Chapter 32 #2
“Alright,” Beau said, heaving himself up from his chair at the game table in the corner of the family room. “Refill time. Who wants another glass of wine. Gabe, another beer?”
As I came into the room, the dog ratted me out. Pepper’s nails scrabbled on the hardwoods as she woke up and bolted toward me. Beau looked to see what had woken her and found me standing there.
“Jett! We didn’t know you were coming. Get in here.”
I finished giving the dog a head scratch before moving toward him for a hug. But as soon as I saw they’d been playing Egyptian Ratscrew, I felt overwhelming emotion.
Loss. Loneliness. Familiarity and comfort. Fear. Grief. Want.
Utter and devastating heartbreak.
“Jett?” Mav said, standing up and frowning. “What’s…? Oh dear.”
They surrounded me just as I broke down, Beau on one side of me and Maverick on the other. I turned into Mav’s chest and tucked myself into his arms, feeling Beau move in behind me to make a hug sandwich.
I’d come by my incredible hugging genius honestly. I wished I’d been able to tell Locke that.
“Honey, whatever it is, we’re here. It’ll be okay,” Beau murmured.
I could see my brother out of the corner of my eye, his forehead creased with concern. Becca blinked and stood up, moving to reach through the group hug to scratch lightly into my hair, a gesture she’d always used to soothe me when I was upset.
“Glad you’re home, Jetty-boo. We missed you.”
I tried to keep my sobs silent as my breath heaved, and hot tears slid down my face and into Mav’s shirt.
“Maybe I should go,” Hunter said softly to Gabe.
“What? Fuck off, you’re family, too,” Gabe replied.
Beau moved away from the hug, gently shoving Mav and me toward the sofa. “You three go pick up the pizza we called in. Hunt, make sure they don’t kill each other on the way.”
Once they were gone, my dads sat on either side of me and waited for me to catch my breath.
Beau had brought over a box of tissues, and Mav had whistled for Pepper to get over here and stop whining.
Once she’d shoved her fat ass between us on the sofa and dropped her chin on my lap, she calmed down.
Mav’s calm presence had its usual effect on me. “You want to talk about it?”
“How’d you decide to leave California for Beau?” I asked, voice hoarse and nasally from crying.
I’d already heard this story plenty of times. Mav was a veterinarian. He’d been preparing to take over the San Francisco practice from my grandmother when he’d reconnected with Beau in South Carolina and fallen in love. Leaving an established practice hadn’t been easy.
My dads exchanged a knowing look.
“Easy,” Mav said at the same time Beau said, “Bribery.”
Mav put his palm on Beau’s face and pushed him back. I didn’t miss how gentle the touch was. They’d always been sweetly affectionate with each other. It made my teeth hurt.
Mav focused back on me. “I could decide to stay in California and be Beau-less, or I could move here. It really was that easy. It’s kind of like asking someone to choose between living in a shoebox with their heart or living in Rabbit Island without their heart.
Rabbit Island isn’t worth living in if you’re not living. ”
“A shoebox, babe? You suck at metaphors,” Beau muttered before turning me to face him. “Who’s the guy?”
I told them as much as I could without mentioning ESP, Paxis, global intrigue, or the whole sex-for-money thing. If I ever had a chance—even if it was a slim one—of building a future with Locke, that would remain our secret and ours alone.
“It’s hard to explain,” I continued. “But I can’t have him and my career at the same time.”
“Why not?” Beau asked, sounding angry enough to ride at dawn, guns blazing.
I stroked the silky-smooth fur of Pepper’s head with my thumb. The little dip where her noggin met her ear fit my thumb perfectly like it always had.
“I just can’t. Okay?”
Beau bent a knee up on the sofa so he could face me better. “If I had to choose between your dad and my business, it wouldn’t even be a question.”
Mav made a little sound of appreciation in his throat. Sometimes I hated these two and their perfect love.
“That’s easy for you to say after thirty years together!
” I snapped. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty, Beau. I barely know this guy. He’s the head of a multibillion-dollar company.
And he… he’s fucking straight, okay? I didn’t tell you that part, but of course he is.
Or he claims he is, anyway.” I heaved a breath. “And he doesn’t do relationships.”
Beau snorted, but Mav reached over and poked him.
Then Mav moved to sit right behind Beau so I could see both of them at once.
His arm came around Beau’s middle without thinking, pulling his partner close and leaning his chin on Beau’s shoulder.
It was a position I’d seen a million times before, but the casual ease of it, the way they had such…
blanket permission to touch each other without asking or worrying about what anyone thought… it gutted me.
Would I ever have that?
“Sweetheart,” Mav said patiently, “it doesn’t sound like your guy is actually straight. Not if there’s something between you. And just because he’s some kind of important businessman doesn’t mean he doesn’t want or deserve love.”
Beau pulled Mav’s arm more tightly around him. “You know who else didn’t ‘do’ relationships?” he asked, using air quotes.
“Uncle Teddy,” Mav finished for him with a grin.
“Be real right now,” I muttered. My uncle Teddy was stupid for his husband. Always had been since before I could remember.
“And Uncle Derek was ‘straight,’” Mav added.
This, I already knew. I had the gayest collection of uncles on Earth, and they’d all had different paths to love. But it seemed like maybe the Marian family had already used up our allotment of happy ever afters before it would ever be my turn.
I smoothed Pepper’s fur, watching the small movements of her whiskers. “How did Jamie and Jude convince them to… to give a relationship a try?”
Beau’s grin widened. “They didn’t. They were just lovable sons-a-bitches, and their men came to them. Maybe give that a try. It worked for me, too.”
Mav moved his arm up to put Beau in a gentle headlock. “Do not listen to this father. Listen to me. The better father. The father with a level head.” He winked. “You should go talk to him, sweetheart. Maybe after San Francisco.”
“After… San Francisco?” I asked.
“Tilly’s bachelor party,” Beau snickered. “Remember?”
“No,” I said, feeling dread curdle in my gut as I remembered the family commitment. “No way.”
“Command performance, I’m afraid,” Mav said before kissing Beau on the head and shoving him off so he could stand up. “Come on. Let’s eat. I hear your siblings squabbling in the driveway.”
“Dad, for real, I can’t go. Aunt Tilly’s whole point in throwing that ridiculous party is to set us all up with people!”
Beau stood and reached out a hand to pull me up. “Aw. Nice use of the word ‘Dad,’ but it’s still not getting you out of this. Tilly played the ‘next year I might be dead’ card, so we’re going.”
I scoffed and followed him to the kitchen, past rows and rows of multicolored salt and pepper shakers of all sizes and shapes. “She’s never gonna die. She drinks from the holy grail.”
Gabe set three huge pizza boxes on the counter. “Tilly texted me and told me that if we don’t show up, she might sign us up for a subscription to blue-cheese-of-the-month again.”
We both shuddered at the memories.
“Fine,” I said. “But I’m not talking to any men. And I’m sure as hell not kissing any of them.”
Which was, it turned out, just another one of Jett Marian’s lies.