Chapter 16
Lena
I awake at the crack of dawn feeling ashamed and confused. I mull over the events of last night. I can’t believe that one minute Rex and I were fighting, having both finally discovered that Mia is definitely his, and then I was somehow fucking Doc while he watched.
What the hell was I thinking?
As if it wasn’t wild enough that Rex and I are tentatively rekindling things, something I never thought would happen, but then I’m having sex with Cole and now Doc, too? Of course, both times Rex seemed into it, even encouraged it, but this isn’t a viable relationship dynamic. It can’t be, can it?
And yet…
I want it to be. God help me, but I can’t help the way I feel. I can’t stop myself from enjoying them all.
What kind of woman does that make me?
It’s early, too early even for my energetic early-rising child to be up.
The sun has not yet risen, and Mia is still peacefully sleeping in the bed beside me.
As I lie there, listening to the steady sound of her breath and watching her slumber, I wonder if Rex will forgive me for lying, for hiding her from him.
Will he want to be a part of her life, even if he doesn’t want a relationship with me?
Do I want that? Part of me feels as though it will kill me to have to see him, to be near him but not be with him, but the other part knows I will endure anything for my little girl.
I want her to have a father figure in her life.
Of course, Big Joe has been a male presence up until now, but it’s not the same.
Now that Zeke has found me, and he knows for sure I’m under the protection of the Soaring Eagles, I wonder if that means I can visit Big Joe in the hospital. Surely even Zeke wouldn’t stoop as low as to attack a hospital? I resolve to ask the guys today.
It seems surreal that Zeke would start a war over me.
It’s been three years since I rejected him, a long time to hold a grudge.
What is it about me that’s made him have such a dogged determination to find and punish me?
What does he intend to do once he has me?
I can’t imagine it’s anything good. Part of me feels tempted to initiate contact, to see if there’s a way we can work things out without any more fighting.
If Zeke were a reasonable man, it would be the logical thing to do.
But Zeke is not, and I fear that the years have only made him insane, for only a madman would start a war over a woman rejecting him.
My musings are disturbed by Mia waking. As usual, she is a ball of energy, immediately wanting to get up and go.
I spend the rest of the morning taking care of her needs.
It’s only after I’ve dressed her, fed her, and played games for a while before giving in and letting her watch her favorite cartoon that I realize none of the guys are up yet, which is unusual.
It’s too late for any of them to be still sleeping, surely, I think.
Almost as if he’s read my mind, Judge appears, materializing behind me and making me jump. “Morning.”
“Hey, you made me jump.”
He frowns, as if the information is disconcerting yet commonplace to him, which I suppose it is. “Sorry. Have you been up long?”
“A fair while,” I reply, shrugging. “Lie-ins are a thing of the past when you have a two-year-old. Speaking of which, is everyone else still in bed?”
He shakes his head. “No. The others had to leave early on business.”
My eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “I was up before the sun had even risen and didn’t hear them leave. They must have left in the middle of the night.”
“Or their departure is what woke you, your subconscious heard it, but by the time you were conscious, they’d left.” Judge suggests.
“So, is it just us today then, or will they be back soon?”
“I imagine they’ll be gone all day,” Judge offers vaguely.
I wonder what they’re doing and if Judge would tell me if I asked. Deciding he probably wouldn’t, I opt to ask a favor instead. “Do you think we could go to visit Big Joe in the hospital today, then? You could take us, couldn’t you?”
Judge looks uncomfortable, torn between wanting to please me and obeying his instructions to stay and protect me. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to leave the house.”
“I already left the house once before,” I point out.
“Yeah, and look how that turned out,” he replies dryly.
Damn it, he’s got a point—new tactic.
“Zeke isn’t going to attack us at a hospital.” Judge remains unconvinced, but I press on, undeterred. “Big Joe will be worried about us. Please, he’s like family to us.”
I think that Judge is still going to refuse, but then Mia looks up at us. “Pop-Pop?” she says hopefully, looking around as if he might be hiding somewhere.
Judge’s expression softens, and I know he can’t resist Mia. “Alright, we’ll go. But if there’s any sign of Zeke or his men, or anything I don’t like, we leave with no questions asked. Alright?”
“Sir, yes, sir!” I reply with a mock salute, teasing him for his seriousness.
“I mean it, Lena, if I say we’re leaving, even if we’ve only been there five minutes, we go,” he says sternly.
“I understand. I promise we’ll go when you say we have to.”
***
“Lena, Mia!” Big Joe cries when we enter his hospital room.
Big Joe sits propped up in bed, the television is on in the corner, playing reruns of his favorite sit-com that I’m so used to him watching at home. He’s a welcome sight, he feels like home. Although he looks frailer than I’ve ever seen him, he’s alive.
Mia toddles over and tries to climb up on the bed. “Pop-Pop!” she says, holding her chubby hands in the air.
“Careful, sweetie, Pop-Pop can’t pick you up right now,” I warn her, going over and scooping her up in my arms. She wriggles and strains against me, reaching for Joe.
“Like heck I can’t, put her next to me on the bed, I want a cuddle from my best girl!”
I smile and do as Joe says, leaning over to give him a big hug myself. He squeezes me back. “It’s good to see you girls.”
“You too, Big Joe, you have no idea how worried I was. I thought we’d lost you.” Tears spring to my eyes as I think back to that horrible day, how we’d left him there, bleeding in the alley.
“I know. I thought so too.” Big Joe looks over to Judge. “Are you one of the young men who saved my life and rescued Lena?”
Judge inclines his head in acknowledgement. “Yes, sir, I am.”
Big Joe smiles. “Thank you, son. What’s your name? I feel bad that I don’t even know the names of the men to whom I owe my life.”
“People call me Judge.”
Big Joe chuckles, the sound rich and familiar. “Now, how did you get yourself a nickname like that?”
I realize that I’ve never asked Judge that.
Judge clears his throat, looking awkward. “It’s not a particularly nice story, but I can tell it if you wish. It’s short for Judge, jury, and executioner.”
“Ah,” Big Joe says. “You served?”
“Yes, sir. Two tours in Iraq.”
Big Joe nods before glancing at me and Mia. “I think we’ll save the full story for another time.”
Judge nods in agreement. I’m curious to hear it, but it’s pretty self-explanatory. My feeling that Judge has a deadly energy proved to be correct. I wonder just how many people have been on the receiving end of his justice.
Big Joe turns his attention back to me. “Your friend Doc tells me that they rescued you from those kidnappers and that you’re safe, but he won’t tell me much more than that. What did those men want with you? And where are you staying now?”
I glance at Judge who answers the last question for me. “Lena and Mia are staying with us in one of our safehouses. It’s safer for everyone if you don’t know where.”
Big Joe considers this. “Who is us exactly?”
I answer this one. I gesture to Judge. “Judge, Doc, Cole, and Rex are protecting us. They’re members of the Soaring Eagles MC, well, Cole is the president. Zeke, the president of the Iron Vultures, is the man who is after me.”
“The bar where you used to work?” Big Joe clarifies.
I nod. “For some reason, Zeke seems to have become obsessed because I ran away three years ago. Rex rescued me that time, too.”
Mia interrupts, perturbed not to be the center of attention, and Big Joe indulges her for a while. Sensing that Big Joe and I need time alone to talk, Judge steps in after a while. “Hey, Mia, why don’t you and I go get some candy from the vending machine?”
Easily won over by the promise of candy, Mia happily goes with Judge. I mouth my thanks at him as they leave.
“He’s a good man,” Big Joe observes.
“He is. They all are. I’m lucky they found us.”
Big Joe nods in agreement. “Seems that way. They all certainly seem taken with you.”
“You’ve only just met Judge, and you’ve not seen Doc with me.”
“Still. I can tell,” Joe says sagely before adding, “I’ve met Rex, too. He’s a good man. He cares for you deeply.”
I’m surprised to hear this. “I thought it was only Doc who had been coming and checking on your progress.”
Big Joe shakes his head. “Nope. Your Rex wanted to meet me right away and thank me for taking care of you over the past three years. He told me he’d been worried about you and was relieved that you had someone, especially since you had a child.
He’s Mia’s father, isn’t he?” Big Joe was always perceptive, I’m not surprised he figured it out.
“Can’t keep anything from you,” I say with a smile. “When did you figure it out?”
He smiles back. “The moment I met him. Mia has his eyes. Does he know?”
“He does now.” I briefly tell him about Rex and my time with the guys, leaving out the sex, of course.
“I’m glad to hear that these men are looking after you. Though I can’t say I’m thrilled about you getting caught in the middle of a turf war with two rival motorcycle gangs.”
“They prefer to be called clubs.”
“I’m sure they do. I’ll get out of here soon. We can leave the state, move somewhere this Zeke won’t find you.”
I know Big Joe means it. He’d move to the ends of the earth for Mia. He’d give up his café, everything he’s built, for her. “I can’t let you give up your life for us.”
“Oh honey, you and Mia are my life. I’d do anything for you.”
I squeeze his hand. “I know. But I can’t ask you to. I thought about leaving, too. But I don’t want that life for Mia, living on the run, always worrying that one day Zeke will find us. Besides, Mia deserves to have her father in her life.”
“He’d follow you if you left,” Big Joe points out.
“I know,” I reply, realizing it’s the truth. “But I can’t ask Rex to leave his life behind either. The guys, they’re like brothers, more than that.”
Big Joe studies me carefully. “You have feelings for them, too.”
I nod carefully, unsure of how much to give away, of what he’ll think.
“I fell in love with a married woman once. I thought that when her husband found out, he’d beat the crap outa me. It turned out that he had known all along, was fine with it, and had his own lovers, too. It worked for them, sharing their bed, didn’t make them love each other any less.”
I’m mildly scandalized to hear this from Big Joe. It’s strange to think of the elderly as having sex, let alone swinging. Joe chuckles at my expression.
“I’m old, not dead. You forget that I was a young man in the sixties.
They called it the Summer of Love for a reason.
I won’t gross you out any more than I have.
All I’m saying is, I understand that love comes in many forms and that it’s possible to love more than one person at a time.
If you’re lucky enough to find someone or more than one person, you should hold onto them. Not everyone gets a chance at love.”
A weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It’s a relief to know Big Joe won’t judge me if I pursue things with the guys. I wouldn’t want to lose him.
“There’s nothing you could do that would make me love you any less,” Big Joe says, as if reading my mind.
“Thank you,” I tell him, hugging him tightly. “I should go find Judge and Mia. She’s probably running him ragged.”
“That one’s in love with you, too. Let him down easy, if you don’t feel the same.”
I shake my head in disbelief. Judge has done nothing to make me think he has romantic feelings for me.
“No grown man is volunteering to do babysitting duty unless he’s family or into the mother,” Big Joe says wryly.
“Oh, that is so old-fashioned of you, Big Joe.”
“Fine. Then, if that isn’t proof enough, the moon-eyes he gives you should be,” he says triumphantly.
I laugh. “You think every man is in love with me.”
“That’s because they usually are. These ones definitely are.”
At that moment, Judge and Mia return, and the room becomes a whirlwind of chaos again with Mia.
I watch as Mia and Judge interact, full of love.
I feel Judge’s eyes on me, and I blush, wondering if Big Joe is right.
Could he have feelings for me? While I find him attractive, and the others have mentioned that all four of them would be interested in sharing, I haven’t fully considered being with him either.
I just didn’t think he was into me. The others made their interest perfectly clear, and Judge hasn’t.
But perhaps he just isn’t as forward. He’s certainly more reserved and quiet than the others. Do I want Judge too?
Am I seriously considering a relationship with four men?