Chapter Thirty-Four
WITH A brEAKING HEART, LATE Sunday afternoon, I grabbed the gift bag for Logan out of my bike’s basket. It had been an exhausting day, packing and cleaning and, of course, playing a rousing game of beach volleyball with Lola, Alejandro, and Roman. I was still as awful at it as I’d always been. But Mom’s list was complete. I thought I’d feel a sense of relief, but somehow, things still felt unfinished.
I walked up the steps to Logan’s house for the last time, knowing I couldn’t leave without at least trying to say goodbye to him and his family. They meant too much to me to just skip town. Although part of me wanted to, and I wasn’t even sure if he was back from Seattle. He didn’t give me an itinerary, and he’d never called. That should have said something to me. Something like I was just making a fool of myself going over there. But making a fool of myself was how our relationship had started. It might as well have ended that way.
I knocked on the patio door. Eden was alone in the kitchen, standing in front of her mixer. Her face lit up when she saw me, and she waved me in.
With trepidation, I opened the door, fearing what my heart might do if I saw Logan. It was bad enough seeing Eden. When I’d made this decision the previous night, I’d felt much more brazen about it. But in the light of day, I realized everything walking away from Aspen Lake meant .
“Hey, there,” she said over the low hum of the mixer. “My parents took Sophie out, so I thought I’d use the time to work on a new bagel recipe for my fall videos. What do you think about an apple cider bagel?”
“That sounds yummy.” I tried to sound enthusiastic.
“Well, we’ll see.” She grinned before she turned more somber and asked, “How are you doing? Mom and I wanted to come over and check on you, but we figured you wanted some time alone with your sister.”
I stepped closer and eased onto one of the island stools, setting Logan’s gift bag on the counter, keeping it out of the flour dust. “That’s sweet of you. Lola and I probably consumed the yearly recommended amount of sugar yesterday.”
“Oh, I’ve been there,” Eden commiserated with me.
“I know you have.” Her ex really was an idiot.
Eden eyed the masculine-looking bag, her brows drawing together slightly. “You know, Logan’s not here. I don’t know when he’ll be back.”
“Me either,” I admitted, making sure to keep my emotions together. “But that’s okay. It’s not like we were serious and needed to keep tabs on each other.” The words felt like sandpaper against my throat, rough and dry.
Eden sighed, giving me one of those motherly looks that was both understanding and still able to call me out for lying. “You sure about that?” she asked, the question hanging in the air.
“Yes,” I stuttered and stood. “I’m leaving Aspen Lake.”
Eden dropped the spatula she’d been using, and it clattered against the wood floor. “What do you mean? The summer’s not over yet.”
“I know, but ... I realized I don’t belong here,” I cried, the words gushing out faster than I could catch them. “I have a feeling I’m a CW girl.”
Eden flew around the counter and embraced me, resting her chin on my head.
I immediately sank into her.
She patted my back. “What’s a CW girl?”
“You know, the kind of girl whose family is full of secrets and lies, and neither her father nor her neighbor wants her,” I wailed .
“Oh, honey.” Her hold on me tightened. “I can’t speak for your imbecile of a father. He doesn’t even deserve to be called that. But I can tell you that my brother cares about you.”
“I know he does, but I’ll never be Erica. She’s a star-studded-production girl.”
Eden snorted. “Yeah, well, I don’t like to talk badly about the dead, and I loved Erica, but she was also a pain in the butt sometimes. Everything had to be her way because she always knew best.”
I leaned away, surprised to hear Eden talk about Erica that way. “But did she know best? Logan certainly thinks she did.”
Eden tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear, her expression softening. “Listen, Erica was amazing. She really was. She was intelligent and always dressed to the nines. The woman could throw a party like no one’s business, and she was so good with Sophie. But, like everyone, she had flaws. Her biggest one being that she wanted everyone to believe she was perfect. That gets to be a little grating.” Eden shuddered for effect, eliciting a faint smile from me.
I could see that, but I knew Logan never would. “I really appreciate you trying to make me feel better. But he left,” I pointed out, my voice teetering on the edge of losing it. “Being with Logan means being in Erica’s shadow.”
Eden’s face fell slack, processing. “I’m afraid you might be right, and as much as I love my brother, I would never want that for you. Believe me, I know how hard relationships can get when there’s another woman involved.” She pulled me to her again and hugged the life out of me. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you,” I choked out.
Eden pulled back slightly, holding my arms. “We still have our podcast to do.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to take advantage of you. And it might be weird since I never plan on talking to your brother again.” Was that juvenile? Probably.
Eden didn’t miss a beat. “My brother might not be smart enough to see what’s right in front of his face, but I’m not letting you go.”
She had no idea what that meant to me. What she meant to me. I found I was at a loss for words. I hoped the tears streaming down my face conveyed what I couldn’t say.
Eden hugged me one more time.
I held on as tight as I could. “I’m leaving Sophie my bike. She always commented about how cute it was, and my car’s not well suited for a bike rack.” Besides, it was so loaded down with my stuff, I feared putting any more weight on my VW Beetle would break it in two.
“She’ll love the bike, but she’s going to miss you. We all are.”
I reluctantly let go of her and pointed at the bag on the counter. “There’s a letter for Logan in the bag. It explains everything. Probably too much.” I smiled, knowing she knew what a word vomiter I was.
Eden nodded. “I’ll make sure he gets it.”
“Thank you. I have to go,” I breathed out, fearing if I stayed another minute I would lose my nerve. “Lola’s waiting for me.” That was another goodbye I dreaded.
Eden didn’t try to stop me. “Drive safe, and let me know when you get home.”
“I will. Goodbye,” I barely managed to say.
Eden waved her hand in front of her, seemingly unable to get out the word goodbye .
I swallowed the enormous lump in my throat and marched as fast as I could out the door, into the warm late-afternoon air. My feet hit the stairs of the deck, and before I could second-guess myself, I ran—down the steps, across the rocky beach, careful not to trip and fall. I kept my eyes trained on the ground, refusing to glance at the water lapping gently in the background. It held too many amazing memories—ones I wasn’t strong enough to face right then.
Lola waited for me next to my car, her arms wrapped around herself as if she, too, were ready to fall apart. But we had plans to see each other soon. I was going to fly to Philadelphia as soon as she went back to school. She was going to show me all around. We were even going to hit Fishtown, which was known for its music scene.
As soon as I reached my sister, she fell into my arms, and we silently clung to each other. We had already said all the things about how much we hated this situation and how we would miss each other. And even more about how we were sad over all the time we’d lost due to Maxwell’s selfishness. But I didn’t want to talk about him anymore. As far as I was concerned, he was just Lola’s dad, and that was all he would ever be to me.
“This was the most amazing summer ever,” I stuttered out through my sobs.
“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Lola stammered.
“Of course, I do. I have a sister. That’s freaking fantastic. Especially because it’s you.”
She leaned away from me, her pink pouty lips threatening to smile. “I mean, I am kind of amazing.”
I giggled. “You totally are. I’m going to see you soon. So no more crying. I have to drive.”
“Did you get to see Logan?” she hesitated to ask.
I shook my head. “It’s probably better that way. It’s so dramatic and CW, just leaving some memories and a note.” I laughed like that’s how I meant it to be, while my insides felt like they were crumbling.
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you two,” Lola offered.
I shrugged, trying not to think about how devastated I was by the same thing. “Who wants a gorgeous doctor who owns a lake house, anyway?” I teased.
“You,” Lola deadpanned.
“Ugh. Yeah, I do. Anyway, come here.” I gave her one more fierce hug. “I love you, Lola.”
“Love you,” she squeaked out.
“Okay, I gotta go.” I let go of her and opened my car door, which creaked something awful. “Call me all the time.” I sounded like such a big sister. “I’m going to call you like a million times on this drive. I’ll let you know when I stop for the night. We’re going to see each other before we know it.”
She nodded, her lower lip quivering.
I shut the door and turned the ignition, and “Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac blared through the ancient sound system. It seemed so fitting. It gave me the courage to do what I needed to do. I waved at Lola as I drove off. She bravely waved back .
My heart clenched, but I gripped the steering wheel and took a deep breath. There would be no looking back.
Goodbye, Aspen Lake. Thank you for the memories and the magic.