Chapter Nineteen
“O h?” he sat up, muscles quivering and tense.
It felt like he’d run a marathon, his heart pounded so hard in his chest. Air burned as it sawed in and out of his lungs. But he could easily go an extra mile. Cal wanted nothing more than to plunge into her, over and over, as they lost themselves in sexy oblivion.
She followed his movement and also sat up. Then she unbuttoned his pants and motioned for him to stand so she could push the garment over his hard erection standing at the ready. She touched him, and he nearly exploded on the spot.
“Damn it. Later,” he gritted out.
“You want me to AIDET you?”
“Hell no. I can barely form words. I want you. So much.” He bent down to the floor and fished in a pocket, pulling out a condom packet.
With an eyebrow waggle and a bite of her lip, she said, “Let me.” Lightly, she pressed on his chest until he fell back on the bed. He didn’t believe her innocent act for a second, based on the feral glint in her blue eyes. He fisted the comforter, trying not to grab her. Giving her this time to play.
And play she did. Deirdre slid the condom over his length, so slowly that his eyes rolled back in his head as he saw the northern lights. Then she cupped him until he spread his legs wider. Each stroke over his sac triggered a spine-deep shudder as his testicles drew up, tense and ready. He fought with everything he had to let her be in control.
Deirdre knew what she wanted, and he loved that about her. Loved this whole scene. Their skin against each other, the trust, the mutual care.
She paused.
“Deirdre, you okay?”
“Yes. Are you okay if I, um—” She made a jumping motion with her hand.
Right this minute, he was no genius, but he could put two and two together. “You want to giddyap?”
Her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink. “Well, yes. If you’re okay with it.”
“That might be one of my favorite fantasies. You. On me.” His penis moved in time with his pulse.
He had no shame. It was obvious how much she turned him on, and he wanted her to know it. She was stunning, all confidence, soft curves, and glowing skin.
Scooting up into the middle of the bed, he reached for her, guiding her to kneel over his erection. The brush of her heated flesh over his penis tip cracked his restraint, and he clutched her thighs until she yelped.
Somehow, he loosened his grip. “This is going to feel amazing,” he said, voice hoarse. “If I survive it.”
Slowly, she lowered herself onto him. With every torturous inch, they panted in unison.
“Oh my God.” She gasped when he bottomed out in her.
They breathed together. Then she gently rocked against him.
He pulled her down harder. “Deirdre.” Pressing a thumb against her clitoris, he kept time there as he met her movements with upward thrusts of his own. The heat from her palms against his chest would be imprinted there forever.
After a few minutes, she slowed her pace.
He rolled them over, hooking her knee over his shoulder and driving himself in more deeply. Thrusting faster, he clamped his jaw tight when her inner muscles fluttered around him. Sweat rolled down his temple as he held off on his own release, wanting her to chase her own first.
In a burst of high-pitched cries and gasps, Deirdre climaxed, her inner muscles pulling him in even deeper. Then with a roar, he followed her over the precipice, her body milking him dry until they both collapsed limp on the bed, panting.
He kept his full weight off of her but nestled his face into the crook of her neck, licking at the salty sheen of sweat on her skin. She tasted like comfort and completion.
After cleaning up and returning to bed, Cal lay on his side and tugged Deirdre so that her back rested against his chest. He wrapped an arm around her and reveled in the rise and fall of their breathing in unison. With his hand pressed against her sternum, he counted heartbeats.
“That was amazing,” she murmured, somehow managing to snuggle even closer to him.
His body fit perfectly with hers. A blast of conflicting emotions ran through him, none of which he wanted to deal with at this time. “You’re beautiful. Incredible.” He inhaled the floral scent on her hair and the warm musk of their passion clinging to their heated bodies.
That was the problem, wasn’t it? She was a special woman. She was his best friend’s widow. She deserved more than a guy who didn’t plan to stick around Yukon Valley.
“Are you okay?” she asked, half turning in his arms.
He loosened his clenched embrace. No way would he tell her about his inner conflict. He would rather hurt himself than take anything away from her pleasure tonight. “Absolutely.” He kissed her shoulder. “I don’t have words for what we experienced.”
“Me neither. Except, we should do that again sometime.”
He smiled. “Agreed. But—”
“But?”
“Someone of my advanced age needs recovery time.”
She snorted. “You’re the same age I am.”
“I would never call you old.”
“As long as you call me.”
He chuckled, but his laugh tasted bittersweet. “Will do. Mm-hmm.” He pressed his lips against her neck until she gasped and writhed once again.
They tumbled back into pleasure together for a second time.
*
The early light gave the room a bluish glow. No sound came from outside of Deirdre’s house. Cal smiled as he glanced around the bedroom, then stopped when he spied the dresser.
On it sat a picture of Elijah and Deirdre, smiling and faces together. Healthy and happy. Youthful. From a time before Elijah had become sick.
Taking a solid breath required more effort than Cal was capable of.
So did analyzing the layers of feelings the past twelve hours had churned up. He’d rather focus on the here and now.
At some point in the night, Deirdre had turned to face him. Those kiss-swollen lips, now relaxed and calm in sleep, had been open in pleasure last night. Several times. What he’d give to see that expression again and again. What he’d give never to leave the crystalline perfection of this exact moment. Right here.
“Morning.” Deirdre stretched in his arms, catlike, purring when their chests rubbed together.
That simple and sexy movement triggered his penis from relaxed to ready in a split second. Down, buddy.
He held onto control as he dropped a kiss onto her forehead. “Good morning.”
She gave him shy half-smile. “I suppose our pretend relationship isn’t so fake anymore.”
“Um, yeah.”
Trailing her fingers over his pectorals, she said in a soft, sleep-roughened voice that triggered a hungry response deep inside of him, “I loved everything about last night.”
He brushed a thumb over her soft cheek. There was a pause, then he said, “I did, too.”
She pulled back, her hair tangling between her head and the pillow. “But?”
God, she was way too observant. “We may have painted ourselves into a bit of an emotional corner.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Go on.”
“Look, what we had, here, last night. There aren’t words strong enough. Wonderful. Sexy. Addicting.” The words spilled out. “But you deserve more than I have to give, Deirdre. You deserve a solid future. We took our pretend relationship and ran with it. Literally.” He stroked her shoulder. “We changed our rules.”
Lines formed between her brows. “No one needs to know that things changed.”
“My car was parked on the street all night. It’s a small town. Cat’s out of the proverbial bag.” He swallowed. “Besides, you’re the kind of person who deserves a long-term, real relationship.”
“You think you know what kind of person I am in this respect?” Her eyes narrowed. Her chin lifted.
Loaded question. “You’re a quality person who should have someone solid to stick around. Not a one-night stand.”
“First of all, I can have a one-night stand if I want one.”
“You’re right.”
“Also, no one’s asking for anything long-term.”
“Aren’t you? Deep down.” Cal’s world back in Seattle didn’t include Deirdre, but on the other hand he couldn’t visualize a world without Deirdre in it.
“Don’t presume to know my thoughts. What I want.” Her weary sigh sent his stomach into a spiral. “My dreams.”
Oh crap. “That’s not—”
“Look, Calvin, if you’re having regrets, that’s fine. But you need to own your reaction.”
“I own it, but not—”
The regret on her face as that sad smile fell hit him like a two by four.
“I never asked you for anything,” she said quietly. Too calmly.
“Except faking a relationship. Which, full disclosure, I agreed to as well.” He nodded. “We’ll keep up the pretense until I’m gone. I won’t renege on that promise.”
“If that’s what you want to do, then fine.” Fine. Her tone suggested it was anything but fine.
“I will finish our deal,” he said. “Shield both of us from friendly fire. Aim the gossip elsewhere.” Like he did last night? Hell of an aim. Sleeping with her had not been part of their plan.
She opened then closed her mouth, blotches of red blooming on her neck and cheeks. “I think you might want to head on out. You probably have a busy day.” Her words might be polite and terrifyingly calm, but he read the clamped jaw and tight lines around her eyes.
“Deirdre, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for last night?”
“No. Never.” I’m sorry I can’t be the future you need and deserve. Even now, he couldn’t speak the words aloud.
“Then we’re good.” Her lips pressed together. “Do you need me to get the front door, or are you okay closing it behind you?”