Chapter Five
"Let's go, girls! Pick it up!" Coach yells at us for what feels like the millionth time. She's as stern and hard on us as my coach was in high school, and I love it. The more she yells and fusses, the more I want to push my body to its limits to do better and more. One thing we were never allowed to do on the compound. Even as kids, we were to be seen, not heard, so no horseplay. No playing at all, honestly. If we had time to play then we had time to clean, or help with other's chores, or read the bible.
When we finally get done running laps, stretching, and warming up, Coach breaks us off into two teams to scrimmage each other. She made us do an introductory thing earlier, so everyone knew who we new girls are. Which is how I know that she divides us evenly on the teams with the others. Of course, the fact that I end up on the same team as all three of my roommates should've clued me in, too.
"Hell yeah," Nichole states, holding her hand up for a high five.
I oblige, much to Whitney's dismay. I don't know what her problem with me is, but we're on the same team and stuck in close quarters for the foreseeable future. She needs to work out her issues and stop taking them out on me. Otherwise, this is going to be a very long year.
Of course, two hours later and all the praises from the coach on how well I've done, doesn't help anything, either. By then, it's not just my roommates giving me dirty looks. Several of the other girls on the team are, too. I don't get it. My old teammates would've never hated someone on their own team for their talent out of fear they might be better than them. I've never been on the court and received the looks I'm getting now unless it was from the opposing team.
"That's it for the day," Coach calls, saying my name and calling me over.
I make it over to her, and she hands me a water bottle. "Come on, follow me."
I don't like being singled out like this, especially when things are already seeming tense with my teammates, but what choice do I have when the coach tells me to?
"You did really well out there today," she says with a quick look over her shoulder to make sure that I'm following.
"Thanks," I tell her, taking a quick swig of my water.
She doesn't say anything else until we're in her office. I don't bother shutting her door since she doesn't ask me to, and this shouldn't be anything serious.
"Have a seat, Ms. Ellis," she tells me, motioning to the seat across from her desk as she takes the one behind it.
I do as she says, looking around the room at all of the awards and accolades. My old coach always told me that she was formidable on the court, even in her days of playing, and that's evident in all of the trophies and awards lining the walls and shelves.
"So, how are you liking North U so far?" she asks.
"It's great," I reply easily.
"Not like it's hard to compare, hmm?" she asks gently.
I knew that she was told a partial story of the circumstances of how I ended up here. I'm just not sure how much detail she actually knows.
When I don't answer, she skips to the next question. "How are you getting along with your roommates?"
"We're good," I lie. It's been a few days since our trip off campus, and I've barely spoken a handful of words to any of them. Nichole just hasn't been around, but the others and I have purposely avoided each other. At least, I know I have, so I'm assuming they're doing the same.
Her lips press into a thin line like she can read the lie in my words. "Well, you weren't supposed to be rooming with three alphas. I put in a special request for you and a few of our betas to share a room. It was approved, but somehow glitched in the system. If we need to move you at any point in the year, you just let me know. It's hard enough starting in a new place with new people. Plus, the culture shock must be harder than any of it. There are special concessions in place for omegas. I'm not sure if you've been to the center or not, but they are a deep well of information and offer several different forms of counseling."
"I'm okay, really," I tell her.
“I’m not going to disagree or not believe you when you say that you are,” she says. “However, for the University’s policies, I’m going to need you to schedule an appointment to talk to someone at the center.”
“It’s policy for mandated counseling?” I ask, making sure I’m hearing that right.
She shakes her head. “I shouldn’t have phrased it that way. It’s my policy. I’ve only had two other omegas on my team in the past five years, and no, it’s not discrimination in the least. It’s just hard for us to find the ones fully committed to the sport and have a given talent for it. But, my first omega didn’t have the best home life, either, before she came here, and I wish I would’ve recommended her to the center a lot sooner. When I discussed this with the university, I was given permission for it to be one of my rules. To be on my team, this is a requirement. You’ll be surprised at how much it’ll help.”
My gut clenches at the thought of telling someone where I came from, but my new coach already knows, and she isn’t acting like it’s a big deal. Maybe I am being a bit dramatic about it.
Then she goes and seals the deal. “Look, I’m going to be honest with you right now, I like what I’ve seen so far in how you play and your attitude. I’m going to want you on the court for our first game, possibly all season. I want you in the right headspace for that kind of pressure.”
“Did Coach Williams tell you everything? Like the compound and everything?” I ask, judging her reaction.
She takes a deep breath and sits back in her chair. “Not all of it. I’m assuming some information was off limits, but I know enough to think this meeting with the center will help work through some things in your head. There are more of us than you think that suffered at the hands of others as children. It’s what we do with ourselves and make of ourselves that matters. We can’t give them that control over us.”
I nod, knowing she’s right because it’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself for weeks before I ever decided to even leave. “How do I get in touch with them?”
She genuinely smiles. “Normally, you’d call and set up an appointment with them, but they do walk-ins, too, if you need it. Don’t be upset, but I went ahead and scheduled you one for this afternoon. I hope you’ll consider going and not rescheduling.”
“Sure,” I reply. I haven’t been given an option at this point, even if it doesn’t sound half bad, I might as well go ahead and get it over with.
As I’m heading back to the locker room to shower, I pass Whitney who’s got her face turned toward one of the other girls as she walks, whispering. They both look at me with a weird expression. For a second I fear that they’ve overheard me and Coach talking, but I convince myself that I’m just being paranoid.
The locker room is clearing out when I walk in, so that means I’ll be able to grab a solo shower if I don’t want to go all the way back to my dorm to do it. It’ll save me time, because Coach didn’t give me but just enough time to shower and get ready and grab food before I have to go to the center.
Digging through my new gym bag full of team clothes and things from the university, I settle on a pair of black shorts and a light-grey sweatshirt, both with the word Wolverines written on them in a plum color. I grab a quick shower, planning on a longer, better one when I get back to my dorm later tonight anyway.
A little over an hour later, I’m rushing over to the center so that I’m not late. Coach really didn’t give me a lot of time to do anything in between practice and this. More than likely so that I wouldn’t overthink it and try to back out. Kind of makes me wonder if either of her other girls tried that. I should’ve asked more questions when she was being so open about it, but the idea of having to share that dark secret with anyone had me stressed out to the max. I think I’m okay with it now, because she was right, everyone has something in their past that they’re not proud of. At least mine was out of my own control. This is very much in my control.
As I walk in, a blast of cool air hits me, giving me a quick chill as it catches on the sweat that started to bead on the back of my neck on the way over here. After giving the polite woman at the desk my name, she informs me it’ll be just a moment and she calls someone on the phone.
I don’t know why the fear strikes me all of a sudden that she might be calling the compound to come get me, but it does. There’s half a second where I consider running out the front door and never looking back. Maybe I need this more than I think I do. Coach may have been onto something.
Before I can overthink what I’m doing here anymore, a woman comes out of one of the doors.
“Hi, Marnie?” she asks for confirmation as she walks over to me.
“Yes,” I answer.
Her smile is soft and immediately puts me at ease. It helps that her scent of lavender is relaxing. There’s a slight tinge of something else to her scent that I can’t quite put my finger on.
“I’m Grace,” she says. “Want to come with me this way?”
I let my feet do the talking as I follow her through the door and into a hallway with more doors. We take the first one to the right and she ushers me to the seat in front of her desk just like Coach did.
"Coach Jordan tells me that this is your first year here with us at North U," she starts.
Setting my bag down at my feet before sitting, I admit, "Yeah, it is."
"Great, we're lucky to have you," she starts. "I know classes and practice only just started this week, but how are you liking it so far?"
"It's a lot different than high school," I reply. "Well, mostly."
"Some things are the same?" she asks with a slight nod of her head.
"Yeah, just the school and learning part," I tell her, deciding to take advantage of the situation if I have to be here. "Is everything we say here confidential?"
"Of course," she says.
"The drama and cattiness is kind of the same, too," I admit.
She nods. "From your roommates? Your team? Or someone in your classes?"
"The first two," I confess.
Nodding again, she says, "Unfortunately, some people don't grow mentally as the rest of us have to. It takes them a lot longer. But there's a huge difference in cattiness, as you say, and bullying. They're not bullying you, are they?"
I shake my head.
"Good," she says. "Let me know if that changes. Did Coach Jordan tell you about what we do here at the center?"
"Only a little," I admit.
She smiles. "Well, we're here for all of the omegas that attend our university. Every designation has its own council, and this one is for our omegas. We are here for anything you ever need. Whether it be an ear to listen, help finding a tutor for classes or finding a job, even a comfortable place to stay during your heats."
I feel the blood rush to my face at the mention of my heat, and I look down at the carpet as I sit back in the plush chair. A very familiar scent hits my nose, but I can't place it while I'm trying to avoid the subject at hand. In my avoidance, I notice a black hoodie thrown over the backside of my chair. Brushing my shoulder against it, has the scent hitting me again. It's a subtle smell, but enough of one that makes me want to crawl into it. It's only been a few seconds, but I feel like she's waiting for me to say something.
Only, she beats me to it. "I know it might be uncomfortable to talk about, but it helps sometimes to understand things a little better. Have you had a heat before?"
I nod, still embarrassed. "Only one when I first presented as an omega. I haven't had one since."
Her brows lift in surprise. "How long ago was that?"
Thinking back on it, I'm as honest as I can be. "Thirteen, I think. That's not normal is it?"
Her lips press tight before she answers. "You'd need to get a doctor's opinion, hun. Typically you'll get anywhere from two to four heats a year."
There's something in the way that she delivers the information, makes me think that she's got an opinion and just isn't sharing it. "Do you think they did something to me?"
She takes a minute or so to gather her thoughts. "Who's they ? Your pack?"
I contemplate lying to her. I don't care if my scent would give me away in a heartbeat. Then I think about how awful their ideals are and the people still there suffering. That's why I decide to answer her truthfully. I can't help but to rub my shoulder into the material of the hoodie for a bit of calmness, a small detail that I don't think she misses. "We live with our packs until we hit puberty and our designation makes itself known. The alphas get to stay with their packs. The betas get assigned hard labor and have to tend our farms and animals. Omegas are different. We're sent to live with each other in the same big house until we finish school. Then we're given to a pack that needs an omega."
"Did you have a say in the matter?" she questions gently.
"No," I tell her without hesitation. "We did what they told us to do. There were punishments, otherwise."
A hardness falls on her features. "Well, you're no longer in that place, Marnie. You are free and free to be who you want to be."
"I know," I tell her. "I remind myself of that every day."
This brings a smile back to her face. "You're a strong woman. I think you're going to do really well here. Considering the circumstances, I need to ask, did they give you sex education classes?"
"Umm," I start. "We took biology, and I guess that's the same thing."
"I know you kids these days literally have the world at your fingertips with the internet, but would you like more information? Things they may not have deemed important enough to share with you."
"Yes," I practically beg before she's even done speaking. I've done some research, but sometimes not knowing exactly what you're looking for is like a needle in a haystack.
"Great," she says. "I'm going to gather you some things to take with you, and you're more than welcome to come back at any time. Appointment or no appointment, okay? And if it's an emergency, Olive—at the front desk—can get in touch with me if I'm not here."
Having someone listen and not judge is the balm I didn't know my soul needed. Coach was right.
"Thank you," I tell her, trying not to choke up.
Before she can reply, her phone buzzes on the desk in front of her, and she reaches out to silence it, but not without reading what the screen says. Smiling softer than before, she looks up at me and asks, "Would you like to meet someone with me? It's okay to say no. I just think you'd really get along with them, and sometimes all we need is a friend."
They've been right on so many levels thus far, which is why I'm not going to turn her down, saying, "Sure."
"Let's go gather some stuff up for you, and we'll walk out together," she says standing and coming around the desk.
As I stand, I pick my bag up off the floor and think about trying to find a way to bring the hoodie with me. Knowing my luck, it's there for the sole purpose of keeping people calm when they're in here. It probably works on everyone. I wouldn't want to take that peace from anyone else, which is why I give it one last sparing glance before turning for the door.
It takes us roughly ten minutes or so to gather all of the stuff she's wanting to give me, fitting it all into a little reusable bag with the North U logo on the side. By the time that we're walking back out to the front door, I'm feeling tired, but better. The more people that know what's going on there, the better it seems to make me feel. Maybe I don't have to spend the rest of my life hiding from it.
Olive gives a quick wave as we walk past her desk, and I give her that and a smile in return.
That's when a familiar voice has my head whipping toward the door. "Sorry if I bothered you, Mom. I just didn't want you to feel like you had to bring my hoodie all the way to the city tonight."
The word ‘tonight’ drags out as he spots me, and the scent clicks into place. One of the alphas that's been front and center in my thoughts lately.
"HI," I announce to him.
He does this thing with his lips like he's holding back a grin, but it breaks through anyway as Kinkaid repeats my word, "Hi."
"Marnie, this is Kinkaid, my son," Grace says, making introductions not even aware they're unnecessary. "Kinkaid, this is Marnie. She's new here. You should be a peach and show her around the city sometime."
"Nice to meet you," he says, playing along like we're total strangers.
If he wants to play the game, then so will I. "You, too."
"Want to tour the city sometime?" he asks, smiling wide.
"Sure," I tell him. Not knowing how much longer I can hold the facade since I'm a terrible liar, I give Grace my thanks and promise her that I'll be back before heading toward my escape. I hear Kinkaid behind me giving his mother a kiss on the cheek and thanking her. For the hoodie or for roping me into a date with him, I guess we'll never know. But I haven't even gone five steps before he's behind me, then jumping in front to open the door for me.
He waits until we're outside and the door closes behind me before he starts talking. "What are the chances that out of all days I decide to bring my mom lunch, forget my hoodie, I’d find you here?"
"The odds do seem to be in your favor, if you consider those good chances," I tell him, smiling as I glance over at him.
"Oh, they're in my favor alright," he brags.
"It's crazy that I met your mom and don't even know your last name," I tease.
He laughs, and it brings his cheeks up, giving him a boyish look about him. I like the way his tan skin seems to glow in the sun, the same with his brown eyes. And just when I think that's my favorite feature about him, the wind blows and has his brown curls rustling around, tempting me to change my mind.
I want to keep him laughing, so I honestly tell him, "Better be glad you came back for your hoodie today. I almost stole it straight out of your mom's office, and I'm pretty sure she would've let me."
Succeeding making him laugh again, he says, "You're probably right. If you think my mom didn't have her hands on that bit of chance today then you're wrong. She's been on my case about settling down since I graduated high school."
My lips part in surprise as we come to one of the benches on this side of campus. "Why so soon? Did she not want you to experience the world first?"
This time his smile is softer. He pulls his hoodie over his head before he says, "She knew that I've never been one that needed to experience the world. I had goals and met them as soon as I possibly could. I've wanted my own pack for as long as I can remember, so I got my degree out of the way. I just so happened to meet Jameson and Emerson along the way, and the rest is history."
Holding out his hand for me, I don't know what he's playing at but I take it anyway, letting him pull me to my feet. Reaching down to the backrest of the bench, he flicks a little mechanism I didn't even know was there, flipping it up to make a table.
I gasp in surprise. "I've been here for weeks now and didn't know those did that. Did you go here, too, or did you learn that from visiting your mom?"
He waits until I set my bags down and sit before straddling the bench at my side. "I went here for the first part of my degree. The last bit of it, I finished at the culinary academy in New York."
"What's it like there? I've always wanted to go," I confess, turning my whole body to face him and crossing my legs on the bench. There are only inches between us.
"It's busy," he answers. "There are a ton of people everywhere, they all seem like they're in a race. All the time. Definitely not as pretty as here, either. Especially now."
He ensnares me again with his sexy smile, making my cheeks go pink from his compliment. As close as we are, I feel little tingles in my belly every time his eyes flick down to my lips. I've never kissed a boy before. We omegas would have been severely punished if we were ever caught doing something like that with someone who wasn't our pack. There was more leniency for the betas and alphas, but not for us.
I don't know what I'm doing, other than going with my gut instinct. Leaning forward half the distance, I watch until the last second as he covers the last half and our lips touch. Those little tingles morph into a full-on raging inferno as the kiss continues. Surprising me, his lips part, and I follow his lead, doing the same. When his tongue touches mine, there's no controlling the soft whine that leaves my throat. My hands find the front of his hoodie, and I'm not sure if it's more to touch him or to keep myself grounded and stop me from floating away. His hands move to my knees where they're now resting on the tops of his thighs. Other than his thumbs skimming across my skin, he doesn't move his hands further than that.
When we separate, I pull back, watching his eyes as my fingers come to my lips. They're still tingling. Just like my belly.
He smiles slowly. "Does this mean you'll call me now?"
I laugh, hiding it behind my hand still at my mouth. "Maybe."
"Not to rush or anything, but would you consider letting my pack court you?" he asks. "Grady has the others excited to meet you."
My lips slowly droop into a frown, and I scoot away from him until we're no longer touching. "You don't even know me."
He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off, laying it all out on the line. "I don't even know what courting is, Kinkaid. The place I grew up, the place I...ran away from, we don't get to choose our packs, if that has anything to do with courting. It's all an arranged situation. I'm scarred in places that'll probably never heal. You and your pack deserve someone better than that."
Jumping up, I snatch my bags off the ground and quickly make my way down the sidewalk.
He's already caught up before I can be upset about what just happened. "Don't you think that should be something that we decide? We know what we want and what we can handle."
Moving to cut me off so that we come to a stop, he gently adds, "If this is about you then I will walk away right this second with but one word from you. Courting is pretty much pack dating. Getting to know each other. Just the same as actual dating. If you aren't ready for that then tell me now, otherwise, I'll take your silence as an opening to keep trying. Because, there is something about you that has me and Grady both thinking of you nonstop. I, for one, can't wait for you to meet the others, because I'm sure they'll find the same thing in you that we see that I'm not so sure you see of yourself."
"You don't know me," I whisper, repeating myself.
"I know enough to try," he replies, bending down to capture my gaze with his own. "We all have our secrets that we want to bury in a box to never be opened. Every single one of us. That box doesn't have to open until you're ready, if ever."
I bite my lip, thinking about his request. It'd be so easy to say yes. They're not the only one that's been lost in thought since we met.
He jumps on my silence. "Give us a chance to prove that life doesn't have to be what you grew up believing it is."
Without all of the information, he can't possibly know the extent of how deeply ingrained some of the teachings are in us. But, his comment and the pleading in his brown eyes has me agreeing. "Okay."
"Yeah?" he asks, reaching out to touch my elbows and dropping a quick kiss to my cheek. "Thank you. You won't regret it."
We'll see about that, because I fear that I won't be the one regretting it at all. However, I don't say this to him. Instead, I tell him, "I've got to go. Classes and practice, honestly, this entire day has kicked my butt. I've got work to do for my classes."
"Oh yeah, of course," he says, stepping back. "You have our numbers if you need anything or want to chat later if you have time. We can plan to get together this weekend if you're free."
"Sounds good," I tell him with a smile. I'm not lying. It does actually sound good. Too good to be true, but I was honest when I said I'd give his pack a chance.
He is walking backwards away from me when he suddenly stops and pulls his hoodie over his head and walks back over. "Here, you hang on to this for now."
I laugh as I reach out to take it from him. Didn't even have to steal it. It's warm and smells just like his spice scent. Not bothering to stop myself, I bring it to my face and take a deep breath, which instantly calms my inner turmoil. Everything seems much clearer.
Kinkaid watches me understandingly as though he knew that by giving me this, he was offering the comfort I'm not willing to take from his person just yet.
Pulling my bag around, I take my phone out and hand it to him. "Send a text to yourself. That way you have my number if you want to talk later."
The small favor returned has him grinning as he does as I ask. Watching him do it has me thinking of his beta pack mate that made my mouth water with his warm vanilla scent that very first day. "Send one to Grady, too."
It's a small step, but hopefully in the right direction, trusting them with my number. Maybe trusting them with more, like myself, in the near future.
He hands my phone back and motions toward my volleyball sweatshirt. "When do games start so that we can show up?"
I'd commit a sin or two to see the look on Whitney and Laura's faces having Kinkaid and Grady cheering me on. "You'll have to wait a few weeks. They don't start until then."
"Okay, good, just let me know," he requests. "I'll let you get going."
Closing the distance between us, I reach up on my toes to press my lips against his cheek, and that's how I leave him standing.