Emails
Subject: I HATE YOU
You are the worst person ever! Why did you have to put those thoughts about He Who Must Not Be Named into my head? Ever since you brought it up, I just CANNOT stop picturing it. He keeps popping into my head when I’m tossing off. It’s disturbing!
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
It’s okay. This is a shame-free zone. Voldemort is definitely on the kinkier side when it comes to wanking fantasies, but I applaud you for being so open and honest about it.
From: [email protected]
Subject: I HATE YOU
Fuck you. You know exactly who I’m talking about!
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
?? That was fun though.
First of all, you cannot possibly blame me for this. Those fantasies were already in your head mate. Don’t even try to lie about that.
Secondly, I don’t see what the big issue is, it’s just a fantasy. It’s not like you actually like the guy all of a sudden, right?
Look if it makes you feel any better, you’re not the only one who gets off on a good old hate sex fantasy.
There’s a guy I know who is seriously the fucking WORST. He’s an even bigger twat than you if you can believe it ?? But what can I say?
He’s fit as. I mean, he’s got a stick lodged so far up his arse I doubt my cock would even fit in there, but I’d sure love to try anyway.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Are you always this crass?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
The other day you were talking about gagging on my cock and now I’M crass?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
That is a gross misinterpretation of my words.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
That’s some fancy speak right there. Let me guess, lawyer?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Nope. Just someone who knows how to use a dictionary.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Ahh, I thought maybe because of the Matt Murdoch connection.
Also, you’re starting to sound like a twat again. You were making so much progress too…
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Who is Matt Murdoch?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Daredevil? I figured you were a fan…
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Oh. No not really. I’m not all that into comics but the ones I like are DC.
Daredevil is a semi-ironic nickname from school. This is a pretty old account.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
DC?? And here I thought you couldn’t sink further in my estimation (see I can use fancy words as well ?? )
How is a nickname “semi-ironic”?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Because I’m not really a ‘daredevil’ except for one incident on a school trip that you’ll never get out of me even under torture. Unfortunately, the nickname stuck after that and in the end I decided to just roll with it.
Why Waho?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Old uni log in.
Here’s another question: are you bi?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Blunt as always ??
I guess if we’re getting technical with labels then, yeah, bi would be the best fit. But even though I like to sleep with men every now and then, I’ve always felt more heteroromantic. I’ve only ever dated women. I can’t even imagine having a long-term relationship with a guy.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
We are a bunch of arseholes. Definitely only good for shagging if you ask me.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
So, what are you on the Kinsey scale then?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
What, you couldn’t tell already? I’m all about the dick, mate ?? . 100% homo.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Lol thought so but didn’t want to go making assumptions again ??
So, you’ve never been with a woman? Ever?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Ehh I tried the girlfriend thing for a bit back in school when I was still closeted. It didn’t go well…
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
I feel like there’s more to that story…
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Ok fine…she caught me kissing her brother and we had to bribe her with All Saints tickets to stop her from outing us. AND she made us go with her to the concert. Worst night of my life. Being outed might have been preferable.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
?? Not a fan?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I HATE YOU
Not even remotely.