12. Desperate
12
Desperate
Humans bustled by the patio seating of the restaurant on Sixteenth Street while I waited for Nate to show up and look at the numbers for the Evergreen house renovation. It was a perfect seventy-five degrees out, and the Colorado sun warmed my bare arms as I took off my blazer and set it on the back of my chair. My phone buzzed. Nate wasn’t here yet, so I answered, not seeing who it was before I picked up.
“Hey Jane, how’s it going?” Theo’s voice always made me smile, whether it was on the radio or on the phone.
“Hi Theo. It’s going good.”
“Just wanted to tell you that the latest ultrasound came back normal.”
“Oh, great. Thanks for the update. I’m happy that initial scare is over with.”
“Yeah, I am too. I knew you would be happy to hear the news. You know the guys in the band, they care and all, but it’s not the same.” I could tell he was smiling just by the sound of his voice. “So, what are you up to today?”
“Oh, I’m about to have a lunch meeting with a client. Remember that cottage up at Evergreen Lake, the one we walked by that evening? The white one right on the lake with the cute little boat dock?”
“Yes, I remember it.”
I grinned. “I’m renovating it for a friend.”
“Cool. That’s great. Knowing you, and knowing how much you love to do that sort of stuff, I’m happy for you. Oh hey, that reminds me…they started demo at my house last week. I’m excited for you to see your design come to life. Can’t wait for you to come out again.”
“I know, I can’t wait to see it too. Your contractor just called, and I gave him the kitchen design plans, yay. I hope you love it.”
“Oh, I’m sure I will. So, who’s this friend that bought the lake house? Did Nikki and Bella buy it to turn it into their party place?” he asked, laughing.
“Ha, no, I have other friends besides Nikki and Bella.”
“I know you do. Wait, it’s not the oil guy, John, is it?”
“Don’t worry, Theo. It’s not John. It’s a new friend. Oh, actually, there’s my client… Hi Nate, over here.” I waved. “Theo, I’ve got to go. Call you back soon.”
“Wait… Okay, talk to you soon. Bye.” He sounded reluctant as I hung up the phone.
“Hey Jane, thanks for coming.” Nate leaned down to give me a kiss on the cheek, then pulled out his chair to join me at the small bistro table. “Was that my contractor on the phone? I gave him your number this morning; he’s supposed to be calling you.”
“Oh no, that was Theo. I haven’t heard from your contractor yet.”
“Oh, the Theo? I thought that was over?”
“We are still friends. ”
Nate’s eyebrows raised. “Just friends?”
“It’s complicated.” I gave an eye roll and smile. “Also, I’m helping him renovate his beach house in L.A., so there’s that.”
“Gotcha.” I was glad Nate didn’t pursue the questioning. “Well, let’s see these plans. I’m anxious to move forward.”
Both renovations were going well. On top of that, even though it was fall, real estate in Denver was booming. It was past the busy season, and we were still getting multiple offers and houses were selling for over asking price. Needless to say, between the long distance reno, the new reno, and my regular job, I was keeping busy. So, when I had a client’s mortgage company come back to tell them they needed more money down for the third time in a row, I was frustrated. Not with the client, but with the mortgage company. I needed to blow off some steam, both Bella and Nikki were at work, and I knew Theo probably had a few hours until his concert. So I called him.
“Hey Jane, what’s up?” He seemed genuinely excited to hear from me, and the sound of his voice improved my mood immediately.
“Oh, you know, long day at the office. Hearing your voice has already brightened my day. How’s the tour?”
“It’s great. Getting close to the end, though. Only a few more weeks. Can you believe it? Oh, that reminds me. They’re going to induce Amy a month from Friday. I wanted to give you a heads-up. You’re still planning on coming out, right?”
“Yeah, it’ll be great. I can’t wait to see the finished renovation and meet your little dude.” I grinned.
“Aw.” Theo sighed. “I can’t wait for you to meet him too.” I continued to smile but couldn’t help but think this was all a bit weird .
“Yep, it’s a deal, been planning on it, so I’m all prepped.” My phone beeped with another call. “Hey, let me just see who’s calling me… One moment.” Shoot, it was Nate. I could probably call him right back. “Okay, I’m back.”
“If that’s a client, you can take it,” Theo said.
“Well, I mean, it was Nate, the guy with the house up at Evergreen. But I’ll call him later.”
“Seems like you’re always with Nate or John when I call. It’s almost like you’re dating both of them.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”
“No, seriously. Are you dating Nate or John? I can’t tell.”
“Theo, come on. I don’t know. Maybe both, sorta, not really.” I shook my head. “Don’t ask me. They are both fine, I guess.” But neither were the person I really wanted to be dating. “I mean, do you really want to know what’s going on?” I asked, wanting his thoughts on something that had come up recently.
“Yes, I do.”
Why, I didn’t understand, but oh well. “So, John asked me to go to Turks and Caicos with him in a couple months. I didn’t realize they drill oil there, but I guess they do.” I shrugged. “Anyway, what do you think? Should I go?” I’m not going to lie: asking him like this was really asking him the questions we had avoided for the past while. What were we? What was the status of our relationship? Were we even in a relationship, or should I try to move on? Were we just friends with benefits when I visit? Too many questions. Like I said, modern-day dating is rough. He was silent while I awaited his reply.
“Hell no. I don’t want you going to a Caribbean island with that guy.”
“Theo, what is this? What are we? At this point, I don’t think you have the right to be jealous. After all, you broke up with me, remember? And made it clear that we weren’t going to pursue the romantic side of this. Which hasn’t exactly been easy for me, by the way.” I sighed, finally letting it all out. “And then California happened.” I took a deep breath. “I just don’t know where I stand.”
“I know, Jane, I’m sorry. Me neither. It’s just I thought I couldn’t handle a relationship, a tour, and a new baby. I still don’t.” His voice was husky. “It’s a lot.”
“Well, you’re not wrong. But you are Theo Beckham. Your song ‘Superhuman’ describes you perfectly.”
“You know I sing about depression,” he said quietly. “You know I sing about my struggles, fears.” He sighed. “I should have known when we went on a break that the guys would swarm like vultures to take my place. You are an amazing woman, Jane. Maybe we made a mistake.”
I was torn. “I don’t know, I mean… We’re both super busy, I get it. Plus, you live in California; I live in Colorado. I don’t know. You were probably right the first time. It’s probably best if we continue to just be friends.” My frown threatened to overtake my face.
“I know. I wish I could change things, but right now, this timing just sucks.” I could hear his frustration. “Go ahead. Go on your smexy vacation with the hot rich dude. I can’t expect you to be exclusive when I know that, right now, I can’t give you the commitment you deserve. As long as you’ll promise me that the idea of us isn’t completely off the table.”
“Hmm. Okay. I can do that.” I was still a bit puzzled, but I’d take what I could get.
“I mean, like maybe when you come out in a month…” It was obvious that Theo was thinking the same thing as I was. I bit my lip .
“Gotcha. So you’re saying I’ve got a chance?” I teased, still perplexed.
“Oh, you know it. You always have a chance. THAT is never off the table with us, babe.”
I was more confused than ever. I had two new prospects in the man department, and Theo was still a big question mark. Great. Would I ever be able to get over Theo? After all, he promised the prospect of us together would never be off the table. What did that even mean? I rolled my eyes and shook my head in frustration, just as clueless as ever about our relationship.