Chapter 6 Zinnia
Zinnia
Iwasn’t dead, I knew that. But I wasn’t sure of much else. My eyelids were heavy as boulders, but something moved on my skin, pressing on every inch of me, so I forced them open.
A light blue and pink sky formed a dome above me. I was lying on the earth, its power moving up through me in long, low waves, like an imperceptible tide, pushing me back into life.
I blinked, gazing down at my torso, though I was still too weak to rise or even lift my limbs.
Bright, young green strands of grass had grown up all around me, small flowers budding along some of the stalks.
Butterflies, yellow sulphurwings, flitted over my body, and I found myself smiling, even though my body ached like I’d aged another fifty years since I fell.
The sun had risen, though the light still held that soft, golden glow of very early morning, and the air was chilled. My body was cold, too, except for my legs, which were covered with what felt like one of my quilts, and my left side, where something else radiated warmth. A fur blanket?
I heard a soft sigh and turned my head, my neck cracking. The fur blanket was alive. I blinked and found myself staring directly into the wide, bright amber eyes of a wolf who lay only a few inches away.
My wolf. The one from my dreams. Julian.
I didn’t have the strength to stand, but I managed to speak. “The boy. Is he all right?” He nodded his shaggy head once. “And Marta, the bear?” He gave a short growl, but stopped when I tutted. “She’s a friend. She’s injured.” Slowly, he nodded again.
I exhaled heavily in relief. I knew Ida had wanted me to heal him, but I was weaker than I’d been in decades.
I had nothing to give, especially not to him.
“Good. I need… sleep. Tell Ida you can pass through the valley. Just let me rest. Safe travels to you and your…” His boys, Ida had said.
He had children, sons. Tears stung my eyes, and I fought to keep them from falling. “Your sons. Your family.”
Of course he had a family. He probably had a chosen mate; her claiming mark could be anywhere under his heavy fur.
He whined, but I whispered, “Please go.”
The wolf stood and stepped back hesitantly. Slowly—far too slowly for a shifter as powerful as Julian Rain—he shifted. When he’d completed the shift, he fell to his knees, panting, trembling. I waited, my mouth going dry, though I wasn’t sure why. Was it from fear? From worry about his weakness?
Maybe it was, because even at his age, he was still the most glorious, masculine being I’d ever seen.
His gray-and-black hair, a deeper shade than his short, silvered beard, fell over his forehead as he recovered, and I let myself drink in his body.
His skin was a deeper hue than mine, from both the sun and his lineage.
Darker still were the tattoos that covered him entirely, all of him except for his— I found myself blushing and forcing my gaze to rise to his chest before he caught me staring at his cock.
Not that he would care. He’d rejected me once. He didn’t want me.
When his chest heaved, I wrenched my gaze to his face to find him staring at me with… desperation. I recognized it, agony flavored with longing and regret. “I’ll never leave you,” he whispered so softly, I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined it. Was I dreaming?
He cleared his throat and turned to grab one of the napkins Ida had brought out… yesterday? I wasn’t sure. The red-and-white checked cloth looked almost ridiculous on him, but the flush on his cheeks made me think he’d wrapped it around his waist as much for his own comfort as mine.
“They’re my adopted sons. I don’t have a mate. I’ve never had pups of my own.” He kneeled next to me, still not touching me, and I took in the places on him where scars marred the elegant tattoos.
Bitterness flooded me as I thought about his words—never had pups of my own. I couldn’t go there, not now. Maybe not ever. So instead, I teased, “Waited for me, hm? World’s oldest virgin?”
I didn’t expect him to answer, but I also didn’t expect him to blush even deeper, as if he was embarrassed. “No. I’m not a virgin.”
“Just me then,” I murmured so quietly, I was almost certain he didn’t hear. I realized my mistake when his eyes flew to mine in shock.
“I’m sorry. If I’d known you were waiting, nothing could have kept me away. No vow, no magic. No war.”
I’d lived with pain for so long, it was unusual to notice it. But I pressed a hand to my aching heart. “I was here the whole time. Where were you?” A little too much anger colored my tone, and I focused on the feeling of the earth’s magic for a moment.
“At Northern,” he said, lowering himself to a seated position. His broad chest and honed abdomen were as tattooed as the rest of him.
The rest of him. I was tempted to close my eyes to keep from trying to peek behind the cloth. Why was I was being so ridiculous? I’d seen naked male bodies before, though not many as well made as his.
Julian was mid-answer by the time I managed to wrench my focus off the too-thick napkin.
“…was terrifying to be hunted by my own pack. My power was what led the others to me, no matter how I hid. My powerful twin sister was skilled in magic, and she had the idea to mark me.” His hand trailed over the marks on his shoulder and chest, his fingertips passing close to the dark, beaded nipple.
Damnit, Zinnia. Focus.
“She gave me these tattoos to hide my magic from both the Russians and the dishonorable males in my pack who wanted to force me to fight alongside them. I fled my packlands the same night that Camellia escaped with her daughter, Lily. Ida let me cross through Mountain, and gave me an introduction to the Alpha at Northern. As long as I promised not to turn against them and not to use my hidden magic, I was allowed to stay as their Sergeant at Arms.”
“Sergeant,” I murmured, though he was still speaking.
“I was saved, but Camellia was not so lucky. She was killed, and Lily… Her fate was even worse. Though her daughter saved us all. The Moon has Her ways, or so they say.”
My mind was spinning. “Her daughter?”
“Florida Wills. She’s mated to your Alpha.” He muttered something that sounded like, “And a few others.”
“Not my Alpha.” My eyebrows flew up at his grunt of surprise. “You’re that Sergeant. The Sergeant from the stories.” Even I had heard of his part in all the recent changes that had swept the North American packs. Ida had told me when she’d come for herbs and medicines.
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Exaggerations, mostly.” Then he straightened. “What about you? You’re not from Mountain?”
“No,” I whispered. He really had no idea who I was.
It hurt almost as much as the initial rejection, to know that I’d made such a small impression on him when we met.
He’d never missed me. All those years of crying, all that I’d lost…
and he’d never even thought about me. I let the silence stretch between us, wishing I could fall asleep or unconscious, so I didn’t have to feel this pain.
“Your wolf,” he said after a long while. “She’s… absent.”
How cruel could one man be without any intention? It felt like the moon was testing me. “Since the first moon I shifted,” I agreed, liking how cold my voice sounded.
His brow furrowed. “How?”
“The night of my first shift, I scented my mate. His magic was on the air, and I ran to find him. I ran into him, literally.” A short laugh escaped my lungs, or maybe a sob.
“He grabbed my arms, looked directly into my face, and rejected me. In fact, he warned me that if I told anyone about him, he’d kill me. ”
Fur rippled over his cheeks and down his neck as he snarled. “What? You… you have another mate? One who rejected you?”
“Julian,” I scoffed, my voice growing stronger as anger worked its own magic on my body. I sat up, feeling the grasses strain and break as I did so, a lot like my heart. “It was you. You rejected me the same moment that we met.”