Chapter 31
I hated everything. That money was supposed to help me start my life over. At the very least, it could’ve held us over while the pack figured out how to support themselves after I had steamrolled their jobs.
All the security I’d felt from knowing I had that money was gone. Jerry really was committed to taking everything from me that he possibly could. And the worst part was that he was entitled to everything in the joint account, so there was a possibility I would never see that money again no matter what the bank uncovered.
I was trying to feel grateful for what I had been given instead of focusing on everything that had been taken away, but it was hard. I hated how I had reacted to the pack not immediately trusting me. I’d still been raw from my conversation with my mother, and having one more thing stacked on top of my already fragile emotions had been too much to handle.
The pack had the numbers in front of them, so it wasn’t a surprise they would’ve been skeptical, and they didn’t know me that well, but it cut all the same.
It wasn’t the first time I had encountered a guilty-until-proven-innocent situation with the people in my life. Maybe it was unrealistic to expect the opposite with the pack. Even a hint of my old life rearing its head with them had taken me out at the knees.
I tried to work, but it was slow going. Without the option to push the deadlines, I had no choice but to continue no matter my emotional state. It wasn’t hard to tell that the pack felt bad for how the discussion had gone, both in how they had approached me and in the realization that all the money I had earned was in the hands of someone else. Kai’s guilt through the bond sat like lead in my chest. We were probably feeding each other’s anxiety in a cycle at this point.
They didn’t seem to know what to do, and I didn’t know how to approach them, so we spent most of the day tiptoeing around each other.
Kai set down a tray with a sandwich, blueberries, a glass of water, and a can of cola for me. “You have to eat.”
“I don’t feel like eating.”
“Callie, look at me.”
I tore my gaze away from the screen and focused on him.
“I’m sorry, little dove. I know you can feel that’s true.”
I could. The dull ache from him was obvious through the bond, sadness wrapped in anger. The anger wasn’t directed toward me; that much I knew.
“We should’ve trusted you.”
“Yeah, you should have.” I wore my bitterness like armor. “Do you have any idea how shitty it made me feel to have the four of you come at me like that, like you’d already decided I was in the wrong?”
“I—”
“ I’m talking right now,” I snapped. “I have been through a lot of hell with the people in my life, and maybe I stupidly thought things would be different, especially with you, when you can feel what I’m going through, but no . That didn’t matter. And you know what? It fucking sucks to see so clearly that you don’t trust me and wouldn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt.”
“Cal—”
My glare lapsed him back into silence. “I’ve realized how unhappy I was in my relationship with Jerry, and with my family. You’ve all shown me things don’t have to be that way, but I will not put myself in a position where that behavior becomes the norm again. You trust me or you don’t, and if you don’t, I can’t stay.”
The anguish from him twisted in my chest, but I hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true. I’d never have said anything like that to Jerry, but I felt safe enough to speak my mind here. I hadn’t a fucking clue where I would go with no home, no money, and no car, but I’d figure it out somehow, even if it was a few miserable months staying with my sister, paying with my sanity instead of paying rent.
With a sigh, I said, “You can talk now.”
“Callie…I’m so sorry. I should have trusted you. We all should have trusted you. Please, please don’t leave us. Give us a chance to make it up to you.”
It would be so easy to agree, but I’d lived so fucking long in complacency, staying quiet because I didn’t want anyone to be upset when they didn’t give a shit if I was the one upset. “And what if you can’t?” I held my breath at the sharp pain coming through the bond.
“If you want to leave, I’ll go with you and spend the rest of my life making sure you never feel that way again. I know talk is cheap, and the only way this can be fixed is if you give us the time to implement actions that prove it. You’re my mate, and I fucked up. I want to fix it.”
I really, really wanted him to fix it too. I was so fucking trapped and I didn’t know what to do. Even leaving here meant him following because we were bonded. Wanting the life they offered didn’t change the fact that I had very little choice in the matter. Bonding was bigger than marriage, older and deeper, winding souls together, and I couldn’t leave Kai. I didn’t want to think about how much pain I would be in every day for the rest of forever if I tried. For the sake of saving us both a lifetime of pain, I had to let them try.
“Can I hold you?” Kai asked.
I slipped out of my seat and let him take me in his arms, relaxing against the warmth of his chest, his purr rumbling to life beneath my ear. I knew it was just a biological response, alpha to omega, but it felt like maybe everything would be okay if I could just stay right here.
“We’re going to get everything figured out,” he promised. “And we won’t lose faith in you again.”
I wanted to believe it.
“Eat your food, and when you’re done working, we’ll spend some time in the pool to relax, okay?”
“Okay.”
I didn’t protest when he lifted my chin and dropped his mouth to mine. Rising on my toes to hook my arm around his neck, I let myself sink into the taste of him, drowning in the sweet cinnamon that soothed all my worries.
I consumed everything he had brought for me after he left me in peace, and I put in a few more solid hours of work before I rejoined them for the day.
They all looked so contrite when they noticed me. I could only assume Kai had told them about our discussion.
Kai was the first and boldest to approach me. “We’re making dinner. Can I get you something to drink?”
I shrugged, still exhausted from earlier and half tempted to lock myself in my room.
“Alcoholic or virgin?” Amir asked.
“Virgin is fine. I’m gonna sit outside, if you guys don’t mind. I’m not very hungry.”
The four of them frowned, but no one made a move to stop me. It was uncomfortably warm outside, but I found a corner of the pool that was shaded and stuck my feet in it, stretching back across the tile to stare at the wide sweep of blue above me.
Why wasn’t there a two-stage bonding? Do the initial bond when you’re out of your mind from the hormones, and then, like, two weeks later, a biological notification pops up to ask if you were actually sure about that. I knew it wasn’t possible, but a girl could dream. It would certainly be saving me a lot of grief right now.
A flash of pink out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. Amir was approaching with a pool float and a fancy drink.
“At least lie on this and not the tile.” He laid out the float next to me and set down the drink. “Virgin pi?a colada.”
I readjusted myself, too proud to admit that the float was much more comfortable than the tile.
Amir sat down unbidden. “In fairness, both you and the company were telling the truth.”
“I don’t want to hear it right now. If you don’t want me to pour this drink on you, you’ll leave.”
He moved it out of my reach. “I’m just saying. No one has ever complained they haven’t been paid before and the records were right there. Yes, we should’ve discussed with you before making up our minds, but the facts really were saying one thing.”
“If you’re not going to leave, I am.” I tried to get up, and his hand wrapped around my wrist. “Let go.”
He did immediately. “How long are you going to be upset for?”
I leveled a hot glare at him. “You are really reminding me of my ex right now.”
That statement seemed to shock him into reality. “Fucking hell. I’m not good at this.”
“No shit.”
“I made a choice based on facts, and I’m sorry it hurt you. In the future we’ll talk to you first.” Amir sighed. “I want you to feel safe here, whether or not you want to stay.”
“You know, I can’t think of a single time in my life where someone just believed me immediately. With my mom, my sister could do no wrong, and even when she had fucked up, it took one little lie from Tanya for me to take the blame. With Jerry, I never felt I could do anything right, but I had grown up with that, so I just assumed that was how I would feel forever. I had just started to feel like things would be different here, and then I was right back to square one, the girl getting blamed for breaking something she didn’t touch.” A sob snuck up on me and I hastily wiped away the tears that slid down my cheeks. “I never saw it before. I didn’t know I could feel any other way, and I can’t go back to that.”
Amir looked like he might be sick. He crawled up next to me and pulled me into his arms. “I’m sorry. Fuck me. I know what that feels like. I won’t do it again.”
I held on to his shirt and let everything pour out. He held me without speaking, squeezing tightly until it felt like his arms were the only thing keeping me together. I felt like a pup that had only ever known scolding and then learned what a loving pet was, only to be scolded again and have all that pain rear its head.
“I’m sorry I’m crying on you,” I mumbled. I’d been doing way too much of this since Jerry abandoned me. Grief was tiring, and it wasn’t even grief for him . Just realizing I’d lived a lifetime of pain was overwhelming.
“Cry as much as you want. As long as you hydrate afterward, it’s all good.”
He passed me the drink and I swirled the contents, sipping the cool, fruity coconut mixture. It was a relief against the heat, and it tasted sweeter because he had made it for me. I finished the entirety of it in his arms until my whole body ached from crying and my eyes burned.
“I thought I had communication figured out,” Amir said quietly. “Turns out I’m shit at it.”
I laughed softly. “I see that. I don’t need you all to blindly believe me, necessarily, but please don’t assume I’ve done something wrong from the start.”
“I’ll do pretty much anything to never get compared to your ex again. All of us coming to a conclusion before talking to you was a shit move, and it probably sucked a lot to feel like it was four against one.”
“Yeah. Did not enjoy that part.” I told him about my mom, breathing in his cedar sweetness to keep myself steady.
“I’m just going to say it—your mom sounds like a cunt.”
I let out a strangled laugh. “You’re not wrong. At least I don’t have to worry about talking to her again. It’s kind of freeing even though it’s really fucking sad.”
“I’m sorry you had to take that step.” Amir gave me another squeeze. “I’d say I can’t speak for everyone, but I think in this I can. We’ll do better. I can’t promise we won’t fuck up on occasion, but there’s not a soul in this house that wants to hurt you.”
“I know.” It didn’t fix everything, but it was a bandage over a wound that needed time to heal, and for the moment it would have to be enough.