Chapter 49
Partway through dinner, I take a trip to the restroom, not realizing I needed to be on guard during the quick pitstop.
When I’m done and push the door to the restroom open, Daren is waiting in the hall, leaning against the opposite wall. Seeing him now—dressed to the nines with broad shoulders pressing at the seams of his sports coat, blond hair styled in a perfect wave over his brow, hands tucked into his pockets as he stands in a casual slouch—I remember why I fell for him.
Daren is handsome, charming, and looks at me like I’m the only woman in the room.
But now, I know he’s also insecure, selfish, and nowhere near as good in bed as his cousin.
Also, I find I’m partial to a scowl and a grunt rather than a compliment.
“You’re wearing my favorite dress,” Daren says in greeting.
I roll my eyes at the comment. Does he think I still make any decisions in my life based on him?
But don’t I? Isn’t that why I’m here with Arthur?
In the beginning, that was true. The relationship with Arthur started as a revenge plot, all about hurting this man.
But as I stare at Daren now, I realize I don’t want to hurt him anymore.
Not because I forgive him or feel bad for him. But because conflict between us makes Arthur’s life harder. Makes something real and lasting between Arthur and me impossible even if the postman were to give up on his soulmate ideas.
And the knowledge that Daren’s insistence on hanging on to the idea of us—even though he was the one to implode our relationship—could keep me from being with the man I want pisses me off.
“I am wearing literally the only dress I own,” I snap. “So, technically, this is your least favorite dress too.”
“I didn’t come back here to fight with you.”
“I didn’t ask you to ambush me after I peed.”
Daren holds his hands out, palms up. “You won’t return my texts or my calls. Please, can we just talk about us?”
A frustrated groan snarls out of my throat. “Is this how it’s going to be? You badgering me about getting back together every time we cross paths? It’s fucking exhausting.”
“We were together for two years, Robin. I’m not just going to get over you. I fucked up. I think I got scared of how much I loved you and how much you didn’t need me.” Daren’s stare is imploring, his voice sincere. “My mom never stuck around. No matter what my dad did.”
The hallway outside the restroom at a fine-dining restaurant is not the place for this conversation, but I gave Daren no other options, and I guess my ex wants to say his piece.
“Daren—”
“Every time you left, I thought you wouldn’t come back.” His eyes are wide now with panic. “So, I distracted myself. Tried to make like it didn’t matter if you went away. Like I had options and would be fine.”
His reasoning makes a fucked-up kind of sense, knowing what I do about his constantly disappearing mother.
But that doesn’t make it okay.
“So, what? You’re saying if I never left town, you wouldn’t have cheated? That once I agreed to live here, I was supposed to stay in Green Valley for the rest of my life? That’s an impossible expectation! If you were so worried about me visiting my mom, you could’ve come with me. Or—I don’t know—talked to me instead of sleeping with someone else. For what? Comfort? To prove I didn’t matter to you?”
The pain and self-disgust on Daren’s face are real, but they don’t gut me the way the expressions might have a few months ago.
“I’m messed up. I know I am. I want to work on myself. Want to be the man you deserve. How I handled things was a mistake.”
For him, yes, it was.
But for me? I know the true mistake. It was falling for the wrong Kraut at the wrong time.
I wish that a few years ago, when Daren was still trying to get me to go out with him, he’d invited me to Green Valley. That I would have been brave enough to accept. And I wish I had been smart enough to notice the quiet, grumpy cousin who kept to the back of the family gathering. That I would have been charming enough to coax the stoic man out of his shell, to hear his laugh and watch his beard twitch.
I wish I’d had the chance to love Arthur before I ever even cared about Daren.
But now, this man has a claim on me as far as his family is concerned. The loud, loving group can only accept me as Daren’s, and they’ll turn permanently cold on Arthur if I try to weave my life with his.
“Let go of me,” I plead. “Work on yourself for you. Then, try again with someone else.”
Daren scowls, stubborn. “You’re the love of my life, Robin Dunn. My soulmate.”
That word sets me off like a faulty trigger.
“Fuck soulmates!” I shout in his face.
Because there’s the other sharp shard in my heart.
Even if Daren loosened his grip, would Arthur want me? Would he give up the phantom of perfection to be with me?
This is all wrong. A mess in my heart because I ache for a man who would have to set aside his dream of a fated love and deal with the scorn of his family for choosing me.
Why would he do that?
But even if I must give up the beautiful possibility of loving Arthur for the rest of my life, I’m not about to replace it with a soggy, knockoff relationship with Daren.
“Let me put this as clearly as possible.” I speak the words in a stone-cold voice, holding my ex’s eyes and willing each syllable to get through his thick skull. “We are over. When I see you, I’m not even angry anymore. All that’s left is annoyance and discomfort. There is absolutely nothing appealing about resuming a romantic relationship with you. Even when Arthur and I eventually break up, I’m not going to come back to you.”
Daren clenches his teeth so hard that the skin of his clean-shaven jaw turns white.
But then he drops his chin, eyes on his shoes, and keeps his mouth shut.
I don’t know if this posture is acceptance, but it’s probably the best I can hope for.
Leaving Daren behind, I storm down the short hallway and step around the corner, only to ram directly into a broad chest. Hands settle on my arms, steadying me, and I glance up to find Arthur staring down at me, an unreadable expression on his face.
“When we break up?” he rasps.
It takes me a second to realize what he’s asking. But then my words from a moment ago come back to me.
… when Arthur and I eventually break up . . .
He must have overheard at least the last part.
“It’s inevitable.” I try to mask the agony in my voice as I let him know I’m aware we still have an end date. That I’m plenty strong enough to move on and make way for the person he believes destiny will send him.
Arthur tucks his chin against his chest, the angle shielding his eyes. His fingers clench and open on my arms, as if he can’t decide whether to hold on to me or let me go. After a few breaths of silence, he clears his throat and nods, then carefully pulls me into himself, wrapping his arms around me.
“Let me know when it’s over.”