to him and nod.
He snorts softly. ‘I will be missed, you know,’ he rasps, looking at Varrik. ‘Whatever you think you’re going to achieve by killing me, you won’t. The box is already gone, and you’ll never find it.’ He grins. ‘So fuck you, you fae cunt.’
Varrik gives an uncharacteristic smirk. ‘I already had one of my agents locate it,’ he sneers. ‘You lose.’
He waves a finger at me.
‘I'm sorry,’ I whisper, and I let go.
The Harbinger is filled with elation, and so am I. The orc falls to the floor. It’s over almost too fast, but its disappointment swiftly gives way to glee. I vaguely hear two other thuds, and my eyes immediately cut to Varrik and the boy, but they’re still standing.
I turn on my heel. The two guards who brought me here are dead by the wall, and I feel the Harbinger’s satisfaction that it was able to take at least a little revenge at the same time. The binding crashes back over me, making me crumple to my knees.
‘What was that?’ Varrik snarls.
I stare up at him with wide eyes, forcing myself not to look at the boy.
‘I’m sorry!’ I gasp. ‘I lost control of it. It surged up as soon as you ordered it. I didn’t mean to kill them, too!’
He lets out a resigned breath. ‘I’ll let you have this one, girl, because I know your control is poor at the best of times, but if you ever kill without my authority again …’ He looks at the boy, his meaning clear.
‘I understand,’ I nod vigorously as I stand on unsteady legs.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say again, berating the Harbinger as well as myself for putting Ryon in danger.
I hear the door, and Varrik looks past me. ‘I want to see her properly,’ he says.
I look down at myself as my injuries reappear. Rikoth must be the one behind me. My shoulders tense.
‘You already look much better.’ He glances at Rikoth. ‘You may begin tomorrow. I expect her to be bred within one moon, or she’ll be given to the others, and you’ll be punished harshly.’
‘No!’
I step toward Varrik as I look back at Rikoth’s cruel face, willing to promise almost anything in this moment if only he doesn’t do this to me.
‘Please. I’ll do the things you want. I’ll kill whoever you tell me to, but please … not this.’
Varrik tilts his head at me thoughtfully. ‘You’ll do everything I tell you to do regardless,’ he says, glancing at Ryon, who’s still playing quietly in the corner and oblivious to the rest of the room. ‘And you’ll do this. Besides,’ he waves a hand, ‘all you need do is lay on your back. It’s an easy thing.’ He chuckles. ‘Foolish girl. Was the cell not severe enough that you would fear taking Rikoth’s cock a few times? Am I not benevolent enough? I let you back up to your room. I let the healer tend to you. You forget yourself, Thalia,’ he sneers. ‘And after you killed two of my guards, as well!’
He strides forward and slaps my cheek with his palm as if he’s trying to smack some sense into me. ‘You will be bred by Rikoth and whomever else I give you to, and the get of a Harbinger will be mine. That is your true punishment for trying to kill me, Thalia. Now, shut your mouth and do as I wish, or I’ll torture little Ryon right now in front of you. I’ll make him scream and cry and beg. You know I will,’ he hisses. ‘Don’t you remember little … what was her name … Magia? You didn’t think I’d do it. But did I hesitate, little human?’
‘No,’ I whisper.
‘And do you want that to happen to any other child? To the next one I bring here, who’s all smiles and adoring gazes to Uncle Varrik? Because it will be your fault, Thalia. Yours .’
‘No.’
‘Take her back to her room. Have her bathed if you like. But do your duty, Rikoth.’
Rikoth snorts. ‘She isn’t pretty, and smelling her natural human stench won’t help my cock get any harder for her cunt. I’ll close my eyes and nose and think of someone else while I rut her.’
Varrik waves his hand and nods absently, hardly listening now. My bruises disappear, and Rikoth takes my arm in a punishing grip, dragging me from the room.
On the way back to my chamber, Rikoth thankfully doesn’t speak to me, but I can feel his gaze as we traverse the halls.
He leaves me in my room with a curt order to be ready for him as per the instructions he gave me before. After he goes, I sit on my bed listlessly, thinking of the orc I just killed, as well as the guards. I feel very little. My torturers had it coming, and the orc probably did as well, keeping company with a fae like Varrik. But killing them makes me think of the countless others’ lives I stole on Varrik’s orders, all the times I murdered entire rooms ... whole villages in an instant just because he told me to and cajoled me with made-up stories.
I may understand the Harbinger now, and I will release it when necessary. But that doesn’t change the way I feel about the past. The less I try to think about it, the more I feel the weight of it. Like the binding, it’s slowly crushing me. Thanks to what Kallum did in the forest all those weeks ago, I know that there’s only one thing that will make the guilt of it recede for any length of time, though I promised that I’d never ask for it.
I snort as I look down at the floor in despair. It’s not as if I could anyway.
Something catches my eye, and I frown, bending down slowly with a groan to see a flower that’s fallen between the bed and the table. I stretch to reach it with a whimper of pain, but I’m able to grab it.
A little yellow flower. It’s fresh, only a little wilted, and my heart does a flip. I know where this came from because he admitted to me it was he who always left them for me. Kal’s been here. I glance around the room, wondering when and if he still is, but he doesn’t appear.
I thought I’d be angry. I should be, but all I really feel is a yearning. I miss him and Grey … and, if I’m honest with myself, Dane too. Even after what they did. Perhaps it’s just the loneliness that makes me so ready to forgive because they certainly don’t deserve it.
I shake my head and stare at the flower. Rikoth was right. I am pitiful. I should get rid of it, stamp on it, throw it out the window. But I don’t do any of those things.
Instead, I slowly open the drawer next to me and carefully place it inside, shivering as a gust of wind blows through the window, causing me to burrow under the useless blanket on my bed.
I bark a small laugh. Maybe it’s only the heat of their bodies I miss and not their cunty selves.
Grey
I wake with a start, looking at my hands and breathing a sigh of relief when I see they aren't claws. It's been happening more and more. The beast wants out. I grit my teeth.
No, that's not quite right. The beast wants to get to Lia. I glance at myself in the mirror.
‘Keep it together,’ I snarl at my reflection, noting that my eyes have gone just a tad violet.
‘I know you can hear me,’ I snarl.
He doesn’t answer.
I run a hand through my hair roughly, pulling at the strands viciously while I stare at my reflection and hope he feels it.
‘We could go out for a run later,’ I say, changing tack and trying to compromise so he’ll behave, though I know it's for naught.
The beast will not be contained for any real span of time now, and there is no point in negotiating. There's a reason those whose Skills are to shift are allowed to run through Varrik’s forest as much as we wish, just as there's a reason we're not all housed together. We’d rip each other to shreds in such close quarters with so many competing drives.
But, like Kallum, I don’t want Varrik to know what I can do yet, so any running around the fold as the beast needs to be done very carefully.
I throw on some clothes and head down to the main road, where the village is bustling in the morning. Not for the first time. I am agog at the sheer numbers the fold now holds. There are so many domiciles and other buildings.
I hear the ringing of the Smithy’s hammer on the anvil as I walk by and I pay for a sweet bun covered in rock-like sugar from the baker, stuffing it in my mouth as I go. I've noticed the beast has a bit of a sweet tooth, and I'm hoping this will allay the need I feel to storm the keep like a white knight for my princess.
I scoff at the thought as I continue with my walk until I get to the edge of the village. Then I continue for a while longer, hoping the fold is still large enough for a long run like this, as I’ve overheard talk that it’s smaller than it once was.
Once I'm sure there’s no one to see me, I don't hesitate any longer. I let the Beast go. It explodes out of me, and I feel myself receding to the back of his mind. Smells and scents and sounds assail me, taking precedence over all else as we run. We follow the tracks of a hare and then a deer, but only to play. We aren’t hungry enough to hunt them seriously. We trot along the river, and when we get to our favorite spot, we jump in and swim. That's more my idea than the beast’s because I'm trying to tire him out.
We dive around for fish, lunging at any that get too close until our bones are weary, and we climb out, shaking droplets of water everywhere. We lay in the sun to dry and soon the beast is slumbering. I take my chance to transform back without a fuss, and I walk back through the forest slowly, grabbing some clothes I left in a bundle in a hollowed-out tree the other day. I get dressed again well before the village, but as I walk back through the streets to the house, I get a prickling sensation. I frown.
I can feel someone’s eyes on me. I glance around and see a young fae sitting at one of the huge barrels with a pint outside the pub. When he sees that I’ve noticed him watching me, he quickly looks away and stands up. He downs his drink quickly and darts away between the buildings. My eyes narrow. Does he know where I just was? Did he see me? Is he going to tell someone?
I shake my head at myself. I’m being paranoid.
I continue on, keeping my eyes open, and I see the same boy a few buildings down, still watching me. I remember him vaguely from years ago. I’m sure of it, though he couldn’t have been more than a small child when we left for the Wilds.
I see him twice more between houses as I walk. He’s definitely following me on the path around the back of the buildings that runs parallel to the road.
I pretend that I haven’t seen him as I slip quickly up the nearest alleyway and go around the back. I find him on the path as predicted, peeking around the corner of the baker’s and trying to find where I’ve gone.
I sneak up behind him and put my head close to his, looking where he is and waiting for him to realize he’s no longer alone. His eyes flick to me, and he startles, his brown eyes widening when he recognizes me. His mouth opens and closes, but no sound emerges.
I snarl at him and grab him by his cloak, noting the blue healers’ robes beneath it. He doesn’t look as afraid as I’d like, though, and I half wonder if this is Kal’s doing. Is he playing some game with me? I almost hope he is. He hasn’t been his usual diverting self since we got back. He’s hardly spoken to me and there have been none of his typical jokes, no banter, no laughter. I let out a breath as I think about my friend and turn my attention back to the quivering youngster in front of me.
‘Why are you following me? Watching me?’ I growl, using the beast’s gravelly voice for effect. ‘Did Kallum put you up to this?’
‘Who?’ He cringes back, looking like he might piss himself in terror, but the reaction is practiced.
He’s clearly used to dealing with the fragile egos of the higher Skilled and the elites. They probably lap up his feigned fear and deference, and it allows him to perform his tasks more easily in their presences. To me, it’s just annoying, but I’ll have to play along for now, as we don’t know each other.
He stutters so hard that I can’t understand what he’s saying, and I let out a frustrated sigh, stepping back. ‘Catch your breath, boy,’ I murmur, pretending I don’t see through him. ‘I'm not going to kill you.’
He nods jerkily and visibly tries to get his fear under control.
I wait, casually wondering if I’ll get into trouble if I rip out his throat for making me stand here and wait for him because I don’t have the patience right now. They’ll probably realize I can shift if I do that, I muse, so I just stare him down until he speaks.
‘I w-wanted to talk to you.’
‘Why?’ I snarl.
He hesitates, and I grit my teeth, reminding myself to be calm and making the beast recede.
‘The human woman you brought back ...’
He forgot to stutter this time, but he has my attention now.
I cock a brow. ‘The Harbinger? What about her?’
‘You know her?’ he asks.
I snort. ‘About as well as you can know a human like that,’ I deflect, wondering what this is about, what she’s said to him about me.
Has she told him I can shift?
‘What of it?’ I growl anew, my eyes narrowing a fraction again.
His hands rise as if that alone will stop me from lunging at him. Another movement that’s false if the fire in his eyes is anything to go by.
‘I shouldn't be here,’ he mutters, looking to the side. ‘If I’m found out … But when I saw you in the street, I couldn’t ...’
‘Best make the risk worth it then and begin making some fucking sense,’ I mutter darkly, punctuating my words with fingers clenching around his clothes. ‘Why are you asking me about the Harbinger? What have you heard?’
He shakes his head. ‘I shouldn't have come.’
He turns away, and I grab him. I thrust him into the wall hard enough to elicit a small groan.
‘We both know you’re going to tell me what you came to say, so do it and stop wasting time! What do you know of the Harbinger?’
His eyes narrow, and looks around to see if anyone's noticed him. When he sees there’s no one, he straightens and adopts a pose of nonchalance. The pretense of fear vanishes. I don’t let go of him, though.
‘Things aren’t what they appear,’ he says after a few moments.
‘What do you mean by that?’
I hear footsteps. With effort, I uncurl my fingers just as someone else comes up the path, interrupting us.
It’s a low-level mage I know in passing, and he gives me a greeting, clapping me on the back and telling me he’s glad I’ve returned. When I finally get rid of him with promises of meeting at the tavern soon, the healer has gone.
I frown, wondering what that was all about. It must have been something important for him to seek me out at risk to himself. Is the Harbinger all right?
Deep in thought and a bit unsettled, I head back to the house.
When I go inside, Dane is sitting at a table going over some papers. My eyebrows rise in surprise.
‘Shouldn't you be at the keep?’ I mutter.
They haven't called me back since I went on the mission and killed Grith. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I suppose that if they knew I had killed him, I would be dead or at least in the dungeons awaiting execution by now.
Dane gives me a long-suffering look. ‘I don't spend all of my time there, you know.’
‘Fiana back yet?’ I goad, trying to keep the bite from my tone and failing.
It’s my current go-to because I know it upsets him. I know she’s not.
He shakes his head as if he doesn't hear it or doesn't care.
‘Not yet, but I'm told it will be soon.’
I grunt in response and when I next look up, Dane is staring at me, his eyes searching.
‘What?’ I ask.
‘Kal saw her,’ he blurts.
‘When?’
‘Yesterday.’
‘How … how was she?’ I ask carefully.
He shrugs. ‘Said that she seemed well.’
I frown, wondering if I should tell Dane about the healer who stopped me in the street, but I decide not to. Unfortunately, I find that I no longer know if I can trust my friend. He's too far back in Varrik’s world already. Maybe he always was, and I just didn't notice.
‘Where is Kallum now?’ I ask.
Dane shrugs again. ‘I haven't seen him.’
He goes back to his papers and stacks them together neatly, tying them with a bit of twine.
‘I do need to return to the keep. I'll be back later on tonight though. Perhaps we can have supper together.’
I give him another non-committal grunt, not sure if I want to spend the time with him.
He seems to realize this, and his jaw tightens. The door bangs behind him as he leaves, but that's the only other clue that he's annoyed or angry with me.
I stare after him. He brought this on himself.
I sit down in one of the chairs, wondering where Kal is right now. If he's found a way into the keep, perhaps he's with her. Jealousy rises in me quickly. He could be with my mate, and I’m locked out.
I stand up and pace the room, trying to stop myself from destroying everything in here. I always thought I liked the camp and the fold. I loved it here before. It was my home. But truth be told, I can't fucking stand it now.
I want to flee … and I want to take Lia with me. Does Kal feel the same? I'd wager he does, I decide. I wonder if the beast would share her with him. It's not the first time we’ve done such a thing. The beast didn't care about any of the others, but then none of us cared about any of the others. Lia is different.
I hear the door open and glance up to find Kallum.
‘You saw her yesterday,’ I announce, not even bothering to say hello.
He smirks. ‘I did.’
‘How was she?’
He frowns and shrugs again. ‘What do you care?’
‘I do care!’ I snarl. ‘I can't even get into the fucking keep. If you are my brother, then tell me how she is!’
I realize I have him backed against the wall, my hand at his throat rapidly turning into a claw.
He scoffs at me but then seems to somber. ‘She was asleep. They -they're feeding her, and she seemed all right. Why? Beast getting antsy, is it?’ he sneers.
I bare my teeth at him and turn away. ‘A healer stopped me in the village. One of the young ones. Timid.’
Kal’s lip curls. ‘So?’
‘It was odd. He was afraid. He said … that things aren’t what they seem.’
Kal frowns. ‘What does that mean?’
I shrug. ‘He was asking me about the Harbinger, if I knew her.’
Kal’s brow creases further. ‘She seemed fine to me. But perhaps I'll go to her tonight and make sure.’
I hate that he can go to her wherever he wants, and I can’t, but I nod.
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I have a bad feeling that something isn’t right.’
Kal huffs out a long breath, seeming to deflate slightly. ‘What are we going to do?’
He doesn’t mean about the healer. I let out a small sigh of relief, glad we seem to be on the same page once more when it comes to Lia.
‘It's a fucking mess is what it is,’ I mutter.
‘At least you got Grith.’
My lips curl up into a small, satisfied smile. ‘Aye. At least I got that cunt. Are you in practice today?’
Kal shakes his head. ‘I don't do any of that now.’
‘What do you do?’
He tilts his head at me. ‘I mostly skulk around the fold. Wander around the keep, test to see if anyone can hear me. Smell me. Feel me.’
‘And?’
‘They don't seem to be able to when I’m focused. No one's caught me yet.’
‘Good. Perhaps we can use it to our advantage.’
‘You have a plan?
‘Not yet. But soon. It's only a matter of time before he makes use of the Harbinger.’
Kal nods. ‘I agree. She's too important to waste. He wanted her returned for a reason. She's still the strongest of the Skilled when she's not bound.’
I grit my teeth and look away. ‘She doesn’t need to be bound to use her Skill,’ I say very quietly.
‘What?’
‘Kallum, she killed over fifty orcs in that forest,’ I whisper, and Kal’s eyes widen. ‘It took but a moment.’
I watch him carefully, hoping that I’m doing the right thing by telling him this. He cares about her. He won’t tell Varrik, though I can’t say the same for Dane if he finds out.
‘Don’t tell anyone.'
Kal looks affronted that I even feel the need to say the words, but he nods.
‘We were caught. I was stuck in my beast form. I couldn't think straight, and they were going to slay me. She killed them all. Even bound. She told me later that it didn't work on her anymore.’
‘That doesn't make any sense,’ Kal murmurs. ‘If she could escape this place, she would have already. She'd have killed someone by now. Something’s wrong. There’s more to this. Perhaps that healer was telling the truth. Things aren’t as they seem.’
I shake my head, more to clear it than anything else.
‘None of it makes sense,’ I mutter. ‘If she can't be bound, and she could leave, but she hasn't, then … perhaps she is truly glad to be out of the Wilds. They’re even more dangerous for a human these days. After Rondorai, perhaps she … re-evaluated.’
Kallum shakes his head. ‘No. She told me she would never want to come back here. We need to come up with a plan. She seemed fine when I saw her, but I'll check on her again as soon as I can as I said, and I'll let you know how she fares. Then we can decide what to do and when.’
I nod. ‘But even if we can get her out of there, where would we go?’ I ask quietly.
‘I don't know. Somewhere far from here. Somewhere safe.’
I snort. ‘There's no such place in the Dark Realms.’
‘There's always somewhere,’ Kal murmurs. ‘We just have to find it. Varrik has an extensive library in the keep, did you know that? Full of books on the Dark Realms.’
I shake my head. Those things hold little interest for me now. Even during our years in Alcana when I was a teacher, my time was rarely spent poring over books if I could possibly help it unless I was helping the scholars make copies of texts. Oddly, dusty books were more Dane’s calling than mine.
‘I'm going to see if I can find anything in his map books when I check on Lia.’
‘Don't get caught,’ I say very quietly. ‘They won’t like you snooping even if you are an elite now.’
‘They won’t know I was ever there,’ he promises. ‘I'm not staying in the fold, Grey. No matter what. Not now.’
‘Something's different than it was before,’ I say, understanding immediately what he means.
‘Aye, but this place hasn't changed, nor Varrik. I think we did.’
I incline my head. ‘But not Dane.’
‘No, not Dane,’ he agrees.
‘Then we leave him.’
Kal nods, albeit a little hesitantly. ‘Yes, we leave him.’
Kal turns away from me and leaves the house quickly. I'm left to my own thoughts once more. Dane has been a good friend to me. We've been allies for longer than we were enemies, but it's because of him that Lia was brought here.
As it stands now, he won't be coming with us when we leave.