Chapter 15
Lena
The angry knock at my door heralds the argument to come. When I see Rex’s face, I know instinctively what’s gotten him so upset.
“What’s happened?” I ask.
“When were you gonna tell me about my daughter?”
I knew this was something that we’d have to talk about, but I thought I had time. Somehow, he knows about Mia.
I slip out of the room, shutting the door behind me. “Let’s go downstairs. Mia’s sleeping.”
Thankfully, he isn’t so angry that he cannot fulfill my request. He nods, jaw clenched tight, his face furrowed with fury, and turns to stomp back downstairs, not bothering to check if I am following behind.
I spot Doc sitting sheepishly in the living room. Judge must still be out on business, and I heard Cole leave only moments ago; the familiar sound of his motorcycle rumbling away.
Rex stalks into the kitchen and turns to look at me. “Why didn’t you tell me Mia is my child?” he asks outright.
I hesitate, wondering how to respond. I decide on the truth. “I wasn’t one hundred percent certain.”
“Even if you weren’t sure, you should have told me there was a possibility.”
“I didn’t…”
“Don’t try to deny it, Lena, no more lies. I know she’s mine.” From his pocket, he produces a piece of paper, and he thrusts it toward me.
It’s a paternity test. It’s written there, as clear as day, the truth I’ve hidden from him.
Mia is Rex’s daughter. I can’t deny it. Despite how mad he is at me, how shitty and guilty I feel for lying to him.
I also feel an immense sense of relief. Mia isn’t Zeke’s child.
However, I don’t let that show. I’m pissed as hell at Rex for getting a paternity test done without my permission.
If he’d asked me again about Mia, I would have cracked and told the truth; I just never found the right time.
“How did you get this?” I demand. “I can’t believe you went behind my back to do a paternity test. How did you even get the DNA to do the test?”
“I didn’t. I would never have done that. I trusted you. It seems I was a fool to do so. Cole was right to follow his suspicions and run a paternity test,” Rex snaps.
“Cole was the one who did it?”
“Yes, they just got the results today.”
“I can’t believe Cole would do that,” I say, though that isn’t true. I can hardly blame him for doubting me either. I lied to all of them.
“That’s not the point. Cole was just doing his job as president.
Since there was an accusation that Mia was the child of a rival president, he had to know.
And he was acting as my friend, he was trying to protect me,” he says, waving me away.
Though based on the raised voices I heard earlier, Rex wasn’t so quick to accept Cole’s decision.
The fact that Rex didn’t do this makes me feel even worse for breaking his trust. “Why did you lie to me?”
“Because I wasn’t ready to tell you yet. I would have told you eventually.” I wish I believed that wholeheartedly, but there’s a part of me that considered not telling him.
“Would you have told me? Or is that another lie? You just said earlier you were considering leaving, that you thought that running far away and hiding might be the safest option for Mia. If you believed that, you had no intention of telling me. You were going to run away again, this time with my daughter. My child that you’ve hidden from me for three years. ”
He’s right. I was thinking of leaving without telling him. I know it was unfair and wrong of me.
“Mia is mine. I’m her mother. I gave birth to her, and I’ve raised her alone for the past two and a bit years,” I stubbornly insist.
If I’m being brutally honest with myself, part of the reason I haven’t told Rex yet is that I have been feeling loath to share my precious child.
I knew that once he found out the truth, Mia would no longer belong only to me.
Mia is the best thing to have ever happened to me, the only real family I’ve ever had, and the only constant in my life.
I was scared to lose that, to share her with anyone.
“Because you didn’t give me the chance to be in her life!” Rex explodes. “You believed the lies some woman you didn’t know told you, a woman I’d made clear I didn’t trust, over me, and then you ran and hid my child from me. Is that why you really left? Did you know you were pregnant?”
“No. No, I swear, I only found out once I’d gone. But I couldn’t come back; it would only make things worse for you, for the family I believed you had. I know it was foolish, but I promise you I believed everything Mary Beth told me.”
“Fine, but why did you continue to lie to me once you came back?”
“I was mad at you, I still thought you’d betrayed me. I didn’t know if I could trust you with Mia. I was going to tell you.” The words sound hollow even to me.
“But you didn’t. Not even after you found out every word Mary Beth said was a lie. Why didn’t you tell me the truth then?” he asks, wounded.
“I wanted to, but then there wasn’t the right time.
I’ve spent days agonizing over it, wondering how to admit the truth to you.
I wanted to make the right choice by Mia, too.
” I almost admit that I was worried Mia was Zeke’s, but then I hold back.
I’m still not ready to tell him what Zeke did to me.
“You mean you weren’t sure if I’m good enough to be her dad and whether or not you should stay,” Rex says bitterly.
His harsh words are valid; those thoughts did cross my mind. I feel like shit. I feel so guilty. Especially after he came to my room tonight and spoke to me, when he proclaimed his love for me and Mia, and how he wanted to be a father to her, even though he didn’t think she was his flesh and blood.
“I’m sorry.” I offer hopelessly. There’s no excusing what I’ve done.
“Me too,” Rex replies with a sigh. He turns his back on me and leaves the room. I hear his heavy footfall on the stairs as he goes up to his room. I don’t follow him. I have no right to.
I wonder if I’ve ruined it, if this tentative relationship is over before it has even begun. Rex has offered me everything I want, so why am I afraid to take it? Am I sabotaging myself because I’m scared to love, scared to leap into the unknown? Am I being a coward?
Now that the truth is out, everything will change.
Regardless of what happens between us, Rex has the right to be involved in his daughter’s life and make decisions about her.
But he might never forgive me. We may never regain what we once had.
In trying to protect Mia, have I inadvertently created the exact kind of home life I never wanted her to have?
I was running from Rex because I didn’t want his daughter, who didn’t even exist, to live in a broken home, and I’ve now made that situation become a reality for our child, his real daughter.
How could I have been so stupid?
Doc walks into the kitchen to find me crying, my head resting on my arms, huddled over the table. “Are you okay?”
“No. I’ve ruined everything,” I mumble through my hands, not lifting my head. I don’t want him to see my tearstained face.
He comes to sit beside me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “No, you haven’t. Rex will be alright, just give him time. He’ll forgive you eventually.”
“Will he want to be in Mia’s life?”
“Of course he will. Despite being upset about how he found out, he wants Mia in his life. Rex has always wanted a child, a family.”
“He has? He always struck me as such a bachelor. I was surprised when Mary Beth said he was married, as he seemed like a playboy. I guess that’s why I believed he would cheat with me.”
Doc shakes his head. “No way. Rex is the most loyal man I know, almost to a fault. Look, maybe it isn’t my place to tell you, but this will hit him hard, maybe harder than if it had been one of us instead.
Years ago, when Rex was in his twenties, he had a long-term girlfriend.
They were childhood sweethearts. They tried for a long while to get pregnant, and then when Jennifer was in her seventh month of pregnancy, they lost the baby.
Jennifer killed herself a few weeks after it. ”
“Oh my god, that’s awful, poor Rex. I had no idea.” My heart breaks for him. I can’t imagine how horrible that must have been for him.
Doc shrugs. “He doesn’t talk about it much. Since losing Jennifer, Rex has been a bit of a playboy, but it’s mostly because he hasn’t felt able to love again. That is, until he met you. You’re the first woman he’s shown interest in having a proper relationship with in fifteen years.”
“Well, now I feel like a total bitch.”
“Don’t. You did what you thought was right for your daughter. Rex will understand that,” Doc says softly, looking at me with deep, soulful eyes.
“I hope so. Was Jennifer… Were you all…” I say, searching for the right words.
“Involved?” He asks, and I nod. “No. No, that…” he hesitates before landing on, “Proclivity… Came later in life. We were all experimenting sexually, having some fun, and discovered how much we enjoyed it, and we all have the same taste in women.”
“You do?” I wonder if he is as attracted to me as I am to him. It’s shameful how I can be so sexually attracted to four men at the same time, but I’ve given up questioning it.
“We do.” When he looks at me, I can tell he means that he’s attracted to me, too.
“Lena,” he murmurs, brushing a strand of hair from my face. Suddenly, I’m aware of his proximity, of how soft his lips look.
Now is quite possibly the worst time for this to happen, with Rex upstairs upset at me for having lied about Mia, but when Doc kisses me, god help me, I kiss him back.