Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
Lia
I 'm in my bed. I blink, trying to get my sluggish mind to work properly, trying to remember. There was something I was doing, something that was important. I gasp and sit up, grasping my middle as the pain robs me of my breath.
The jump from my room and the impact of the water hurt me more than I thought. I remember getting out and hiding on the bank of the moat in the setting sun, but after that, there’s nothing but flashes of events that may or may not have happened.
I hear someone clear their throat, and I gasp again, my eyes finding a figure in the corner of my room. He’s sitting in one of the chairs, and my stomach does a flip when, at first, I think I see Rikoth.
But it’s not the fae who’s been ordered to breed me.
‘Dane?’ I ask, my brow furrowing. ‘What are you doing here?’
I haven’t seen him once since Varrik brought me back, since the day that he … I look away from him. My chest aches, and it’s not from the fall or Varrik’s torture.
I look around the room again, pretending to be engrossed in the cracks of the wall while I wait for him to tell me why he’s in my room.
‘You came to me,’ he says quietly. ‘You asked for my help.’
I frown. ‘I was trying to …’ I say very quietly, recalling my plan, though not the execution of it.
I must have made it to The Cunty Betrayer’s house except …
‘You brought me back.’
I can’t keep the accusation out of my tone, and I bite my lip to keep it from quivering.
Of course he did.
He gives me a condescending look as if I’m the stupidest female he’s ever laid eyes on. ‘Yes, I brought you back.’ He steps closer. ‘What else could I have done?’ he whispers.
‘Why am I surprised that you didn’t even try to help me?’ I shake my head, tears clouding my vision.
Why couldn’t I have found one of the others? Why him?
‘Why did you come to me, then, if you were so sure I’d fail you?’ he snarls.
‘I didn't!’ I hiss back through clenched teeth. ‘I wasn't trying to find you!’
Realization dawns on his face. ‘You were looking for Kallum.’
I level my gaze at him. ‘I'd even have taken Grey’s indecision. But not you.’
‘Well, then you aren’t going to like what I have to tell you then, Harbinger,’ he says, sitting on the edge of my bed.
I shift away from him immediately, and he sighs. ‘The healer is coming.’
I wince. ‘So Varrik has decided I've suffered enough?’ I scoff. ‘You should leave. Rikoth will be here soon. He’ll come after the healer, I expect,’ I say, looking away toward the table.
Is he going to bother trying to drug me again, or will he just hold me down?
No matter how he does it, he’ll make me suffer for running. I probably made him look bad in front of the fae lord. Desolation has me lying down on my side and curling into a ball.
‘Rikoth won't be coming,’ Dane says quietly. ‘Varrik … changed his mind as you escaped on Rikoth’s watch.’
‘Changed his mind?’ I ask, the hope I hear in my voice making me cringe.
‘Aye.’ He stands up and takes a few steps back. ‘You will now submit to me, not him.’
My mouth opens and closes several times before I’m finally able to grind out an incredulous ‘you?’.
‘Yes and,’ he hesitates, faltering for the first time, ‘he ordered for me to do it today, Harbinger.’
‘But … I didn't even mean to come to you,’ I say plaintively. ‘I just needed to get out of the room because he was going to?—’
‘I know, Lia,’ he interrupts, but his tone is much softer.
‘It can’t be you,’ I say, shaking my head.
‘It’s already done. There’s no going back.’ Dane’s tone is final.
‘But you don't want me!’ The words come out of my mouth before I realize that I've said them.
He rolls his eyes. ‘Out of everything that happened last night, of course, you’d remember that,’ he mutters, but I see his face soften. ‘Rest. The healer will come soon.’
‘But—’
‘Would you rather it was Rikoth? Vern?’ he growls, running a hand roughly over his stubbled chin.
I look down at the floor and shake my head.
‘If you like …’ he lets out a breath. ‘If you would feel more comfortable, I could ask Kal to be here too.’
‘Why not Grey as well?’ I say, my tone biting. ‘It’ll be just like Rondorai!’
He grimaces. ‘Grey can’t get past the wards.’
‘I wasn’t being serious.’ I scowl at him. ‘Are you really going to do what Varrik has ordered?’
‘Yes,’ Dane says, looking surprised. ‘It’s been ordered. You know as well as I do that Varrik’s edicts are followed.’
‘But … you don’t even like me.’
He looks away. ‘That isn’t true,’ he says so quietly I almost don’t hear him. ‘Besides, I’m one of his elites now. I'm not going to put my position in jeopardy by not doing what I'm told.’
‘But … what about Fiana?’ I ask, grasping at straws. ‘Doesn’t she have anything to say about this?’
He stiffens. ‘She isn’t here.’
I should have known that the reason she hasn’t been in to torment me was because she wasn’t even in the fold.
‘Where is she?’ I ask.
He sits down at the table and doesn’t answer, so I content myself with trying to come up with more escape plans. I glance at the window, wondering if I’ll be able to get out that way again, but new bars have already been fitted, and they look very solid. Back to square one.
I sink down on the bed. I think I dreamed of the Black Lake while I was drugged, but I can't really remember. I can hardly feel the Harbinger at the moment.
‘Are you there?’ I ask silently, but I can't hear it either, and I’m worried.
What if it just fades away? There was a time when I’d have been overjoyed if it had disappeared, but I can see the truth now. The Harbinger isn’t evil any more than the Dark Realms are evil. It’s dangerous, yes, but if Varrik hadn’t been able to find a vessel for it in me, he would have found another way to kill his enemies. Of that, I’m sure.
Good and evil aren’t in a sword, only the hands that wield it.
My door bursts open, and I gasp. Dane is on his feet as if he’s going to save me and I can’t help the snort that leaves my lips at that image.
But it’s Jak standing at the threshold, not an enemy.
His eyes locate me, and he looks as if a heavy weight has been lifted off him. His shoulders sag as he comes in without a word and closes the door much more softly. He eyes Dane with a bit of trepidation and open suspicion but doesn’t speak to him.
‘I’ve been told to heal you. Finally ,’ he bites out with a sigh.
His relief is palpable as he comes toward me, and Dane stays where he is, watching.
‘Thank you for delaying Rikoth,’ I say as soon as he’s at my side. ‘You saved me again.’
Jak looks pained. ‘I’m sorry I did so little.’
I shake my head, but he puts up a hand to stay the excuses I’d utter for him.
‘Lay on the bed,’ he says.
I do as he says, and I feel a tingling sensation go through my body starting under his hand that’s on my stomach. It spreads all the way through me to the tips of my toes and the crown of my head.
The pain that’s been so constant begins to ebb as he heals everything at once, and I feel myself relaxing under his magick.
‘There,’ he says quietly. ‘All finished.’
I take a deep breath and stretch. The pain is gone. All of it. It’s been so unceasing since Grith gave me that first beating only days after I arrived, I’d forgotten what it was like not to feel the constant reminders of their torments on my body.
‘Thank you,’ I say, grabbing his hand and squeezing it.
And then I burst into tears.
Great sobs wrack my body, and I feel myself being lifted. I wrap my arms around Jak, my tears flowing freely and making me feel a bit lighter even though the binding still presses down on me like stones piled on top of my shoulders.
The arms around me make me feel safe for the first time since Varrik brought me back. I know it’ll be sort lived, and soon Dane will have me under him as Varrik has commanded, but in this moment, I Iet myself forget what awaits me, sinking into the surprisingly broad chest that Jak has been hiding under his healer’s robes.
But when I finally open my eyes a little while later to thank him again, I find that it’s not Jak who’s holding me in his strong arms at all. It’s Dane.
I sit up quickly with a gasp, pulling away from him. He lets me go, looking faintly amused. A quick survey of the room tells me that Jak is gone.
Dane and I are alone once more.
I look at him with unease, but he makes no move toward me.
I try to think of something clever, or at least biting, to say, but I come up with nothing except. ‘Why are you here after … everything?’
His jaw tightens but he doesn’t offer me a reply.
A few minutes go by while we watch each other in silence.
Finally, he gets up and goes to the door.
I’m relieved, thinking he’s leaving, giving me time, but all he does is speak to the guard in the hallway before returning to the room and sitting down.
‘They’re bringing you water to bathe and some food.’
It’s so reminiscent of what Rikoth did that I can’t help my wince, and I see something like concern flash over his face before he schools it into a careful blankness.
‘Can’t you just close your eyes and pretend I’m not a human?’ I goad. ‘Why draw it out?’
He raises a brow. ‘Let’s get something clear, Harbinger,’ he murmurs. ‘I may not want to lay with you at the best of times, but I’m not Rikoth. I’m not going to haul you over the table and pretend you’re someone else while I do my duty. You stink of moat water, and you still have crusted blood, that I assume is your own, all over you along with dried mud and,’ he squints, ‘green algae all through your hair.’
He leans back in the chair slightly as his eyes take me in. ‘You will clean yourself properly, or I will bathe you. You will eat, or I will feed you. And, when that’s finished, you will submit to me, or I will make you. But if I must do it that way, you will be facing me and staring into my eyes while I fuck you, and neither of us will be pretending anything other than the truth.’
‘And what is the truth?’’ I ask.
He hesitates for a second. ‘That if we don’t do this, the punishment will be severe … for us both.’
My body gives an involuntary shiver, and I stare at him in revulsion. But it’s not his words or his threats that disgust me. It’s my reaction to them. Heat rushes through me and pools low in my abdomen, and I realize with growing alarm that I’ve wanted his touch since he refused me in Rondorai.
I turn away, imagining how he’ll mock me if he learns I want him, the names he’ll call me, what he’ll say to the others.
I close my eyes, trying to shut him out. Why do I care if he and the others mean nothing to me?
But I do care, and I realize that’s worse than anything Varrik has inflicted on me. I should hate them for their betrayal, but I don’t. I really do just miss them.
Gods, I’m pathetic.
I sit on the bed with my knees drawn up to my chest, staring out the window. When I hear the door open and the splashing as they begin to fill the small circular tub with water, I get ready for another freezing bath.
‘What is that, Dreg?’ I hear Dane snarl, and I flinch at the words, the words of one of Varrik’s elites to a lesser Skilled.
I can almost hear Fiana and the others coming to corner me to play their cruel games until they got bored. He sounds just like them.
‘Water, my lord,’ comes the hesitant voice of one of the servants.
I turn my head toward them slightly so I can just see them from the corner of my eye and find out what the problem is.
‘It’s freezing cold!’
The servant, one of the ones I recognize from years ago, sniffs at Dane. ‘It’s for the Harbinger.’
Dane just cants his head, and a look passes between the two servants. The older one gives Dane a small, condescending smile she probably reserves for the younger fae. ‘The Harbinger gets what she’s given, my lord.’
‘She’s to be given hot water, the same as any other of Varrik’s elites. Do you understand?’
The younger one coughs. ‘My lord, perhaps you should speak to one of the others who have been here for longer. She deserves?—’
‘Has Varrik ordered this?’
‘No, my lord, but?—’
‘Are you Dregs questioning Varrik’s authority? My authority?’ Dane’s eyes narrow on them both.
His calm tone is at odds with the danger they’re both in with such an allegation being made.
Two sets of eyes widen, three if I count myself.
‘No!’ the older one rushes, giving her younger friend a pointed look to keep her mouth shut. ‘It’s just that we remember what the Harbinger did to his poor lordship and the keep and?—’
‘And you took it upon yourselves to punish her for it?’ Dane finishes. ‘Do you think our lord Varrik needs lowly servants to fight his battles for him? Do you have such little faith in him?’
‘No!’
‘No, of course not, my lord. We will bring hot water … and food from the hall.’
‘And I want a fire built in the grate. The room is chilled and damp.’
The two fae females look at each other and one grimaces. ‘My lord Rikoth ordered that she not be left alone with an open flame because of what she did to the keep before.’
Dane rolls his eyes. ‘The winter draws in, and you would have Varrik’s prize Skilled human freezing in this room? How will she help our lord if she’s dead?’
‘Not us! Rikoth?—’
‘Build a fire in the grate,’ Dane interrupts sharply. ‘If Rikoth has anything to say, direct him to me. I will ensure the Harbinger doesn’t cause mischief.’
The older one nods to the younger one, and they disappear.
‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ I murmur.
Dane snorts. ‘You’ve already been punished for your crimes, haven’t you?’
‘They’ll tell the others.’
‘I’ll deal with the others.’ A strange look comes over his face. ‘You’re still one of Varrik’s elites, even if you are human. The way the servants have been treating you is disrespectful to all of us, and I won’t let it stand. If one of the other elites has a problem, they can talk to me.’
He sits down in the chair again, and I look away, not bothering to tell him that they’ll just find another way to torment me when Dane isn’t around to stop them.
I hear a noise at the door a few minutes later and, this time, I watch who comes through the door, half expecting Rikoth to come barreling in, but it’s a line of servants. They’re all holding steaming jugs of water, bar one who’s carrying kindling to start a fire in the small hearth.
None of them look at me nor at Dane, staying silent as they do their work and then leave quickly, all looking happy to be out of the irate elite’s sight.
I stay on the bed. I know I’m being foolish. I’m shivering, and I know the bath is hot now. I hate that I’m excited to get in it and that I have Dane to thank for it.
Dane sighs. ‘You’re so stubborn. I can see how cold you are. Get in the water, Harbinger.’
I stand up and give him a look as I walk across the room in the nude and step into the bath with a small hiss. Hot water licks at my skin, soothing my frayed nerves despite my being able to feel Dane’s eyes still on me from the corner.
They haven’t wavered from me once, but I try to ignore him as I close my eyes and dunk my head for a few moments.
When I come back up and see he hasn’t moved, I wash myself thoroughly.
The door opens again, but this time, Dane jumps up and stops the male servant I don’t recognize from entering. He takes the tray laden with food and orders the other male out, staying between us so he can’t see me and only moving once the door is closed, and we’re alone again.
I’m confused by his protectiveness and give him a look that he ignores.
‘Are you almost finished?’ he asks, not looking at me now.
I sigh, wanting to draw this out for longer, not only because of the bath but because after the meal, he’ll expect me on the bed for him … or bent over the table.
But I nod and grab the bath sheet as I rise and step from the tub. I go to stand in front of the hearth to dry off, shivering a little in the cool air. It’ll take serval hours for the room to heat as there hasn’t been a fire here in a while. I frown at the flames. Once Dane is gone, they’ll let it go out, so I’d better make the most of it while I can. I put my hand out toward it, feeling the warmth and committing it to memory to pretend the next time I’m cold.
‘On the bed,’ Dane says from very close behind me.
I whirl with a gasp. ‘But you said …’ I look at the food on the table. ‘I thought …’
‘Might as well get it done now. Then the bath will still be warm … after, I mean.’
‘Oh.’
My body feeling heavy, I walk slowly over to the bed.
‘Stop.’
I freeze beside it.
‘Turn to face me.’
I do what he says and find him behind me. I stare down at his boots.
‘Look at me.’
I do it, trying to pretend I’m not afraid. It’s not my first time, after all; it’s my second. The day after Grey in the cave when Varrik had appeared, I’d regretted it, but I find now that I’m glad I asked him to be the one. I wanted it to be my choice at least once, and it was.
Dane watches me, unmoving as if he’s gauging something in my expression.
His hands slowly come up to my face, and he cups my cheeks, letting out a small sigh before letting them feather down my neck to my collarbone. He grips my hands where I’m holding the bath sheet up and takes it from me gently before letting it fall to the ground.
He’s seen my body more than once, but I suddenly feel the urge to hide from him.
He must see it in my eyes because his thaw just a bit.
‘I won’t hurt you,’ he says.
I believe him and I find that I am grateful that it’s him and not Rikoth or Vern. They would make it painful, I know it. They’d delight in my cries and screams. But I know Dane won’t.
I trust him … at least with this.
He pushes me gently back toward the bed, and I shuffle onto it.
‘This isn’t your first … you and Grey …’
‘In the cave,’ I whisper.
‘Open your legs for me.’
I close my eyes, and I bend my knees, letting them fall to the sides of the bed. He’s still for long enough that I crack one of my eyes open very slightly to see what he’s doing. Does he look horrified or smug, angry or happy? But his face is expressionless as he looks down and slowly begins to unlace his breeches.
My breath catches in my throat, and I suddenly feel like jumping up and running. His eyes find mine, and they narrow. His hand moves to my neck and holds me in place gently but firmly.
‘No,’ he says. ‘This will be done, and it’ll be done now. No games or tricks, no delaying.’ His expression softens. ‘I will make it pleasurable for you if you let me.’
My lip quivers. ‘What if I don’t want it to be?’
He snorts. ‘Afraid your body will betray you, Harbinger?’
My eyes widen. How can he be so close to the truth?
He looks momentarily surprised before his lips quirk up in amusement. ‘Let me take care of you,’ he murmurs. ‘Let me give you more than pain.’
I stare into his eyes. I don’t know why he’s being kind, but after so long without any at all, I find myself nodding. ‘I want to feel something else,’ I admit, tears filling my eyes.
He hushes me and gets off the bed. I sit up, wondering if he’s changed his mind, but he goes to the corner and grabs the chair. He puts it close to the fire and sinks down into it. He beckons me, and when I get close enough, his hands encircle my waist, and he lowers me onto his knee, facing him with my legs splayed on either side of his.
He doesn’t waste any more time, taking my breast in his hand and my hard nipple into his mouth. He suckles hard as he pinches the other between his fingers, and I squeal, my hand running through his dark hair and pulling it. His mouth gentles, and he licks up to my neck, planting kisses along my throat and jaw.
I can’t help my moan, my back bowing and my hips rocking into the hard ridge protruding from between his legs.
His fingers trail down my back and grip my arse, grinding my core into him and making me rock into him again. He lets out a groan of his own. ‘Yes, little Harbinger,’ he growls, ‘take the pleasure you can. Give in to it. There’s no one here to see it but me, and I won’t tell.’
Kal
I sit down at the table, hoping they hear me as I tap my fingers on it hard, but they don’t.
That cunt.
I stare at him, willing for him to burst into flames even as I try to sort through my confusion. He told Varrik where he could find her. My female. After Grey fucked her . And now Dane is about to, and I still haven’t hardly got my hands on her properly since Rondorai.
I silently seethe, listening to her little whimpers as their hips rock together. It doesn’t matter if I’m enjoying watching them, that my cock is hard as my eyes linger. She was meant to be mine next.
I stand up suddenly and stalk over to the chair. Her eyes are closed and she’s biting her lip to keep her delicious noises to a minimum. I would never make her be quiet. I love hearing her.
I scoff next to Dane’s ear. Turning visible right next to him. He jumps with a curse, almost throwing her to the floor but catching her in time.
‘Get out!’ he snarls.
Her eyes open and focus on him, and she balks, jumping away with a shaking head.
Dane casts an angry look at me. ‘Fuck,’ he hisses, lunging for her as she tries to run from him.
She squeals as he catches her in an iron grip, bucking against him while I stand and stare, open-mouthed.
What is going on? I remember what she liked in Rondorai, so I don’t know if I need to intervene …
‘Stop fighting me, Lia!’ Dane snarls at her.
‘No!’
She throws back her head and almost hits him in the face, and I can’t help but bark a laugh, though I know I shouldn’t.
‘We have to do it,’ he huffs, out of breath from her struggling. ‘You know it as well as I do. Stop being difficult!’
He maneuvers her to the bed and throws her on it. She bounces and flails, trying to roll away, but he’s too fast. He grabs her roughly and flips her to her front.
‘Scream as much as you like. You know that none of them will come to help you,’ he pants. ‘And you wouldn’t want them to.'
‘Kallum,’ she pleads, and my eyes widen to find hers filling with tears.
My stomach drops. Why is Dane doing this? He’s been pining for Fiana for years . What is this?
‘Dane,’ I snarl. ‘She doesn’t want?—’
He shakes his head at me, gritting his teeth and looking apologetic. ‘It doesn’t matter what she wants ,’ he bites out as he holds her down. ‘It doesn’t matter what any of us want , not here. I’ll explain, Kallum, but this needs to be done. We’re out of time.’
Holding her by the back of the neck, he pulls her hips up while she squirms and curses his name, and then he pushes himself into her. She stills under him with a whimper, a sound that’s somewhere between pleasure and pain.
He hushes her. ‘It’s all right,’ he coos, rubbing up and down her back gently. ‘It’s almost finished. Believe it or not, I’m sorry it had to be like this, Harbinger.’
He pulls out and pushes back in to the hilt with a grunt. ‘Gods, you’re so wet …’ I see his throat working.
He begins to fuck her. He’s rough, taking her so hard she has to brace her hands on the wooden headboard of her bed to stay in place.
She’s not trying to get away anymore, I notice. There are still tears in her eyes, but her cries aren’t of pain or fear, they’re of pleasure, and her hips meet his thrusts.
He leans over her and reaches around to her front, doing something that makes her squeal loudly as her back bows.
‘That’s it,’ he murmurs. ‘Come for me, Lia.’
She cries out, the sound reverberating through the room, and I glance at the door, wondering if the guards I saw loitering in the corridor are going to burst in or if Dane has cast a conjure to keep them from hearing ... this. Dane thrusts again hard, and his body goes taut. His jaw clenches, and he lets out a groan, his hips jerking erratically as he finishes inside her.
He leans over Lia, panting hard, and I think he’s going to kiss her, but instead he pulls out and puts his cock away. He leaves her on the bed, where she’s breathing hard and appears a bit dazed.
‘What the fuck was that?’ I snarl at him.
‘Varrik ordered it,’ he says. ‘You should have stayed away if you didn’t fancy watching.’
‘So, you made it worse for her?’ My hands are balled into fists so tightly I can feel my nails cutting into my palms.
He rolls his eyes. ‘ You made it worse for her, you fool. I had her enjoying it until you interrupted and pulled her out of the moment.’
‘You put a conjure on her to make her want you,’ I accuse.
His laugh is hard and cutting as he leans in close to me. ‘I didn’t have to do anything of the sort.’ His eyes find Lia, who’s still on the bed, and I think I see remorse for a moment before his expression shutters. ‘She wanted me, and she enjoyed herself.’
‘It didn’t look like it,’ I hiss.
‘Did it sound like it?’ He counters with an uncharacteristic smirk.
I don’t answer.
‘I made it as good for her as I could under the circumstances.’ He glances around the room. ‘The bath will still be warm. Clean her up and make her eat even if she says she isn’t hungry.’
He almost sounds like he cares, and my eyes bore into him. I wonder what else Varrik has ordered.
‘Where are you going?’ I ask.
‘Away from here,’ he mutters.
He fucks off without a backward glance, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my very thoroughly fucked female … who I still haven’t had the pleasure of having myself.
I look at the bed. She’s still in the middle of it. She hasn’t moved.
I survey the room for her clothes, but there’s nothing in here for her to wear. Even the bed only has one threadbare blanket on it. I frown at it. I should have noticed she didn’t have anything when I was in here before, but instead, I was too busy assuming she was fine when I saw nothing overt and then giving in to my own desires without any more thought for her.
I’m as big a cunt as Dane.
‘Lia?’ I ask.
She doesn’t reply, and I move closer, taking in her healed body. At least Dane has seen to that … unless Rikoth is up to his tricks. But then I don’t think she’d have been able to fight Dane the way she had if she was still sporting broken bones and all the rest of the wounds we saw last night.
When I’d come back early from the festival, mostly out of boredom, I’d been shocked to find her with Dane and then horrified by the state of her. I should have been able to tell by her slow movements when I’d been in here watching her. In hindsight, it’s all so obvious.
I lay on the bed next to her and stare at the ceiling, waiting for her to speak to me.
When she doesn’t, I cast my eyes towards her and ask her the question that’s been plaguing me the most instead.
‘How many times did Rikoth hide your injuries before you set that fire and escaped?’
She doesn’t look at me. ‘I never kept count. But it was frequently. Sometimes, if Grith noticed, I would be taken to the healers, but he’d always want something in return, so I’d try to hide it from him if he asked me … and he was the only one who asked me.’
My fists clench. ‘I’m sorry I never asked you.’
She finally turns her head to look at me. ‘It was best that you didn’t. You couldn’t have done anything.’
‘Grey said the bindings stopped working long ago. Why are you still here?’
Lia sits up and winces a little. I cast a look at the door that Dane went through, angry with him all over again.
‘Come.’
I lift her up, noting that she’s lost weight in Varrik’s care. No wonder Dane wants her fed. But first, I put her in the bath that’s still hot enough to warm her shivering body. While she’s in it, I throw some wood on the fire, and then I turn back to her, she’s washing between her legs vigorously. I can see on her face that she’s hurting herself.
Frowning, I go to her and stop her hand’s movements with my own. ‘What are you doing?’ I ask her gently.
‘I can’t be bred,’ she whispers. ‘I need to get Dane’s seed out of me. I don’t care what he does. I won’t have a babe for him to take.’
‘Who?’
‘Varrik!’
At my blank expression, she pulls her hand out of my grip. ‘What do you think this has been about?’ she hisses angrily. ‘Varrik was going to give me to Rikoth, but he changed his mind and chose Dane instead. Did you think Dane actually wanted me?’ She laughs mirthlessly. ‘Varrik ordered it, and Dane did as he was told like the good dog he is!’
The hurt I see in her glassy eyes makes me realize that Dane was right. He didn’t have to force her at all. But he still shouldn’t have done it that way and I’ll be making sure he never does again.
‘I thought you’d be angry,’ I murmur. ‘I thought you’d never want to see any of us again.’
‘I am angry.’ She closes her eyes. ‘I was . But what’s done is done, and Varrik … no one here seems capable of not adoring him, Dane included.’
I cup her face, wondering if I should tell her of my suspicions that the love the fold has for the fae lord is merely an effect of his skill. I will, I decide, but not now.
‘Well, I see him for the cunt he is now. So does Grey. I’m only sorry we were so late in realizing.’ I put my forehead against hers. ‘No more hurting yourself. I’ll bring you the tea Dane gave you while we were traveling, all right?’
She nods vigorously and grips my hand again. ‘I won’t be bred,’ she vows again.
‘No. I promise. But we need to get you away from here.’ I hesitate at my next question because she never answered me before. ‘I need to know why you haven’t used the Harbinger to escape.’
Heaving a sigh, she looks down at the water. ‘I can’t. The binding Varrik put on me when he got me here is different this time. The Harbinger’s power is truly hackled. I can barely reach it.’
‘Reach it? The skill, you mean?’ he asks.
‘Yes and no.’ She hesitates as if she’s weighing up what she should or shouldn’t tell me.
‘I think Varrik’s skill is what makes everyone adore him,’ I blurt, trying to show her that I’m her ally and that she can trust me.
Her eyes widen, and then her expression becomes one of realization. ‘Of course! He’d never stop at just one if he could give himself more.’
‘More?’ I ask faintly. ‘What other skills does he have?’
She shakes her head. ‘I don’t know. He can conjure, though. I’ve seen him do it. If he has others, he keeps them as close to his chest as his method for making his Skilled, though. I doubt even the other elites would know.’
Looking at me intently, she rises from the bath. Water runs down her body in rivulets, and I try not to watch them as I swallow hard.
‘I can speak to the Harbinger, or at least I could,’ she amends, letting out a breath now that she’s told me a secret.
‘Speak to it?’ I whisper. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Like a shifter does with their beast. I can feel the Harbinger. We dream together. It took pain from me in the dungeon, so I didn’t feel some of the things they did. We have an understanding now. Maybe more than that.’
I flinch a little when she talks about the dungeon and her suffering at Varrik’s orders.
‘Are you sure?’ I try not to look as skeptical as I feel. ‘What if it’s?—’
‘Lying to me?’
I nod.
She shivers as she regards me, and I grab the bath sheet for her, wrapping it around her and urging her closer to the fire to dry.
‘I don’t think it is,’ she finally says. ‘It’s hard to explain, but I know its mind, and it knows mine. Would you tell Grey not to trust his beast?’
I laugh. ‘In a fucking heartbeat.’
Lia gives a small smile but sobers quickly. ‘Something’s coming for Varrik. The Harbinger feels it.’
‘What’s coming?’
‘The Dark Realms. It’s angry. Varrik shouldn’t have made his Skilled. He stole ... steals Dark Realm power to do it. It wants him destroyed. If it finds the fold while we’re still here, we’ll all die.’
‘How do you know this?’ I ask. ‘You’ve been locked up here for weeks with nary a visitor.’
‘The Harbinger is Dark Realm. It knows ... things .’
I sit back on my heels with a sigh. ‘Grey and I are going to get you away from here,’ I tell her. ‘We can go anywhere you want.’
‘You’d leave Varrik?’ she whispers, looking surprised.
‘I owe that bastard nothing.’ I look into her eyes, wanting her to understand that what I’m saying is the truth. ‘While we were in Rondorai, I realized I didn’t want to bring you back here at all. I thought I had time to convince the others. I knew Grey would say yes, and I thought I might be able to get Dane to agree given time, but then the fucking Breach brought us almost all the way back in one trip.’
‘And Dane called for Varrik as soon as he learned how close we were.’ She wraps her arms around herself and avoids my gaze. ‘Did you know?’
‘No.’ I take her hand. ‘I didn’t know, Lia. Dane didn’t tell me he contacted Varrik. I didn’t even realize we were in the fourth circle until I saw him and his guards. Please believe me.’
‘I do,’ she says.
She looks over at me and gives me a wan smile. ‘But it hardly matters now,’ she murmurs with a sigh.
Her eyes find mine again. ‘The Dark Realms will make Varrik pay for what he’s done, but everyone here will die with him. Even if we get to Varrik’s Gate and are able to get through somehow, what about all the others here? We can’t just leave them to their fates.’
I snort. ‘Can’t we? They all seem like cunts to me.’
‘But if Varrik’s skill is as you say, then?—’
‘They’re probably still cunts, Lia.’
She gives me an annoyed look. ‘Fine, then I want to save them so I don’t have any more deaths on my conscience. I can’t leave knowing they’d all die here for Varrik’s crimes if we can help them. They could be the last of the fae. Don’t you care?’
I heave a long sigh of my own. ‘Fine. We’ll find a way to get you and all the Skilled out of the fold ... even though Varrik has complete control over the Gates.’
Her eyes flutter to the ground, and mine narrow slightly at her. What isn’t she saying?
‘How long do we have?’ I ask, pretending I haven’t noticed.
‘I don’t know. The Harbinger hasn’t been able to speak to me lately. I think it’s weakened by the binding.’ She sighs. ‘This is impossible. How would we get everyone to leave the fold? It’s their home, the only place many of them know.’
I shrug, remembering the amulet I saw Rikoth with when we were running from the castle that opened the Breach without a gate. If I can get my hands on one of those necklaces, opening a Breach might not be a problem. We’d just have to convince everyone to go through it. I scoff. Easier said than done.
I look at my female. After everything, she’d still help all the fae of the fold. Would anyone here besides me and Grey do the same for her? Perhaps that healer who spoke to Grey, but if it was up to me, all the rest of them could die with Varrik, and I wouldn’t care. She does, though, and that’s the only reason I’m going to find a way.
‘At least Grith is dead,’ she mutters, changing the subject.
I let myself grin widely. ‘Next time you see Grey, ask him how he did it. I know he’d love to give you the details.’
Her eyes widen. ‘Grey did it? I thought it was an accident.’
I give her a wink. ‘It was.’
She laughs a little, and I sigh, relieved that she can find a little lightness in the face of all this.
‘So you thought I was angry?’ she asks. ‘Is that why you didn’t tell me you’d been here?’
At my questioning look, she gestures to the bedside.
‘I found the flower.’
‘I wanted to make sure you were all right. I watched you for a bit. I’m sorry I didn’t see how hurt you were,’ I begin, but she hushes me.
‘Rikoth is very good with his Skill. If he doesn’t want someone to see something, they don’t. He’s an elite for a reason. Don’t underestimate him.’
Suddenly, her eyes narrow. ‘This was yesterday?’ She gasps, and her cheeks pinken. ‘I thought it was a dream!’
I give her a rueful smile. ‘I couldn’t help it. You were sleeping so soundly and …’
She shakes her head, and I’m glad that she doesn’t seem upset about my taking liberties with her while she was asleep.
I file that development away for later, even as I lean in toward her a little. ‘Do you like the idea of me playing with you while you’re sleeping, of waking up to my cock sliding in and out of your tight cunt?’
I watch as her pupils dilate and her mouth opens on a sharp intake of breath.
‘Would you enjoy your first confused thoughts upon waking being of me filling you up and making you scream?’
She swallows hard, and I grin.
‘Gods, I’ve missed you,’ I murmur, drawing her close.
‘I’ve missed you too,’ she admits, and I hold her tightly, breathing in her scent and promising myself that I’m never going to be parted from her ever again, no matter what.
I finally pull away when I hear her stomach rumble and chuckle down at her.
‘Eat,’ I order, pushing her down into a chair at the table.
She begins to pile a plate full of meats, nuts, and greens.
I watch her eat contently, happy to see that despite Dane’s fears, she’s hungry and partaking in the food. Despite the healing, her body is clearly weakened from Varrik’s treatment of her, and she needs to regain her strength.
‘Tell me about the past weeks,’ I say when she seems to have finished her meal, wanting to get the list straight in my head of who I need to kill before we help the residents of the fold leave. Who among my fae brethren is most deserving of a slow death? Who can I just get rid of quickly for looking at her the wrong way?
She stares down at the table, her almost carefree demeanor changing quickly. Her expression clears, and her shoulders tense.
‘I don’t want to talk about those things,’ she whispers.
‘I know you don’t,’ I say, taking her arm in a gentle grip, ‘but I need to hear them.’
She shakes her head.
‘If you didn’t want to say the words … you could just remember.’
She looks up at me, her mouth opening slightly on a small intake of breath. ‘You can see my thoughts?’
‘Only the ones you let me see. I won’t pry,’ I promise.
She blinks. ‘How long have you been able to do that?’ she asks a little suspiciously.
‘It’s quite new.’
Lia sits back in the chair and surveys me for a moment. ‘All right.’
I’m surprised by her reaction despite my words. I didn’t think she’d so readily agree, and I realize that even after everything, she does still trust me.
I try not to gape at her, but for the first time in my life, I feel the need to be worthy of someone. I can’t let her down again.
‘Start from when you were taken by Varrik,’ I say softly. ‘Go through everything that’s happened. As quickly or as slowly as you like, but if you see it in your mind’s eye, I will as well.’
She nods, if a little more hesitantly now.
‘If you want me to stop, just say,’ I tell her, and she closes her eyes.
I do the same, and she begins.
It’s black at first, and then images begin to take shape, sharpening into focus quickly. The pictures are fast, slowing down then there’s talking. But mostly, it’s just quick slices of flashing memories that I rush to take in and remember. Grith. Fear and resignation. A beating. His laugh. His touch. Varrik in his hall. The dungeon. Pain in the darkness. Over and over. A hard floor. Seared flesh. Guards’ laughter. Their voices. Cold. Hunger. Thirst. The healer. Water. Relief. More pain and desolation. A black lake that’s skimmed over quickly as if she doesn’t really want me to see it.
More guards’ faces. Varrik. A small boy. Acute horror. This room. Cold. Hunger. Rikoth. Shame. Fear. A man in chains. Feeling free but also trapped. Killing. Elation followed by remorse and the crushing guilt I know she feels. Fear. Realization of being poisoned. Hurting Rikoth. Elation. Escape. Freezing water. Terror. A riverbank in the sun. Dizziness and distress. Our house. Dane. Blackness. This room with Dane. Cold. Hunger. Dane’s anger at the servants. Their words about the Harbinger. Then warmth. Desire. For Dane . Me appearing. Dane fucking her on the bed. Pain and pleasure rolled into one. Confusion and shame. Fear. The bath. Me. Contentment.
She takes me back to the moment when she killed using her Skill. She replays it slowly, showing me everything like she’s confessing what she’s done. I feel the remorse, but it isn’t from the ones she killed in Varrik’s office, it’s from all the times previously. Before I realize what she’s doing, she’s showing me those as well. Bodies hitting marble floors, grassy fields, cobbled streets, and muddy roads. Hundreds and hundreds of fae, orcs, goblins, and so many others. Dead.
I gasp a breath as I pull my mind away from hers. She’s breathing hard, and tears are falling down her cheeks, but she wipes them away and looks down at the table with a frown.
I slowly unclench my fists. The suffering my beautiful little human has borne is so much worse than I’d imagined. She’s endured torments that would have driven a fae mad.
I lunge for her, gathering her in my arms and holding her close. She lets me, and I don’t deserve it. I should have found my way to her sooner. At least I could have saved her from some of it.
‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper. ‘I’m so sorry.’
I try to make sense of everything I saw, the flashes from her senses and her feelings.
Her guilt over using the Harbinger to kill is substantial. It’s crushing her even now, just as it was after Alcana. I know what she needs, and she does as well. But now isn’t the time.
‘You saw everything? All the times ...’
I nod.
‘And you could feel …’ she lets out a deep sigh, ‘what I felt? What I feel? The weight of the deaths from before I knew the truth that makes it hard to breathe?’
Again, I nod, this time in resignation because I know what she’s going to request, and I promised once that I’d take this from her again when she wanted me to.
‘Will you help me?’ she murmurs as if reading my mind. ‘I told myself that I’d never ask you again after the woods, but … I think I need you to do it. I don’t know of another way to rid myself of this. You gave me weeks without it.’
‘I know,’ I say, holding her tightly. ‘But your body is still healing. I will do it if you ask me … but please don’t ask me. Not until you’re better.’
‘I need it.’ She puts a hand over her chest and winces. ‘Now. The Harbinger killed so many. You saw. I let it. I wanted it to. That one time in the forest wasn’t enough to sate the hollowness that follows me.’
I draw back to look into her face. ‘Varrik ordered these things. Their deaths are his fault, not yours. You were but a child, Lia.’
‘It doesn’t matter what he ordered. I did it. I liked it!’ she replies, her tone sharp. ‘The power of it felt good. There! Is that what you want to hear? When they fall, I’m happy that I let the Harbinger kill them. I’m glad.’
She puts her head in her hands. ‘They never even brace for it. They just fall ... like raindrops in a quick summer storm.’
‘The last time, in Varrik’s study ... I knew what it would do,’ she admits with a shake of her head. ‘They deserved it, and I wanted it to make them pay.’ She stares up at me. ‘I don’t feel remorse for them. It’s the ones from before. The weight of it is worse because I know now that my vow was false. I will use the Harbinger, and I’ll like it when I do.’
I sigh into her hair. ‘You did nothing wrong.’
‘It doesn’t matter. Please,’ she whispers, tears coming to her eyes. ‘Call the healer after if you want, but do it. You’re the only one I trust to. You’re the only one who understands the why of it even more now that you’ve seen everything I’ve done. Help me feel lighter, Kallum. It’s crushing me. I’m not asking. I’m begging.’
I release her slowly, closing my eyes. ‘This isn’t the time. After Dane ... everything that’s happened ...You don’t want this now.’
‘I don’t. You’re right. But I need it.’
I cringe. I can’t deny her, and when I look into her relieved face, I can see that she knows she’s won.
‘All right,’ I acquiesce. ‘I’ll need a moment. You’re sure?’
She nods jerkily and squeezes my hand.
‘Afterward, you tell me about the black lake I saw.’
She freezes at my price.
‘Fine,’ she mutters almost angrily, and I draw her up to her feet.
I turn away for a moment, pushing away everything I’ve learned from her memories, how broken she feels. I’ll do this for her because she demands it of me. Because she’s right. No one else will understand why she needs it. Because I care for her and, because, gods help me, a dark part of me will enjoy it just as she enjoys the Harbinger’s power. The only difference is I won’t feel remorse afterward.
‘Move the tray and hold onto the edge of the table.’
My harsh tone brooks no argument, though I know she’ll give me none. This isn’t like the first time in the woods. She knows what to expect and how my punishment will banish the feelings that are destroying her.
She does what I say with a relieved sigh, putting the tray on the floor and then leaning over the table. She turns her face to the side, pressing her cheek into the smooth wood.
The open-palmed crack on her arse echoes through the room.
I make it hard. I make it hurt.
She squeals loudly, and I glance toward the door with a grimace.
Any more sounds like that, and we’ll be discovered.
I go to the tray on the floor nearby and grab the cloth napkin from it. I stuff it into her mouth to gag her, relishing her surprised expression.
‘Leave it there,’ I snarl.
She nods, making no move to dislodge it, and I go back to my place.
‘I’m going to begin properly now, and you’re going to take it. You’re going to take everything I give you until I’m finished. Do you understand?’
She gives me another nod, and I give her another hard smack on the other cheek. Her body quivers, her cry muffled by the rag in her mouth.
Satisfied that it’s doing its job, I put a hand on the small of her back to keep her where I want her in case she decides the pain is too much and tries to escape my palm.
‘Are you ready?’