Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
H olt stepped out of Moonbeams and Sweet Dreams, an enormous bouquet in hand and a glare of judgment at his back from its quiet proprietress. Misty hadn’t let on that she knew what was going on, but he supposed it was obvious enough he was in the doghouse and angling to get out of it. Girl Code probably dictated she be on Cayla’s side, regardless. He could respect the support, but he was damned glad he hadn’t been treated to a tongue-lashing from her, too. The one he’d gotten from his wife had been bad enough.
In his time with her, Holt had seen Cayla all different shades of happy. The happy was what had drawn him in, despite himself. It was the terrified fragility that had pulled at him, overcoming his initial reservations to land him a front-row seat to her life. Since then, he’d been witness to passion, exhaustion, frustration, and the edge of a total overwhelmed meltdown. But he’d never seen her angry. He hadn’t imagined she had that level of fury in her and was more than a little shamed that it had been directed at him. In front of his friends. Hell, they’d been thoroughly chastened, too. The shame pissed him off. He’d been doing what he believed was right in the name of protecting her. That should damned well count for something.
“You’re scowling awfully hard at those flowers.”
He looked up to find Rebecca smiling at him. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“Just finished up with my last client of the day and spotted you down here. Thought I’d come say hello. Where are you off to?”
“Home.” Where he’d be having a conversation, per Cayla’s edict. All the possible negative outcomes of that scenario had his gut tied in knots. Hence the flowers.
She studied him, those green eyes she shared with her son, seeing way too much. “You have the look of a man who’s just had a fight with his wife.”
“That obvious?”
“I have keen powers of deduction.” Her smile softened the sarcasm. Tucking a hand in the crook of his arm, she tugged. “Walk with me.”
Holt gave her a little bit of side eye but fell into step beside her. “Is this the part where you mom me?”
Rebecca glanced up at him from beneath those ridiculously long, former pageant queen lashes. “Do you need momming?”
God knew he’d never had it from his own. “Can’t hurt. Brax said you give good advice.”
“Well, I can try. Why don’t you tell me what happened?”
Hell, it couldn’t hurt to have the perspective of another woman.
As they strolled along Main Street, down toward the city park, Holt kept his eye out for eavesdroppers and laid it out—leaving out the details about how Brax and Jonah had been involved since that wasn’t his to tell. His shoulders had risen toward his ears by the end. “I had good reason for doing it the way I did.”
“I’m sure you feel like you did.”
His shoulders hunched some more. He hadn’t done this to get lambasted by another female in his life. “I was a Ranger. I’m used to giving orders, taking action. Checking in like this, giving partial intel, is not part of my way of operating. It’s inefficient. My superior officers expected answers, not half-assed reports.”
“I get that. My son’s a SEAL, after all, so you’re cut from the same cloth. But first off, you need to remember that life is not a mission. You’re dealing with civilians, not other trained soldiers. Aside from that, you need to remember that your wife is a partner, not a superior. A partner gets included in things.”
“I wasn’t excluding her. I was trying to save her from some stress. God knows, she’s had enough.”
“True, but I still think you should give Cayla some more credit. She’s stronger than you realize.”
“I never said she wasn’t strong or capable.” She was one of the most capable people he’d ever known.
“Maybe not with words. But stop and think a minute. How much do you think it took her to go to the FBI about her husband in the first place? How much more do you think it took her to leave him? To divorce him and raise that child on her own?”
“It took an amazing amount of courage, but?—”
“I’m not finished.”
Her tone was mild, but the rebuke was firm, so Holt shut his mouth.
“She came out of an abusive marriage to an incredibly controlling man who kept major secrets. It damaged her ability to trust. In all the years she’s been back, I haven’t seen or heard of her even saying yes to dinner with somebody. She hasn’t let anybody in until you, and then you turn around and keep something huge from her. That’s a really big deal.” Rebecca stopped and pulled him down to sit on one of the park benches. “Now, I don’t doubt you were well-intentioned. You’re a good man, Holt. And maybe you didn’t plan to keep it from her forever, like he did. But she didn’t know that. How’s that gonna feel to her?”
Surely she wasn’t equating him to Raynor. The very idea of it put his back up. “I wasn’t keeping it from her to hide it. I just wanted the full picture before I brought it to her. It was a day. ”
“That may be, but it still doesn’t change the fact that she got blindsided, just like before, so it’s bound to be stirring up all those feelings all over again.”
Cellophane crinkled as his hand fisted around the flowers. He forced himself to relax. “I’m not him. She can trust me. I’d never do anything to hurt her.”
“Not on purpose,” Rebecca agreed. “But you two are still new, and you’ve both got a lot of baggage to work through to understand each other. You would, even if you weren’t in this rather unusual situation. So what I’m telling you, son, is to keep that in mind when you go home to talk about this. You deserve the chance to explain yourself, but be sure to actually listen when she talks. Don’t just wait for a pause in the conversation so you can explain why she’s wrong.”
He sighed, staring out over the lush expanse of spring green grass. “I was trying to protect her. I didn’t want to worry her any more than I already had to because she’s already got so much on her. But I can see now that being kept in the dark probably upset her more than the details. I didn’t count on someone else telling her before I did.”
Rebecca nodded in approval. “Tell her that. It acknowledges and validates her perspective, while still getting your reasons in.”
He could do that. But as he remembered the twin expressions of hurt and disappointment on her face, he had to acknowledge, “Flowers and an apology don’t seem like enough.”
She looked at the bouquet he still held. “Oh, yeah. I’d go bigger.”
Cayla was almost at the end of her rope. Her client meeting had been a disaster. Her ex-husband had been on a veritable identity theft rampage. And Maddie seemed intent on being her most obstinate, complaining about what was for dinner, about doing homework, about not having more play time with Banana Bread. She’d ended up in tears over being told to get in the bath. Cayla knew her daughter was mostly likely responding to the fact that she herself was keyed up and worried. And that Holt hadn’t come home yet.
Cayla had no idea where he was or what he was doing. A man like him probably wouldn’t respond well to the ultimatum she’d issued. Maybe she shouldn’t have laid into him—into all of them—the way she had. But how foolish could the lot of them be? Very, apparently. After hearing the full scope of what Arthur had managed to do to Holt and his friends, she’d wanted to vomit. This was the sneak attack they hadn’t seen coming, and she didn’t know whether it could be fixed. There were measures to fight. But it could take years, and who knew if their fledgling business would survive in the meantime? That was on her. They’d all been targeted because of her.
She tugged a pajama top over Maddie’s head, pausing to wipe at those tear-stained cheeks. “I’m sorry we’re both having bad days, Munchkin. Let’s go on to bed. Tomorrow will be better.” Cayla suspected it wouldn’t, but she’d at least provide some hope for her daughter.
Maddie sniffed. “Where’s Daddy?”
Cayla’s heart squeezed. Of course she’d be thinking of Holt as her father. He’d been more of one these past weeks than her own ever had. She didn’t have the heart to correct Maddie.
The truth was, she had no idea where Holt was. He hadn’t texted. She hadn’t called to track him down. She wasn’t even sure if he’d answer if she did. “He got tied up at the bakery, baby. You’ll see him tomorrow.”
God, Cayla hoped he didn’t make a liar out of her because she’d wounded his pride. She didn’t think he was that kind of man, but she hadn’t imagined he’d keep something this big from her, either.
That lower lip quivered. “Can I have two chapters tonight?”
It felt like the least she could do. “Yeah. I think we can do that.” She crawled into bed beside her daughter.
BB leaped up, turning three circles before flopping onto the end of the bed. Cayla didn’t have the heart to send the dog to her crate. She hadn’t had an accident in the house, so tonight was as good a test of her house training as any. The three of them settled in to read. Maddie was calmer at the end, her little eyes drooping. Cayla set the book aside and tucked her in, lingering over the bubblegum scent of her shampoo.
Anything. She’d do anything to protect her most precious girl.
“Good night, Munchkin.”
“Night, Mommy.”
Slipping quietly from the room, she pulled the door almost closed and let out a slow, shuddering breath. She really, really wanted a good cry, but that wasn’t an option. Holding her shit together was imperative. Because she always had to hold her shit together. That was the gig.
A sound drew her to the kitchen. On the way, she noted the toys had been cleared. As BB hadn’t been taught that trick, Holt must be back. She found him at the sink, finishing the last of the dishes from the dinner he hadn’t been here to eat.
He set the pan in the dish drainer and wiped his hands. “Hey.”
Relief that he’d come home at all warred with frustration and fear and uncertainty about where they stood. “Hi.”
He held out a hand. “Will you come with me?”
Was he kidding right now? “I’m really not in the mood.”
“Not for that. I have something I want to show you.”
She was beyond exhausted, but she’d demanded a conversation. If that meant going with him, so be it. She didn’t take the hand he’d offered. If that hurt or offended him, he didn’t show it. He moved past her and opened the door to the backyard. Well out of the hearing of little ears. That didn’t bode well. Her stomach cramped, but she followed him out.
“Shouldn’t we turn on a light?”
Holt just tapped the screen of his phone. Twinkle lights blinked on. Hundreds of them, wrapped around the big oak tree. From one of the massive branches hung a porch swing that hadn’t been there before. Beside it, on a little table she didn’t recognize, stood a bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers.
When had he done all this?
He stuffed his hands in his pockets, his big shoulders a little hunched, but he met her gaze head-on. “I owe you an apology. I should have told you yesterday as soon as we found out what had happened. I get that you’re upset, but I need you to understand that I didn’t keep it from you out of disrespect or an effort to control you. I just wanted to be able to tell you it was being taken care of, so you’d know there was a plan in place and you didn’t have to take all that on yourself. Because you will. You did. The moment you found out, you started blaming yourself.”
She had. Because none of them would be in this position if not for her. But he didn’t seem to be finished.
“I can see where I went wrong in how I approached that. I never wanted you to feel like I thought you weren’t strong. I know exactly how strong you are with everything you’ve done. I know because I did the same for Hadley when we were growing up. I know what it is to have to carry that burden alone and never get a break. To always have to hold everything together.”
Was the man a mind reader? It was as if he was responding to everything she’d been thinking but hadn’t said tonight. That he saw it, recognized it, had her throat going tight with tears she didn’t have the energy to hold back.
“So I put up this swing to remind you that you get to take a break once in a while. Because you’re not alone anymore. You have me. And I know things are tough right now, but we’re going to find a way out the other side. Because this might be our first fight, but I sure as hell hope it’s not our last.” He paused, frowned. “That came out wrong.”
She laughed a little, wiping at her own cheeks. “I know what you meant.” Heaving a heavy sigh, she let go of a little of the fear. “I don’t want this to be over either.”
He swallowed and nodded, turning to the wine. With his usual efficiency, he pulled the cork and poured a glass. “Sit. We can still hash all this out. But right now, I’m gonna let you have some much needed quiet time to reset.”
When he turned to go back inside, she laid a tentative hand on his arm. “You could sit with me.”
His strong, callused fingers settled over hers, reforging a connection that had been fractured. “I’d like that.”
Gripping her glass, Cayla curled her hand around the chain and sat. Holt eased down beside her, stretching an arm along the back of the swing. She leaned into him, relaxing against his familiar warmth, feeling his arm come around her, so grateful it wasn’t the last time.
“I hated today,” she murmured.
“So did I.”
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. At all of you. I just… I got sucker-punched by the whole thing, and after what I lived through before, I have a hair-trigger response to secrets. Particularly financial secrets.”
“I get that. I didn’t think of it in the moment, but I get it. I won’t do it again.”
“Thank you.” She angled toward him, sliding a hand along his jaw to tip his face down. He came willingly, his mouth warm against hers. They both sighed into the kiss, the last of the roughness between them smoothing out. Why couldn’t everything be as simple as this feeling of rightness?
With one last sip of him, she eased back, settling into the comfortable curve of his arm. He nudged the swing into motion, and they sat in companionable silence, watching the fireflies dance.
Eventually, Cayla’s curiosity overrode her need for silence. “What exactly are you doing to handle the situation?”
“We’ve all made the requisite reports to the FTC and all the credit bureaus about the false accounts. And Cash is looking into things. Unless Arthur somehow became a hacker in prison, he didn’t get into my shit on his own. I locked it down as soon as you said I should.”
Her warning hadn’t been enough. How were they supposed to combat that?
With a heavy sigh, she sipped more wine. “I didn’t think to warn Brax and Jonah. It never occurred to me he might go after them. It should have. They’re your business partners. It makes a sick sort of sense that he’d target all of you.”
“It didn’t occur to me either. And, yeah, it’s not great. But let me be clear, they’re not pissed at you. You didn’t do this.”
“Not directly, but it doesn’t change the fact that none of you would be in this situation if not for me.”
“Don’t.” Holt squeezed her shoulder. “You can’t blame yourself. He wants you to do that. It’s more manipulation on his part. This shit is a pain in the ass, but it’s not impossible to reverse. We will get it sorted.”
She wondered if he’d learned this unwavering confidence as a Ranger or if he’d always been like this. Either way, she appreciated the support. They didn’t have answers yet. In all likelihood, Arthur’s campaign was just beginning. That prospect was terrifying. She didn’t know what he’d do next.
But she and Holt had each other. That was enough for now.