Chapter 9
CHAPTER 9
Daytime, energetic éti had already captivated me. After an interminable shift at work, I discovered late-night éti was also an absolute honey. Her newly tamed hair hung loose in a rippling pool of dark water around her shoulders, and she’d changed into loose-fitting pale blue yoga pants and a lightweight sweater. Curled up in her cosy corner of the sofa, bathed in the golden glow of an open fire and surrounded by woollen throws, she was good enough to eat.
“Hi.”
Her generous mouth curved into a shy smile; I remembered how I’d kissed it and how much I wanted to kiss it again. “I was worried you wouldn’t come.”
“I’ve been counting down the minutes.”
Now it was my turn to blush. I slipped out of my jacket. “Is there room for another one on this sofa?”
She patted the cushion next to her. “Funny you should ask. I’ve been saving this spot especially for you. On the off chance you feel a need to shut me up again.”
Settling next to her, I rested my hand on the thin fabric covering her shin, caressing it with my thumb. “Then it’s time to start talking, sweetheart.”
Once I began, I would struggle to stop. It had been a few years since necking, fully clothed, on a sofa had been my sole objective. As our lips melded, éti let out a moan, soft and weak. Her arms came up to circle my neck and pull me closer; I slid my own from her shin to stroke along the length of her lean thigh. As greedy desire kicked in, my worries dissolved. We were no longer an oyster farmer with work-roughened hands and a soccer legend dripping in diamonds; we were two kids exploring each other’s mouths and throats, discovering the hidden dips and hollows that made the other sigh and hold on tighter.
As her soft lips trailing along my jaw swept me away, my fingers strayed higher up her inner thigh. My heart lost balance, my head lost track of the progress of my wandering hand. Forgetting this was new territory for her, I was startled when she snatched her mouth away.
“Hey? What’s wrong?”
Her leg tensed under my palm as she prised herself from my grip. “Nothing. I’m fine. Just need a breather.”
Recoiling, she sat forward on the edge of the sofa and pulled a cushion onto her lap, clutching it tight. Her eyes darted anywhere but me. Merde .
“Hey, éti. Talk to me. Have I done something wrong?”
“No.” She shook her head. “You’re… you’re… no. You’re lovely. It’s me. I’m…”
Peeling one of her hands from the cushion, I took it in mine. “éti, sweet. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
She brought a clump of hair across her face, twisting it through her fingers. “Have you ever had a trans girlfriend before?”
From the moment she froze and wriggled away, I’d already sensed where this was heading. Don’t fuck it up , Florian had warned. I’d try my hardest not to.
“No.” Bringing her hand up to my mouth, I turned it over to kiss the soft palm. “I haven’t ever been that lucky until now.”
Her grip on the cushion relaxed a fraction. “That was very smooth, Nico. Very smooth.”
“I don’t feel smooth. I’ve upset you somehow and want to put it right. I was moving things too fast, wasn’t I?”
A sad smile crept across her face. “Not especially, not for two people in their late twenties, attracted to each other. Not really.” She hesitated. “I don’t want you to touch me there.” Her lips thinned. “You know where. Not yet. Maybe never.”
“That’s fine, sweet. I’m not sure I’m ready for that either. I’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with.”
“And it doesn’t put you off?” Eyebrows unhappily slanted, she fiddled with a loose thread on the cushion. “Because I shouldn’t need to spell it out, Nico, but what I’m working with down there is… um… kind of less than ideal.”
I should have anticipated this conversation since the moment I’d kissed her earlier and agreed to come over. We were always going to have it sooner or later. I was only annoyed I hadn't brought it up so I could have reassured her before she became upset.
“No, éti, it doesn’t put me off. It’s not what… what I’m used to. It will be different, and maybe I’ll need some time to get my head around stuff, but I’m not scared I won’t like it. Because your body is yours, and I like you.”
She made a huffing sound of disbelief. “You say that now. But what about when… you know, we want more than kissing? I find it very difficult to imagine someone like you will ever… desire my body when I hate it so much. Someone straight, I mean. Which is why I’m not in a hurry for you to see it. Or feel it.”
She plucked at her top, holding it out from her flat chest, as if trying to envisage breasts. “Although, I suppose, for the sake of balance, I should also point out that, objectively, it is a very excellent body. I mean, I’m not a fan of certain aspects, especially… um… well, you know which parts. But I’m ripped and cut, if that helps at all. And limber. And my stamina is legendary. I can go on for ninety minutes no trouble, and into extra time and a penalty shoot-out if necessary.”
Oh merde. This woman stamped her name across my heart with every word she spoke. As she tried to make light of her anxiety, I drank in her worried face. Her pretty curls refusing to lie flat, the delicate gold chain at her neck and the huge fucking diamond on her finger.
I smoothed a hand over her bare arm, her lean shoulder, and the ridge of a bra strap over her spare, angular collarbone. “Listen. When I found you on the beach, and then after, when we met up a couple more times, I wasn’t seeking a relationship. I never am. I never take girls out to lunch. I rarely even have a second drinks date. And yet here we are. I like you, éti. All of you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“Ah.” She held up a finger. “That’s another thing. How can I be sure you like me for me? How do I know you aren’t… enamoured after accidentally stumbling into the close circle of étienne Salvador? Because, although that makes me sound like an arrogant prick, it’s a fact of life I encounter almost every day. I believe you won’t spill to the media; I trust you. But I’ve developed a wariness of getting close to new people and with very good reason.”
Global fame for brilliance at something must be very cool, right up until the moment it wasn’t. Not a problem most of us were ever likely to encounter.
I placed our joined hands over my chest. “Shh. Let me tell you something. I’ve never met étienne Salvador. I’ve seen the football games, for sure. Many times. But I don’t know that person. Salvador never comes to this house. You leave that act behind the second you pay the toll and drive your car over the island bridge.”
I cast my gaze around the room, at the logs crackling in the fireplace and at the plush cream rug in front. Someday, I’d like to wrestle her onto it. “As far as I’m concerned, this house belongs to éti Salvador, and éti Salvador only. And it’s éti I want. As my girlfriend.” I brushed away a twist of hair obscuring her features. “If she’ll have me. Because I like the way she makes me feel. A lot.”
My heart thudded under our hands. I hoped she felt the same way. If not, then with every passing minute, I was more and more screwed. I hadn’t believed anyone could fall so hard and so fast for someone else, let alone me. But here I was, laying my heart on the line for her. Already.
“Waouh , Nico .” Her voice was a whisper. “Waouh. I feel that way too.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and she closed them tight, shaking her head to and fro, chestnut curls dancing, like everything was too much and not enough, all at the same time. I knew exactly how she felt.
éti’s hand measured smaller than mine, but her grip could crack walnuts. It was on the cusp of shredding all the bones in my fingers.
I nuzzled her shoulder with my chin. “éti, sweet? You’re crushing my oyster-shucking hand.”
A delightful snort escaped down her nose, and she loosened her hold. Thank God. Trying not to wince, I wiggled my fingers as the blood supply was restored.
“I’m still worried you’re going to touch me and be repulsed.”
I huffed a soft laugh. No chance of that happening. Touching her was all I’d thought about the entire evening at work. I put my mouth close to her ear. “Shall I let you into a secret?” As she nodded, I paused, inhaling her fucking gorgeous scent. “It’s way too soon to tell you this, but since we started kissing, I’ve had a boner that could drill holes in concrete.”
Her eyes, wide as saucers, left her own body to peruse mine, my groin specifically. “?a alors! Have you?”
I shifted under her scrutiny. “Yep.”
“Have you still got one now?”
My face heated; already I regretted opening my mouth. She’d be bloody poking it with a stick next. “Maybe. Although it’s going to wilt pretty sharpish if you keep staring at it like that.”
Naturally, she continued to stare. “So does that mean you want to…”
I cut her off. “Yeah, it does.” On that fucking gorgeous rug. I want to lose you in amongst the cream fluff . “But not yet. Not until you feel comfortable.”
I tangled my fingers with hers, liking the way our hands laced together. “Listen. Doing this—kissing, talking, getting to know each other—is way more important to me than you not having squidgy boobs and the usual bits down below. That’s the truth. They’re just window dressing.”
“You’re…” her words petered out as her intent gaze held mine.
I brought our joined hands to my lips. “I’m what.”
“You… you look at me as if all that is really true. As if you really mean it. You have done since you arrived. And… and I don’t think anyone can fake that.”
“They can’t,” I answered simply. “And I’m not. I don’t play games, éti. I promise. If you’ll have me and trust in me, I’m here for the taking.”
After that, she ended up in my lap. Kissing me. Like a puppy learning about the world by sniffing every tree trunk, she learned about me through her mouth, nibbling at my lips and ears with her sharp teeth, slanting my face this way and that, gliding her fingertips through my hair. And, taking me at my word about the talking, keeping up an adorable running commentary.
I was reaching the end of long busy day: an early-morning stint on the oyster beds before my wonderful afternoon with éti, followed by shift number two. I was feeling pretty jaded. “What did you do whilst I was at work?” I asked, suppressing a yawn.
Having kissed her way around every inch of my face, she snuggled down, wrapping her arms around my neck and tucking her head under my chin. Even though I couldn’t see, I sensed her pulling a face and smiled to myself.
“Ugh. I survived a two-hour meeting with my media team about a meeting we had about the media. I think that’s what it was, anyhow. I spent most of it working on a pattern for a skirt I’m putting together, and just nodded and agreed every time my agent and the others went quiet.” She huffed a laugh. “I’ve probably signed up to be the new face of Viagra or something. Which would be kind of ironic and hilarious, and now I’m absolutely hoping that’s the case.”
“A very hard sell.”
She sniggered against my chest. “After that, when it fell dark, I went for a 10k run, then came back and did the quad-strengthening workout my physio is always nagging me to do.”
I stifled another yawn. “A very quiet afternoon and evening then.”
“Fairly. And then I forced myself to eat some weird protein things I keep in the freezer before an online yoga session with my PT.”
I’d enjoy watching éti perform yoga. I imagined she was rather bendy. “Putain , talk about two different worlds, éti. I moved the two-year-olds over to their new feeding ground with Max, and then we chiselled all the barnacles off one of the growing racks in Ars.”
“Beurk . That sounds very cold and wet.”
I omitted the half hour spent coaxing Zo? out of her room, then helping my mum carry the food shop in from the car and put it away while she went for a lie down. And that Max and I had picked barnacles in total silence. éti’s universe was a self-centred, narrow little cell, whether she wanted it that way or not. Did it have room for a grieving oyster farmer? Because the more I grew comfortable with her, the stronger my urge to unload.
“It’s very late, Nico. Would you like to stay?” Muffled against my chest, her voice was small and hopeful. Holding éti in my arms the entire night sounded wonderful.
“If you’d like me to?”
She hesitated. “Yes, because I’m driving back to Paris tomorrow, and I want to spend every second I can with you. But maybe… could you take the spare room? Is that weird, asking you to sleep somewhere else? I’m… um… it’s too soon for you to see me with my… well, this.”
Of all the strange turns my life was taking, sleeping alone in her spare room didn’t rank very highly.
“And I’ll make your breakfast in the morning? In bed?”
Mon dieu, this woman was a keeper. Done deal.