Chapter 23
That was it. That was the kiss.
My dad was right.
Up until this moment, I never admitted—even to myself—that I had doubts. That the possibility existed that my father simply waxed poetic about the first kiss he had shared with my mother. Memory distorting the significance into something mythological.
I think I found the magical love story comforting. That there was a reason I turned thirty and still hadn’t felt a romantic connection with someone.
With anyone.
But this isn’t comforting. This is a world-altering terrible turn of events.
My dad was right, and I wish he weren’t.
“Arthur?” Robin knocks on the door.
I don’t respond. I can’t.
“I just want you to know,” she continues, “that I know that you got a boner. And it’s not a big deal. In fact, I think it means we were doing something right! I’ll take it as a compliment. Good work out there, buddy.”
Fucking hell, she thinks that’s what I’m freaking out about?
I turn the cold water on and splash my face, trying to clear the lingering heat of the kiss. It doesn’t help because the heat isn’t a physical thing. The burn is in my soul, a craving for the woman on the other side of the door, who is trying to convince me getting a hard-on while making out is no big deal.
If only that were the issue.
But that’s not the problem. The problem is that sometime between Robin climbing into my lap and me lifting her off it, she opened a door inside me. Now, there are all these feelings spilling out. Want, need, longing...
She’s right there.
But also, she’s not.
We made this deal with a deadline. With an understanding that it wouldn’t be forever. Robin doesn’t want forever with anyone anymore, and I didn’t feel like a total asshole because I knew I wasn’t actually dating my cousin’s ex. We agreed to put on a show.
But now, every part of my body is roaring at me to go out there and make her mine for real. Make her mine forever.
Is this how it felt for my dad?
I want to ask him, to get a detailed description. But I know if I do, he’ll make the connection to Robin and get even more invested in a relationship that isn’t true. He’s already going to be disappointed when we end things. I don’t know what he’ll do if he thinks I’m walking away from the person I’m meant to be with.
Is that what I would be doing?
Fuck, I don’t even know anymore.
“I’m going to order a pizza!” Robin yells through the door.
I consider not responding, but she might think I did respond and she didn’t hear it and will keep trying to communicate until I answer.
“Fine!” I shout back.
“Oh good. Glad you’re alive. I was worried I’d killed you, that my kissing was that good.” She chuckles, and I hear her footsteps walking away.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I think Robin Dunn is my soulmate.