Emails
Subject: Do you always buy love?
Well, you’ve won my friend over with the gift card. I, on the other hand, am not so convinced by such a ‘generous’ overture. I think you still have a lot more grovelling to do. Not everything can be solved by throwing money around.
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
So not only are you reprimanding me on behalf of your friend, but you’re also refusing to accept my apology on her behalf, despite the fact she’s already forgiven me and thanked me for the gift card? Who’s the one disrespecting women now??
I thought we’d made progress in our email exchange the other day, but it looks like we’ve taken a backward step. Maybe you should be the one apologising to me for invading my privacy and making threats?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
I’m not sorry for either of those things mate.
Your girl sent an email to an online advice column—it’s not like there was any veil of confidentiality there.
And even though I have no means of actually tracking you down and for all I know we don’t even live in the same country, I’d hurt anyone who upset my friend.
Although to be perfectly honest I’m more of a lover than a fighter ??
But if I did feel the need to beg forgiveness, something tells me you wouldn’t appreciate my preferred method of grovelling.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
Well now I’m intrigued. What’s your usual method of grovelling?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
Blow job
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
And you think I wouldn’t appreciate that? What guy doesn’t like a blow job?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
I think the question is “what guy doesn’t like a blow job from another man?” and the answer would be “many” - especially guys who have recently been dumped by their fiancée (notice the double e!)
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
Who’s the one making assumptions now?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
Well, this just got interesting…
Before we go any further, I should probably tell you something - I’m only 14 and my parents monitor all my internet traffic.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
WHAT????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How is that even possible if your best friend writes for an online magazine? Is she fourteen too? What is she doing giving out relationship advice???
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
Joking ?? Jeez, calm down!
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING PRICK!!!!
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
??
Actually I’m 86 and weigh over 250kgs. I can’t really get on my knees anymore but I’m sure we can make something work.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Do you always buy love?
I hate you