Chapter 54
“I’m so sorry I didn’t come to visit you sooner, Greta. I had no idea. . .”
Before I can finish, she pulls me into an embrace. Without saying a word, I feel her crying.
I haven’t allowed myself to do this very often, but little by little, I relax and let the pain surface.
For several minutes, we stay like that, and I know this has nothing to do with her illness. It’s about the baby I lost.
“You were trying to heal your own suffering, my dear. You couldn’t have known what Gianni was going through as well.”
“For the first time, I let myself be selfish.”
“What do you mean?”
“I suppose your son has already told you the story of how I grew up in a so-called religious community of fanatics, hasn’t he?”
“Yes, those miserable men. Pedophiles using God’s name to commit atrocities.”
“Their leader was my father, as I’m sure you also know.”
She nods.
“On top of everything he did to those girls, he destroyed our family. He pushed my twin brother away, and I believe he killed my mother. It was just Amber and me left. I was the older one, so I had to be strong. I never showed pain. I pretended nothing could get me.”
“I know what it’s like to live a life built on lies.”
“Yes. I didn’t do it on purpose, but it became a habit.
I never prioritized myself. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel bitter about it.
I would do it all over again for Amber. But the truth is, I never knew what it meant to give in to grief the way most people eventually do in life. When I lost the baby, I fell apart.”
“I can’t even imagine how much you suffered. No one can, except someone who’s lived through it.”
“I blamed myself. The day I fell, I was running because I had just read something Capria planted in the press. I kept thinking that if I hadn’t been so reckless, running through the woods on my brother-in-law’s estate, maybe the baby would still be alive.”
“We’ll never have that answer, Elodie. I have so many ‘what ifs’ in my life that if I thought about each one, I’d go insane.
The past is a dangerous place to visit too often, especially when it drags up painful memories.
The truth is, everything we go through shapes us, both the good and the bad.
But there comes a moment when you have to move forward and lock that door behind you. ”
“And have you done that?”
“No, piccola. I waited too long. I let my body and soul grow sick.”
“I know your story. Forgive me if I’m being indiscreet.”
She gives me a sad smile. “You’re not. All of Italy knows my life. I stopped caring over thirty years ago.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yes.”
“You seem so strong, Greta. So decisive. How did you let him hurt you like that, year after year?”
“I think, after a while, it stopped being hope that he would choose me. It became stubbornness. The first time we were together, I was barely more than a child, and I got pregnant. After that. . .I carried so much anger toward Carina, the official wife. I thought she didn’t love him, that she stayed with him just so Dino wouldn’t marry me.
Two fools. And now, he parades through Europe with girls under twenty. ”
“But do you still love him?”
“I haven’t loved him for a long time. I don’t even know if what I felt was ever truly love. Sometimes, I think I stopped loving him the moment I learned he was engaged to someone else.”
She steps back and takes my hands.
“Do you know why I’m telling you this? Not because I enjoy talking about my life, but because you and my son are being given a second chance after everything you both endured.
You can each choose to keep your pride intact and walk away.
. .or you can admit you both made mistakes and live this imperfect but very real love. ”
“There’s no choice anymore, Greta. I isolated myself, thinking I could forget him. But when we met on the flight today, it was like we had never been apart. I mean, the pain is still there, but when I saw him, it felt like coming home. Gianni is my home.”
“My son is crazy about you, Elodie. He isn’t perfect, but he’s a man in love.”
“I know that now, Greta. We both need to forgive each other, because deep down, there’s still some resentment, and a lot of hurt. But I’m willing to try. I don’t want to leave again.”
“Then don’t, my dear. The choice to stay is yours alone. And it says a lot about my son that he swallowed his pride and bought an airline just to have a chance at getting close to you.”
“He’s insane.”
“No. He’s an Andresano. We are excess. Never average, never calm. For us, it’s only storms and extremes.”
“I forgive you.”
“I was so afraid you’d refuse to talk to me, Elodie.”
“Don’t ever do that again. It worked because I love Gianni with every ounce of my being, but don’t ever make decisions for me, Amber.”
“I won’t. You have my word. But I couldn’t stand to watch you like that anymore, sister. So, what happens now?”
“I don’t know yet. We’re at his mother’s house. Later, we’ll go to the villa. There, we’ll talk about the past and the future.”
“Do that. But don’t forget the present. Plans are good. Memories, too. But whatever you let slip away today will be lost forever. The present can never be recovered, sis.”