Chapter 12
R elief at having Callie in my arms was so strong I could barely breathe. I had woken in a panic straight from a nightmare to find her gone and feeling like I was on the verge of cardiac arrest with all her emotions thundering down the bond. But now she was safe. Holding her was the only thing that kept the panic at bay.
“You’re okay, little dove,” I told her, though it was as much to reassure myself as her.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“No need to apologize. Hormones do funny things to a brain. The important thing is that you’re safe.”
I focused on breathing. There was still a whole mess of shame and anxiety filling up my chest, and it felt foreign enough that I knew it had to be from her.
“Talk to me. I’m the one person in the world right now who can intimately understand what you’re feeling.”
Callie took a moment to collect herself and I did my best to purr despite everything swirling around inside me. She needed the comfort, and if we could take the edge off those worries, then we could start nudging her toward healing.
“I didn’t mean to bite you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I?—”
“Shhh. It’s all right. It likely would’ve happened sooner rather than later with the scent match. We just got a bit ahead of ourselves. I promise I’m not upset with you about it.”
“I’m upset at myself.” Callie sniffled. “I took away our choice.”
“It could have just as easily been one of us biting first.” I’d felt my resolve weakening every second I was with her. If she hadn’t bitten me, I wouldn’t have lasted long regardless.
“I’m still sorry. For the bite, and for running. The nightmare felt so real. I freaked out.”
“Tell me what it was about?”
She relayed her fractured memories of it, mostly consisting of the hateful things her ex-fiancé had said.
My body tensed with every word. “Were those things he’s said to you?”
“In bits and pieces over the years,” she confessed. “Never quite a tirade like that.”
I was ready to strangle her ex just for thinking those things, let alone saying them to her face. I had never really endured vitriol about what I did for a living. In part, that was likely because my family had no idea, and all of my friends now were in similar industries. We knew and understood. From the sounds of it, Callie wasn’t so lucky.
“I know none of this is ideal,” I said carefully. “Hell, I’m scared shitless about it myself, but I want you to understand that I’ve got you now. I mean, I hope we’ve got each other, but it’s okay if you need time.”
Her heart pounded against my palm, and I purred as loud as I could until hers kicked on in response and her heartbeat slowed bit by bit. Everything was still chaos, but the undeniable truth was that this omega was mine, and I was her alpha. I didn’t know her yet, but I wanted to. I craved every detail that would let me make her happy. I couldn’t undo any of the harm that had already come to her, but the fear that flooded down the bond toward me from her was intolerable, and I intended to fix as much of it as I could. Not for my sake, but for hers.
I wanted to quiet that whole storm of negativity inside her and replace it with the immutable knowledge that she had someone on her side now. I gathered up every ounce of calm I had and tried to project it toward her. No one was 100% certain how bonds worked, only that they did, and if I could feel everything coming from her, then surely she could feel everything coming from me. It wasn’t only calmness I wanted to share. I thought of how beautiful she was, how brave she had been, how completely delicious she was, and her scent sweetened, the chaos inside her ebbing.
“That’s my good girl. We belong to each other now and I’m going to take care of you. I don’t know what that looks like yet, but we’ll figure it out together.”
Callie tipped her head and I boosted her up so I could lick over the bondbite sitting on her throat. “I don’t know how to be a good omega.”
“You’re my perfect omega already,” I promised.
She sniffled. “You’ve been a really good alpha, Kai. I’m sorry I’m such a basket case.”
“We were definitely both basket cases. You just weren’t here to see me freaking out. Besides, you’ve been through a shit ton of things, and I would say you’re entitled to a little freak-out.”
Her laugh was broken, a sob sneaking in to shatter it. “It’s been way too much.”
“Will you come stay with us after the heat is over? Or should I plan to move somewhere?”
She squirmed, her discomfort made manifest. “I don’t know where else I would go.”
“Please stay. At least while we figure things out. I don’t even want you out of my sight. I don’t think I would be able to cope if you left us.”
I would have no choice but to follow if she did go. Keeping Callie close felt necessary, like one of the fundamental laws of the universe I simply couldn’t break. She was meant to be with us, with me, even if fate had an unconventional way of bringing us together.
Closing my eyes, I breathed her in and stretched us out in the bath, purring away until she melted against me and the bond settled. It wouldn’t always work, nor should it, honestly. Sometimes feelings just needed to be experienced even if they were uncomfortable as hell. Right now she needed soothing. She wasn’t going to process anything truly meaningful in her healing journey during a heat anyway, so I leaned into what she required from me: safety. I had to show Callie I could protect her even if I didn’t know how.
I had no clue what the future held for us. At the moment this was enough. I had my own instincts to quiet down, and the only way that was going to happen was if she stayed exactly where she was.
At some point I would have to tell my family that I was bonded, but I was in no rush to do that. There were a million other things about my life they had no idea about. This could be on that list for a little while longer.
“Tell me everything about yourself,” I prompted. “I want to know all the details.”
“Like what?”
“Favorite color?”
“Pink. You?”
“Orange. Favorite food?”
“Thai green curry. You?”
“Spam musubi for childhood classics. Shrimp pho otherwise.”
Callie wriggled around to face me. “Siblings?”
“Only child.”
“I have a younger sister. She’s definitely the favorite.”
“Parents aren’t supposed to have favorites.”
“Tell that to my mom.” Callie snorted. “She never got that memo.”
“Does it help if I say you’re my favorite omega on the planet?”
I caught the ghost of a smile on her face. “A bit, yeah, even if you’re obligated to say that.”
“Excuse you, I’m obligated to say nothing. Take the compliment.”
She leaned forward and snuggled up against me, tucking her forehead against my neck. “Okay.”
We picked our way through an introduction. I learned bits and pieces that helped me make sense of her. Her ex had roped her in when she was only eighteen and living in a foreign city, ground her down over their years at college and convinced her to move to LA with him, where she didn’t know a single soul. Once he had gotten her good and trapped there, he had weaned more and more bills over to her, forcing her to take on additional hours to compensate until she was too exhausted to do much of anything. No wonder she had stayed so long.
At least she was free now. I was ready to fistfight every insecurity drilled into her by her ex and her family. She didn’t have to worry about any of that with me, but I knew it wouldn’t be that easy. I knew I would support her, but that didn’t mean she could believe me with a lifetime of trauma between her and the truth. I could work on it, though. Every day I could knock out one brick, prove to her that my pack and I were whom she belonged with. I had avoided in-depth relationships for ages, between med school and the job I did now; maybe the universe thought it was funny to send me from zero to mated in a heartbeat.
“I never thought I would have an omega.”
“I never thought I would have an alpha. I don’t really know what it means yet, but it’s nice so far.”
I swished warm water up her back. “Definitely nice. I still hoped for you, even if I didn’t think I could have you.”
“Me specifically?”
“From the moment you got tangled in your seatbelt.”
Callie laughed quietly and squeezed me in a hug.
“Should we make a promise, you and I?”
“What kind of promise?” she asked.
“I will be your alpha in any way you want me to be. I will do anything I can to support your transition into this new life, but I want you to promise me that you’ll be open to it. I know you’re scared, and you have every reason to be, but you have a secret weapon now. You’re always going to be able to tell what I’m feeling, so even when your anxiety is screaming at you, I want you to check what you’re getting from me. Let the bond show you the truth of whatever situation you’re questioning. We can’t hide from each other. That’s nerve-wracking as hell, but I also kind of like it. I’ve never been able to be that vulnerable with anyone.”
“The anxiety does get pretty screamy.”
“I bet. Tell me what you feel right now coming through the bond.”
I felt the scrunch of her forehead against my skin. “I don’t really know what it is.”
“Good or bad?”
“Good. It’s soft, kind of warm.”
“That would be affection.”
“Well, now I feel dumb for not knowing it.”
Shame bubbled up in the bond and I intended to squash it immediately. “It’s not your fault you don’t recognize it. It doesn’t sound like you’ve experienced much of it in your day-to-day. I fully plan to change that.”
Affection from her flickered, and when I lifted her chin to place a delicate kiss against her lips, it flared along with whispers of lust.
“I know you have no reason to trust me, but the second you put your teeth in me you became mine, and I will always take care of who’s mine. If you can’t trust anything else, trust that.”
She snuggled up against me. “I promise I’ll do my best.”
“That’s all I ask, little dove.”