39
Present, Orlando, Florida
After checking into our hotel, Ethan and I decide to go to Magic Kingdom since it’s the original Florida park. The bus is crowded, and the road is bumpy. We sit side-by-side, jostling into each other with every turn. After one particularly sharp corner, Ethan puts his arm around me, pulling me close. “For stability,” he tells me. This bus full of crying babies and tired tourists should be the least romantic place on Earth, so why is my heart thrumming?
Dappled, shifting sunlight comes in through the bus windows. It plays across Ethan’s face and adds auburn highlights to his hair. A few strands fall into his eye, and he sweeps them aside, tilting his head back. I stare, captivated by the shadow of his jaw, the movement of his throat as he swallows. My blood pulses when his fingers tighten on my hip with each swerve in the road. I’m almost sad when the bus ride is over and we’re deposited at the large iron gates that lead into the park. As we walk through the turnstiles, my eyes widen.
There it is. Magic Kingdom.
Tourists wait in lines to take pictures by the iconic, gray-roofed train station. The tantalizing smell of fresh popcorn drifts through the air. Children happily shriek and dart between their parents’ legs.
A parade passes by in front of us. Large floats full of beloved Disney characters go by while accompanying music pours out of speakers attached to filigreed lamp posts. The last float in the cavalcade has sorcerer Mickey Mouse waving to the crowd with his pointed wizard hat perched tall on his head. I wave back like I’ve seen a long-lost friend.
We’ve only been in the park for five minutes, and already I’m so happy. There’s a certain magic in the air. The happiness of thousands of vacationers all jammed together spreads from one person to another until we are all bathed in it, this communal joy.
The parade finishes and heads away, the music fading from the loudspeakers. Beaming, I turn to find that Ethan is watching me rather than the parade. He has a bemused expression on his face, his lopsided smile gentle and his eyes warm.
“What?” I’m suddenly self-conscious under his gaze.
Ethan shakes his head slightly. “Nothing. It’s just that I’ve never seen you look…”
“Look what?” I ask sharply.
“So happy,” he says simply. “I’ve never seen you so carefree and happy.”
“Oh.” I don’t quite know how to respond to his compliment.
Snapping his focus away from me, Ethan stands tall and surveys Main Street. He squares his shoulders. “Where should we start? We need a game plan.”
I’m all business now. “Don’t worry. I’ve memorized the park maps.”
“Wait, you memorized them?” Ethan asks incredulously.
“Memorized,” I confirm.
“Like all four parks? You memorized the maps for all of them?”
“Try to keep up, Ethan. Yes, I didn’t want to waste time looking at a map. I want to optimize every minute we have.” Looking around, I get my bearings. “We should move through the park clockwise, so we end up in Tomorrowland.”
“Sounds good to me.” Before Ethan can take a step in that direction, I halt him with my hand in the air.
“First, let me download the Disney app onto your phone. You can use my account so we can reserve rides and order food for each other. That way I can look up wait times for the rides on my phone while you reserve them on yours. It’ll be more efficient.”
I take Ethan’s phone and type in my username and password. It’s the same one I use on all my accounts—that way I never forget it. Once I have Ethan’s app set up correctly, I hand the phone back.
“Ready to go?” I’m almost bouncing in my excitement.
“You lead, and I’ll follow,” says Ethan. “Just like in the hospital.”
We smile at each other, remembering those early training days.
Before we go on any rides, we get a churro. It’s warm and soft on the inside with a hint of outside crunch. Licking the sugar off my fingers, I stroll down Main Street. My head swivels, taking in every detail from the old-fashioned storefronts to the elaborate window displays. When the crowd clears enough that I can see the castle in the center of the park, I come to a standstill, staring. The castle is beautiful, with twirling towers of pink and blue. Ornate gold spires sit atop each tower, bearing flags that flap jauntily in the breeze.
It’s almost too pretty to be real.
The image blurs as tears fill my eyes.
Ethan’s by my side instantly. “Tiffy? What’s wrong?”
I sniffle. “I’m sorry. My mom would have loved it here so much. She was the one who introduced me to Disney. She adored all those old stories of Princesses kissing their Prince Charmings. True love that lasts forever.”
A tear slides down my cheek, and Ethan chases it with his fingertip. I tilt my head up to see him better and try to explain. “It’s not that I’m sad to be here. I’m just sad to be here without her. Does that make any sense?”
He tugs me into his arms, lending me his warmth. I close my eyes and breathe in his clean, minty scent. I’m pressed against his chest, and his deep voice vibrates under my ear. “Of course it does. It’s natural to miss her. I’m sure she would love to see you here, surrounded by characters that you watched together. I imagine your mom would be proud of you. How smart, strong, and successful you are.”
I peer up at him, so tall and confident. I’ve wondered that before. If my mom would be proud of me. I think she would like my job because she always wanted me to care for others. But she would be disappointed in parts of my past. In the bad things I did, even though I did them for her. Ethan doesn’t know about those times, so I can’t correct him.
It’s weighing on me. The closer we get, the more I will lose if Ethan finds out about me. What would he think if he knew about my times on the Strip? Would it sully my image? Would he reject me? It’s too big of a risk. I can’t tell him, but the longer I wait…if he finds out, the worse it will be.
I shake my head and pull out of his arms. These are not the things I want to think about during my first trip to Disney World. Dashing the last of my tears away, I say in an overly bright voice, “I’m fine. Let’s go.” I whirl around and take off down the street, with a concerned-looking Ethan following behind me.
Luckily, the sights of Magic Kingdom distract me from my sadness. Ethan and I go into Adventureland first, where we ride Pirates of the Caribbean and the Jungle Cruise. On the Jungle Cruise, the pilot of the boat cracks corny jokes. He says, “You know why a tiger has stripes, right? It’s to avoid being spotted.” Ethan snorts with laughter when he hears that and elbows me until I’m laughing along with him.
Next, we walk past Liberty Square and get in line to ride the Haunted Mansion. Ethan stares at the spooky manor surrounded by graveyards. “Kinda creepy, isn’t it?”
Blinking in the bright sunlight, I look up at the Gothic brick building with its ornate tower and gables. “It is eerie, but I’ve seen places way scarier than that.”
“Oh yeah, like where?” he challenges.
“When I was in high school, kids used to party at this big old abandoned hotel and casino on the Las Vegas Strip. It was called the Starlight.” It feels strange to say the name out loud. Starlight. I haven’t spoken that word in years. All those terrible memories from the abandoned hotel have held such sway over me, but maybe if I speak the name some of that power will leech away. Hopefully, the Starlight will stop being a boogie man in my mind and return to the dilapidated building it really is.
“Yeah?” Ethan cocks his head, intrigued.
I nod, suppressing a shudder. “It was spooky inside, with peeling wallpaper and spider webs. I always thought it would be the perfect location for a horror movie.”
“You partied there when you were in high school? I hadn’t pegged you as the wild drunk girl type.” He quirks his eyebrow at me.
“Don’t get too excited.” I roll my eyes. “It was one time, and I didn’t even finish my drink.” I remember the sweet-sour strawberry wine, can almost taste it on my tongue.
“Ah man, I was thinking I would get some good blackmail stories about high-school Tiffany,” he teases, bumping his shoulder gently into mine.
“Sorry to disappoint, but I was pretty boring in high school,” I lie as images of my angel costume, Rafe’s brooding green eyes, and faces wearing elegant masks flip through my mind, like photographs in an old picture book. I take those memories, shove them in a mental drawer, and slam it shut.